Ani: -still laughing in disbelief at this newfound information-
Ohio: Grrr... -looks pissed-
America: -fails at reading atmosphere- Ah, Ani? What's so funny?
Ani: -sighs- Oh, nothing. Just this little tidbit I discovered after looking up Ohio stereotypes on Google.
Ohio: It's stupid! -clenches fists and grinds teeth-
America: -sweatdrops- Oh, um, well... it couldn't have been that bad, could it? I mean, you already know most of them. Like the crumbling cities-
Ohio: -twitch-
Ani: o_o; Uh, America?
America: -how there's absolutely nothing to do there-
Ohio: -cracks knuckles-
Ani: O_O;; America?
America: -and that whole schtick about the river catching on fire-
Ohio: -FALCON PUNCH-
America: -flies through wall- x_x;
Ani: -crosses arms into an X- K.O.! Round goes to Ohio! -raises Ohio's arm-
Ohio: -smirks triumphantly- NEVER bring up the river.
Ani: Nope. You're just asking for an ass-whooping. Anyway, we've gotten a little off-track. This is a little, crack-y one-shot about something I recently discovered online. As for what that discovery was, well, you'll just have to read to find out, now won't you?
Ohio: Read, bitches! Or I'll bring out my surfboard!
California: Hey! Isn't that my-
Ohio: SHUT IT, BLONDIE! -pulls out surfboard and promptly bitchsmacks-
California: -on the floor- ~# Owww, harsh, dudette...
Ani: -winces- Oooh, that had to hurt. K.O.! Round goes to Ohio again! Oh, and California? Ohio does surf. She surfs Lake Erie. In winter. So she, like, totally pwns you.
Poland: Like, you called?
Ani: ...no. Go away. As part of my ancestry, I can't smack you. So leave before I sic my chihuahua on you. I mean it. -growl-
-ahem- So, yeah, long AN is long. Sorry about that. Um, I'm not going to be really detailed and descriptive about the state OCs because as mentioned, this is mainly crack. Also, if a few states are OOC, forgive me. I've lived in Ohio all my life, only visiting a few other states during that time. I'm going off of what I know and the stereotypes. Also, I'm just sticking to state/nation names for this. Again, because it's crack. Take it with a grain of salt. Or the whole shaker. Have fun with that impending heart attack.
This was absolutely ridiculous. Impossible. As confounding as seeing Alaska without his parka or Kentucky without his trusty trucker hat. Ohio simply couldn't comprehend what she'd recently learned, brain unable to register something so incredulous. It was stupid, illogical, didn't make sense at all. Sighing heavily, she set down the mug of hot chocolate Canada had given her, watching the marshmallows melt and disintegrate into the milky pool of tan.
Ohio. Idaho. Iowa.
Okay, so they were all farmers and part of the Midwest. Or, at least, Ohio was relatively certain she was. There was still some debate on whether she belonged to the Northeast or the Midwest, but that was a dispute for another day. Besides, Idaho and Iowa were both boys, while she was obviously a girl.
Instantly, Ohio's eyes widened and her bangs raised with sudden apprehension as a thought occurred to her. The two ankle-length strips of brown symbolized the mighty river that surrounded her state, and often portrayed her emotions quite clearly. If only she didn't trip over them so often. Anyway, back to her startling revelation: what if her tomboyish nature made others mistake her for being a boy? Oh dear God.
Sure, she was a farmer, a pilot; she enjoyed her drag and horse racing and her football. But surely her ponytail, her decent-sized bust, her feminine figure gave her gender away. Even in her overalls, aviator helmet, and goggles, with dirt smudged on her cheeks, she still looked like a girl. Right? Ohio quickly lifted her hands to her face, scrubbing at her cheeks in an effort to rid them of the smudges but only succeeding in worsening the damage.
Canada blinked at his niece's sudden movements, tilting his head slightly to the side with a frown. The young state- compared to himself, at least- had showed up on his doorstep about fifteen minutes prior, sobbing and clinging to him needily. He didn't interact much with Ohio, mainly on matters concerning Lake Erie. However, he didn't hesitate to soothe her, letting her dry her tears and making a steaming mug of hot chocolate for her.
"...Ohio? Do you feel up to telling me what's wrong now? And why you didn't go to Amer-" he began softly. He jumped at the fierce glare that was suddenly directed at him, conveyed through eyes as blue as his twin's.
