The secret Maria Hill wish had stayed hidden
HI. This was a request from mishkakikia96. And because I am nice and was bored here it is. This is just a one-shot for fun. And because I love Robin Sparkles and Cobie Smulders.
Hope you all enjoy. Read and Review!
It was a simple Sunday afternoon at Avengers tower. Well, as simple as a Sunday afternoon could be after the fall of SHIELD. And all of the information being leaked online.
That meant for a certain Anthony Edward Stark, searching the Internet for any and all information. Sure, he could of hacked his way in before the leak. But now having un-restricted access to all the information, he could learn things he didn't even know he wanted to know.
Plus any blackmail on two certain assassins is good too.
So, there Tony was sifting through millenniums worth of documents and files.
Then…
"OH MY GOD THIS IS THE BEST THING IN THE WORLD!"
On a sunny morning later in the week, Maria Hill sat in the reception office of Stark Industries. She was waiting for an interview. Just a formality considering Pepper had already given Maria a job with open arms.
"Nice to see you again Maria Hill. Would you like to come in?" a familiar arrogant voice welcomed.
"What are you doing here Stark?" Maria asked.
"Trying to conduct an interview." Tony shrugged.
Maria gave the man a look.
"You think I'm incapable? My name is on the building and I did hire Pepper."
"Alright." Maria said as she sat down and Tony sat on the other side of the desk.
"Now shall we get started?" Tony faked a smile.
Maria nodded.
"As you know we are a large international company. So it's natural we do thorough background checks. Do you mind if I ask a couple of questions?"
"You know my background but sure."
"Well, you understand the concern. I mean, Hydra growing right under SHIELD's nose… kind of bad press."
"I understand Mr. Stark." Maria said maintaining professionalism as much as she could.
"Alright. Where were you formerly employed?"
"SHEILD."
"Whom did you work for?"
"Director Fury."
"Can you tell me about your time in Canada?"
"Excuse me?"
"Canada. Our not awesome neighbors to the north. Land of the igloos and polar bears."
"You have never been to Canada have you?"
Tony shrugged. "Maybe. Drunk."
Maria rolled her eyes. "How is this relevant?"
"Well, I was looking around. It says in your file you're from Chicago, but an earlier file that was changed claims you are from Vancouver Canada. You used to work for a spy agency and lied about where you're from obviously you see the concern. Right Maria Hill? Or should I say Robin Sparkles?"
Maria's face paled. "Oh no…"
"Remind me to thank Miss Romanoff for leaking everything online."
In less than fifteen minutes later all the avengers – minus Thor – had gathered into the office.
"Can I leave?" Maria asked.
"No. This is still an interview." Tony said as Clint came around the desk to stand beside Natasha.
"No. This is embarrassment." Maria argued.
"Why are we here anyway?" Bruce asked.
"Watch this." Tony said as he pushed play.
The video started up. It showed a young Maria Hill in a school uniform and talking in an almost sexual manner to a teacher.
"Is this porn Tony? Was Maria in porn? Should we be showing Steve this?" Natasha accused.
"Keep watching." Tony continued.
And before they knew it the scene changed and the name Robin Sparkles came on the screen and Maria in Cheesy eighties wear came on and bubbly eighties pop played on the speakers. Then, the young Maria Hill started to sing.
The Avengers all had dropped jaws and looked towards Maria in shock. Tony, who had seen the video at least four times already, just stifled a laugh.
Maria, to her credit only debated denying what they were seeing for a millisecond; before she gave in. "I was a teenage pop star in Canada."
The shocked faces didn't change, but their attention was quickly moved back to the video.
"Put on your jelly-bracelets, and your cool graffiti-coat, at the mall having fun is what its all about." The video Maria sung out as she danced to the song.
"This is the most amazing thing I've ever seen!" Natasha exclaimed. Maria shot her a look but Natasha just continued to watch the video.
"That's you?" Steve asked looking closer to the video.
