Title: Oh Father, Where Art Thou?
Series: Saiyuki/Gaiden crossover
Pairing: GokuXKonzen
Rating: K
"This is so weird. Where am I? Sanzo?! Hakkai?! Gojyo?! Hey! Where is everyone!!"
"Goku..."
Goku whirled at the sound of his name echoing through the grey desert landscape. There was nothing, no trees, no buildings, no animals or grass, just a wide expanse of grey nothingness and a silvery fog that seemed to swell and fall in time with his breathing.
"Who are you?! Where the hell am I?!" he spun trying to find the source of the voice. There was something creepy about the fog that kept inching closer towards him, unconsciously he backed up.
"This is just too weird!" he exclaimed as the scenery shifted and suddenly he was standing under a Sakura tree, the whole place was tinged in pink and pale white blossoms drifted slowly down from the heavens.
"Goku..."
"Seriously, just show yourself already, this is really pissing me off!" he spun again only to beat a hasty retreat backwards, slipping on the petals underfoot and coming down hard.
"Uff! What the hell is going on?!" his voice was starting to get that whiny tone Sanzo absolutely couldn't stand and he knew it, subconsciously flinching in expectation of a large paper fan coming down hard.
"Goku..."
"Yeah, that's me. Who the hell are you?" he glanced up at the while clad figure and sucked in a quick breath.
"You..."
"Goku," gentle hands slipped through his hair, slid down his cheek and cupped his chin, "you've grown."
"I know you. Why do I know you?" great golden saucers peered up into the whiteness, confusion beading on his brow as he knit his forehead in concentration.
"Goku, it's alright not to remember. I just wanted to see you. To make sure you're alright down there."
There was a slight muffled ruffling sound as the figure sank to his knees in front of him. Petals swirling around them, Goku raised his hand and reached out, fingers clutching at golden strands.
"The sun." he whispered as its gilded rays shifted through his fingers silkily.
A soft smile spread over him. He reacted without thinking, not that he did much of that anyways, flinging himself at the figure, wrapping his arms around him in a crushing blow that sent both of them toppling to the ground, the swirl of petals lifting up from their resting place to coat them in their velvety softness.
"Konzen!" Goku laughed and wept at the same time. He remembered the man, his pseudo-father, his original sun.
"What are you doing here?" he asked, face buried in his chest.
Konzen smiled and wrapped his arms around the young man, dragging his fingers through the chestnut hair and lightly fingering the golden diadem embedded there.
"Goku...are you happy down there? It's not too hard, too painful?"
Goku sat back and gave Konzen a funny look, "Why?"
"Those companions you're with, they don't treat you very well, do they, especially the priest, Sanzo."
"Konzen, I'm fine, we're all fine." His voice was harder, edge as he gave the man a measuring look.
"But he really isn't very nice to you, is he?" Konzen was looking at his charge questioningly, confusion and sadness mingling on his delicate features.
Goku sat back on his heels and chewed the inside of his cheek, "He's a lot like you actually. Maybe not as gentle, but I know him, he's just fine the way he is. I'm not a little kid anymore you know."
Konzen looked over Goku searchingly, his eyes going wide as he took in the defiant features. He was still small, too skinny in Konzen's opinion, but his face had filled out into that of a young man whose seen the world, know's hardship and fear, love and loss.
"Huh, I guess you aren't." he smiled at the boy and raised his hand to the mist.
There's a shifting in the mist, raising his head, Goku's eyes have gone wide and he's on his feet and bounding up to it, skittering to a stop as the fog breathes forward and other figures walk into the daylight.
His head whips back and forth before focusing on the one in front of him. He's beaming and trying to explain ten things at once, arm raised, trying to pull the figure forward and pointing and laughing, then getting confused and stopping, looking at Konzen for some form of answer or support. Something.
"Hey, what gives?" he's back at his side now, a look of complete frustration and confusion etched into every taut line of his body. He keeps looking over his shoulder, his gaze sliding over the other two, red and green, before fixating on the other; in the fog we can see the strings that tie them all together.
He catches Konzen looking and glances at his hand in the pink light, experimentally tugging on the glowing red cord, tracing it back the way it came and watching as a corresponding black clad hand jerks in response to the tug.
"You love him, don't you?" he tilted his head to the side, eyes growing soft as a slow blush crept up to Goku's ears.
"I don't know what you're talking about." He mumbled, head hanging down and to the side in embarrassment.
"You can, if you want," Sighing Konzen leans back in the petals and watches as they fall, "Embrace nothing: If you meet the Buddha, kill the Buddha. If you meet your father, kill your father. Only live your life as it is, not bound to anything."
Goku sat up sharply, "Sanzo's Master told him that."
