"The red string of fate: a hopeless romantics wet dream. After all, nothing is more romantic than the knowledge of your one true love. The prospect of one day meeting the one at the other end of the string and falling deeply, and hopelessly, in love. Love at first sight. It's all so exciting. So joyful. So…"
"Disgusting".
Sollux put the sappy piece of ill written swill back on the shelf, much like he had with the last few next to it. "Who the fuck actually reads this shit?"
"See, this is what I'm talking about", Karkat protested, picking up the book Sollux had put away, "You know this shit sells, right? And it starts this crazy chain of reaction." After taking a good look at the book, he too put it back on the shelf. "It's like that fifty shades shit."
"I only read the first paragraph, does it really get that kinky?"
"No, dumbass." Karkat shuffled over to the next bookshelf with sollux following suit, both of them continued to pull books away as though they were actually interested in the cover. "I mean it's like that kinky shit because of how people react."
"What, you mean people get hot and sweaty over a string?" Sollux scoffed, elbowing at Karkat, though he paid no attention to the light harassment.
"Shut up and let me finish."
"That's what she said."
"Fuck off. I'm trying to give you some valuable insight on the world we live in."
"Sorry. Continue o' wise one."
"Alright. So. Fifty shades, right? It was the beginning of a sexual era. Millions of people bought it, then went straight to the sex shops of the world and began buying every BDSM kit left on the shelf. Just like when this was published," Karkat turned and pulled a book off its display, holding it up to Sols face. The cover was clad with the image of a red string, and covered in eye bleeding colors. It looked like a sad teens dream journal. "Everyone went running, following their strings, even paying people to find their soulmates for them." He put the book back on its display "And then there's you."
"And then there's me?" Sollux questioned, almost mockingly. He quickly reached past Karkat, picking up the book to get another look at it. Not that he was interested, he just desperately wanted to distance himself from this conversation. The only real way to do so was to put this thick brick of fluffy cuddly bullshit between them. When observing the spine of the book, he saw one name that had appeared on most all the other books he had picked up before. Ampora. E, Ampora. How he pitied such a sad sap.
"Then there's you." Karkat reiterated, pulling the book down from Sols face so their eyes match. "Look at you. A 6'2 blonde haired twig with this horrible obsession with the red blue color scheme. Your lisp is so thick it sounds like you have a dick in your mouth, your eyes make little kids cry, and I don't think you've showered in the last three weeks."
"You know, you didn't have to drag me all the way out to a fucking book store to ridicule me. We could have done this over skype. Hell, I could have done it on my own while laying in bed tonight." Sollux crossed his arms across his chest, greatly trying to hold back from just leaving. Or making a scene. Both seemed like viable options.
"Shut up, i'm not fucking done yet." He picked up about two or three books from the basket he had on his arm, all of which were decorated in the same eye sore mix of colors, along with a single red string. "Despite all of these books showing the beauty of soulmates and the joy of finding love, your sorry ass sits at home whilst calling it bullshit."
"Which it is."
"I said shut up." Karkat threw the books back into the basket "Yet, despite your shitty looks and even worse view on love, your ass still has two bright red strings tied around your frail little finger."
"I am still failing to see you point." Sollux snapped, far louder than intended, causing a few sharp glares in his direction.
"My point is, fuckass, that you need a new look on life. One that doesn't involve this pity party you throw yourself on a daily basis whilst fapping to your anime girls."
"Oh yeah, because a couple of shitty books is going to totally change my state of mind. Hallelujah, you saved my fucking life their KK. Give it up, it's a lost cause. Last time I checked, these books don't exactly handle my situation, and I've hardly ever heard of a story with a main character that has two strings."
"This one does." Karkat smugly pulled one of the books out of the basket, shoving it into Sols hands.
"Doesn't one of the characters die at the end in this one?"
"Unimportant. The point is," Karkat ushered to the display behind him, full of even shittier cover art. "The author obviously knows what kind of shit works. He knows how to find true love. Did you know he has been on record saying he hates himself?"
"I would too if I wrote shit like that."
"For fucks sake let me finish." Karkat ignored the hushes and even sharper glares from isles close by. "He's doing a press conference here next weekend, and you're going."
"Like hell I am."
"If you don't come with me I will actually pry you out of that weeb cave you call an apartment and push you in here bare ass naked. You're going, and the second you get the chance to talk to him, you are going to ask about how in the fuck we revive your love life."
"And why aren't we focussing on your love life?" Sollux scoffed, disappointed in himself that he was actually considering Karkats offer.
"You don't need to worry about me. I've seen the movies, only have one string, and I look fan fucking tastic. I'll find love just fine. You need all the help you can get." He began walking away towards the register, only drawing his attention to Sollux when he was halfway across the store. "Now get your ass over here so I can use more coupons."
Sollux let out a deep sigh and stared at the display. Fuck, maybe he did need some help. And what better way to get help than from the soccer mom proclaimed master of the year? "Coming, dear." He mocked, dragging his feet as he met Karkat at the register.