AN: Hey everybody! So I just wrapped up my big epic The Million Dollar Grant a few days ago, and I figured I'd just swing right into my next project. This one will be significantly shorter, I imagine I'll plow through it pretty quickly, I want something easier to write to decompress a bit. This one is pure raunchy comedy, and as always leans heavily on my many inspirations.
I should warn my readers, that this fic is rated M for a reason. While it's not a lemon or a gorefest, it will use moderate-to-heavy inappropriate language and contain highly suggestive and adult content, with a plot centered around sexual themes. If you can't handle this, or simply don't want to, then you don't have to read it. That strikes me as fair warning, so hopefully I don't have to get any reviews or private messages complaining about how I soiled virgin and innocent eyes with my story. Beyond that, I welcome any reviews and feedback, good bad or indifferent, so don't be shy.
Special thanks to Seinfeld for inspiring the plot of this story, as should be obvious to anyone familiar with that show. Fans of Curb Your Enthusiasm may also notice a thing or two copped from there.
Final note, I am making the switch from the English dub of Sailor Moon to the original works, meaning I will be using the Japanese names and nomenclature. If I err in some ways, it's because I am still adjusting, and apologize in advance.
This fic is intended to fit into canon, that that's largely inconsequential, and fits in sometime two-three years after Sailor Stars, putting the girls somewhere in the eighteen-to-nineteen years old range. I am generally utilizing the anime characterizations of the girls, though there is a little bit of the manga Usagi and Ami in my depictions.
Summary: The Sailor Scouts have faced off against the greatest threats the world has ever seen and won every time...but a little wager forces all of them to face their greatest challenge yet. Raunchy comedy, post-canon, rated M for language and themes.
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The Contest
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Chapter 01: A Friendly Wager
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"Well, congrats on the intercourse." Rei tapped the small circular button on the left panel of the shiny silver elevator, prompting the doors to silently slide shut, ready to elevate the three teenage girls more than half-a-dozen stories. She stepped back, placing her hands behind her back and looking over to her right, the spitting image of a dark-haired vixen in a red one piece, projecting all the professionalism of a Shinto shrine miko even out of uniform.
To her immediate right stood Usagi, the glue of their little group of girls. Perpetually stuck in the 'adorable' stage no matter how much older she got, Usagi was nevertheless the only one of the five friends who had gone steady with someone, so naturally no intimate detail of her love life remained intimate for long. "Thank you," she replied as the metal box zoomed upward.
And on the right side of the chamber was Makoto, a mountain of a woman, a hundred and eighty centimeters tall even without the benefit of shoes. In other countries, she'd be a supermodel, height and curves making her a sex icon if she chose such a life path. In Japan, it actually made her a little scary. In fairness, fear wasn't the worst reaction to have when meeting Makoto, given her combination of strength, speed, and martial arts training. But five open-minded minutes with the brawny schoolgirl would reveal her to be the sweetest girl you've ever seen.
A bit of an oddly matched trio, going to couple an additional pair of girls to their little team, but the bonds that tied them together were stronger than most friendships.
"I mean, it's good, right?" Mako asked, glancing at Usagi out of the corner of her eyes. "Like...you enjoy it?"
"Oh yeah, of course I enjoy it, it's great." Usagi nodded, the numbered lights above blinking in rapid succession, adjusting her purse strap on her shoulder. "Not that I've had sex with anyone else to compare, but—"
"Well, how does it compare to other things you do that you like?" Rei asked. "Like...eating a donut?"
"I don't know if it works like that," Mako mused. "I don't think you can compare having sex to eating a donut. Just an educated guess."
"Yeah, it's...it's just kind of...I can't compare it to things like that. It's good, it's good." Usagi adjusted the collar of her thin, light blue dress, tugging on her little crescent moon necklace.
"Like, we don't need to...talk to Mamoru about his technique or anything?" Rei questioned.
"No, no...don't...don't do that, ever," Usagi said quickly. "Please. No, it's great, it's just...well, there is this one thing that I could do without."
"Can't say that and not tell us," Mako quickly responded as the elevator halted and the doors slid open, revealing a wide hallway with a long persian rug, doors on either wall all the way down to the other end of the building.
The trio began a trek down that hall as Usagi continued. "Well...he does this thing, it's...he talks during sex."
"Mamoru talks during sex?" Rei said. "What's wrong with that? I figured you'd be...into that."
"Well, no no, it's not...that's the thing, it's not dirty talk, he...he chit-chats," Usagi explained as the three padded across the carpet.
"Mamoru chit-chats during sex?" Makoto looked over at the back of Usagi's head. "Really?"
"Yeah, it's weird, every time," Usagi added. "Like last night, I'm getting into it, things are getting good, and then he just...he starts talking about how he can't believe that some of his classmates at college can't tell...real crab from...from fake crab. Really weird."
"Oh." Rei pondered this for a moment as the three neared the end of their trek. "Well, people should be able to tell real crab from fake crab."
"Yeah, you gotta be a moron if you can't tell the difference," Mako concurred.
"Well, obviously, but...it's just not...yeah," Usagi trailed off. "Oh, Rei, how are things at the shrine?"
"Almost wrapped up, actually," Rei answered. "They're finishing the major work late tonight, so we can all hang out there tomorrow, no problem." The three of them stopped in front of one of the many doors. 825, announced the gold lettering above the peephole.
"Sounds good to me," Usagi said, absentmindedly grabbing the knob and twisting it. It gave, the door clicking open.
"Huh," Mako mused. "Leaving her door unlocked. You'd think she would have learned her lesson on that."
Usagi took one step inside before the telltale sounds became apparent.
"—absolutely unbelievable to me that you were raised by human beings, and not by wolves in the wild with the way you behave!"
"Knock it off, you're being ridiculous and paranoid like always!"
"All of society would benefit if it was legally required for you to be supervised at all times—"
The three girls looked down at the floor by the front door they had just walked in through. A few pairs of shoes were there as usual, but there was one that didn't quite belong. A set of blue sandals of a slightly different size than the rest. The voices had already made it fairly obvious, but that settled it.
"Oh boy," Usagi sighed, pursing her lips.
"No studying tonight, I see," Rei moaned, listening to the bickering penetrate the walls of the apartment. It was a beautiful domicile, befitting the residence of a wealthy doctor. Wide halls and expansive rooms with lush carpeting and fine furniture. All sorts of baubles hung from the walls, ornamental masks and little shining figures hanging from the walls in perfect symmetry. End tables with statues and antiques. The apartment of someone who wanted everyone to know that they stood within the home of someone exceptional.
The argument provided a jarring contrast to the beautiful scene around them.
