Fuck! Why the hell am I so stupid? I fucking know everything about Tweek, what his favorite coffee is, what size underwear he needs, when his parents are at work, damnit, I even know the precise time to come and scare off his "gnomes". But my dumb ass seems to have forgotten how Tweek still does boxing, even years after that fight.
So of course, this fucking idiot just had to something about his parents. But I swear on Stripes' grave, if I have to hear one more fucking metaphor…!
Now here we are, surrounded by cheering douche bags, just asking to be flipped off, which I deliver, in the cold, I'm missing Red Racer, and, for some reason, both of us are half naked, if my best friend didn't follow Murphy's Law religiously, I would say something!
"Tweek! We don't need to do this!"
"Gah! Sh-shut up, Craig! I'm g-gonna kill you!" He screeched in that panicky voice of his. Before I can respond, he pounces. I can hear the spectators howling like monkeys.
"T-Tweek! Tweek, stop!" I try to dodge his fists, but he is too fast. His knuckles hit my skin first, leaving imprints. I can tell that I'm going to be covered in bruises as I feel them form beneath my skin. I keep trying to calm him, but damn, it's like trying to reason with a rabid Chihuahua.
As my guard is down, he knocks me onto the ground, the cold stinging my skin. I think I can taste blood, but at the moment I can't seem to care. Remember how I mentioned I'm a dumbass? Well, once again, I'm showing myself another reason to hate every fiber of my being. For at this moment, in the freezing cold, in a place full of crowed assholes, I'm extremely turned on.
Maybe I'm a masochist…
Oh, and if this isn't enough, Tweek decides this is a good time to straddle me, punching me in my horny bastard of face. As his body bounces off my lap, my vision seems to blur. I can't see the others, their voices starting to fade… I gasp, a manly gasp, my hands snaking up to his waist as my dick presses against his ass.
He stops his flurry of punches, a look of confusion plastered on what I can see of his face. I wonder if he really is innocent, as he stops his assault, ha, a pun, he begins to move his hips. All of sudden I feel the warmth of his body disappear. As my head seem to clear, I watch in surprise as he bolts through the crowd.
I really fucked up, he must hate me. Stupid masochist body!
"NGH! SWEET JESUS, DON'T PROBE ME! I DON'T WANT ALIEN BABIES IN MY BUTT!"
…
Oh God.