Disclaimer: Lost is owned by ABC Television and was created by Jeffrey Lieber, J. J. Abrams and Damon Lindelof, produced by Bad Robot Productions. I don't own it but I love it!
A/N" Dedicated to ForeverErica: A brilliant, inspirational author, mentor, and friend. May you find and squeeze every ounce of joy out of this life! You deserve it and so much more. XO
"I had embraced you...
long before I hugged you."
-Sanober Khan
Jack was busy loading his leather bag full of medical supplies from the beach infirmary tent. He had officially moved into the caves with several of the other survivors. He had set up a new infirmary inside the cave.
It was almost complete with a bed of airplane cushions. All he needed was the heavy plastic from the airplane hung around it with the ability to slide it back and forth for privacy. He was gathering the last of what he needed from the beach site to complete his designated corner of the cave into his new exam and treatment room.
Kate spotted him and couldn't help but walk over. She was drawn to him. He had paused and was staring wistfully at a folded piece of paper for several minutes. His gaze at the photo said a few things to her. It spoke of regret and longing. He was so focused on it he didn't hear her walk up behind him.
"I take better pictures than that." Kate smiled, feeling little unsure after what she saw in his hands. Hers were on her hips. She thought from a distance it was a picture of someone he left back home. Instead, it was the mugshot she hated. He had acquired from the marshal and still had it in his possession. It was folded over and already becoming worn at the creases.
She was glad to see him despite what he was holding. She tried to make light of it. "You can have something smaller too. I mean, if you'd like to have something for your wallet." The wind was blowing on the beach and her curls were tossed around behind her. The old infirmary offered them break from the brunt of it.
Jack turned around, startled when she first spoke. He felt busted because of what he was looking at. He wore the faded maroon shirt with no sleeves she loved because it showed his tattoos. It was the shirt she had asked him if he was a "hard core surgeon" in they first day he took her to the caves.
He smiled, despite his discomfort at being caught. He looked at her, almost sadly. "I just came to pick up a few things and this . . . uh, this was with my stuff." He folded it again and handed it to her.
Kate took the mugshot and folded it up further to cover her face. She frowned slightly. This piece of paper was what caused him to pre-judge her without knowing her side. It was only a mugshot. It had no information about she was accused of. He still didn't know.
The marshal carried it around in his jacket. She doubted Marshal Ed had pictures of his kids on him before he died, but he sure as hell had that damn mugshot and plastered it everywhere when he was trying to track her down. The thought of him sickened her. She focused on Jack's activity.
Jack returned to packing his things.
Kate looked down at him as he leaned over and asked in a somber tone. "So . . . you're not staying?"
"Call me a broken record, but caves are a natural shelter. And they're a hell of a lot safer than living out here on the beach." He pointed at the waves pounding the shore and the shelter tarps that flapped in the wind.
"You're mad at me." She still felt like he was disappointed in her, angry even. She tried to keep her voice calm but she choked a little on the last word. She didn't want him to hate her. She couldn't live at the caves but cared about how he felt about her. I hate myself enough for both of us, she thought.
Jack stood and stopped packing to look at her, emotion brimming behind his eyes. He had hoped she would change her mind at some point to join him. "No. Kate, I'm . . . I just don't understand why you won't come live with me. . . Us, I mean us. The caves are just a mile away."
She knew all that. "We crashed eight days ago. I'm not setting up house here, Jack." She shook her head. It wasn't just the caves she was referring to, it was the whole creepy island. She wasn't ready to give up hope of rescue. There were deeper reasons why she couldn't live in the caves but hadn't discussed it yet with him.
She might be willing to tell him someday. She couldn't talk to him about something personal like that with the constant interruptions from everybody. He was a leader, doctor and go to person for everybody's complaints and disagreements. He carried a large burden on his shoulders, one she wished she could alleviate.
"Look, I want off this island too. But we both know that's not gonna happen anytime soon." He grabbed another bag and put it with the first one to go through for supplies.
Kate sighed, hands on her hips still. "Sayid, he has a plan. . ."
Jack interrupted while rummaging through the second bag. "Yeah, to find the source of the distress signal from the French woman. I remember." He didn't sound enthused, like it was a waste of time.
"The transmission's coming from somewhere on the island. If we can find it . . ." Kate's voice was raised, adamant that finding it could be a key part of being rescued.