"Wanna take bets on what she broke this time?" Mako groaned. "Shit, maybe we should just go."
"No, we're not leaving," Rei insisted, shaking her head. "Good friends try to help make peace. Besides, as we all know...nothing good happens when those two are alone in this apartment."
Rei stepped forward down the wide hall after removing her heels. Usagi was quick to follow.
Makoto gave a small shrug. "Yeah...that's true."
A short trek down the hall, then off to the right, brought them to a white door with a golden knob. The voices were even clearer now.
"—really nice to know that my word means nothing to you. Some friend you are!"
"It's a cruel joke that someone like you would be the reincarnation of a Sailor Scout, I would gladly trade you for any one of the hundreds of other students at Juuban High."
"Are you even listening to me? Have you heard a word I said?"
Rei pushed the door open, revealing the unsurprising scene. Ami, the brains of the squad and host of the gang for the night, seated at her desk. Her head was down, right hand up by her eyes, pinching the bridge of her nose, forehead wrinkled in apparent frustration. Minako, the fifth member of their band, stood behind her, hands on her hips, frowning in Ami's direction.
"Any chance you guys are rehearsing for a play?" Rei asked hopefully, gingerly stepping into the room and waving.
"Oh, good, you guys are here," Minako said, pointing at Ami. "You guys need to talk to her, she's gone crazy, saying a bunch of weird stuff."
Makoto crossed her arms over her chest, approaching Minako with a judgemental look. "What did you do this time?"
Minako scoffed. "Nothing! I did nothing! She's just being impossible to deal with!"
"Yeah," Mako said dubiously. "The vase just cracked all by itself. Come on, what did you break?"
"She didn't break anything," Ami said, voice strained and vaguely neurotic, still pinching the bridge of her nose and squeezing her eyes shut. "How I wish it was that simple. Broken things can be replaced, but some things...some things can not be undone." She gave a tiny little shudder.
Rei walked over to Ami, eyebrow raised and right hand up on her chin. "I don't get it, w-what did she do?"
Ami gave a rattled sigh, shaking her head back and forth slowly.
"Ami?" Rei leaned in over her, trying to look at her face. "What's wrong?"
Ami swallowed down hard. "Minako arrives to our gathering a half-hour early. I, being a gracious host and good friend, let her in. I allow her to stay in my room, alone, while I go out to get food. I come back with food. And...and...while I was away..."
Ami paused, falling into silence, tilting her head further downward.
"Ami? Come on, spit it out," Rei asked.
"She...ugh..." Ami just sighed again.
A light tapping at the bedroom window interrupted whatever Ami might have said, drawing turned heads from all of the girls outside of Ami. None other than a pair of cats sat on the windowsill, having ascended the fire escape with a deft precision that came only to members of their species, now requesting shelter from the setting sun. Luna, Usagi's dark-colored cat, and Artemis, Minako's stark white one. Usagi quickly swept over to the window and pulled the latch, pulling the window back a bit to admit the two felines.
"Beautiful outside, really," Artemis began, looking around at the quintet of teenage girls. He may have had more to say, but Ami picked that moment to rocket up from her chair and stiffly march over to the window, hands clenched into fists by her sides.
She stopped just in front of where Artemis was standing, pointing an accusatory finger right into his small face. "You!"
Artemis faltered under the steely gaze and emphatic finger, recoiling slightly. "E-eh?"
"Where have you been?" Ami demanded.
"U-uh..." Artemis glanced over at Luna for a brief, revealing moment. "W-who wants to know?" he muttered, blushing slightly.
"You need to either keep a better eye on your human, or housetrain her!" she hissed. Dropping her finger, she spun back around and marched back to the desk.
Artemis sighed. "Mina, what did you do?"
"Yeah, Ami, what did Mina do?" Rei asked as Ami resumed her angry pouting session at her work desk.
Ami remained silent.
"God, what, did she molest you or something?" Makoto walked over, reaching up onto the shelf above Ami's head and grabbing a small Sailor Mercury plushie doll from it. "Is it too scarring to talk about?" She lowered the plushie down to Ami. "Ami, non-verbally indicate where Minako touched your body using the doll."
"I didn't do anything!" Minako continued to protest from the other side of the room. "Probably why Ami won't say it. She feels guilty because she knows I'm being unfairly accused."
Usagi sighed, coming up to Minako's side and crossing her arms over her chest. "Mina, come on, just spill it. What did you do?"
"Oh, oh, everyone just take her side," Minako said dryly. "That's just great, thanks so much everyone!"
"I'm not taking anyone's side, I...okay, sorry," Usagi closed her eyes and thought for a moment. "What does Ami think you did?"
Minako bit the inside of her cheek. "Y'know, it's so ridiculous, I hardly even want to say it...when I do you're all gonna laugh at her for...being paranoid. And this is not an admission of guilt by any means."
"Yeah, yeah, what is it?" Rei asked, both she and Makoto approaching her, eager to hear.
She sighed. "She thinks, for God knows what reason, that while she was out to get food, I...well...I was...tossing the pink salad."
"Ooooh SHIT!" Makoto immediately murmured, a grin breaking out on her face that she quickly hid. "Oooooh yeaaaahhh...yeah, wow, wow Mina." Makoto turned around, shaking her head in disbelief. "That's a new low."
"Again, not an admission of guilt!" Mina grunted, hands back on her hips.
"What the...what the hell is tossing the pink salad?" Rei questioned, a blank look on her face.
"Yeah, I don't get it," Usagi agreed, hand on her chin, deep in thought.
"Uhh...you know..diddling the skittle?" Minako said, shrugging. Rei's eyes flicked down to the floor as she pondered. "Double-clicking the mouse? Uhhh...checking for squirrels?" Minako thought for a moment. "Sweeping the chimney, tapping the tuna, waxing the canoe—"
The lightbulb went off, Rei's face immediately molding into shocked amusement. "Nooo! Noooo! Oh, you bitch!" She reached forward and lightly pushed Minako's shoulder, causing her to take a half-step back. "You...yeah, that's...whoo." She turned around, walking over to Ami. "God, I am...so sorry for your loss."
"Still didn't do it, so shut up!" Minako whined.
"Uh...still don't get it," Usagi said, forehead wrinking in confusion.
Minako licked her lips, thinking for a moment. "Let's see..." she put her hands up in front of her, ticking one finger down with each phrase as she said it. "Sending muffin morse code, carpet bumping, plunging the happy hole, filling the pink taco, clam bake for one, nulling the void, opening the bottom drawer, driving miss daisy, reading the map of Tasmania, hitchhiking to heaven—"
"MASTURBATED!" Ami screamed, spinning around in her chair to glare at Minako. "She...she masturbated...in my room."
