Author's notes: As I inject dumb oneshots into an ancient fandom, I also blame memes everywhere. Also, really dig the idea of Haruna being into pro-wrestling. Where else would she learn a cobra clutch? And Naoya's clubbing is a ref to one of the episodes from ye olde drama CD.

It was 4:45am. His mother would be home in about an hour and a half... or so. It wasn't uncommon for him to be up when she returned from the graveyard shift, but it was an uncommon for him to still be in clothes that he wore to the club.

As he walked down the hallway, Naoya Itsuki had everything planned out on how to make everything seem like normal. Haruna would be in bed by now. Mom would be home soon. He had to change his clothes and take a quick shower, make himself seem like a presentable good non-clubbing son, take a quick nap, and get ready for his own shift at work - which began at 8am.

But as he unlocked the door, he was greeting by a bump in his plans. There was Haruna, not in bed, accompanied by snacks and soda spread out on the coffee table. She had all the lights in the apartment on, electricity that he had to work hard to help pay for, and she was streaming wrestling from America. Again.

Naoya paused, staring at the scene with some offense.

"What's that look for?" Haruna lightly snorted, side-eyeing him.

"You're awake," Naoya blinked, his amber eyes clearly exhausted.

"Yeaaaahh?"

Naoya closed the door behind him, running a hand down his sleek features. "You know what the doctors said, you need to be getting more rest."

"I'm seventeen and I have the sleeping schedule of a seven year old," Haruna grumbled.

You've only been awake for seven years, so technically you are seven years old, Haruna heard Naoya's thoughts, and she threw a throw pillow at him - just barely missing his head.

"I stay up one night and get lectured by my also-seventeen-year-old twin brother... who is coming home at five in the morning, why?"

"I'm older than you by, like, ten minutes," Naoya scoffed, putting a hand on his hip. "And I also work all night. To pay the bills?" He shook his head and headed for the bathroom, turning off lights as he went.

"Funny. What job makes you come home late smelling like cigarettes, several different colognes that are NOT yours, and fruity booze," She smirked, taking a sip of her drink. "And also involves a fake ID to get into the clubs over in-" She almost spilled her soda as her brother gently thwacked the back of her head with telekinesis. Snorting, she reached for a napkin to wipe her chin. "Fine, fine. I won't tell if you won't tell? Deal?"

When Naoya turned off the TV, she guessed that was a no.

After cleaning himself and Haruna's mess up, (and making sure his sister had finally gone to bed), Naoya had earned himself a nice nap.

His favorite lucid dream involved him, a nice warm tropical resort, a cabana... and his best friend. Naked. Grinding against him, Kaname pinning him to a soft bed as the demonic young man nipped at Naoya's neck.

Just when Kaname started growling possessively in his ear, Naoya closed his eyes and let himself get ready for his favorite part... only it didn't come. Kaname pulled away. That wasn't supposed to happen. Puzzled, Naoya opened his eyes.

There was no Kaname pinning him to a bed on a nice beach. Instead, there was only John Cena.

Naoya screamed, sitting deadbolt up in his bed, clutching the blankets to his sore body, amber eyes scanning around his room with an unsure terror. But there was nothing there.

He rubbed his eyes, sighing with relief.

When he opened them again, John Cena was crawling into his bed.

Again, Naoya woke up in his bed, his blankets on the floor in a heap, panting with a frustrated anger.

If I don't get to see John Cena, Haruna mentally chided him, Then you're going to be seeing John Cena.

Defeated, Naoya clutched his pillow to his chest, silently cursing having a telepath for a sister.