Jack stood, frustrated. He wasn't bothered about the looping signal as much as he was about how obstinate she was being. She could read it in his face. Jack tried to reason with her. "That signal's been playing on a loop for sixteen years. The woman who left it wasn't rescued, what makes you think it'll be different for us?" He has lowered his voice as soon as he caught a glimpse of her unhappy face. A gentler approach might work better.
She was definitely unhappy. Jack was leaving her again, permanently vacating the beach this time. He didn't believe in their efforts to get them rescued. She already missed seeing him daily and having him sleep yards away on the beach.
He wanted her to move into the cave with him. He said it. It was a Freudian slip but he told the truth. She didn't take it as him wanting her to move into his bed, but he wanted her there. Her. Kate. It wasn't just that she was a part of the castaways. She got the feeling he was missing her too.
"I believe it will be different than the French woman, Jack, with Sayid's ideas." She looked at him with absolute conviction, willing him to stay. She knew he wouldn't.
He looked at her face and into her eyes and gave her an honest answer. "I wish I shared your faith." They gazed at each other, each at a stalemate.
"I wouldn't mind sharing a few things with her myself." Sawyer strolled up behind Kate, unexpected and unwelcome. She turned around to see him with Jack. He had a bag slung over his shoulder.
Jack cut him a look and sighed heavily. Kate refused to make eye contact. "What do you want Sawyer?" She was irritated. His comment was something only a sleaze-bag would say.
Sawyer's timing, as usual was impeccable in the worst way. She swore he sat at his tent and just waited for opportunities to come up and interrupt her and Jack. It was annoying as hell. She stood, watching Jack, who was also agitated. To her chagrin, he worked more quickly to leave now that Sawyer showed up. There was no love lost between the two men.
Sawyer sounded pleased. "Not a thing, sweetheart. Heard the Doc here was vacating the premises. Thought I'd best lay claim to my new digs before somebody else does." He dropped his bag in the tent with a big "thud." She imagined it was some of his loot including girlie magazines and the liquor she heard he was hoarding.
Jack looked at him with disgust. He couldn't believe the f-ing guy and his nerve. "I didn't build this for you to live in. It's an infirmary." He glared at Sawyer and grabbed his bags, ready to head back. Kate didn't know whether to walk with him part of the way or punch Sawyer in the jaw for interrupting them.
"Not without a doctor around it ain't. Yep, I could fix this place up real nice." He looked over at Kate meaningfully. "Maybe even find someone to share it with me."
She was officially disgusted too. Jack was leaving. They didn't have time for this high school crap. She now knew for a fact that Sawyer had not only purposely interrupted them but hastened the departure of the one man she wanted to see.
"Fine. Take the tent." Jack said curtly.
"Jack . . ." Kate didn't want him to run off because some hillbilly decided to claim squatter's rights in the old infirmary.
He glanced at her. "I'll see you later." He stalked off with both of his bags. Sawyer stood beside her and waved goodbye to Jack.
Sawyer stepped closer to Kate. She was unhappy and watching Jack's back as it disappeared into the jungle. This time, the wistful look was on her face. "Offer on the tent stands, Freckles. Think about it."
She glared and gave him an f-you look and stalked off. How did he manage to do that? It wasn't just running Jack away. He made her feel cheap with his fake persona and sexual innuendos. It stirred up bad memories and feelings. It reminded her of Wayne and how he'd talk to her, causing rage to bubble up and the urge to vomit.
She could hear Sawyer calling after her. "C'mon, now! You don't wanna be out there all alone, do ya?"
Absolutely, she thought. She'd rather be alone than speak to him anymore. He ran off Jack and propositioned her in front of him. He made her feel cheap and low, same as her step-father did when they were alone at the homestead or when he was around his drinking buddies, including the men in his family.
She made her way to do something, talk to someone else, anyone else to avoid Sawyer.
Kate stood with Sayid and Boone. Sayid had an 8-foot pole from the plane wreckage in the wet sand and was securing it. She and Boone stood nearby with a duffle bag at their feet. Kate had found Sayid and watched him, willing to do anything, as usual, to help.
Sayid patiently explained to them what they needed to do. "There are three antennas. Three points of a triangle. One is here at the beach . . ." He nodded to the one he had erected.