"Ohoho, no! No, you didn't!" Usagi giggled, fighting the urge to break out into laughter. "Mina, you...no, you freaking didn't!"
"Yes, thank you, Usagi," Mina said tartily. "I didn't."
"Oh, no no no, I don't mean it like that, I'm sure you did it, I'm just...a little surprised that you did it," Usagi corrected. Minako's shoulders sank and she gave a narrowing glare at her fellow blonde.
"She...she violated my bedroom," Ami moaned darkly, eyes narrowed into slits as she glared at the desk in front of her. "She polluted my bedroom with her...her debauchery." Her eyes darted from left to right as she sat, hunched over. "In my room...where I sleep. Where I study." She shuddered. "I feel...unclean."
"Okay, Ami, chill," Makoto chided, patting her on the shoulder. "Yeah, it's gross, but it's not like there's half a pint of Minako spooge dripping from the ceiling or something."
Ami jumped up again, glaring up at Makoto. "Oh, take her side why don't you!"
Makoto put her hands up at her sides. "No I'm not, I agree that it's gross, but...you're acting like she had an orgy on your bed and filmed it."
"Oh, you don't understand!" Ami snapped. "I can feel it...in the air." She looked around trepidatiously, disgust on her face. "My room has been forever stained. It can never be undone." She crossed her arms over her chest, scowling. "I want to move."
"Ami. Cool it a bit," Rei ordered sternly, coming up behind her and setting her hand on her shoulder.
"Yeah, cool it a lot," Minako added. "Like, cool it all the way, because I didn't do it!"
"Mina, Ami can't possibly be more upset than she already is, you may as well just admit it—" Usagi started.
"I have the greatest friends in the whole world," Minako said sarcastically. "Like, really, you guys are the best."
"Mina, come on...just cut your losses," Makoto said, waving her arms around a bit in front of her chest. "I mean, if Ami walked in on you with your hand down there, then—"
"Uh, she didn't?" Minako interrupted. "What makes you think she did?"
"Oh, well..." Makoto pursed her lips for a second, then cast a look over at Ami's hunched figure. "Ami, d-did...did you walk in on Minako masturbating?"
Everyone looked over at the blue-haired girl as she took a moment to reply. "No," she answered, vitrol still evident in her words.
"O-oh..." Rei trailed off. "Then how do you know she—"
"I smelled it," Ami said, clearly not enjoying being forced to recall the experience.
"Ooooh," Makoto grinned, giving Minako a little flick on the back of the head. "So close, Mina. You almost had the perfect crime. Just made one mistake."
"H-hey, that doesn't prove shit!" Minako insisted, shaking her head. "Circumstantial evidence, that scent could have been anything!"
"What do you mean anything?" Usagi asked. "I mean...that stuff has a pretty identifiable scent in my experience."
"I don't know!" She pointed up at a small vent in the wall of the room. "Maybe the next door neighbor was doing it and the scent wafted in through that!"
Ami huffed an angry breath from her nose.
"O-or, maybe, there were a couple squirrels outside your window having sex earlier!" Minako continued. "You know, they get their O face on, squirrel jizz goes everywhere, scent wanders in, and next thing you know, some poor innocent girl is taking the fall!"
"Squirrels," Ami said in a deadpan. "Had sex. Outside my window."
"It's a theory!" Minako exclaimed. "Just throwing stuff out there to explain—"
"My window. A good fifty meters away from the nearest tree."
Minako took a brief moment to glance out the window. Indeed, there didn't seem to be any topiary to speak of nearby, the building opting for a purely man-made look from the outside. There might have been a little tree somewhere down on ground level to decorate the sidewalk, but nothing close. Minako was never one to abandon a theory, though.
"Yeah, so obviously you have a squirrel nest somewhere on the fire escape that you haven't taken care of yet, which is pretty irresponsible of you!" She leaned in close to Ami, eyes narrowed. "So who's at fault now, huh?"
Ami could only slowly shake her head, completely fed up.
"M-Mina, you're...you're not helping right now," Artemis said quietly. "J-just, look—"
"Okay, look around you!" Minako instructed, spreading her arms out to her sides and pointing at the interior of the room, swinging her arms around to indicate she was talking about everything. "How am I gonna masturbate in here?! How?!"
"...I don't follow," Rei said, looking around the room.
"Well, think about it! There's no TV, the computer's password protected, I don't know where she keeps her porn—"
"I don't keep porn!" Ami snapped.
"...I haven't figured out where she hides it yet...what kind of visuals can I use to masturbate with?!" She went over to the wall above the bed. "Even the fuckin' wall posters, look, like...the periodic table...map of the world...nothing to work with in here, I can't masturbate in here!" She jumped over to the bookshelf next to Ami's desk. "The only thing in here are books!" She pointed at the leather-bound rows of reading material. She grabbed a random one out and flicked it open, displaying it out towards the other girls. "Books with no pictures!" She closed it up and put it back where she had found it. "What am I gonna do, masturbate to Moby Dick?"
"Since when have you needed visual aids to masturbate?" Makoto countered, grinning to herself.
"Yeah, I kinda feel like you could make anything erotic in an emergency," Usagi joked, to Minako's decided lack of amusement.
Rei bent down to the lowest level of the bookshelf, pulling a fat white one out. "Hey. Maybe she used one of these anatomy books." She opened it up to a random page, hefting it up in her hands and showing it out to the other girls. "Got your juices flowin'?"
Minako rolled her eyes. "Yeah, Rei, I'm totally gonna masturbate to a..." her eyes found the page that Rei was displaying. "Whoa. Holy shit, they sell books like that at school?"
Ami pushed herself up into a standing position, then stiffly beat a path over to Rei. Roughly snatching the large anatomy book out of the taller girl's hands, she bent down and put it back on the shelf.
"Hey, looks like I found your porn stash," Minako said, grinning as Ami stood back up.
"Do I look like I'm in any kind of mood to hear your bad jokes?" Ami said darkly, glaring at Minako.
Minako sighed. "Look. Ami." She went up to her, leaning in close to her face. "Look at me. I didn't masturbate in your room, okay? I didn't!"
They stared at each other for a long moment before Ami broke eye contact, turning away in disgust and shaking her head again.
"Hey, y'know..." Usagi tilted her head back slightly, nostrils twitching slightly. "Ami, not calling you a liar or anything, but...I don't smell anything."
Makoto took a couple whiffs of the air as well. "Now that you mention it...yeah—"
"I sprayed lysol," Ami said, voice still a little rough and harsh.