"Because he's a part of it! That's why! Uncle Canada, it's not fair! First that greedy bastard England did it, then dad did it, and then... then... AGH! IT'S JUST NOT FAIR!" she roared, flailing her tanned arms.
Canada grimaced at Ohio's language, remembering the grudge she held with America's ex-big brother. Relations simply hadn't been the same between the country and state after the War of 1812, when England had tried taking Ohio back from America. He was surprised that the girl wasn't also upset with him for allying with his caretaker, but supposed her anger focused on the one who had invaded her home and tried to kidnap her.
"Ohio, please, calm down... drink some of your hot chocolate. Just take a few deep breaths, and start from the beginning. Okay?" he said soothingly, trying to calm the upset state. Canada sighed in relief when Ohio listened to him, taking a great gulp from her mug and breathing slowly for a few moments. "Now, go on. Tell me what happened with England."
"Hmph. Fine. It all started this morning, I was working in the cornfields like usual..."
Ohio straightened, wincing a bit as her back protested with the abrupt change in position, and wiped a few beads of sweat from her forehead. She stood in the middle of one of her many cornfields, the green and gold stalks rising up well past her head. She smiled at them, chest swelling with pride at this years bountiful crop that would surely help to improve her awful economy a bit. Patting one of the stalks tenderly, Ohio made her way out of the field and back into the open for a short ice tea break.
Tugging off her gloves, she set them in the satchel she carried around the farm, stretching and flexing her sweaty fingers. "Ah... that's better. It's so hot out today!" she exclaimed, grinning. Ohio hauled herself up onto her trusty, green tractor, which she used to get around the farm quickly. As she started up the engine, a twittering reached her ears, and she instantly held out a hand. Within seconds, a beautiful, scarlet cardinal perched upon her wrist.
"Hey there, Candice. It's about time you showed up. What happened to early birds and catching worms, hm?" Ohio teased her state bird and pet, running the pad of her index finger down Candice's bright plumage. The cardinal twittered some more, ruffling her feathers in irritation but only succeeding in getting her owner to laugh. "Oh, calm down. You know I'm just teasing. C'mon, you can have some of the sunflower seeds Kansas sent me."
It took about two or three minutes to finally reach Ohio's modest farmhouse by tractor, and by this time Candice had moved to rest contentedly on her master's shoulder. However, the states thoughts of relaxing on her porch with an ice cold glass of tea were halted upon sight of a familiar figure standing in front of her door. Frowning, Ohio cut the engine and hopped off of the vehicle, walking briskly over to the stairs and clomping up them to get the stranger's attention.
"Hey, what are you..." she began gruffly. However, her voice died in her throat as the man turned around, his emerald eyes locking with her sapphire. He blinked, as if sensing familiarity but unable to put his finger on it, and stood with perfect posture as he bowed.
"Terribly sorry for the intrusion, madam. You see, my car received a flat tire on the road, and unfortunately, my cellphone battery seems to have died on me. I was just inquiring if I might be able to use your phone..." he explained in a clipped, British accent.
For a few more moments, Ohio was stunned, blinking stupidly at the blond with a slackened jaw. England was standing here, on her doorstep, and didn't even seem to recognize her after what he'd put her through almost two centuries ago! Instantly, her anger and resentment bubbled up, but for once she held it at bay and merely clenched her fists loosely at her sides. Ohio wouldn't lose it, she wouldn't get in trouble for throwing a foreign nation out on his ass.
"...sure. Phone. C'mon in, I'll show you where it is..." she muttered at last. Candice, sensing her owners mood, twittered nervously and fluttered over to wait on the railing. Without waiting for a reply from England, Ohio opened the door and stepped into her home, kicking off her dirty flip-flops. She didn't even check to see if the nation was following her, merely headed down the hall and hooked a right into the kitchen.
"Here it is. Do you need a phone book, or do you already have someone to call...?" she asked, uncaring. Ohio moved to the fridge, tugging open the door and pulling out a half-full pitcher of ice tea as she spoke. England seemed to sense her mood like Candice had, and was noticeably uncomfortable as he grasped the receiver.
"Er, n-no thank you. Just a quick call to a friend of mine should be all that's needed. He IS the reason I'm in this bloody mess, after all," he answered at last. He tried to focus on dialing America's number, though his mind kept throwing out possible titles for his familiar host...ess? It was hard to tell when she was covered in so much filth and was dressed like a wild, rough-housing lad.