He took another antenna from the bag and handed it to Kate. She took his handiwork carefully. She wasn't going to let this one escape her grip like the last one. "Kate will position this one in the jungle, roughly two kilometers in. And the third . . ."
Sayid brought out yet another antenna. This one was hardwired to the transceiver, the one from the cockpit Kate and Jack had retrieved with Charlie in tow. "I'll take this to high ground." He pointed up towards the mountains they had scaled previously. "Up there. If the French transmission is coming from somewhere within our triangulation, I'll be able to locate the source." He stopped and looked at each of them to emphasize what he would say next. "But there are two complications."
"Of course, there are." Boone commented. He took it all in, serious about the task.
Sayid didn't miss a beat. "The power cells I've grafted onto the antennas are drained. There's no telling how long they'll last. A minute. Maybe more. Maybe less."
Kate understood what he was implying, nodding. She and Sayid had become adept at communicating, even if she didn't understand every technical nuance of what he was doing. "So, we have to all be in position before we switch them on."
"Whoa, wait a minute, how are we supposed to do that? There's no way to communicate with each other." Boone asked.
Sayid just smiled at him. He turned, reach into his large duffel bag, and pulled out three large fireworks.
"Bottle rockets?" Kate asked. Sayid really did think of everything.
"Thank God for firework smugglers." He handed one to her and one to Boone. "When I'm in position, I'll fire off my rocket. When you two see it, fire yours. After the last one goes up, we'll all switch on our antennas."
"You said there were two complications." Kate reminded him.
"The battery in the transceiver is dead. And I've yet to find a suitable replacement. Without the transceiver, all of this is for nothing . . . Something from a laptop computer would probably work, but I've been unable to salvage any from the wreckage."
Kate thought for a moment of the one place and one person who probably had exactly what they needed. He had stashed several things including ones he could keep for trade later. What he wanted in return, she didn't want to imagine. She looked up the beach camp. She didn't want to talk to that person anytime soon, but for the project and Sayid, she would do it.
"I think I might know where to look." Sayid lifted his head up and looked at her carefully, wondering what she was referring to. While he did that, Kate mused and hoped that this would work. She excused herself and walked off, steeling herself while wearing an icy expression.
Kate stood over Sawyer, who had made himself quite at home inside the infirmary tent. He was sitting comfortably on the airplane chairs, having placed the paperback book "Watership Down" on his lap.
"Why don't I believe you?" She challenged him. Her arms were folded.
It was the golden hour before the sun was setting and the sun was in Sawyer's face. She could clearly see through his blue eyes, which sparkled with mischief, not matching his words. He was toying with her. "Couldn't say, cupcake. Most folks think I got a trustworthy face. Or so they tell me."
Kate was already fed up with him. She pushed him more. "You've been hoarding like a packrat since the crash and you don't have a single laptop?!" She looked at him with a steady gaze.
Sawyer studied Kate carefully. "We are testy, aren't we? Still upset about your little breakup?"
"What?" She stared at him like he was insane. She and Jack were none of his business. Was it necessary to needle her about Jack every time he saw her? He must get a lot of pleasure from it.
He continued to smile, clearly enjoying interacting with her. "Musta' hurt bad when Doc came back for his record collection . . . cause now there's nothing for him to come back for." Kate just stared at him with no emotion. Now he was being just being plain mean. He was obviously jealous of Jack. She wasn't in the mood.
She sighed, looked at him and spoke in an even tone, but her words were caustic on purpose to get him to cut the crap and give her the battery. "God, it must be so exhausting. . ."
"What's that?" Sawyer asked, intrigued.
"Living like a parasite. Always taking, never giving . . ."
"Boy, you sure got me pegged." He leaned forward after taking his boots off one of the chairs. He leaned forwards, putting his elbows on his knees.
Kate looked down at him, still using the same, cold tone laced with sarcasm. "I get it now. It all makes sense. You don't want to get off this island because there's nothing for you to go back to. There's no one you miss. And no one misses you." She stared at him, not breaking eye contact. He looked back. She saw a flash of something there including anger. Did she actually hit a nerve or the nail on the head?
"Aww. Feelin' sorry for me. How sweet." He responded with fake charm to cover up the fact he was feeling aggravated. His eyes were guarded.
Kate started him down. She wasn't going to back off of him. She had a feeling he had exactly what Sayid needed. "I don't feel sorry for you." She studied him a moment, then said simply. "I pity you."