"Oh." Rei smirked. "Shouldn't have done that, you destroyed the evidence. Now we'll never get a conviction—"
"I don't need a conviction," Ami interrupted. "This isn't a court of law."
"Well...now there's reasonable doubt," Makoto mused. "I mean now it's just...her word against yours. Why'd you spray—"
"BECAUSE, I had friends coming over, and as the host of a gathering, I did not want my room to smell like a whorehouse, because unlike SOME people, I have a certain level of minimum appropriate conduct that I feel needs to be upheld when around other people!" Ami barked.
"Ami, I didn't do it!" Minako said strongly, walking over to her friend. Ami simply turned away, still frowning deeply. "Ami! I did not masturbate in your bedroom!"
The room was dipped in silence for a couple seconds as Minako tried to draw some kind of response out of Ami, Ami unwilling to even look at her.
"And...and anyway...so what if I did?" Minako added. Ami straightened up slightly at this. The other girls all looked over at Minako.
"Yeah, what's the big deal? I mean, it's a normal bodily function that everyone does, if I did do it I would have cleaned up after myself...why would it be that bad? I mean, you've obviously masturbated in here before, what...what difference does it make if someone else does it once?"
Ami slowly turned around, glaring daggers at Minako as she talked herself into a continually deeper hole.
"Yeah, I mean...you could come to my place any time to masturbate!" Minako put her hands out to her sides. "I mean, we're friends, we've known each other for years, there's no problem! You don't even have to call ahead, just swing by! I mean, maybe call ahead just to make sure I don't have something else going on, but...really, just come by, make yourself comfortable on the bed, or whatever, I'll hit you up with some of my private stash, and just do what you do!"
Ami continued to attempt to bore a hole through Minako's forehead with her fiery gaze, but Minako was not to be deterred.
"You wouldn't even have to ask me to leave the room! I don't mind! I'll just...do my own thing on my computer for ten minutes, no big deal! Hell, I'd let you borrow my equipment if you wanted, I keep that shit sanitary!" She nodded emphatically. "You could...turn the lights down, put on some music, hell, you can open the window curtains if you want! Let the neighbors see, I don't give a shit, because you're my friend, and—"
"Okay, STOP!" Rei said, holding her palm out towards Minako, though she was quite obviously grinning and supressing laughter. "Mina, stop, you're...you're not helping yourself, really."
Minako finally fell silent, allowing the room to finally go quiet. Usagi put her right hand up to cover her mouth, forehead furrowed in thought.
"Well..." Makoto began, contemplatively looking down at the carpeted floor. "For whatever it's worth, she didn't do it yesterday."
"Wait, what?" Usagi questioned. "What do you mean?"
"I mean, Mina didn't masturbate yesterday...or, at least, probably not," Makoto said quietly.
"Do I even want to know how you know that?" Rei said cautiously.
"No no, it's...it's just, we hung out all day yesterday after school," Makoto explained quickly. "Went to the movies, ate out, checked out the arcade...bunch of stuff. And then she spent the night at my place." She shrugged. "So...unless she did it at school—"
"Not beneath her," Ami growled as she went back to her desk, sitting down heavily in the chair and hunching over the wood surface of her workspace.
"...or did it in the movie theater—"
"Also not beneath her," Ami reiterated as she opened up a blue notebook she had in front of her, hoping to escape from the absurdity of her immediate situation by burying herself in studies.
"...or, I guess...did it at my apartment while I was asleep—"
"Definitely not beneath her," Ami jumped in.
"Okay," Minako said, clearly agitated. She pointed over at Ami's back. "One, Ami, don't editorialize. Two," she pointed at Makoto, "Mako, please cease you attempts to verbally write a novel about my private sex habits."
"I'm not!" Makoto said defensively. "I'm just...just pointing out that we were together all day yesterday, so logically, you...might have been running a little...behind on your maintenance."
Minako stood there for a second, mouth slightly agape. "And what the hell is that supposed to mean?!"
Artemis put his paw to his chin. "Actually, now that you mention it...it's been a little while."
Usagi, Makoto and Rei all turned to look at the stark white cat. Minako continued to look at Makoto, but was quickly building an appropriate reaction to her long-time partner's words.
"In fact, the last time she did that would be—"
"ARTEMIS!" Minako roared, spinning around, shaking with anger, nostrils flaring.
Whatever survival-instinct Artemis had either failed him, or he chose to ignore it entirely.
"...monday."
Quick as a flash, with the kind of speed and agility that only Minako was capable of, one of Ami's prized leather-bound books was whipped out from the bookshelf and flung directly at the feline. Artemis just barely managed to dive to the side and avoid a bone-crunching collison, but was also left completely unable to dodge when Minako jumped across the room to grab him. Helpless, Artemis quickly found himself hanging upside-down in Minako's iron-fisted grip, a hind leg in either of her hands, being pulled apart to the point of pain. He thrashed about, which only made it worse.
"OW, Oww, Mina, please, you're hurting me!" he yelped, flailing back and forth. Minako just glared down at him.
"Go on, Arty. Keep talking. Keep. Talking. See what happens," she dared, voice dripping with venom, holding Artemis's hind legs split out wide to keep him in pain as he hung there.
"Mina, I'm sorry, please, please put me down, I'm sorry!" Artemis begged.
"Okay, that's enough," Usagi said, coming over with her hands out. "Mina, put him down—"
"This is between me and him," Minako whispered, glancing over at Usagi out of the corner of her eyes. Her gaze returned to Artemis, bringing his legs closer together by a couple millimeters to reduce the pain. "So. Little buddy. Keeping...track of things that are none of your business, are you?" The rage was apparent in every syllable she spoke. "Perhaps I need to...give you something else to think about in your spare time? Say, how you're going to continue to live the rest of your life with only three functioning limbs?"
"I'm not keeping track of anything!" Artemis protested, finally realizing that struggling only made it worse. "I...I just can't help but notice! C'mon, Mina, we live in the same room together, of course I'm gonna be aware of something like that, especially when you don't even bother to kick me out before you—"
Artemis's hind legs were stretched wide again, this time to their breaking point, the skin around his backside threatening to split open. "AHHHH! MINA!"
"Oh my God, I'm gonna do it!" Mina seethed to herself as Artemis again began flailing around. "I'm actually gonna do it today! I'm splitting this fucker right down the prime meridian!"
"Mina, that's enough," Rei chided, coming over. "Just...don't. Put him down."
Minako held her cat companion for a few tense seconds, still fuming, as he continued to whimper and moan. Finally, she released his right leg, but maintained a firm grip on his left. Dangling awkwardly, Artemis continued to release little moans. Mina lifted him up higher so his face was level with hers.