Ohio poured herself a glass of ice tea as she listened to England speak with America, his side of the conversation getting a bit heated near the end. She couldn't help but smirk at that; served the bastard right for rearing his great, bushy brows around here again. Considering for a moment, she at last sighed and poured out a second glass before returning the nearly empty pitcher to the fridge. Ohio was just setting the glasses on her small, kitchen table when England hung up in a huff.
"Bloody git, who does he think he is? Speaking to me like that when HE'S the reason I'm here in the first place..." he grumbled, fists clenched. Turning around to thank the woman for the use of her phone, he blinked in surprise upon sight of the ice tea. "Er..."
Ohio stared dully at him, letting her warm hand curl around the frosty exterior of her own glass. "It'll be at least a few minutes, right? Sit down and have a drink. It's a hot one today, and you look parched," she explained simply, shrugging a shoulder carelessly. England, who was indeed quite thirsty from the walk over, gladly accepted the strangers hospitality and sipped at the sweet liquid after voicing a grateful "thank you."
"You're welcome, England," Ohio replied bluntly, smirking as she watched the country sputter in shock at the use of his name. He gaped at her for a few moments, then frowned and shoved his caterpillar brows together into one great, fuzzy monstrosity. "You... you're one of Americas states, aren't you?"
Ohio merely gave a nod, taking a swig of her own ice tea and waiting for her identity to sink in already so that England would realize just who he was dealing with. Unfortunately, her plan backfired and she wound up spitting her tea all over the British man upon hearing his next words.
"Well, Iowa, I'm sorry I- bloody Hell! What in the name of the queen was THAT for?" he exclaimed, grimacing in disgust. However, his expression instantly changed to one of terror and confusion as "Iowa" glowered at him from across the table. Really, she was squeezing her glass so hard, he feared it might shatter. Had he said something to offend the state? "N-now, what's all this then? Have I offended you? If so, I'm terribly sorry. You, er... have very lovely cornfields, Iowa-"
SMASH!
England yelped, diving to the floor as "Iowa's" half-full glass flew through the space where his head had been moments ago and smashed into the wall behind him. Pale as a ghost, he scrambled to his feet and stumbled backwards out of the kitchen, hands held out placatingly before him. This was probably because Ohio was coming at him with a broom that had been propped up against the kitchen wall, wielding the cleaning implement like a baseball bat.
"Iowa? IOWA? After what you put me through, you have the NERVE not only to just drive through my state, to just waltz right on up to my doorstep, to not even recognize me... but to even mistake me not only for another state, but A BOY? You never learn, do you, British bastard?" Ohio screeched, enraged as she swung the broom in a wide arc, missing England's arms by inches as he ducked and made a mad dash for the door.
"BLOODY HELL, WOMAN! Are you daft? I haven't the faintest idea as to what you're talking abou- OW! Ouch! Oi, not the- OW!" he yelped, hit repeatedly on the head by the broom. He threw open the door and fled the house, stumbling down the stairs and very nearly faceplanting the dirt at the bottom. Ohio ran to the railing of her porch, watching him flee away from the house and back towards the road.
"I'M OHIO! YOU HEAR ME? O-H-I-O! NOT IOWA!"
Finishing her tale, Ohio had now buried her face into her folded arms, empty mug resting on the tables polished surface a few inches away. Canada sighed, curl bobbing slightly as his mind registered what Ohio had just told him. It was no wonder she was so upset, if that was the way her morning started off. He knew what it felt like to be mistaken for another, though it was for his looks and not his export. "Ohio, I... I'm sorry that happened to you. Especially since it was England. But... that's not all, is it? You mentioned that America was a part of the problem, too?" he coaxed gently.
Mumbling incoherently into her bare arms, Ohio moved so that her chin now rested on them and stared straight ahead, eyes unfocused. "He was. It was awful, too. It was maybe half an hour or so after I'd chased that English bastard off my property when dad showed up. I suppose I should have seen it coming, since he's still really protective of the old donkey. Anyway, I was sitting on the porch after I'd cleaned up the mess in the kitchen, trying to calm down with some more ice tea..."
Ohio sighed heavily as she sat on her porch swing, holding out a palmful of sunflower seeds for Candice, who was perched on the armrest. What remained of the ice tea sat contentedly in a glass gripped by her free hand, blue eyes placid as she stared out at the fields of gold and green. She sneered at the thought of that color, the same hue of England's eyes. "I SO didn't overreact... he definitely had it coming, the British bastard..." she muttered sulkily to herself.
"IDAHO JONES!"
