Unicorns and Sheep
by misscam
Disclaimer: Not my characters, just my words.
Author's Note: Set before, during and after 4x02.
II
They get their baby back.
Emma calls them mom and dad and decides to stay in Storybrooke.
It's quite the happy ending.
Isn't it?
II
Snow can't sleep.
She should sleep, she knows. They get very little sleep as it is, between snow monsters and baby and their family and everything, and she should take every possible moment she can to actually get some sleep.
But she can't.
Charming is warm against her back, and has an arm curled loosely around her waist, his breath steady against her skin. He is sleeping, but she knows it's a light sleep. The moment their baby wakes up, Charming will too, ready to help in any way he can.
She isn't alone, and she knows that. She feels it to her very heart, which is also his. But she still can't sleep.
It isn't that she's afraid she'll sleep through Neal crying. She knows already that his cries will wake her, and Charming too. It's not that. It's...
She exhales, not wanting to put it to words, the pain of it like a sharp jolt to her heart. Behind her, Charming grunts softly, as if he felt the pain to his (her) heart as well. Moments later she can feel him pull her closer.
"Snow?" he murmurs sleepily.
"Mmmm," she says, closing her eyes as his lips brush against the back of her neck. "I'm fine. You can go back to sleep."
He's silent for a moment, then kisses her shoulder. "No."
She smiles softly at that. Of course. He is her Charming, after all. Gently, she turns around to face him, resting her forehead against his.
"What is it?" he asks, his hand resting on her hip and drawing slow circles there.
She bites her lip, and he simply waits, watching her with worried eyes.
"I'm afraid," she finally says.
"Don't be. You're going to be an amazing mother, Snow," he says, his voice filled with confidence and love at the same time.
"I..." she starts, then the familiar cry of Neal tear through the room. Charming makes a rueful smile, as she slips out of his arms and hurries over to the crib. Gently, she eases her son into her arms. He's hungry, she can tell right away, and she sits back on the bed to feed him.
Charming has also gotten up, and sits down next to her. His eyes are bright as he watches her breastfeed, smiling down at their son.
"He's so beautiful," he comments, and she can only nod. Their son is the most beautiful baby in the whole world, only matched by one other – Emma. But Emma was only their baby for five minutes and is certainly not a baby anymore. (But still so very beautiful.)
She bites her lip again, and she knows Charming can tell. But he says nothing, simply eases his arms around them both and holds on.
For the rest of the night, as it turns out, as their baby isn't in the mood to go back to sleep.
II
Emma makes them breakfast. In fact, she insists on it, taking one look at their undoubtedly exhausted faces and outright exiling them both from the kitchen. Henry helps though, focusing on making hot chocolate just the right way.
It makes Snow smile, and so does watching her husband collapse onto the sofa with a groan. Her own body aches with the lack of sleep as she sits down next to him (and slightly on top of him), but Neal has actually fallen asleep in her arms.
Henry is watching them curiously. "Why are you so tired? I thought babies just slept."
Charming makes something akin to an amused groan. "No, Henry. They definitely don't just sleep. They also cry a lot."
"Eat a lot," Snow adds.
"Need diapers changed a lot," Charming says, and Henry makes a face.
"You were a baby once too, kid," Emma tells him. "So don't get all diaper-superior on your uncle."
Charming chuckles, exchanging a fond glance with Emma. "Defending your little brother like a true big sister already."
Emma shuffles, looking slightly awkward for a moment, and Snow feels that familiar painful ache in her heart again. Oh, Emma.
"I know what's wrong!" Henry chimes in, looking like he's suddenly had an epiphany. He races over to his backpack, pulling out the fairy tale book. He shuffles through the pages until he finds what he's looking for, then hurries over to the couch.
Snow swallows as she notices what Henry is pointing at. It's from their story, hers and Charming, illustrated with a drawing of them in Emma's nursery.
She closes her eyes, clutching Neal closer. She can feel Charming's arms tighten around her as well.
"Look!" Henry says triumphantly. "Emma had a mobile."
Snow looks at Emma, trying to read her daughter's expression, but it's carefully blank. Maybe she is thinking of a unicorn mobile of glass, twinkling unused in Gold's shop, having never helped lull her to sleep, as it was meant to.
"You're right," Charming says softly, smiling at Henry, even if Snow can see the pain in his eyes. "Emma had a mobile."
Emma was meant to have the world, Snow thinks forlornly, or rather all they could have given her of it.
"So we should get one for this baby!" Henry insists, looking excited. "It will help the baby sleep and then maybe you'll have less diapers."
"You definitely inherited your grandparents' optimism, kid," Emma says, but fondly. "But you're right. We should definitely get a mobile for the baby."
II
They all end up going on Operation Mobile (which Henry thinks is a very dull name for an operation). They strap the baby into the stroller, and Charming pushes while Snow holds his hand, and Snow lets the presence of her family all around her warm her as much as the sun does.
The toy store is filled with stuff Henry still finds exciting, so he's quite distracted from the moment they enter. Emma and Charming start going through the selection of mobiles critically, holding each up above the baby in Snow's arms to gauge his interest and reaction. Rockets are a no, as are kittens and Teenage Ninja Mutant Turtles.
Snow can only smile at it all, wondering if they realize just how alike they are, even in the matter of choosing mobiles or building cribs.
Something in the corner of her eye catches her attention, and she turns around. It's a mobile of sheep, moving lightly in the draft from the door being opened, and she knows right away it's the one.
Before she can say anything, Emma has already spotted it.
"What about sheep?" she asks. "I like sheep."