"Reporting intimate details of my sex life to my friends," Minako continued. "Is that an acceptable thing to do, dear Arty?"
"Okay, okay, I'm sorry I told them!" Artemis said. "I'm sorry! Now please, put me down!"
"Sex life?" Makoto repeated, unable to avoid a wide grin. "That's what you call it?"
"Shut it!" she hissed, again appraising Artemis as he wiggled about in her grip.
"Okay, fine, but...put him down," Makoto ordered. "We needed his testimony, he was just doing his civic duty by telling us."
"Civic duty..." Minako shook her head, but nevertheless dropped her cat to the floor. Artemis just barely managed to land on his feet, immediately wincing in pain as he tried to stretch his hindquarters to and fro. Minako, however, was not done, and bent down low to the ground, glaring at the cat. "Now, you listen to me, and you listen good, okay, buddy? From this moment forward, all of your activities regarding keeping track of my personal...bedroom activities will completely cease. Comprende?"
"Lay off, Mina," Makoto said, coming over and giving her a little light push in the behind. "What do you expect, of course he's gonna notice?"
"Y-yeah, Mina, it's...kind of hard not to notice," Artemis protested, curling up and cowering away from his very angry partner, though not quite possessing enough courage to attempt dashing away.
"I don't care how hard it is!" Minako snapped. "Effective immediately, you will find a way to not notice, or so help me god, I will get a shoebox, tie it to a tree in the backyard, and that will be your new room from now on!"
"Mina, when you think about it, it's...it's kind of part of having a hyper-intelligent cat living with you," Makoto protested on Artemis's behalf. "There's a lot of good things, and...some bad things. One of them being...less privacy."
"No!" Minako sprung back up into a standing position, still scowling. "No, I am not accepting that! This is unacceptable! My partner, roommate, and friend keeping track of my personal masturbation habits? Reporting them to my friends?" She waved her arms around to her sides. "That's not good, okay?! It's...it's too much!" Minako spun around, slowly beating a stomping path over to the bedroom door.
Makoto pursued her. "C'mon, Mina, he lives in your room, what do you think he—"
Minako spun around, leaning her face right up to Makoto's, eyes enflamed with fires of anger. "I DON'T WANT MY CAT MONITORING MY MASTURBATION HABITS, OKAY?!"
"Okay, okay!" Usagi quickly ran over to Minako, putting her hand up on her shoulder. "Let's all just...chill. Calm down, alright?" She gave Minako a little shake. "Just be cool!"
The room finally fell silent for several seconds. Ami moping at her desk, Minako attempting to set Artemis's fine white coat on fire with an intense glare, Artemis retreating back to Luna and curling up to lick his wounds, Usagi trying to soothe Minako, and Makoto and Rei just waiting for the next shoe to drop.
"Five years that cat has lived with me, and now I find out that all this time he's been—"
"Mina! We're moving on now, okay?" Usagi patted her on the back a few times. "You've vented, he's apologized...done, okay?"
Minako was still quite clearly seething, but after a moment, her shoulders stopped heaving and her breathing returned to normal.
"Well...at least that settles that," Rei said to break the silence.
"Wait, what do you mean?" Minako turned to look over at Rei.
"I mean, I think we can close the case," Rei replied. "Monday was four days ago, so I think reasonable doubt just went out the window."
"Yeah, that's a pretty long time for me," Makoto agreed. "I'm actually kind of amazed you went that long—"
"Oh, are you...are you inferring that I...I can't hold off on masturbating?" Minako asked, hands back on her hips as she shot an accusatory glare at Makoto.
"Well...no, I'm implying it," Rei corrected. "You're inferring it from my implication."
"Also, I'm not implying anything," Makoto added. "I'm straight up saying it, you...sorry, Minako, you did it."
"No!" Minako protested. "I didn't!"
"Mina," Usagi said, again patting her shoulder. "Look, I don't wanna take sides here, but...you masturbated in here!"
Minako slapped Usagi's hand away from her shoulder. "Okay...listen, bitches." Minako put her hands up in front of her, thumb and index fingers touching. "Clearly, you guys don't know me very well—"
"Uh, no, we...we know you really well, actually." Rei shrugged. "Which is pretty much why we know that you did it—"
"Listen!" Minako snapped. "You think I can't last four days without masturbating?"
"No." Makoto shook her head. "I mean, you did, I'm saying I think you can't last five days. Ergo..." she gestured over at the bed. "Yeah."
"Okay." Minako took in a deep, settling breath. "Let me set you people straight." She pointed both of her thumbs up at herself. "I am more than capable of controlling my urges."
"Not after four days," Makoto said wryly.
"YES, after four days, thank you!" Minako snapped. "You seriously don't think I'm capable of holding off for less than a week?"
"No, I don't think you're capable," Makoto replied. "Honestly, it's amazing you lasted four days as far as I'm concerned."
"Oh, I can last a week," Minako insisted. "I can last a week, no problem! I've gone much longer than a week before!"
"Uh, yeah...when you were like nine," Rei countered, sitting down on the floor and laying back.
"No, no, no, no!" Minako insisted. "Don't get me wrong...I very much enjoy the process of self-pleasure. But, if the situation calls for it...I can control myself!"
"So, you're saying that...like, recently, you've gone a week without it?" Rei asked. "Like, sometime in the last...two years, let's say? And don't make me ask Artemis."
Artemis immediately buried his face into his crotch, still licking at the area that Minako had damaged.
Minako sighed. "Well...that's not the important part, the...the thing is, I could go a week! I could. No problems!"
"How long could you go?" Makoto crossed her arms over her chest, awaiting her answer. "Like, what would be your...outer limit?"
"I don't have an outer limit!" Minako shouted. "Whatever I needed to do, like...decades! Rest of my life!"
"Ohhh, Mina..." Mako let loose a couple chuckles, wrapping her right arm around Minako's shoulders. "You...you were actually doing pretty well there for a second."
Rei flopped back down on the ground, laughing to herself. "Always gotta find a way to say that one stupid thing, Mina."
"Well...more than one," Makoto squeezed Minako in tighter. "But that's why we just...love you so much, your...your absurdity!"
"Hey, hey!" Minako pushed herself away from Makoto's embrace. "I'm not saying I would want to swear off it or anything! But, if I had to for some reason, then I'd swear off it for the rest of my life!"
"Yeah...good luck with that," Usagi mocked, shaking her head and laughing a bit herself.
"Mina, darling...are you not the same person who routinely brags about how you masturbated...ten or twelve times in one day?" Makoto reminded her. "Is that not you who that? You, who won't shut up about...your special, secret masturbation techniques that provide superior stress relief? Yeah, sorry Mina...you couldn't go the rest of your life without it. We know you. You couldn't." Makoto gave her a couple reassuring pats on the back.
