M'kay! MishyFishy here with my first solo story! I got the idea from an roleplay I'm doing with a friend. Thought it was funny, so I wrote out his idea and added to it. I apologize in advance if it sucks, first story, I remind you.
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Don't sue me, please.
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"Lieutenant Colonel!" called a certain young, black haired officer. "Lieutenant Colonel Armstrong!"
The rather large man turned in his seat in the mess hall. "Hmm? Master Sergeant Fuery, Second Lieutenant Breda. What is it?" He asked the two rushing toward him.
"Sorry to bother you, sir," Fuery said.
"We have a favor to ask of you," announced the slightly larger lieutenant.
"Oh, of course!" Armstrong boomed. "Please, take a seat!" With no objections, the two sat on the other side of the table propped up on one side from Armstrong's knees. "So, what's troubling you two?"
"It's Lieutenant Havoc, sir," said Fuery with a concerned expression. "You see, he's become very depressed again, and we can't take it anymore."
"He was just dumped…again." Breda continued. "And it seems every other girl has turned him down, dumped him for Mustang, or already taken."
"He's even asked out Second Lieutenant Ross, but she's already involved with Sergeant Brosh." Fuery explained, cleaning his glasses on his shirt.
"And he's hit on Hawkeye a number amount of times. The rest of that story tells itself." Breda added, shivering at the memory of Havoc screaming in pain from a bullet grazing his inner thigh.
"But," Fuery broke in again, "There is one girl he really likes, though she's turned him down before, due only to his physical appearance."
"This is where you come in." Breda fought for speaking time. "We want to get them together so he'll stop whining. But to do so, Havoc has to bulk up some."
"AH!" Armstrong stood, knocking the table up, splashing food all over the other two's faces. "So you want me to train him!" His shirt and military issued jacket found their way to the floor, leaving the giant in all his glory. "You want me to train him and make him have a beauty like mine!" He bellowed, striking a pose.
"Beautiful...Right…" Breda muttered under his breath.
"Yes, sir." Fuery shook off some noodles from his head. "So, will you train Havoc for us, so he can get the girl?"
"Of course!" Armstrong struck another pose, making Fuery and Breda gag. "I will start with him tomorrow! Bring him by the Armstrong mansion at the break of dawn, and I assure you I'll make a man out of the Second Lieutenant!"
Fuery's eyes sparkled, much like Armstrong himself. "Oh, thank you, sir!"
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The next morning, Havoc woke up to two massive arms clutching around his body, and already in uniform. "WHAT THE?"
"Welcome back to the Armstrong Mansion, Second Lieutenant Havoc!" said an all too familiar voice.
Within moments, Havoc was on the ground twitching. "What am I doing here?" He looked up to find two of his co-workers standing above him. "What is the meaning of this?"
Breda rolled his eyes and dragged Havoc and Fuery into a huddle. "Okay here's the deal Havoc. We know that Armstrong's sister turned you down because you weren't physically fit. So you're here for training from the Lieutenant Colonel himself.
"We're getting sick of you complaining about girl problems," He went on, "So we're going to land you this girl."
Havoc sighed, too tired to protest. "Fine. I'll do the stupid training."
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Hours later, Breda and Fuery had fallen asleep outside the indoor gym in Armstrong's home. They were sitting against the wall, shoulder to shoulder and heads resting against each other. Fuery's glasses had fallen, and were resting at the tip of his nose, as a trail of drool had dried on Breda's chin. They had decided to stay during Havoc's training session, as Armstrong had promised them one day before the Second Lieutenant was through training.
"MEN!"
"HOLY CRAP!" Both sleeping men had shot up and started running in circles, not realizing Armstrong coming outside was a good thing. After a few moments of yelling and screaming, they had calmed down, and were now breathing heavily in front of the Lieutenant Colonel.
"Men! I have made a great accomplishment! Second Lieutenant Havoc is a new man!" He stepped aside to reveal the aforementioned man, resembling a shorter Armstrong with more head atop his head.
Fuery and Breda gaped. "Holy, how did this happen in just one day?" they spoke simultaneously.