"Yes, he is bound by that because of his past, but there is another one I like better: 'Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared.'"
He rolled over on his side; head cradled in his hand and looked at Goku questioningly, "Do you understand that one?"
"...."
"It means sharing your love can never be a bad thing. Those three," he pointed slightly with his chin, gaze raking across them, "it's ok for you to love them. You are bound to them and they to you and always have been. Lives may be lost, but if the soul desires, they can come back to be with the one's they love, over and over again until the end of time."
The gentle touch of his fingers in Goku's hair made his eyes close slowly.
"You are free now. You can make your own choices. You can even decide to bind yourself to another. Just remember that it is always your decision. And I am always by your side. Come with me."
Konzen rose fluidly from the ground, reaching out to take Goku's hand in his own he pulled the youngster to his feet and back towards the shimmering mist.
He walked to Gojyo first, "What do you feel?"
"Stupid cockroach always eats my food." he mumbled.
There was a shifting, a tingling in the air as black overlaid red and Goku's eyes widened slightly, "No way." He breathed. And then the red was back and Goku blinked, had he just imagined it?
Goku took a step forward and reached out a tentative hand to Gojyo's, fingering the shiny string that looped out from his fingers and followed it to Hakkai's.
Again the shifting and this time white fluttered down to his ankles and two sparkling points of light glittered down at him. "Oh."
There was another cord, joining each of them to the other and as he reached to tug on it his own finger twitched. They were connected, the four of them, but like Hakkai's and Gojyo's, his had another sting, another person was looped into his life.
He paused in front of Sanzo, not sure what to do or say, noticing there was no ripple this time and looked back at Konzen.
A small, sad smile flitted across his lips. Goku raised a shaky hand to him as his substance started to fade. Gliding across the petals he stood face to face with the monk before turning to Goku.
"Remember, 'happiness never decreases by being shared,' feel free to love who you want Goku, you're free now, that's all I could ever have hoped for." He stepped back and faded into Sanzo, softer features holding the surface for a breath before slipping under.
Goku felt the hot saltiness slip down his face as he reached out and brushed long golden strands away from tired, sad eyes.
"Konzen! Konzen!" he wrapped his arms around the still figure, begging for the man who raised him to come back.
There was a roaring in his ears as the air shifted and tore around him. The mist surged forward and in a heartbeat had swallowed them all.
***
He woke with a start. Sanzo was leaning over him, his robes open leaving the black undershirt exposed and a look of angry concern stretched tight across his lips and brows. His eyes were red and he reeked of cigarettes, but Goku didn't care.
He flung himself at the monk, latching on with an inhuman strength that caught him off guard.
"What the hell?"
"Sanzo! Sanzo!" Goku just clung to him, tears slipping down his cheeks, holding on for dear life.
"Goku?" Hakkai's voice drifted in from the doorway.
"Goku, what's wrong?" Hakkai sat down next to the crying form, gently patting the boy on the shoulder.
*hic* "I don't" *hic* "know!" *hic hic* "I can't remember anything other than being really, really sad!" he clung tighter to Sanzo who just scowled at Hakkai until the healer left the room.
"I'll go get you some water, ok?"
Sanzo visibly relaxed as the door clicked softly shut. Raising his hand, he let it slip over Goku's rumpled hair. The action just caused Goku to squirm in closer to the monk, rubbing his face back and forth against his chest.
"What do you remember?" the voice was gentle as he looked up, tears blinding him, and for a second Goku thought he saw another set of eyes looking down at him.
"Faces, there were faces, and petals, and sand, and a silver mist that ate everyone and left me alone." Goku pulled his sleeve across his eyes and nose, trying to clean himself up a bit.
"Bakasaru, we wouldn't be able to get rid of you even if we tried." Sanzo's voice was his usual harsh tone, but his fingers stayed gently tangled in his hair and his eyes were a softer shade of his usual violet, so Goku thought maybe he really wasn't mad at him.
"Sanzo?"
"What?"
"Do you know what happens if you light a thousand candles with one and that one stays lit means?" he looked up at the monk nervously.
"Why?"
"Umm...just wondering." He fisted his hands into the bed sheets, trying not to feel Sanzo's gaze boring into him through the top of his head.
Sanzo pulled out a cigarette and tucked it into chapped lips, striking the lighter he murmured, "It means you're free stupid." He took a deep drag and glanced out the window, "Free and happy."
As the smoke curled around his head and out through the open window he felt a smaller hand slip into his and his lips twitch into a small contented smile.
"Yeah, thanks Sanzo." He mumbled, slipping back against his chest, his eyes already starting to slip closed and a small snore escaping his lips.
Sanzo paused in his smoking and glanced at the sleeping monkey, "I guess we all are."
Fin.