Sawyer dropped the fake charm and looked at her as he reached into a compartment under the seat next to him. He opened a bag and unzipped it. Out came a laptop. He then slid the battery out and handed it to her. She went to take it but he pulled it away quickly. "All you had to do was say please." He wore an insincere smirk. She doubted that. He'd want something back. She took the battery then turned and left without another word.
She felt for a few moments there, under all the b.s. and chicanery, she caught a glimpse of the real person hiding behind all the nastiness and hoarding. She also noticed he didn't smoke anymore. He must have run out. Too bad.
She bit one side of her lip and then filed the information away to consider later. Was there a human under all that wretched behavior of his?
Kate walked with Sayid through the dense jungle. Everything was ready for the experiment. Boone was at the beach waiting, the laptop battery had enough juice in it to work for Sayid, and Kate had her equipment loaded and ready to mount in a tree.
The antennas' poked out of each of their backpacks. They didn't say much and spent more time observing their surroundings. The jungle still wasn't safe.
Suddenly, Kate stopped with no words. Gooseflesh rose on her arms and she felt a cold rush, a tingling feeling poured over her scalp and down her head, despite the fact they were dripping with sweat. She was spooked. She stood stock still and was pale.
Sayid turned and looked at her. "What is it?" He asked, concerned for her. She looked sick.
Kate shook her head, trying to rid herself of the feeling. Whatever it was, it took her breath away for a moment, like it was crushed or squeezed it out of her body.
She looked at Sayid. "I don't know. I felt like a goose just walked over my grave." She took a deep breath and released it, seeing Sayid's puzzled look. He didn't understand the expression. "It's something my Dad used to say when he got the feeling something bad just happened. Did you ever get that?"
Sayid raised an eyebrow at her. "Only about every thirty seconds."
She managed to smile at him but felt like something was wrong.
She continued on their hike. "What we're doing. I mean, chasing some phantom distress signal, what are the odds of this working?"
Sayid stopped again, facing her. "They are no worse than the odds of us surviving that plane crash."
"People survive plane crashes all the time." Kate pointed out. At least they did on smaller planes, sometimes.
Sayid's face was filled with wonder when he spoke next. "Not like this one. The tail section broke off when we were still in the air. The cockpit separated some time later. Our section cart-wheeled through the jungle, completely crushing those who died. And yet we escaped with nothing more than a few scrapes. How do you explain that?"
Kate shrugged, half smiling. She had no answer. "Blind, dumb luck?"
Sayid shook his head once. "No one is that lucky. We shouldn't have survived."
What he said was true, but what did that mean. Kate half-jokingly asked. "So, what? We're dead? And this is, what, Hell?"
Sayid glanced at her and gave her an amused look. "Of course not. All I'm saying is that perhaps there's a reason we're still alive." His eyes had a distant look.
"Divine intervention?" She asked. She wasn't so sure about that, especially after years of countless unanswered prayers and tears at night when she was growing up. She hid her tears during the day and saved them for her pillow back then.
Sayid said nothing so Kate continued. "Sorry, Sayid, but things just happen. There's no rhyme or reason to it." She was a skeptic. She still thought it was luck with no explainable purpose why they were alive.
Sayid glanced over at her and grinned. "Tell that to your goose."
She looked over and returned his look. Touché.
Kate continued to make her way through the dense foliage with Sayid. The sweat had drenched her shirt and hair. Sayid's curls were damp, same as hers. They were making good time. He would drop her off at the point he wanted her to mount the antenna then move on to the third location.
Suddenly, they heard a noise in the underbrush. It was a rustling sound. They both stopped suddenly, nervous. They weren't sure what it was yet.
"Something's coming," Sayid whispered.
Sawyer burst out through some trees and stood in front of them. Kate was frustrated he had decided to follow them yet again uninvited. She wasn't going to tolerate his messing with Sayid if "Watership Down" wasn't entertaining enough for him.
"What the hell are you doing here?" She challenged him. She stood, her arms akimbo, wanting an answer from him. She didn't want another day of his arguing or just being an ass.
Sawyer was obviously winded. He frowned. "Easy. I just came to tell you something."
After dealing with Sawyer since yesterday, Kate was getting tired of his games and suggestive talk. "What makes you think I'm interested in anything you have to say to me?" What was next? Was he going to proposition her in front of Sayid or try to run him off?
