Proudly Prejudiced
A Ranma 1/2 + X-men crossover.
Since I am neither Rumiko Takahashi nor Stan Lee, I must disclaim.
And disclaim I shall, for I do not own either of these fine ensemble of
characters. I merely stuck them in a blender and hit the 'chop' button.
And now, on to the story...
There are three sides to this tale. The first concerns a family of
martial artists whose abilities go beyond the pale. The second belongs
to a small squadron of mutant-hunting droids, sanctioned by a government
of frightened old men trying to preserve their way of life by
eliminating a perceived threat. Last, but not least, is a band of
superheroes, mutants all, dedicated to peace and equality between two
disparate sub-species.
In the long run that is.
But for the foreseeable future, they were going to have their
hands full protecting innocent people from a blood-bath.
Wolverine, having gotten wind of a test run of advanced Sentinel
units from some friends in the Far East, enlisted the aid of some of his
fellow X-men. His sources had informed him that the Powers That Be in
Tokyo were troubled by a string of disturbing and destructive incidences
in one small area of the city. There was a unanimous consensus that the
troubled area should be dealt with... permanently.
And it seems that their intervention could not be more timely, for
just as the X-men's Blackbird flew over the quiet suburbs of Nerima, so
too was a flight of Sentinels, intent on wiping a sleepy little dojo
from the face of the planet. Wolverine, along with Cyclops, Gambit,
Storm, Phoenix, Beast, and the Professor himself, prayed fervently that
they were not too late to save lives.
Inside the house, the blissfully unaware inhabitants were eating
their mid-day meal, what most westerners refer to as 'lunch', when they
heard the unmistakable roar of turbine jets. Any other family would have
been out the door gawking at the giant robots in a heartbeat, but not
them. No, the food was just too good.
"Surrender-mutants-or-be-destroyed." Came a deep, electronic voice
from outside.
"What was that?" Nabiki asked, before returning to nibble on a bit
of shrimp.
"Sounded like English. Something about 'surfing militants must be
deployed' or something like that." Ranma quickly polished off his food,
and stood up. "I'll go see what's up."
He was quite surprised upon opening the shoji doors, and finding
himself face-to-face with a foot. A really big one at that.
"Target-designate: Saotome-Ranma. Eliminate." This time, there was
no mistaking the translation. Especially with a glowing palm-phaser
being pointed right at him. "Target-bio-signs-detected-in-edifice.
Preparing-to-eliminate."
Naturally, Ranma easily dodged the blast heading his way. The
others would not be so lucky, as they really had no advance warning. The
beams coming from the hands of the bastard children of the Daleks and
the 50-Foot Woman would vaporize them instantly.
Except that it didn't.
In a split second, five saintly mutants carried five innocent
humans and a panda from the wreckage of the Tendo Dojo to a safe
distance, while a sixth stood atop a hovering jet firing rapid-fire
optic blasts, expertly ventilating the artificial constructs.
Wolverine landed in the yard first, holding in his arms a short-
haired girl who looked around curiously, wondering what the heck was
going on. Gambit came next, holding two more young ladies, one of whom
was blushing demurely, the other with a piranha-like grin on her face.
Storm came next, flying out while holding a man who was trying to look
stolid, but the fountain of tears, trembling lip, and whimpers about his
lost home ruined the affect. Right behind them came Phoenix,
telekinetically ferrying a sedate-looking lady and her katana outside.
Last, but not least, was the ever ebullient Beast, lugging a large Panda
on his back, which seemed reluctant to give up its plate of food.
Akane, being the first one out, was also, unfortunately, the first
one to speak. She took one look at Wolverine, and screamed, "GET AWAY
FROM ME, YOU FREAK!"
Being mutants, the X-men had heard that phrase far too many times
in their lives. Most of the X-men grimaced, since most of them were at
least partially fluent in the language. Wolverine, however, ignored her
outburst, and lit up one of his renowned stogies, as if to say, 'I'd
rather wrap by lips around this big, fat, smelly cancer-stick than keep
my hands on you.'
At the same time, Ranma trotted up to them, saying, "Jeez, that's
just like you, Akane! A guy goes and saves your life, and all you can do
insult him!"