The shout made Ohio jump, ice tea sloshing dangerously close to the rim and Candice twittering in annoyance as her snack was nearly dropped. She muttered a quick apology and blinked a few times, craning her neck as another familiar figure walked towards her home. As he drew closer, she soon recognized the man to be America, and groaned softly. Ohio supposed she'd just misheard him because of distance, and quickly got to her feet as he reached the stairs.
Candice, having finished the seeds, fluttered up to rest comfortably on Ohio's shoulder once more. "Hey, dad... Look, I know why you're here, and you might as well not even bother. I mean, you know the history England and I have, so you should have seen this coming when the bastard tried driving through MY state-" she began, exasperated. However, she paused mid-sentence when she realized that America was giving her a puzzled, quizzical look. "...what?"
Her father frowned and scratched his head, obviously as confused about what she'd been saying as she was bewildered by his confusion. Yeah, like that made sense. "...what? What are you talking about? Since when do you and England have a history, Idaho?" he blurted rather bluntly. Ohio nearly dropped her glass, eyes widening and jaw dropping in shock. She must have misheard him- she HAD to.
"W-what did you just call me...?"
America blinked at her response. "What do you mean? I called you your name, duh. Idaho. Anyway, Idaho, I don't remember you-"
CRASH!
America gasped as Ohio abruptly dropped her glass, shards and pieces flying every which way as it shattered easily against the solid wood flooring of the porch. Her head was down, hands clenched into fists as her entire body shook. "I-Idaho?"
Ohio snapped, leaping up as flames surrounded her and she towered over a cowering, chibi-America. "RARGH! NOT YOU, TOO! Damn it, do I REALLY look like fucking IDAHO? DO YOU SEE POTATOES SURROUNDING US? NO! IT'S CORN, DAMN IT! What the fuck is WRONG with you people? Christ!" she raged, sliding her goggles over her eyes. Her father instantly stumbled backwards down the steps, knowing his state meant serious business when the goggles slid on.
"W-wait, I- oh! Oh, man! O-Ohio, sorry, it was an accident! A slip of the tongue! I didn't mean to call you the wrong name, I swear! W-wait, no, not the CHAIR!" he yelped. America promptly turned tail and followed in his mentor's footsteps, but Ohio was REALLY pissed off now. She leaped onto her tractor and drove after him, while Candice was busy pecking mercilessly at the blond's head and face in an effort to slow him down.
"God damn it! First Iowa, now Idaho! Who next? Fucking Indiana? Pennsylvania? HOW ABOUT FLORIDA?"
"O-oh, dear... that... maple..." Canada murmured, unsure of what to say as Ohio finished the next portion of her tale. Her head was once again buried into the skin of her arms, the only sound in the kitchen that of the clock ticking away the seconds remaining in the day. He sighed, strumming his fingers lightly on the table for a moment before shaking his head somberly. "I'm used to him forgetting about me, but to confuse one of his own states like that... and in such an obvious setting... Ohio, I'm sorry you had to experience something like that twice in one day."
"Oh, it gets better," she replied bitterly. Straightening in her seat, she frowned deeply and gave a light tug to each of her bangs out of habit. "One more thing happened before I came here. In fact, it's what drove me over the edge. I knew you had identity problems too, Uncle Canada, so I thought... you'd understand. After what happened with my brothers and sisters at dinner, I just needed someone I could vent to who would get what it feels like..."
It was Sunday night again, which was why Ohio found herself in America's large estate rather than in the comfort of her own home. For centuries now, it had been tradition for the states to have dinner with their father in Washington, D.C. Missing the date was only excusable under special circumstances, such as illness or severe disruption in the state- or, of course, war. However, Ohio had none of these problems, and as such was forced to attend as usual.
Normally, she was rather neutral on the idea, perhaps even enjoying it a little. Of course, her brothers and sisters would still tease her about various things and she might argue with Michigan, but it never got ugly since America was there to keep the peace. Plus, every week it was a different states turn to bring a dish from home, and her siblings rarely disappointed. Another big reason Ohio couldn't miss this was because it was HER turn.
She couldn't even call in and lie about being ill, because America had seen her just a few hours ago and she'd been well enough to nearly run him over with her tractor and chuck a few decent-sized, rock hard ears of corn at his retreating back while screaming curses. Sighing at the memory of what had occurred earlier that day, she set down the last container of corn on the cob she'd brought, freshly harvested, peeled, and boiled.