"I do to," Charming says, smiling faintly. He glances at Snow, and she smiles back at him, her beloved shepherd. Gently, she steps up to the mobile and lifts the baby closer, and Neal makes a soft gurgle, then seems to almost reach for one of the sheep.
"Good choice," Emma says approvingly, and Charming nods, their expressions almost mirrored.
Like father, like daughter, Snow thinks, and glances down at Neal and sees Charming in him too.
II
They put up the sheep mobile with much fanfare, and watch it together, Charming with an arm across Henry's shoulder and Emma standing next to Snow, while Neal gurgles in Snow's arms.
How much the mobile of sheep will help with sleeping, Snow isn't sure. Probably very little. But that doesn't really matter. What matters is that it will be used, that it will hang over Neal's crib and be his.
"I like it," Emma says, smiling at her baby brother. "Just don't expect me to entertain you with 'baa', kiddo, that ain't happening."
That will definitely be happening, Snow already knows.
II
They don't get a peaceful family evening together. Of course not. The power goes out, Emma and David head off to co-sheriff and Snow finds herself becoming the mayor.
Even then, she doesn't let go of her baby boy, and he so, Neal has his first adventure helping her restart the power.
Quite the Charming, she reckons, and looks forward to telling his father all about it. At least until she comes home, finds a stranger in her living room and then finds out that her daughter nearly froze to death.
II
"I'm fine," Emma says for the millionth time, but Snow pays her no heed, wrapping another blanket around her. "Mary Margaret..."
"You should have taken her to the hospital," Snow tells David, who simply shrugs apologetically.
"She refused," he says. "She's as stubborn as..."
Snow gives him a pointed look, but before she can say anything, Emma takes her hand.
"Mom," she says, and Snow swallows and wonders if hearing Emma say that word will ever stop feeling this overwhelming. "I'm fine. Honestly."
"I'm still going to mom you," she replies, and Emma rolls her eyes, but with the fainest smile on her lips.
II
Snow can't sleep.
Her family is asleep, she knows. Emma is upstairs and tucked into twice as many blankets as normally, with Henry sleeping next to her to make sure she doesn't get cold during the night. Neal is sleeping peacefully in his crib with sheep playing lightly above him, and she can hear Charming's light breathing next to her.
There's even a pirate on her couch, and a queen with ice magic asleep in Henry's old bed. It's been quite the day.
She should be sleeping; she is exhausted enough for it.
But she can't.
If she closes her eyes, she lets Neal out of her sight, and she's terrified of that.
Gently, she extracts herself from Charming's embrace, slips on a robe and walks over to the crib. Neal is sleeping, his face peaceful and innocent. She has to fight the urge to pick him up anyway, as the weight of him in her arms is a reassurance.
"Snow," Charming says behind her, and she turns to see him out of bed, looking at her with worry. She tries to smile reassuringly at him, but her smile falters and he's by her side in moments. "Snow... Please, please tell me what's wrong."
She swallows, trying to find her voice. "I love our son, Charming. I love every moment with him."
"I know," he whispers, touching her cheek gently.
"I want this with Emma too," she says, feeling her heart ache as she says it. "Every moment I have with Neal, I... I'm terrified, I'm...I can't sleep, I can't..."
She bites her lip hard, not sure how to explain that every moment with Neal is a treasure and a heartbreak at the same time, or how to find the words for the fear she can't quite let go of.
She lost Emma. She almost lost Neal. She almost lost Charming too, and only her own heart is keeping him alive. Emma could have died tonight.
And before that, she lost her mother. Her father. All her life, she's lost people she's loved.
"Snow," he says gently, agonizingly gently. "We have those moments with our son. We have to focus on that."
"I can't just look forward, Charming! It's not that easy..."
"You think it's easy?" he says darkly. "You think I don't feel the pain of it, Snow? I may not choose to indulge it, but I do feel it. What we lost with Emma... If I linger on it, it will choke me, so I can't."
They stare at each other for a moment, breathing heavily. Then Snow closes her eyes and a moment later she feels Charming's arms around her. She can feel him press kisses into her hair, and she burrows her head into his chest as if he is a shield against all her pain. In a way she supposes he is just that, because she cannot imagine living with all this if he wasn't living it with her.
"I'm sorry," she whispers into his skin, tilting her head up to kiss the underside of his jaw.
"Snow, do you remember what you told me back in our land when I told you about my fears?" he asks.
"That we were doing this together," she says softly, lifting her head to meet his gaze.
"We are doing this together. All of it," he swears to her, a touch fiercely, and then he is kissing her fiercely too, as if underlining his point.
She clings to him, digging her fingers into his short hair and kissing him back with equal fervor until they're both out of breath, and he leans his forehead against hers.
"I love you," he says, tucking strands of her hair behind her ear. "If you can't sleep, I'll just have to be sleepless with you."
She can't help but make a slightly amused noise, then kisses him tenderly. She loves him. She loves him so very, very much.
Next to them, baby Neal sleeps on, sheep playing above his crib. It's not a unicorn mobile, and it never will be. What they have with Neal won't replace what they didn't have with Emma, and Snow's heart aches with the knowledge of that.
And then there's the fear.
They lost Emma. She can't lose Neal as well, or lose Emma again, or lose Charming, or...
She can't.
She hasn't, she reminds herself.
Her family is all here, sleeping safely for now. She has her daughter, her son, her grandson. She has her husband, who will happily be sleepless with her for as long as she needs.
It's not quite the happy ending.
But it can get there.
Can't it?
FIN