This is based off the insane ideas floating around in my head. It's not supposed to be good. It's supposed to be funny.
Pitch the Guardian of Life
Pitch Black the lifeguard was doing his job at the beach- lifeguarding. His keen eyes scanned the smooth tan sandy surface. Occasionally pausing to check out a nice, round ass or a big, bouncy pair of tits. He loved his job. His hot, black haired body getting to gaze at attractive young beach goers. He got laid almost every night.
Currently his gorgeous attention was focused on a pretty young boy with snowy white hair. He was wearing trunks, but it was still obvious that his ass was fi-ine. At one point he had looked over at him. Pitch sent him a wink that made dozens of others swoon. The boy blushed lightly and looked away, going toward the water with a younger sibling. Pitch lowered his sunglasses to the end of his nose to watch that boy.
When he saw the boy go under without coming back up and his sister start screaming he smiled with excitement. He hopped off the lifeguard chair and ran to the ocean. Pushing people out of the way, kicking aside hideous sand castles, Pitch jumped into action. He grabbed the unconscious boy and pulled him into his arms bridal style like a mother-fucking man.
Rushing to the shore, he tossed the boy down and immediately began the most passionate round of CPR anyone had ever seen. The boy's lips tasted of salt water and his cheeks were tinted red. Finally he began coughing up water and coming back to life.
His big blue eyes blinked up at him delicately. Gazing down at him with his oh, so beautiful golden eyes, Pitch pushed out his lips ever so slightly and whispered in his lowest, huskiest voice, "Hey."
"H-hey…" the boy replied, staring up at him.
Wrapping an arm around his waist, Pitch whispered with his lips close to the boy he rescued, "Let's do it." And he yanked him into his arms, shoved his tongue down his throat, and made love to the boy right there on the beach.
Everyone from a three hundred mile radius heard it. The end.