Not to be deterred, the youngest Tendo pointed an accusing finger
at the offending mutant. "But look at him! He's wearing his underwear
over his pants!" If someone had told Wolverine five minutes ago that he
would be spitting out a fine Cuban cigar, he would have thought they
were nuts. Yet that's exactly what he did, and he nearly hit Beast with
it too!
"And that guy too!" She pointed at Cyclops, still standing on the
nose of the Blackbird. "And look at those women wearing vinyl! They look
like they stepped out of an S&M magazine! And him! He's not wearing
anything but his shorts! And how do we know that guy is wearing anything
under that trenchcoat?! We're surrounded by perverts!"
"Professor," Cyclops mused from his perch atop the jet. "I think
we should go. That girl is starting to scare me."
"You and me both, Scott," Came the reply. "You and me both...."
TBC?
Author's Notes: This one goes out to all the people who have
written Ranma/X-men x-overs, and portrayed Akane (among others) as
bigoted. NYAH-NYAH!!!
Speaking seriously though, I have little respect for people who
try to make a career out of hating a fictional character. Especially if
that person writes a story where expounding on that person's every bad
point is the main focus of the fic. That's where I draw the line,
personally.
For example:
OTHERS: Genma Saotome walked down the street one day. This is an
offence to the Heavens because he's a lazy, good-for-nothing coward who
skipped out on his wife and raised his son in squalor while beating him
daily and starving him while pigging out and becoming as fat as a
beached whale. But he's going to get his soon when his wife divorces him
and his son disowns him and all the people he's cheated over the years
catch up with him and beat the crap out of him blah blah blah...
SLEDGE: One day, Pantyhose Taro came barreling out of the sky.
He's a real a-hole, and deserves the ass-whooping Ranma is about to
administer. Violence ensues. The End.
See the difference?
I don't blame them, though. They've most likely been influenced by
the English dub of the anime, with its sub-par artwork, hacked
translation, and talentless voice-actors. Maybe if they read the manga
more often (and a finer body of work I have yet to find), then possibly
they could have written something a bit less... hackneyed. Oh well,
hindsight is 20/20.
This has been Sledgehammer, keepin' it real...
A Ranma 1/2 + X-men crossover.
Since I am neither Rumiko Takahashi nor Stan Lee, I must disclaim.
And disclaim I shall, for I do not own either of these fine ensemble of
characters. I merely stuck them in a blender and hit the 'chop' button.
And now, on to the story...
There are three sides to this tale. The first concerns a family of
martial artists whose abilities go beyond the pale. The second belongs
to a small squadron of mutant-hunting droids, sanctioned by a government
of frightened old men trying to preserve their way of life by
eliminating a perceived threat. Last, but not least, is a band of
superheroes, mutants all, dedicated to peace and equality between two
disparate sub-species.
In the long run that is.
But for the foreseeable future, they were going to have their
hands full protecting innocent people from a blood-bath.
Wolverine, having gotten wind of a test run of advanced Sentinel
units from some friends in the Far East, enlisted the aid of some of his
fellow X-men. His sources had informed him that the Powers That Be in
Tokyo were troubled by a string of disturbing and destructive incidences
in one small area of the city. There was a unanimous consensus that the
troubled area should be dealt with... permanently.
And it seems that their intervention could not be more timely, for
just as the X-men's Blackbird flew over the quiet suburbs of Nerima, so
too was a flight of Sentinels, intent on wiping a sleepy little dojo
from the face of the planet. Wolverine, along with Cyclops, Gambit,
Storm, Phoenix, Beast, and the Professor himself, prayed fervently that
they were not too late to save lives.
Inside the house, the blissfully unaware inhabitants were eating
their mid-day meal, what most westerners refer to as 'lunch', when they
heard the unmistakable roar of turbine jets. Any other family would have
been out the door gawking at the giant robots in a heartbeat, but not
them. No, the food was just too good.
"Surrender-mutants-or-be-destroyed." Came a deep, electronic voice
from outside.
"What was that?" Nabiki asked, before returning to nibble on a bit
of shrimp.
"Sounded like English. Something about 'surfing militants must be
deployed' or something like that." Ranma quickly polished off his food,
and stood up. "I'll go see what's up."