Ohio had even gone so far as to bring butter from her own farm for it, hoping that it might help America realize she forgave him and that he could stop cowering the second she entered the room. The table was ladened with various other dishes, and the overall aroma made her mouth water as her empty stomach twisted in hunger. She was still in her usual work attire, but then most of the states remained casual for the dinner, only the really stuffy and uppity ones bothering to change.
Humming lightly to herself, she took her seat, each state sitting in numerical order according to when they'd received their statehood. America always sat at the head of the table where he could keep an eye on all of them, though he was normally far too busy stuffing his face to really do so. A few other states were currently sitting at the table as well, and Ohio waved at any who bothered to acknowledge her presence.
Finally, about fifteen minutes later, all of the states had arrived and everyone had at last sat down to dinner. America still looked a little nervous, especially when he saw the platters of corn, but the true source of his apprehension soon became known. ENGLAND, of all the countries, had entered the dining room with him and taken a seat at the opposite end of the long table. All conversation amongst the states had ceased immediately at this, numerous jaws hitting the table.
After a long and awkward silence, Massachusetts was the first to speak, and speak he did- if one could call it just speaking. "What the HELL is that whiny, English bastard doing here?" Instantly, there was an uproar of agreement and comments, only a few states remaining quiet and one or two even appearing uncomfortable. England, in the mean time, choked on his Earl Grey tea and gaped at the fifty men and women lining the table.
"W-well, you see guys, I- h-hey, calm down. I mean it. Hey! Listen to me-" America tried shouting over the commotion, but his voice was drowned out as Texas began loudly declaring that he was going to go and get his rifle.
"QUIET!"
An instant hush fell over the room, and all heads whipped around to look with various expressions and emotions at New York. Clearing his throat, the state pushed his glasses up a bit and straightened out his formal, black suit. "Stop bickering and let father speak. I'm certain he has a VERY good explanation. Don't you, father?"
America laughed nervously, grinning sheepishly and sending Ohio a furtive glance. Apparently, her sour expression and quivering bangs was not what he wanted to see. "Um, well, ya see guys, England was over in Canada for a meeting. I figured, since he was so close, he could come and visit. Especially since we're having our special dinner tonight... I mean, come on guys, can't you just give the old man the benefit of a doubt?" he tried hopefully.
At his words, most of the states mumbled their consent or nodded in understanding and agreement; only the few who truly held a grudge with the green-eyed nation remained stubbornly upset by his presence. Ohio was no exception, and it pleased her greatly to see the man shrink slightly in his chair upon catching sight of her glare. Good, so he recognized her this time. America, oblivious as usual, felt the matter had been solved and sent his children a broad grin.
"Great! Now that THAT'S settled, let's eat! I'm starved!" he cheered happily. At least the good food seemed to take everyones' mind off of their unwelcome guest; a few of the states sitting close to him even went so far as to start up a conversation. Ohio poked at her food with her fork, the two scenes from earlier running through her head on a loop. Her eye twitched slightly as Kentucky practically slurped up her corn, a few kernels flying from his messy eating habits.
"Oh, man, this is great corn, Iowa~!"
Ohio's head snapped up, eyes narrowing and mouth opening to let loose the exclamation that SHE had brought the corn this time, damn it! Instead, a small squeak escaped, realizing that Washington was actually speaking to her. At least, she guessed he had been, seeing as he was staring right at her and sending her a pleasant smile. Instantly, her heart skipped a beat, and she gaped at her brother in disbelief. No, not again. No way in Hell.
"Wh... what?" she stammered at last. Please, let her have been mistaken in some way.
But Washington merely blinked, frowning slightly as he held up the half-eaten corn in his hands. "I said, 'this is great corn, Iowa~!' I mean, really. It's even better than usual. Did you-"
SLAM.
The states in the immediate area of the two jumped in their seats, cutting off whatever conversations they'd been holding to stare at Ohio in surprise. She'd slammed her hands down onto the table, making the flatware, silverware, and glassware shake and clatter from the force. Washington quivered in his seat, quelling easily under the intense, blue-eyed glare he was receiving from his older sister. "...I-Iowa...?"
Ohio threw her hands into the air, releasing a frustrated cry and letting them fall back to tug on her bangs. "God damn it, I'm not Iowa! Ohio! I'm OHIO! Just because we both grow corn, that doesn't mean we're so similar that you should get our names confused! I mean, really, we're different genders and everything!" she exclaimed, temper flaring again. This caught the attention of even more states, and now a little more than half the table was watching the scene with interest.
Washington whimpered. "S-sorry, Ohio... I didn't... I mean I..." he stammered, unsure of what to say.