"Isn't it great?" Havoc cheered in his usual tone. It was rather comical to watch such a muscular man speaking with that high of a voice. "Thank you SO much, Armstrong!"
The two muscled men glomped each other happily, tears flowing from both sets of eyes.
"There is one more thing to take care of Havoc," Armstrong proclaimed. Several tubes of glue appeared in his arms.
"Uh-oh…"
Minutes later, Havoc was covered head-to-toe in a white, sticky liquid. (Not that kind of liquid, you perverts.) "What is this for?"
"Brace yourself, Lieutenant!" Armstrong held a plastic container above his head. He tipped the box over letting thousands of little pink sparkles flow.
Once everything cleared, Fuery and Breda snickered at the sight of a giant mass of pink sparkles standing in front of them.
"Shaddup." Spoke the mass.
"I am SO glad I'm not you, Havoc." Breda choked out, trying to regain his breath from laughing.
"Shut up," He repeated. "Just get me cleaned up!"
Armstrong stepped back into the gym, only to come back out with a giant fire hose that had been inside for some unknown reason. He sprayed Havoc clear of all pink sparkles and white, sticky liquids. (Still not that, you gross freaks.)
Havoc stood there dripping, and still a victim of Fuery and Breda's laughter.
"Now, I would like to invite the three of you to dinner with my family!" Armstrong roared. Before they could protest, the biggest man was carrying them all down to the dinning hall.
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The three smaller officers dusted off their uniforms in the dinning hall. They observed what was already there: Giant chandeliers, giant paintings, and giant people. Yes, Armstrong's parents were already sitting, waiting for dinner. Havoc's eyes fell upon Katherine, the Lieutenant Colonel's sister. He adored her beauty for what seemed like days before he noticed her speaking to another man sitting next to her. He was quite well-built himself, and even men would have to say he was a very hansom young man.
Havoc reached over to tap Armstrong's shoulder. "Psst. Who's the chump?"
"You mean Drew?" Armstrong blinked. "He's my sister's fiancé."
The world stopped spinning at that point. "YOU MEAN I DID ALL THIS FOR NOTHING?" Everything turned dark as Havoc turned his head to glare at Fuery and Breda. Though, the two were gone…
A sound of a massive door slamming shut came from the front of the mansion. "GET BACK HERE YOU TWO!" Havoc yelled, scrambling after them.
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Havoc staggered up the steps of Central Headquarters, entirely out of breath. "Get…Back… here…" He choked as he collapsed. He had chased the other two all the way back there.
He laid on his back and reached into his breast pocket to pull out a packet of cigarettes. Within seconds, one was lit and in his mouth. It was amazing to watch as his muscles deflated. In fact, a young girl, wearing a state issued uniform approached him. "Are you okay, sir?"
Havoc looked up to see a beautiful blonde girl who looked to be about his age hovering above him. He sat up quickly, regaining all of his energy. "Yes. Yes, I'm fine. I'm sorry to ask, but are you new around here?"
The girl blushed slightly. "Why, yes. Just transferred from South."
He began to converse with her, right on the steps of HQ. With a bit of persuading, he managed to set up a date with her for the following night.
They had gone separate ways, leaving Havoc skipping happily up the steps. Reaching the top, he jumped slightly and clacked his heels together. 'Score!'
He made his way back to his office, passing by a terrified Fuery and Breda in the halls. He charged into the office he, Mustang, and the others shared to catch an eyeful. "Holy, crap…"
There was a scattered mess around Mustang's desk which included a broken lamp, a familiar red clip, and scatted paperwork. Havoc's eyes traveled upwards to see Hawkeye pinned down on the desk, jacket off, oxford shirt unbuttoned, and hair down. And there was the colonel himself, no shirt at all on top of the woman.
They all stared at each other frozen and in silence, until Havoc rang out happily. "AHA!" He danced around the office celebrating in his head. 'Now I know that new girl won't be stolen by Mustang!'
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Personally, I love the touch of Royai. I'm a total Royai geek, so I had to put it.
So, review please!
Flames welcome, I'll still love you. xD