(AN: uhh... hey D: this is my first submission here so I hope you like it... just to clarify, I'm not going to use typing quirks in spoken dialogue, unless it's for emphasis. so, it's not that I have no idea how to do it, I just chose not to . thank you for reading!)
Your name is Vriska Serket and it has been about a half of a solar sweep since you were killed. At least in relation to yourself. Who knows how long it has actually been? Dream bubbles don't quite function on the same time scale do they? You certainly wouldn't know. Regardless, being awake for that long can be excruciatingly boring, even if you haven't been completely alone the whole time.
You've bumped into some of your old friends, though not many of them have ever seemed too happy to be around. But who's fault is it, if not your own? If you hadn't been so focused on revenge and for once just let something go, maybe you wouldn't be considered such a huge bitch.
Unfortunately, the one person you've been waiting for this whole time, the one person with whom your relationship hasn't been a never-ending series of backstabs and one-up-attempts, has yet to appear. Or, he did once but... he didnt remember you.
You have your trusty fluorite octet at your side, though you don't think they're of any use anymore. You shake them around a bit and throw them at your feet. The sum comes out to 36. The most common possible outcome... If there is anything left, it is surely mocking you.
When the empty expanse around you starts to shift and form a familiar place, you can't help but hope. You keep telling yourself not to. He hasn't shown up yet, why would he this time? Each dream lets you down. And yet you let yourself be disappointed each and every time.
The dreary gray interior of the meteor you spent a good long while with your teammates is oddly welcoming. If nothing else, it is an improvement of sorts from the black nothingness you habited before. Your red space boots and orange pixie outfit are replaced by your old clothes: gray jacket, black shirt, blue jeans. It's been a while. You're glad to be rid of that god tier nonsense. With every passing moment, it became more and more a reminder of your shortcomings instead of your accomplishments. So much for that immortality. You still weren't quite sure whether you could hold it against whatever bizarre force it is that decided your death to be just. Heroic it certainly was not. But you digress. You wonder who it is that you'll get to have an awkward reunion with this time.
The computer in front of you beeps and flashes. You have received a message.
- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering arachnidsGrip [AG] -
EB: hey vriska!
EB: ok, i still cannot find my nanna up here, so now i am just installing this game.
EB: what are you up to?
Your heart skips a beat and you don't believe your eyes. It's him. He's here and you suddenly don't have any idea what to do. You want to talk to him, ask him how he is, whether he misses you, if he'd want to... hang out. But you can't. Not yet. You have to go along with this memory. Good thing you remember it well. It was the first time he messaged you of his own accord, after all.
AG: John! What the hell. There are so many things wrong with what you just said.
AG: First of all, who told you you could just hassle me without warning like this? That's not how this works!
EB: why not? you guys do it all the time.
AG: Yes, 8ecause we are trolling you! Those are the rules. We get to 8ug you any time we feel like, and you have to sit there and t8ke it like a chump.
EB: bluh...
AG: I am too 8usy to 8e fielding your nonsense at the drop of one of your a8surd human hats. I have a ridiculous num8er of irons in the fire. You will speak to me only when I am ready to contact you, is that clear?
You can't help but let out a scornful laugh. You are the exact opposite of busy and this is literally the one outcome you've been waiting so long for. Why can't you just be happy? You hope he realizes that he's in a dream bubble soon.
EB: that's dumb. i'm going to talk to you whenever i want!
Well, you suppose you can be a little happy...
AG: Secondly, I am very pissed off that you figured out my name.
You almost cringe typing this blatant lie. Your name has never sounded nicer than how it does when coming out of his mouth. You don't want him to call you Marquise or Spinneret. You want him to see you, not some ancestor whose footsteps you were too weak to follow. Just you.
EB: well, i didn't know it was your name for sure until you just told me now.
EB: so, haha.
AG: Dammit!
AG: Who told you?
EB: heheh, i am not telling.
EB: a true wise guy never reveals his tricks.
AG: I will find out who told you. And then I will m8ke them p8y.
EB: nuh uh!
EB: anyway, i was just wondering if you had a chance to watch that awesome video i linked you to?
AG: What video?
EB: you know...
EB: the one about the renegade hero who busted loose from the slammer to save the day.
AG: John, the way you descri8e movies makes them sound extremely stupid. Why would I want to watch this crap?
EB: just do it, you won't be sorry.
EB: i mean, when you are not so busy and have less irons in the fire or whatever.
EB: ok, i am starting this game now and saving jade, like a street tough maverick with nothing to lose.
EB: see ya, vriska!
AG: XXXX|
EB: oh, damn...
AG: ::::?