"Oh," Minako said, looking up at Makoto with a dry glare. "And I suppose you could?"
Makoto gave a little burp of laughter, then thought for a second. "No. Not saying that. I couldn't. I wouldn't claim to be able to. But...I sure as shit could outlast you."
"Is that so?" Minako questioned, raising an eyebrow and folding her arms over her chest.
"Uh, yeah, it is so. Hey, I like it, not gonna lie. And I'm sure that, eventually, I'd have to...take care of it. But...I don't like it as much as you, and...come on, Mina. I've been doing martial arts for, like...twelve years. That shit's intense!" She nodded to herself. "And it's all about discipline! Every instructor I've ever had is all, discipline this, discipline that...it's not always fun! In fact, it's rarely fun! But I put myself through it, and I am where I am today, which counts for something. And, hey, while we're at it...no source of income!" She spread her arms out to the sides. "Every day of my life since I was six! The only thing between me and some bullshit orphanage is my inheiritance and a couple very, very lazy government employees. I need discipline just to make it to the end of the day with my independence. I lose my discipline for one second, boom, I'm broke. So, yeah. I could outlast you." She waved her hands around the room. "And...anyone else in this room."
Rei perked up, sitting back up on the floor. "Uh, excuse me? Am I invisible?"
"No, I see you fine," Makoto shot back.
Rei scrambled to her feet. "Well, then I think you've made a...significant error in your little evaluation. Yeah, you could outlast her—" she pointed at Minako, "—but...come on, that's amateur hour." She pointed her thumb at her chest. "This is my domain, you two can just visit."
"Rei, step off, you're embarrassing yourself," Makoto said dismissively, waving her hand at Rei.
"Uh, hello? Two words, girls. Shrine and Miko. Yeah, that's me. Ever since I was a little girl, studying rituals, reading scripture, maintaining the shrine...that's basically my life! And let's not forget the whole...social prestige element. I can never slip up in front of the people who visit the shrine, like...they can't see me like you girls see me!" She tapped the side of her head. "And I'm always thinking about stuff like that when I'm out in public places, it's...it's tough! I come from a well-respected family, we run a well-respected shrine, and I gotta play the part constantly!" She smacked the back of her right hand into the palm of her left. "So, yeah, discipline may as well be my middle name. And you wanna talk about...holding off on masturbating...I'll admit it, I know how to enjoy myself, but if it came down to it, I'd run laps around anybody here!"
"Yeah, Rei, that's real cute, good for you, but...don't even step to me here," Makoto replied, again waving her off. "You're out of your league."
"Huh," Rei said, mouth open slightly in mild disbelief. "Well, then, Mako. Ole buddy of mine." She approaching Makoto menacingly, just a few steps away now. "Would you care to make it...interesting?"
Makoto looked Rei up and down, processing her words. "Make it interesting?"
"Yeah...interesting. You know...put your money where you mouth is?" Rei nodded, smirking. "I'll put down five hundred yen that says my discipline beats your discipline like a red-headed stepchild!"
"I thought you said interesting," Makoto countered snidely.
"W-wait...are we doing what I think we're doing?" Minako jumped inbetween the two, pointing at either one of them.
"Uh...well, 'we' isn't the exact right word to use here," Makoto said, pursing her lips at Minako.
"No, no, I want in on this!" Minako insisted. "If you two are throwing down, I'm in too!"
"Mina..." Rei leaned in to Minako's face and wrapped her right arm around her shoulders. "We'd feel bad."
"Yeah, I'd kinda feel like I had just...taken money from you," Makoto agreed.
"Nuhuh!" Minako shouted. "You guys have been shit-talking me ever since you got here, so you have to let me in!" She put her hand up to her chest. "You guys think I don't have discipline? I was doing big things as Sailor V a good year before any of you bitches put on a fuku! You think I was just born with my speed and agility and...sick kickboxing moves?"
"Well...you kind of were born—" Rei jumped in.
"You think it's easy maintaining this kickass figure?" She indicated the length of her body. "I don't roll out of bed looking this fine! This takes hard work! You're gonna try to tell me I don't have discipline, with all the singing and dancing I do? I got discipline coming out my ass, so—"
"Okay!" Makoto snapped. "Okay, fine, just...you're in, just...don't say I didn't warn you when you're coughing up your allowance in two days."
"Oh, no, I'm winning this," Minako said assuredly. "You girls are about to learn a little something about...Miss Aino."
"...whatever," Rei sighed. "Anyway...you were saying, Mako?"
"I was saying that I don't even bother showing up for less than a grand," Makoto continued. "One thousand yen says I can outlast you two."
"Five!" Minako erupted, holding her hand up with all four fingers and her thumb out. "I'll put five thousand up!"
Rei gave a deep sigh. "Mina..."
"Five thousand yen says I last the longest!" Minako repeated. "Or are you two just cowardly, all-talk-no-walk bitches?"
"Hey, Mina, we don't want you to get hurt!" Makoto shrugged. "That's some pretty serious paper you're talking about, I don't wanna dent your life savings!"
"Yeah, don't worry about me, worry about yourself!" Minako snapped. "Now, are you two chicken?"
Rei gave her head a little shake. "Well...okay. Five thousand yen, sure. I mean, if Mako's okay with it."
Makoto pursed her lips for a moment, then nodded. "Uh, sure. Yeah, bring it. Five Gs, sure."
"Hey, I understand, we all got bills to pay, so if you wanna scale it back a bit—"
"Rei, she said she's fine!" Minako insisted.
Makoto nodded confidently. "No worries, I'm not losing anyway. Yeah, five thousand yen says I got this on lockdown."
"Wait, wait, wait." Usagi shoved her way into the grouping of three friends. "If we're doing this, then I want in too!"
The three stared at her for a few seconds, then quickly murmured disapproval.
"N-no, Usagi, this isn't for you," Makoto said quickly.
"Yeah, Usagi, sit this one out, it's for the best." Rei quickly swept her out of the huddle and over a couple steps. "Best for everyone involved."
"No, I want in on this!" Usagi insisted. "Five thousand yen says I last the longest."
"Uh...Usagi..." Rei leaned in a little closer to her ear. "Come on, you've...you've got a boyfriend, you don't want...this, there's no way."
"I know I have a boyfriend!" Usagi said indignantly. "What's the big deal? It's my choice!"
"Well, you do realize that...you couldn't have sex either, right?" Rei said a little uneasily. "Like...basically, no orgasming, and...you don't want that. I don't you to have to do that. I care about you. I don't want you to get hurt."