Sayid stood directly behind her. She could feel his shoulder behind her right arm as he leaned against a tree casually, backing her up. She had a feeling Sayid had held back on Sawyer in the past when fighting.
He was skilled with electronics, a good leader and organizer, but there was more hidden behind that. She knew it. It was the way he moved. He had a physical confidence that went beyond state of mind.
It was how someone moved when they had high-level martial arts training. There was a fluidity to their gait and confidence in their movement accompanied by body control and awareness.
She recognized it because he wasn't the first person she met with that kind of training. People with the fighting skills were not the biggest and strongest people. Underestimating them was a very dangerous thing, but gave them a great advantage.
Sawyer looked at her and a mask slid over his face. "I came to tell ya', you were right." She frowned, not believing his half-ass confession. "About me. That I don't help anyone but myself. Well, here I am. Ready to pitch in."
Kate thought he was full of it. She knew Sayid did too. She could tell Sawyer was lying. "You're here to help?" She asked, not believing him, then walked off not waiting for an answer. Sayid stayed by her side.
Sawyer called after her. "Hey, if you act any more surprised, I'm gonna be insulted!" He followed behind them this time. To their surprise, there was no heckling from the peanut gallery bringing up the rear of their group this time. He just trudged along behind them.
Kate, Sayid and Sawyer broke through the jungle and entered a clearing.
Sayid stopped them. They were surrounded by some large, scalable trees. "This is far enough. We'll place the second antenna here." He selected a tree 20 yards away.
Kate removed her antenna from her backpack. Sayid took it from her. He had retrieved a small coil of wire from his. He looked at the trees, then at Sawyer. "You want to help?" He asked Sawyer, calling his bluff. Sawyer nodded. Sayid pointed to a tree. "Attach this antenna up in that tree as high as you can."
Sawyer looked at him but didn't offer resistance. He was a little winded. "Golly, thanks, Boss!" He glanced at Kate and gave her a wink before he left. She ignored it. There was always a motive behind everything he did.
She still hadn't figured out why he ran after them like the devil was chasing him to catch up.
Sayid didn't miss the wink or her ignoring the uninvited helper.
He kneeled by his bag and handed her the bottle rocket. He looked up at her and spoke in a lower tone, seeing Sawyer had already started to scale the tree. "Five o'clock. Watch for my flare. Then it's your turn."
Kate looked down at her friend and nodded. By now, she finally felt confident enough to say he was her friend. In the past, she had none except Tommy but he was her friend when they were growing up. Now he was dead because of her asking him a favor. It was her fault.
Sayid glanced over at Sawyer again. "I do not trust him." He looked meaningfully at Kate.
"Who does?" Kate rolled her eyes and met Sayid's gaze.
Sayid spoke directly, being brutally honest. "I do not trust him with you."
Kate felt touched by his protectiveness. Sayid didn't expect anything back from her, but was looking out for her all the same. He expressed concern over her well-being. It was a nice feeling, one she hadn't had in ages, since Tommy.
She looked at Sayid fondly. "I can handle him." She said. She could tell from Sayid's face he didn't like it, but he needed to move on. He nodded and she returned the nod.
Kate turned to watch Sawyer who was over two stories high now, securing Sayid's antenna.
Sawyer sat waiting, watching Kate pace. He was in the shade of the tree cooling off.
She kept scanning the horizon where Sayid had left and checking her watch.
"Still ain't five. Just like the last time you checked your watch." Sawyer commented.
"I just don't want to miss Sayid's signal. Remember, I'll fire the flare, you switch on the antenna." She knew how critical the timing was and that they had maybe a minute of battery left in the antennas.
"Thank the good Lord I got you here to keep reminding me." Sawyer southern drawl had a bored tone.
Kate looked at him, measuring his words and face, and then looked at the horizon. "It's a dirty job, but somebody's got to do it." She spoke in only half-serious manner, letting her guard down a little.
So far, aside from a few comments like that, he had been helpful and not caused any problems on the trip. She walked over and sat down on a rock a few yards from him.
Sawyer laughed to himself, then looked down before continuing to gaze at her. "So, what do you see in that guy, anyway?" He asked. Kate looked confused for a moment. "Jack. What is it about him that makes you go all 'weak in the loins?'"