AG: What is it now!
EB: um... i don't know, actually.
EB: i thought karkat was pestering me but he's not.
EB: something seems off...
AG: Like a dejavu that isn't going exactly as it did before?
EB: yeah... am i in a dream bubble?
AG: Yes, John
You start getting excited. He's almost there! He Just has to remember, that's all. Remember where he is, what he's done.
Remember you.
EB: huh... so am i dead or sleeping?
The thought hadn't even crossed your mind. Which do you prefer? If he's dead, then he could stay. If he's sleeping, then time is precious. But when would he have died? Before or after your awkward heartfelt confession? Why does everything have to be so hard all the time?
AG: That's something you have to figure out on your own.
EB: i think... we're flying. we did the scratch and...
AG: 8nd?
EB: vriska... oh my god. oh my GOD!
"Vriska!" The voice comes from behind you.
You turn and see a blue mass flying towards you. The speed at which he approaches you is alarming. You brace for impact but when he finally reaches you, he puts his arms around you with the gentleness of a light breeze.
"It's been so long." He pulls away to, look at you. His dark hair seems longer and messier since you saw it last. His eyes mirror the blue of his god tier outfit. You feel a little proud seeing him like this. Like maybe this one thing you did wasn't a colossal fuck-up. Though, you did have to be sneaky about it.
"Hahaha... I'm a little nervous. It's the first time we've met and all... You have to talk, too, you know!"
He's not the only one who's nervous. You said all those embarrassing things to him... But you have to get your act together. You can't ruin your first meeting by babbling like an idiot! Just c8lm y8ur 8ss d8wn!
"Took you long enough to show up!" You manage to say with something resembling the high degree to which you held yourself in days past. You hope he can't tell how forced your arrogance is. "It's not very nice to keep a lady waiting."
"Sorry, Vriska. I guess I don't have much say in how dream bubbles work!" He smiles and looks straight into your eyes. Eye, you suppose. You still have your half-shades.
"What's up with your eyes? I haven't met many trolls, but they all had yellow eyes."
Your heart sinks. Do you have to tell him that you're dead? Hey, thanks for coming to see me, wanna hang out? Oh wait we can't 8ecause I'm dead. Tough luck!
"You did mention something about your eyes being different, once... I guess it's because you're special, huh!"
You smile at him, relieved that, at least not yet, you don't have to cross that bridge.
"Of course! I'm the best, remember?"
Why are you doing this yourself? Just stop this charade. That's all you have to do. Tell him how you feel, that you miss him, that you want to go on a d8. That you're dead and never can.
Your heart beats fast and loud, pretending that any of this means anything. Deep down you know that once he disappears, once everyone meets up, you will no longer matter. But if you could just tell him...
Then maybe he wouldn't forget you, at least.
"John-" you begin.
"I thought about what you said," he cuts you off.
What you said, referring to when he had to... revive Rose. Those things.
"When we all meet up, I think it'd be great - with an 8 - if we could hang out."
"Like a date?" You try your hardest to keep your cool. Not very easy when every fiber of your being wants to scream. You're not going to meet up, you idiot. Your eyes aren't like this because you're special. You're not 8nd you won't meet and just stop 8cting tough please you don't n8ed t8 f8r 8nce it's 8kay t8 just l8t go.
"Like a d8," he responds.
Tell him...
"That sounds nice."
Tell him.
"We'll watch all the Nicholas Cage movies. All of them."
"Even better." You allow yourself to smile slightly.
Tell him.
You close your eyes and strain.
"What's wrong?" John asks. He sounds alarmed. "You look like you're about to cry."
T8LL H8M.
You see the two of you standing in a strange amalgamation of the meteor and John's built up house. John is looking at your face, puzzled. With your ethereal vision, you float towards him, into him. Quickly you search his mind for anything relating to you. Memories of talking to you, the other trolls, and the other kids, of course. His many adventures.
There's worry, genuine, friendly, directed at you. And somewhere deep down, something budding, tiny, confused, and scared. Affection. That's enough for you. Or, at least it will have to be.
"Vriska, what are you-" John starts to say, and then he's gone. Awake.
"I love you, John," you say to nothing. Someone's always too late. This time, though, it's you. You couldn't do it.
"Goodbye," you say, once more, to nothing. You take off, flying nowhere to be specific. You just need to get away. From everyone.
You wonder if seeing John again was a good idea. All it did was make you miss him more. Know exactly what it is that you're losing. And you surely left him confused. He'll probably look for you. But you can't let him find you. It wouldn't be of any use. You're dead. He's not.
You're sorry about how he'll have to find out. You're really, truly, very sorry.