"Yeah, I realize that," Usagi said. "I know, I get it, that's fine."
Rei sighed, chewing on her lower lip. "Well...either way, I don't know if this is really your league, sweetie. No offense, but, I think it'd be for the best if—"
"Hey, last I checked, I'm the future Queen of the World!" Usagi insisted. "I have royal blood! So, I'm pretty sure that I have what it takes to hold back on...maintenance, if need be."
Rei grimaced, puffing a breath from behind her teeth. "Well..what about Mamoru?"
"It's fine, okay?" Usagi gave a quick nod. "He's fine, don't...don't worry about that."
Rei shrugged. "Well...alright, you're...you're in."
Minako turned over her shoulder to look at Ami, still hunched over her notebook at her desk. "Hey, Ami, how about—"
"I didn't hear anything that you sick, disgusting people just said," Ami said tartily, flipping a page in her notebook.
"Oh." Minako walked up behind her, putting her hand on the back of Ami's chair. "Well, short version is we're gonna have a competition to see—"
"I was being sarcastic!" Ami spun around in her chair to stare up at Minako, revealing that her face had gone very red.
"Well, how I was supposed to know that?" Minako asked.
Ami shook her head, then turned back to her schoolwork. "No, I don't want to play in your disgusting game, thank you very much."
Minako's licked her lips. "W-wait...are you saying that masturbation is disgusting? Because...if that's what you're saying, then this contest is actually...the opposite of disgusting—"
"Let her be, Mina." Rei came over to grab Minako by the shoulder and tug her away. "She doesn't wanna play, that's fine." She smirked as she lead Minako away. "At least she's willing to admit she wouldn't last to midnight."
Ami straightened up, ears practically twitching. She spun around in her chair. "I'm sorry, Rei, I must have misheard you."
"No, no, Ami, it's cool," Rei said mockingly. "We get it. Not everyone has five thousand yen they can afford to just throw away."
"Which you'd basically be doing if you joined, so...yeah," Makoto added. "I mean, you're just...in over your head in a contest like this."
Ami thought for a couple seconds, then sprung to her feet. "Okay. Let's get one thing very, very straight," she began, approaching her friends. "I'm not playing for two reasons. One, it's disgusting. And two, it wouldn't be fair for the rest of you." She crossed her arms over her chest. "You want to talk about discipline? I got dunked in a river of discipline before my umbilical cord got cut! My mom's a famous doctor, my dad's a famous painter, do the math! My whole life has been about living up to my family's name!" She pointed her index and middle fingers at herself. "So much as a single display of a possible knowledge gap within me, and everything turns into Sodom and Gomorrah at the dinner table! And so help me God if I get so much as a single B!" She shook her head. "If I stray from the path so much as a millimeter, I end up a disappointment, and I am not ending up a disappointment! You girls, you merely adopted the discipline. I was born in it. Molded by it. So, don't even try to say—"
"Yeah, Ami. Okay. Which explains why you won't participate," Rei said sarcastically.
"This is absurd!" Ami snapped. "You don't want me in this contest. Nobody does! You...you really may as well just...give me the money right now if we're going to do that." She went back over to her desk. "You wouldn't ask Lionel Messi to play in a youth soccer league."
"Yap yap yap," Rei taunted. "Keep telling yourself that. Might manage to trick yourself into believing it."
Ami spun back around. "Also, I don't...I don't even really...do that, so me participating would be a sham anyway—"
"What does that even mean?" Minako questioned. "You don't 'really' do that? Either you do it or you don't, it's...it's a discrete thing."
The room fell into silence again, Ami's red face not at all fading as the uncomfortable topic would not leave the group.
"Well...do you?" Usagi asked timidly.
"I...I don't see why I should have to answer that," Ami said, squeezing her eyes shut and shaking her head.
"Yeah, she doesn't have to, we all already know what the answer is," Makoto said. "Waste of breath."
"I...I have done it," Ami said with some effort. "But...not regularly, I've...it was only...only for research purposes."
The room immediately burst into a cackling laughter, Usagi falling back to the floor and Rei buckling over.
"Research purposes?!" Makoto repeated, face wrinkled and contorted as she laughed. "What the fuck does that even mean?!"
Minako hand her hands up to her face, giggling into them. "Yeah, what are you researching?! What the effect on your body is if you touch yourself while thinking about Channing Tatum?!"
"No, I'm serious!" Ami stomped her right foot down on the ground. "Not for pleasure, or anything, I just...needed to know the process!" Her face was not losing it's color anytime soon. "Honestly, it's...it's really nothing special, I actually find it to be a rather...stressful process!"
"Oh my God, Ami, you are so...so full of shit," Rei said throatily.
"No, I'm not!" Ami insisted. "I mean it, I don't...do it just to do it, I—"
"Fuuullll oooof shiiiiiiit, full of shiiiiiiiiiit," Rei continued, going into a mild singsong.
"It's honestly been...months since the last time—"
"Fulllllll...ooooof...shiiiiiiiiiiiiit," Rei continued. "Fuuuuuullll of shiiiiiitttttt."
"I don't...don't get urges to do it or anything, it's just—"
"Full...of...shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit," Rei finished with a flourish.
"Yeah, I thought Minako was the biggest liar in the room today," Makoto said wryly. "I guess you can never underestimate Ami."
"NO!" Ami bellowed. "Listen! I don't do that! I...I don't even need to be in a stupid contest to...not do that, so it's a pointless exercise that isn't fair for you four! I'm trying to be fair about this!"
"You know what I think, Ami?" Minako teased, walking up to her and grinning. "I think you do do it. I think you do it all the time."
Ami pointed at Minako maliciously. "Tread lightly, I'm still mad at you."
"You know what I bet?" Makoto said. "I bet that Ami, somewhere in the back of that big brain of hers, is counting down the seconds until we all leave so she can go get acquainted with Buzz Lightyear over a...nice spread of assorted doujinshi, maybe a couple choice anatomy books for good measure." She grinned. "And that's why she won't play."
"Oh, spare yourself the embarrassment and expense!" Ami said pompously. "If I join, you're going to get annihilated! The fact that you'd even ask me is a joke!"
"Oooh, I'll bet she's gonna light some candles too," Rei added, nodding knowingly. "She totally needs the proper mood lighting for a good fap session...yeah, it's just...too big a part of her life to try to cut out, I understand—"
"OKAY!" Ami roared, stomping over to where the group was huddled. "Fine! Guess there's only one way to teach you guys a lesson! I'm in!" She put her hands on her sides. "You guys want to lose your money to me?! Fine! We'll do this the hard way!"
"Alright," Usagi grinned. "That's the spirit."