She tilted her head at him, turned off by yet another sexual comment from him. "Do you try to be a pig, or does it just come naturally?" She thought he was going to behave. She was wrong.
He was more conversational now. She studied his face. He still had the potential to be a pain, but she caught glimpses of a different side of him in his face and eyes, usually partially hidden by that long hair of his. His eyes were a piercing, pure blue.
She saw someone else when Sawyer took down his mask, someone who was curious, intelligent, and a little envious. He really wanted to know.
"It's that he's a doctor, right? Ladies always dig the doctors." Kate looked away, dimpling but shook her head slightly at where this was headed. "Hell, give me a couple Band-Aids, bottle of peroxide and I could run this island, too." He looked up at her, then down again, picking apart a long piece of grass he had plucked.
"You're actually comparing yourself to Jack?" Kate couldn't believe he would do that. Band-Aids didn't someone make a surgeon, just like doing something for someone, motive or not, didn't make one a saint.
She knew Jack was a doctor, but he was also a great man and more. Yes, he was drop-dead gorgeous and built more like a rugged, masculine model than a doctor, but that was on the surface. He devoted his life to healing people and taking care of them. He had a deep desire to use his skills to help people.
Jack was intense, but also had a sensitive, tender heart he didn't show to people. She knew there had to be a flip-side to the passion he showed when angry and it was intriguing. She was betting he was ardent in a relationship, but she picked up already that he was cautious. Maybe he was hurt in the past by a woman or perhaps it went father back than that.
Jack wasn't perfect. Neither was she. They were still getting to know each other, but knew each other somehow. It was something that couldn't be explained.
It wasn't that he was a damn doctor. Sawyer was an idiot for lumping all women including her together and stating something asinine like they all "went for the doctors."
She was drawn to him from Day 1.
The only problem she felt, the hindrance to "them" was her. It was her fugitive status, lack of money, status and her parentage.
She felt the mutual chemistry beyond the physical despite that. If she believed in reincarnation, she would have said they had been together in past lives. Being near Jack tended to erase any roadblocks from her mind, including her being a "hindrance."
Sawyer was soberly regarded her as she went from incredulous to thoughtful. "Difference between us ain't all that big, sweetheart. I guarantee if he'd survived a few more weeks on the island, you'd have figured it out." He looked at her intently and spoke with an edge of bitterness.
"What did you just say?" Her eyes were round and intense. Sawyer looked at her, not realizing what he said. "You said 'if he'd survived a few more weeks' What does that mean?" She rose and stood, looking down at him. Her heart started to hammer at the implications of his words.
Sawyer leaned back and smirked slightly, "Aw, damn." He looked at her. He hadn't seen her this wound up before. "Didn't I tell you? Word from the valley is Saint Jack got himself buried in a cave-in."
"What?!" Kate felt her world shift beneath her feet. Everything felt off kilter.
Sawyer looked up without remorse. His eyes were cold as ice. "Hey, look on the bright side . . ." He was cold and wanted to wound her from their conversation from the beach. "Now you got someone else to pity."
Kate stared at him in shock, not sure if she was going to hit him or not. What an asshole! He withheld that information on purpose the whole time. He had a grudge because of what she said earlier in the tent. She said she pitied him and now Jack . . .
Jack!
She threw the bottle rocket at Sawyer's feet, grabbed her pack, and ran like hell for the caves.
Kate was panicking. She ran as fast as she could, not thinking about the monster, polar bears, boars whatever might be in the jungle. She was sweating profusely in the heat and had no other thought than Jack.
Jack! She was going to find him. She kept repeating that to herself to keep her spirits from crumbling. She just saw him this morning before Sawyer pissed him off at the tent. He has to be okay. He had to. Her racing thoughts kept pace with her legs as she full out sprinted to the caves.
She burst into the entrance where a group of the survivors were standing around, considering what to do. She threw off her backpack.
"Where is he?! . . .Where is he?! . . . Where is he?!" She kept calling out for an answer, raising her voice each time, from the outer entrance of the cave until she reached arguing rescuers. She was out of breath and white as a ghost. Hurley and Jin sat by the cave-in. Michael stood to meet her.
"Kate . . ." He calmly started.
"Where is he, Michael?! Where's Jack?" She demanded an answer. She looked around. Jack was nowhere to be seen. There there was a dark cloud of dirt lingering in the air. It had the appearance of smoke.