"Ah, leave the little feller alone, Idaho! I say ya'll be over-reactin'. S'not like it happens all the time or anythin'," Texas called from his seat, only succeeding in making matters worse. Ohio's left eye was twitching profusely now, and the states who had strong relations with her immediately caught the bad sign.
"Idaho... IDAHO..."
"N-now, Ohio, just calm down. You know Texas, half the time he doesn't realize what he's saying. No need to get angry-" Pennsylvania tried, by now the entire table having gone silent to watch the drama- all proper Americans loved drama as much as England loved his tea.
"Hey! I do so know what I'm sayin'! Just 'cause ya'll be one o' the original thirteen, don't think that makes ya better than the rest of us!" Texas countered immediately, glaring at his older, bespectacled brother with clenched fists. Ohio might have calmed down; the impending rage might have been avoided; the dinner might have been spared, if only Michigan hadn't opened his big, stupid mouth.
"Haha! Iowa? Idaho? That's RICH! Ohio's become so insignificant that even her own brothers can't get her name right! Hahaha!"
Oh that did it. Ohio was out of her seat and across the table faster than one of Kentucky's racehorses, hands wrapping around her brother and rivals throat as she commenced strangulation. She throttled the state so hard that they wound up toppling out of Michigan's chair and to the floor, where Ohio promptly straddled his waist and instead turned to delivering punches.
"BULLSHIT! DAMN IT, I'VE HAD ENOUGH! England? Fine! America? FINE! But I'm not gonna sit back and listen to you bastards fuck my name up anymore! I'm not IOWA! I'm not a boy and corn isn't the only damn thing I grow-"
"Hey!" Iowa called from his seat, though Ohio ignored him.
"And I'm not IDAHO! He's a boy too, and he grows POTATOES! Just because our names sound alike, that doesn't mean we're similar! DAMN IT! I have huge CITIES, I have AMUSEMENT PARKS, I was once the greatest manufacturing state in America-"
"And your river caught fire. Don't forget about that one, Idaho!" How Michigan found the voice or guts to tease Ohio further with a broken nose and busted lip was beyond comprehension, but the atmosphere changed and chilled so suddenly that England glanced around to make certain Russia hadn't suddenly appeared. Like with countries, there were a few things you just didn't bring up with states.
The Boston Massacre, 9/11, Antietam, Hurricane Katrina, etc. It was actually a pretty extensive list.
The Cuyahoga River bursting into brilliant orange flames was one of those taboo topics. Michigan must have been either: A) crazy from a concussion, B) pissed from his injuries, or C) trying to snap Ohio out of her rage. Well, C certainly happened, but with nasty consequences. Ohio's bloodied hands now clutched at the front of Michigan's T-shirt, her entire body shaking as her bangs curled out around her on the floor.
Michigan blinked, his own blue eyes widening as something warm and wet dripped onto his bloody face. Squinting slightly to see his sister's shadowed face more clearly, he realized with dread that his suspicions were correct. Tears were slipping down Ohio's dirty cheeks, teeth digging into her lower lip to keep it from quivering. "Oh, crap. O-Ohio, look, you know I didn't mean it, I just, I-"
SLAP!
Michigan's eyes were now the size of their dinner plates, gaze directed sideways and a vicious red mark blooming on his already bruising cheek. Ohio sniffled a bit, hand still raised as she stood shakily, standing over her brother and glaring down at him through blurred vision. "I-I h-hate you, Michigan! I hate y-you!" she hissed before whirling around to face the others present. "A-and as for the r-rest of you, FUCK Y-YOU! I don't need th-this! I'm leaving!"
Ohio turned on her heel and stomped out of the dining room, ignoring the various calls for her to wait, to come back. She slammed the front door on her way out, walking briskly over to where she'd parked her private propeller-powered plane and pulling her goggles on. She climbed into the cockpit with ease, starting up the engine and not even looking up as she heard the door slam open and footsteps rush towards her from the large house.
"O-Ohio! Wait! W-wait, damn it! I'm sorry! Don't go! Damn it all!" Michigan was shouting, his words barely audible over the roar of the propeller. Ohio spared him a single, cold glance before steering her plane off over the lawn and rising swiftly into the air. It was a beautiful summer evening, with the sun only just beginning to set in the West and fluffy, white, cirrus clouds floating lazily past her plane. Ohio loved flying, the freedom of it, the beauty of the scenery racing beneath her, how the fresher air so high up cleared her head.
