Dr. Robotnik's 10 easy steps to taking over the world.
Hello, I am Dr. Robotnik, Dr. Eggman to complete morons. As you may or may not know, I suck at taking over the world. Why you ask? Because I put my plan resting on 7 emeralds, and thats just plain stupid. But this time, I have a plan so cunning, even you don't know it yet. But you will, oh, you will. Please note, that this is taking place on Earth, not that little shit of a planet Mobius that the games were originally based on.
Step
1: Taking over Cuba
"Why Cuba?" You ask. I say, because Cuba is easy to take over. Since it's a dictatorship, the rule is if you kill the dictator, you are now the dictator. Kind of like the game mode Gladiator in TimeSplitters, if you ever played it. Except in this, people aren't trying to kill you. How do you kill Castro? Snipe him through a window in his home. But anyway, as the new dictator, you have access to the United Nations, this is where step 2 comes in.
Step 2: Start WW3
Now that you are in the United Nations, you can talk to the other leaders. This is the most cunning part of the plan, as well as the one you will need the most luck with. Now, the goal here is to turn the countries against each other. Giving them false information about the other countries plans. With their alliances on thin ice, you can launch Cuba's bombs at random countries. Thinking that their enemies did it, they will launch their bombs. Thus beginning WW3.
Step 3: Go into hiding
Now that WW3 has started, your boned right? Wrong. Using your dictatorship, you can round up as much food as you can in all of Cuba. Than you should proceed to secure yourself in the bunker the citizens have dug months before and make sure to take a map of the world. Living off the food for a couple of years while the war wages, you won't die. Thus insuring your safety to do the next step.
Step 4: Finding the Survivors
With all major threats eliminated in the war, you need to build up your army. You would need to find survivors no? Yes. But how would you convince them to join your army? You wouldn't. Tell them to come with you and you will build a new colony together. After rounding up several hundreds, you shall proceed to step 5.
Step 5: Getting the guns
What's an army without guns? Well you and your followers shall travel the land picking up more followers until you find some army bases. There you load up to "defend" yourselves. The real reason is to turn the rest of the survivors into slaves. But how will you deceive the rest into thinking the new comers are slaves? Don't have to, in a world such as the one you would be in, it's survival of the fittest. They have guns, the new comers don't. Your army would hold them selves above the rest.
Step 6: On the road to a kingdom
You simply can't be a dictator without a giant kingdom now can you? Remember that army base? Well who says you can't recycle buildings? This is your temporary colony. Once your settled in have the slaves and some slave drivers go out looking for resources. I.E. Wood and stone. With which you can build more houses. Make sure to mix cement or any other helpful things if you can. Eventually you will have a surplus of materials, now it is time for step 7.
Step 7: Sailing the seas
Why sailing? To get to Egypt of course. Why Egypt? They have massive amounts of stone there. With stone, you can build your permanent kingdom, or, your slaves can. Use the wood to build the boats you need. What is it you ask? What about food? Well, I hope you have been finding stray animals and berry's along all these steps, your boned other wise. And eating slaves is never bad either. But make sure to build multiple boats, you should have so many followers that one can't hold them all. So just plot a course to Egypt, using the map you had earlier.
Step 8: Your permanent home
Now your in Egypt, start production right away. With sand storms and things about, you will want a home. Stay in the boats while the slaves build. But the stone will give you a sturdy fortress. Make sure that is built first, otherwise, a slave could easily assassinate you while you sleep on the boat. The fortress gives you security.
Step 9: Keeping the slaves in line
Like I mentioned slaves could assassinate you. They can do a lot of things you can't anticipate. So you'll want to keep them in line. To do this, hold weakly executions to slaves for not working hard enough, and other charges you can make up.
Step 10: Relax, you have earned it
Congratulations, you are now the ruler of the known world. Don't busy yourself with any other part of the world until your society is prepared for war. But as far as you know, you are the ruler of the world. Good on you.
Well there you have it, 10 easy steps to taking over the Earth. I hope you can follow these instructions, and are lucky, other wise, you will die.