Boone looked down and the others looked away. She was angry, drenched and panting from the exertion of running in the heat.
Hurley saw her state. He wasn't one to keep secrets or lie. He tipped his head back as gesture to a round entrance blocked by large rocks. "He's in there."
She stared, taking it in, not willing to cry or give up. She caught Sun glancing at her sadly, tears in her eyes, then look away. They were all dirty, obviously from the effort to get him out.
"Do you know if he's alive?" All she got was blank looks.
She raised her voice, yelling at Michael. "Is he ALIVE?"
Michael was jolted into responding. "We don't know. Charlie went in after him through a tunnel we dug. It collapsed." He spoke to her in a calm tone.
Kate could tell from their voices and faces they were basically giving up. Dammit! She would never give up like that. "So why isn't anyone digging?"
She was already climbing through the round entrance to get him out. She was going to use her bare hands to remove every rock and piece of dirt if she had to. She was bound to find Jack. She had to.
Michael stood behind her. "Kate." His voice was sympathetic. "There's nothing left to dig to."
Kate looked around at the others breathlessly, her eyes full of desperation. She couldn't believe they would give up on him that easily and scorned the words. She'd do it herself if she had to.
She started to pull rock after rock out of the way on her hands and knees. Hurley was behind her. He stood as she cleared away an impossibly large rock on her own.
"Kate. . ." Michael tried to reason with her, but she was beyond that. She ignored him and kept digging at a mad pace. Behind her she could hear the rescue group mobilize and come near her. They all joined her.
Kate tossed rocks back and found they were being picked up and handed off in a line. Nobody spoke. She didn't care what they believed. Jack was in there. She wasn't going to leave him in that damn cave to die.
Time went by. Kate was still frantically digging, breathing hard and exhausted. She refused to rest, drink or eat. She stopped only for a second to catch her breath. She felt someone reach into the hole she was already in, trying to dig her way to Jack. She turned her head.
"Kate. You need to take a break." Michael was worried. Yeah, she thought, Probably but not until I find Jack. She didn't care about herself. She only had one purpose in right now, only one thing mattered.
"I'm fine." Kate didn't stop. She was soaked, dirty and still pulling out rocks faster than the volunteers could grab them.
"We have enough people digging. You keep going at this pace, you're gonna kill yourself." He reasoned.
She didn't care if it killed her. She gave him a help or get out of my way look, having already passing off three large rocks as he spoke. She continued to furiously grab rocks, some so large and heavy that the men behind her struggled to remove them. She wasn't stopping.
She continued her hectic pace, recklessly clearing debris and tossing it behind her.
Michael was by Kate's side. He hadn't left her side since speaking to her. He tried to help her with the heavier rocks, to keep her safe and the walls from collapsing. She was aware of him but said nothing.
A shout was heard from behind her. It was Walt. "Hey! It's the doctor!"
Those are the only words that registered with Kate. She finally halted and turned to look, not believing her ears.
Her eyes were red with tears, dirt and the dust that covered her face and body. Her fingernails and hands were caked with dried blood and filth.
Walt pointed excitedly, Vincent barking by his side.
Kate scrambled out of the hole she dug out with her bare hands. She and Michael stood and looked outside. Jack and Charlie walked across the valley towards them. They were coated with dirt and mud, but very much alive.
Hurley stood, staring in disbelief. "What the . . .?"
Kate had started to make her way down the natural steps in the rocks to him, her breath hitching. The rescue group parted to make way for her so she wouldn't push past them. She was filthy, scraped up and exhausted. She stumbled but kept running.
Kate was operating on pure instinct. If she had time to think about it, she might not have done this in front of everyone. She threw her small arms around Jack's neck, tears escaping as she tried not to cry. "Jack!" His name escaped her lips as a half-whispered prayer.
Jack hugged her back the best he could manage. "Ow, easy there, Kate." His right arm had been dislocated in the cave-in. Jack hugged her with his good arm, holding her head, then clasping her closely around her back. She breathed him in. Dirt and all, he still smelled like Jack.
She slowly took a small step back to take him in. They looked at each other, relieved, smiling at each other. She wiped her face with the back of her hands. Her tears had left a flesh colored trail through the accumulated dirt on her cheeks. Wiping them smeared the dirt and exposed the freckles, causing him to grin.