Humming lightly to herself, she knew exactly where she wanted to go, even if that country's name hadn't even passed through her addled brain. Only one person knew her pain, could understand what she was suddenly going through. Thank God he lived so close and she preferred her plane over a car.
"And that's how I wound up here, bawling my eyes out on your doorstep. I... I'm sorry about just busting in on you like this so late, uncle. I just didn't know where else to turn... please forgive me." Ohio finished, frowning as she set sad, blue eyes on Canada that instantly reminded the Northern nation of his brother. He couldn't help but smile softly at the state, slowly standing from his seat and going around the table to give his niece a much-need and welcomed hug.
"Of course I forgive you, Ohio. There's no need to be sorry. I'm just glad that I could help make you feel better. Sometimes I worry about you states. There are just so many of you, and only one of America. And you're all so different..." he soothed, rubbing her back comfortingly. Ohio pressed her face into his red hoodie, sniffling a bit and clinging to the soft material with her hands. It was true that her brothers and sisters never seemed to be civil for very long.
However, she hadn't been this upset since the Cuyahoga River caught fire, she was sure of it. The tender, fuzzy moment might have continued on for another minute or so had a loud, harsh knock not interrupted it. Ohio blinked a few times as Canada pulled away, rubbing a few fresh tears from her blue eyes with the back of her arm. "I need to go answer that, Ohio. I'll be back in a moment, all right?" he murmured, smiling reassuringly at her.
Ohio nodded and sat obediently in her chair, wondering who else could be bothering Canada this late in the evening. Her silent question was answered as none other than Michigan came bounding into the kitchen, tackling her so hard with his hug that the chair fell onto its back and sent the two sprawling across the kitchen floor. She yelped, hissing as pain shot through her back and shoulders and glaring at the top of his head. "MICHIGAN, YOU CLUMSY ASS!"
Michigan sweatdropped and looked up at Ohio, offering her a sheepish grin through a swollen lip, black eye, and bandaged nose. "Er, sorry, Ohio... I guess I got a little excited, heh..." he muttered, flushing slightly. She shoved at him and he obliged, crawling off of his sister and sitting beside her on the floor. Ohio groaned as she sat up, rubbing at her sore back with a hand and glaring angry, annoyed daggers at her brother. "Why the fuck are you here, Michigan?" she growled.
Said state frowned, looking away from Ohio and rubbing the back of his neck in obvious discomfort. "Well, ya see, after you left... everyone got to talking while Illinois fixed up my face... Everyone was pretty worried about you, and Washington and Texas felt awful; they even told me to tell you they're really sorry. Oh, well, America and England said that, too. But I don't really get why. They told me you'd know what they meant," he explained, glancing at her.
Ohio flushed, bangs twitching slightly at this startling information. They were worried about her? They weren't teasing her behind her back for crying like a big baby? England had apologized? Eyes wide in shock, mouth slightly agape, she slowly shook her head and somehow managed to find her voice. "B-but... that still doesn't explain why you're here, Michigan..." Her face screwed up into a frown, and Michigan's blush returned full-force.
"W-well, after what I said, everyone was pressuring me! They were saying how I should be the one to go out and find you, since I was the one who made you cry. It's not because I was worried or anything..." he muttered, lying through his teeth. Ohio, almost always able to read her little brother like a book, couldn't hide the smirk forming on her face. "H-hey! Don't look at me like that! Just be happy I was able to follow you with dad's tracker!" he snapped, embarrassed.
America, worried about his states and unable to keep a physical eye on them all at once, had implanted a separate tracking device into each of their upper right arms. Their dad could be so paranoid sometimes, really. "A-anyway, I... I, well... I'm sorry I brought up the river thing, okay? I didn't mean it. I... I just... you needed to calm down," Michigan blurted at last, eyes tightly closed and fists clenched.
Ohio blinked in surprise at his sudden apology, but then felt her smirk melting into a soft smile. It was then her turn to surprise Michigan as she wrapped her arms around the boy, pulling him flush against her in a tight hug. She even planted a kiss on his cheek, laughing as he made a disgusted face and noise. "Holy crap, Michigan, are you seriously apologizing for teasing me? I thought I'd never see the day. Where are the four horsemen of the apocalypse?"
Michigan pouted, glaring at her but grudgingly returning the hug with a sulky "hmph." Both acknowledged the sound of a phone ringing, but ignored it and just enjoyed the rare hug as Canada answered.