"Well. Looks like it's on," Rei said, sounding almost proud. "Okay..." the girls all came together in the center of the large bedroom.
"Should we start tomorrow?" Makoto suggested. "So we can all...reset tonight? If we start now, Mina gets a head start because she did it twenty minutes ago—"
"NO, I didn't!" Minako roared.
"I'm good with starting now," Rei said, shrugging. "Minako can have her head start, it's not gonna help her."
Usagi raised her hand. "I had sex last night, I'm good to go."
"Okay, we'll start now..." Makoto thought for a moment. "So...how do we...police this?"
The girls all opened their mouths to reply, but then all quickly closed them and thought. The huddle broke a little bit as the girls strayed around a bit.
"Well..." Usagi clapped her hands together in front of her. "We've been friends for years now, we've saved the world together many times...we tell each other everything, so...I think that the honor system is what we do."
"Honor system?" Rei repeated. "I dunno...I mean, maybe..."
"Do you have a better idea?" Makoto asked. "What, chastity belts?"
"I mean, we're talking...five thousand yen a piece, so...maybe...how about you two prove you even have five thousand yen?" She pointed at Makoto and Minako. "For starters."
"Oh, what does that mean?" Makoto glared at Rei. "What are you trying to say?"
"I'm...I'm just trying to make sure that everyone can hold up their ends of the bet!" Rei protested. "And I'm not worried about those two!" She pointed at Usagi and Ami.
"Hey!" Minako snapped. "Usagi slings cheddar around just as much as me, so if you're gonna hassle me—"
"Yeah, but Usagi has 'Mamo-chan'," Rei reminded her, putting air quotes around the pet name for Usagi's boyfriend. "You know, one hand on his crotch, other hand on his wallet? She'll pony up, no problem, one way or the other." She looked over at Ami. "And I'm pretty sure I saw about five million yen worth of Ming dynasty-era pottery alone on my walk from the front door to this room."
"Well, it's not hers," Minako pointed out.
"Yeah, but...she could steal one and sell it if she's hard up, and her mom would never notice," Rei said. "And me...believe me, if the Hinos were that low on cash, we would not be adding a whole new section to the shrine."
"Okay, okay," Usagi said. "How about we all prove we have five thousand yen, and then we do the honor system." Usagi quickly reached down into her purse, fishing around in it with her right hand.
"S-sure, that's fair," Rei agreed, going over to the corner of the room and grabbing her own purse. Minako and Makoto were quick to follow, though Ami stayed rooted to the spot.
"Hey, Ami, she said all of us," Makoto chided.
Ami rolled her eyes. "This somehow implies that...I might actually lose—"
"Ami!" Rei said warningly. With a sigh, Ami went over to her bookshelf.
Usagi produced a quintet of thousand-yen bills from her purse's money pocket, holding them up in a rough fan to showcase all five notes. "Five big ones, right here!"
Minako had gone over to the desk with her purse and was in the process of digging down into it and dumping yen coins onto the wooden surface next to two wrinkled thousand-yen bills.
"Okay...thirty-eight sixty, thirty-eight seventy..." she muttered to herself as she searched every nook and cranny in her pack. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Ami remove a small book from the middle of the second level of her shelf. She stopped to watch as Ami opened it, revealing that all the pages had a rectangular hole in them, and that the gap had a small stack of yen bills in it.
Ami took the top one out, a five thousand yen note, and displayed it out to the room. Minako raised her eyebrows at the hiding place. "Are you a dope dealer on the side or something?" she asked.
"I was hiding it from you," Ami said coldly. "Figured a book would be the one place you'd never look."
"Oh, you are just so determined to not be cool about this," Minako said darkly, shaking her head.
Ami pointed at the bill in her hands. "Okay, am I good?"
"Yup!" Makoto called out, fishing a tightly-rolled five thousand-yen note from her purse. "Always keep a little...emergency stash in here." She managed to get it out of it's hiding place in the seam of the purse, displaying it out to the room. "Got my buy-in!"
Rei dug around in her purse for several seconds. "Y'know, I...I don't think I...actually, I don't carry cash much anymore, but..." she pulled a cloth band from her purse and held it up, displaying a row of silver coins embossed with a Torii Gate fastened to the fabric, "I got these, which are just as good."
"Oh yeah, I got one of those from your shrine a few months ago, remember?" Usagi said, leaning in and looking at the imprint of the Shinto symbol on the coin. "Yeah, what was it...forty-five hundred?"
"Pure silver, you could melt them down and sell it for two grand each if you wanted," Rei commented, holding the dozen coins up. "Is that good enough?"
"Yeah, I'm good with that," Mako said, looking up at the pieces of silver.
"And I got cash at home," Rei said assuredly. "Not gonna be a problem."
The occasional little tink of a coin dropped on Ami's desk was the only sound that remained in the room, everyone waiting for Minako to produce her assurance of adequate funds. They gathered around behind her as she searched every inch of her purse.
"Forty-five seventy...forty-six seventy...forty-six eighty...forty-six ninety...forty-seven hundred..." she continued to quietly count to herself. "Forty-seven...hundred...uh..." She stuck her head into her purse. "Let's see."
"Problem?" Makoto asked.
"Uh...y'know...I'm positive I have at least...three hundred yen laying around my bedroom," Minako said, pulling her head out of her bag. "I mean, that's just a few coins, I'm...yeah."
"Uh-huh," Rei replied, looking over Minako's haphazard collection of money on the desk.
"And this purse, for what it's worth is...definitely worth more than three hundred—"
"Okay okay, y'know, that's...good enough, I'm convinced, I'm good," Makoto said, walking back towards the center of the room.
"Uh...yeah, close enough, forty-seven hundred...let's not split hairs," Rei agreed, also turning to walk away from the desk. Usagi, Ami and Minako quickly followed, Minako roughly shoving her money back into her purse. "Just don't spend it on anything!" Rei added.
"Well then!" Makoto nodded happily. "One final talk-through. Contest starts now. Terms are, nobody can achieve orgasm via masturbation, sex, or whatever else. Winner takes all the money."
"And remember." Rei put her right hand up in the air, pinky extended. "If you lose, you lose. Just come clean about it. Promise?"
Quickly, Makoto, Usagi and Minako extended their own hands and pinkies, wrapping them all together in the middle of their little huddle.
"Ami..." Minako said expectantly.
Ami gave a little sigh, but ultimately plunged her hand into the grouping and placed her own pinky finger in. "Yes. I promise."
"Good." Rei looked up at the five-fingered entwinement. "So, then...let the games begin!"
0 weeks, 0 days, 0 hours, 0 minutes, 1 second...
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