She wouldn't step aside for the others behind her. Instead, she drank in the sight of Jack, less than a foot away from her.
Everyone else caught up. Hurley was elated. "How'd you get out?" He asked.
"Charlie found a way." Jack nodded at him for a moment, giving him credit.
Jack's eyes went back to Kate. She stood feeling almost childlike looking up at him, unable to move. She wanting to touch and hold him. She needed to know he was real and was okay, that it wasn't a dream.
Hurley hugged Charlie and picked him up. "Dude! You rock!" People around them laughed in relief, dispelling the tense atmosphere that had lingered all day. Charlie received attention and accolades. Kate was oblivious to all of it.
Jack and Kate continued to look at each other, both finding pleasure in what they saw, both without words and feeling a little shy as the bubble around them thinned out. They became aware of the noise of their friends around them, celebrating his return.
Jack was sitting by a fire in the cave later. The volunteers and other people had come by to say hi and they were glad he was okay. He had washed off the dirt and was finally alone after Charlie left his side.
Kate had cleaned herself off. She made herself busy with a large jersey t-shirt from the clothing available to everyone.
Locke was outside the cave, roasting a boar over a wood fire spit, adding water to keep it moist.
"Hey." Jack heard her affectionate voice behind him. His face lit up when he saw her. She came up behind him and he smiled. "I made you something."
She had her arms around him to take off his blanket slowly, her body was draped over his from behind. She peeked around to meet his eyes, a warm smile on her face. It was a simple action, but intimate for both of them.
She draped her creation over his neck and worked to slowly slide his right arm into it while her upper body was pressed against his back. He sat still so she could finish what she was doing, smiling to himself. She caught his look and hoped he'd like it. She was creative, but had never made one of these.
"Ohh. My very first sling." Jack smiled and laughed a little. It was a loop of material with the ends tied in a knot." He was touched by what she did and looked up at her, his brown eyes dancing.
"How's that?" She asked, still perched closely behind him.
"Good." He nodded, still smiling. "Thank you."
She sat down next to him, their legs touching. She clasped her hands over her knees and leaned towards him, tilting her head back to look up. "So, these are the safe caves you were going on about?" She teased, but underneath that she still uneasy, especially after the day. The "safe cave" had almost taken Jack from her.
"It was a fluke." He responded. The smile hadn't left his face. She rolled her eyes at him. "Okay, one unsafe cave in this whole valley. Michael checked out the integrity of the rest of the caves here and said they are okay."
"As far as you guys know." She whispered.
Jack quietly looked at her, then asked her something. "Does that mean you're going back to the beach?" His eyes looked at her face, softly. He was asking her to stay indirectly. She didn't want to leave his side and was tempted to one night with him, just to make sure he was doing okay, get him water, anything he needed. She bit her bottom lip and looked down a moment.
More than anything, she wanted to be next to him and hear his voice. The thought today of his being gone . . . It had been almost 9 days since the crash and for some inexplicable reason, she didn't think she could take losing him. She lost everything and everyone in the past including Tommy, but her feelings about Jack were in a different realm.
There was only one issue to her staying one night, unless she wanted to hike alone in the dark jungle back and forth.
"Sayid should be back there by now. If his plan worked . . ."
Jack finished for her. "Then we're one step closer to getting off this island."
She nodded.
They looked at each other. She wasn't in a rush to leave him. He didn't want her to go.
She could tell he wanted to say more, the firelight dancing in his eyes. It reflecting off the brown color and created the liquid auburn hue she loved.
She bit her bottom lip again after licking it a little. Words didn't come to her either of them His mouth parted slightly while watching her.
"Thanks for the sling, Kate." He said in lieu of other words she felt below the surface.
There was an undertow pulling on them both at the same time. She could see it in his face too.
"You're welcome," she softly answered.
What she really wanted to tell him was how terrified she was when she found out about the cave in. She ran as if her life depended on reaching him, because it did. She wanted to say she needed more time with him.
Kate wanted to tell him yes to and stay just one night in the cave with him. She needed to hold him and have his arm around her. She wanted to put her head on his chest to listen to his heartbeat. It would soothe the residual ache in her own.
But she had an obligation with Sayid.
Instead of running off to the beach, as she would have in the past, she subtly shifted to sit even closer and soak in his virile scent and presence.
The beach and everything else could wait.