"Hello? Oh, America. Hm? ...what? America, you'll have to speak up, I can't hear you," he said into the phone, frowning. He grimaced and yanked the phone away from his ear as his brother suddenly shouted into his end, words audible for all in the kitchen.
"IS IDAHO THERE? And Michigan? Seriously, I'm starting to get really worried over here!"
"...oh shit," Michigan was just able to mutter before Ohio shoved him away and yanked off one of his work shoes. "H-hey! That's my-" His voice died in his throat as he watched the football-loving state chuck the footwear at Canada's phone, a perfect bullseye that sent it crashing to the floor.
"IT'S OHIO DAMN IT!"
Ani: Oh thank God it's over. My inspiration just, diiieeed at the end. Srsly. XP That's why it's crappier than the rest of the fic. Though, generally, it's pretty crappy. I can never write crack as beautifully as my serious works.
Michigan: I can't believe you kissed me on the cheek!
Ohio: -glares- Hey, it wasn't my idea! Unfortunately, Ani ships us as a couple! Damn it, why does she have to like rival pairings so damn much?
Ani: +3+ Hehehe. RussiaxAmerica is my OTP for a reason. :3
Ohio: -eye twitches- Ugh. Russia. Bastard, dragging his stupid General Winter to my state every year...
America: Ohio was scary in this...
England: Indeed. Quite the temper she has there. -_-;
Ani: -sweatdrop- Hey, you'd be pissy too if you were basically the punching bag/laughing stock of the nation! It gets old, fast! Besides, you were just asking for it. Mistaking her for Iowa...
England: -sputters- It was all the bloody corn! I can't be expected to remember all fifty of America's children, can I?
Indiana: I dunno. That sounds pretty corny to me. -grins-
All: -glare and promptly shove Indiana out nearby window-
I'm serious about this. For some reason, a lot of people mix-up Ohio with Iowa and Idaho. Idaho, because the names sound similar. Iowa, because of the corn. Talk about identity crisis. :P And sorry if I offended you via the portrayal of your state, I was going off of stereotypes. But then, that's Hetalia's way, and this is crack, so you should be used to it by now!
Oh, and a bit of history for those who are wondering why Ohio hates England so much. During the War of 1812, he tried taking her from America. So yeah, she's quite bitter about that. Not to mention she'd already been a bit sore around him from the French-Indian War, when the French/Indians and English/Colonists fought over her land. My poor state, always caught in the middle of a conflict...
French-Indian War
France: She's mine, English pig! I've had established trading posts on her land for years! -tugs on Ohio's arm-
England: This is my land to begin with, frog! You invaded it! -tugs on Ohio's other arm-
Native America: We were here before both of you! But at least France gives us business! We would just be crushed under your rule! -tugs on Ohio's bang-
Colony!America: We need this land! It's getting crowded on the coast, and this territory is rich and fertile! Perfect for farming! -tugs on Ohio's other bang-
Ohio: Y-Yatta! Let go of me, you morons! OW! DX
War of 1812
America: Damn it, England, she's MY state! Leave her alone! -tugs on Ohio's legs-
England: This is war! And I'm capturing this state as a prisoner! -tugs on Ohio's arms-
Ohio: D: Oh dear God I think my spine just snapped...
Civil War
Union: Come on, Ohio! You're against slavery! Let's kick some Confederate ass! -tugs on Ohio's arm-
Confederacy: She's close enough to the South! Kentucky's on our side, and she's right above him! She'll be helpin' us kick your sorry asses! -tugs on Ohio's other arm-
Ohio: -cries- I'm so sick of thiiis...
Midwest or Northeast
Northeast: She's obviously one of us! She's huge in manufacturing and has tons of factories! -tugs on Ohio's bangs-
Midwest: That was the past! Look at her now, she's a farmer like us! -tugs on Ohio's feet-
Ohio: -flails- I can't feel my scalp or ankles! DX
Republican or Democrat: Swing State
Republican: She's always been one of us! Just look at her demographic! It's entirely in our favor! -tugs on Ohio's bang-
Democrat: But look at her economy, her unemployed percentage, all of her homeless! Our ideals are much more appealing to her! -tugs on Ohio's bang-
Ohio: Owowowow! DAMNIT, WHY IS IT ALWAYS THE HAIR?
Haha, there ya go, a short history on Ohio. Lol. Anyway, R&R please. I really do appreciate it. :3 Oh! And check out my "Ask Ohio" fic, especially if this one's raised any questions in your head. -wink wink-