He was quite surprised upon opening the shoji doors, and finding
himself face-to-face with a foot. A really big one at that.
"Target-designate: Saotome-Ranma. Eliminate." This time, there was
no mistaking the translation. Especially with a glowing palm-phaser
being pointed right at him. "Target-bio-signs-detected-in-edifice.
Preparing-to-eliminate."
Naturally, Ranma easily dodged the blast heading his way. The
others would not be so lucky, as they really had no advance warning. The
beams coming from the hands of the bastard children of the Daleks and
the 50-Foot Woman would vaporize them instantly.
Except that it didn't.
In a split second, five saintly mutants carried five innocent
humans and a panda from the wreckage of the Tendo Dojo to a safe
distance, while a sixth stood atop a hovering jet firing rapid-fire
optic blasts, expertly ventilating the artificial constructs.
Wolverine landed in the yard first, holding in his arms a short-
haired girl who looked around curiously, wondering what the heck was
going on. Gambit came next, holding two more young ladies, one of whom
was blushing demurely, the other with a piranha-like grin on her face.
Storm came next, flying out while holding a man who was trying to look
stolid, but the fountain of tears, trembling lip, and whimpers about his
lost home ruined the affect. Right behind them came Phoenix,
telekinetically ferrying a sedate-looking lady and her katana outside.
Last, but not least, was the ever ebullient Beast, lugging a large Panda
on his back, which seemed reluctant to give up its plate of food.
Akane, being the first one out, was also, unfortunately, the first
one to speak. She took one look at Wolverine, and screamed, "GET AWAY
FROM ME, YOU FREAK!"
Being mutants, the X-men had heard that phrase far too many times
in their lives. Most of the X-men grimaced, since most of them were at
least partially fluent in the language. Wolverine, however, ignored her
outburst, and lit up one of his renowned stogies, as if to say, 'I'd
rather wrap by lips around this big, fat, smelly cancer-stick than keep
my hands on you.'
At the same time, Ranma trotted up to them, saying, "Jeez, that's
just like you, Akane! A guy goes and saves your life, and all you can do
insult him!"
Not to be deterred, the youngest Tendo pointed an accusing finger
at the offending mutant. "But look at him! He's wearing his underwear
over his pants!" If someone had told Wolverine five minutes ago that he
would be spitting out a fine Cuban cigar, he would have thought they
were nuts. Yet that's exactly what he did, and he nearly hit Beast with
it too!
"And that guy too!" She pointed at Cyclops, still standing on the
nose of the Blackbird. "And look at those women wearing vinyl! They look
like they stepped out of an S&M magazine! And him! He's not wearing
anything but his shorts! And how do we know that guy is wearing anything
under that trenchcoat?! We're surrounded by perverts!"
"Professor," Cyclops mused from his perch atop the jet. "I think
we should go. That girl is starting to scare me."
"You and me both, Scott," Came the reply. "You and me both...."
TBC?
Author's Notes: This one goes out to all the people who have
written Ranma/X-men x-overs, and portrayed Akane (among others) as
bigoted. NYAH-NYAH!!!
Speaking seriously though, I have little respect for people who
try to make a career out of hating a fictional character. Especially if
that person writes a story where expounding on that person's every bad
point is the main focus of the fic. That's where I draw the line,
personally.
For example:
OTHERS: Genma Saotome walked down the street one day. This is an
offence to the Heavens because he's a lazy, good-for-nothing coward who
skipped out on his wife and raised his son in squalor while beating him
daily and starving him while pigging out and becoming as fat as a
beached whale. But he's going to get his soon when his wife divorces him
and his son disowns him and all the people he's cheated over the years
catch up with him and beat the crap out of him blah blah blah...
SLEDGE: One day, Pantyhose Taro came barreling out of the sky.
He's a real a-hole, and deserves the ass-whooping Ranma is about to
administer. Violence ensues. The End.
See the difference?
I don't blame them, though. They've most likely been influenced by
the English dub of the anime, with its sub-par artwork, hacked
translation, and talentless voice-actors. Maybe if they read the manga
more often (and a finer body of work I have yet to find), then possibly
they could have written something a bit less... hackneyed. Oh well,
hindsight is 20/20.
This has been Sledgehammer, keepin' it real...