"Yes. I had one minor hit. I had to go all over Canada and sing this song in malls. For a year I lived of Orange Julius and Wetzel's Pretzels." Maria faced the music.
"Everybody come and play! Throw every last care away! Let's go to the mall...Today!" the song continued and Maria groaned.
"Did you have to giggle like that every time?" Bruce asked.
"Yes." Maria deadpanned.
"THIS IS THE BEST BIRTHDAY EVER!" Clint declared.
By the forth time the team watched the video, the avengers started to serenade Maria off key the song she knew all too well. They wouldn't let her leave.
"That's okay I'm gonna rock your body anyway. I'm gonna rock your body till the Canada Day!" Clint sung over dramatically. Tony and Bruce laughed at the archer.
"Everybody come and play! Throw every last care away! Let's go to the mall...Today!" the whole team sung.
Maria sighed. Who knew of all the secrets she had hidden in her life, THIS was what came back to haunt her.
All Maria could do now was hope and pray they never found Sandcastles in the Sand…
It had bee a week since the 'Lets go to the Mall' incident. Things had started to even out. Sure, the avengers still sometimes called her Robin Sparkles. Sometimes it was just Sparkles. But Maria had bigger annoyances to deal with. Congress was one of them.
Which brought her back to the long and exhausting day had been for Maria. After a long meeting with congress she was ready to relax. Not even a meeting. An inquisition. Maria thought to herself.
How Maria ended up in the common room of Avengers Tower, she doesn't remember.
"GUYS! GUYS! GUYS! AVENGERS ASSEMBLE!" Tony yelled through the halls.
"Isn't that my line?" Steve asked rhetorically.
"We're all in here dumbass!" Clint yelled back.
"Good, then you assembled. Oh and even better, Sparkles is here." Tony said looking towards Maria.
"Why is it good that Hill is here?" Bruce asked.
"Maria here has some explaining to do. One, sandcastles? Really? Plus, how sexually frustrated were you exactly as a teen? This is making me worried. Which is saying something." Tony asked.
"You didn't…" Maria said warily as the words 'sandcastles' came from his mouth.
"Never underestimate me Sparkles. JARVIS play the video!" Tony looked as he sat by Pepper.
"What is it?" Steve asked.
"Thank you Capsicle for asking. IT'S THE RETURN OF ROBIN SPARKLES!" Tony cheered.
"No… freaking… way…" Clint asked all too happy.
"There's another one?" Pepper raised an eyebrow. She had seen and heard 'Lets go to the Mall' many times because of Tony.
The video appeared on the TV. A serene looking beach was shown. A blonde Maria then appeared in a flowy white dress. The song was slower but just as cheesy as the first one.
"What is this?" Steve asked.
"It was my artistic debut after 'Lets go to the Mall'. It kind of flopped." Maria admitted.
"Why is there a globe on the beach?" Clint asked, his eyes never leaving the screen.
Maria shrugged.
"Together we were gonna travel the globe, from Alberta to Ontario." The song sung.
"I wasn't aware that was the globe." Natasha raised an eyebrow.
"Shut it Romanoff." Maria glared.
"Is that Alan Thicke?" Bruce asked curiously.
"Who's Alan Thicke?" Steve asked.
"He's an actor for an old TV show." Pepper explained. "Speaking of old TV, doesn't that guy kind of look like the guy from Dawson's Creek?"
"What's that?" Steve asked again.
"A old teen drama show of some kind." Maria explained.
"Is this song about Maria trying to loose her virginity?" Clint realized and started to snicker.
"I think so." Tony snickered as well.
"Can you not say anything like that around Steve? We can't ruin his innocent mind." Natasha smirked at Steve.
"I'm ninety. Not dead. Plus, who is the one trying to get me to date every waking moment of the day?" Steve glared at Natasha.
"Just a point." Natasha shrugged.
"Eternity turns to black and white. It was the greatest week and a half of my life." The song sung on more.
"A week and a half? Really?" Steve asked.
"Don't look at me like that. It's a song. Plus, before Pepper that would have been Tony's longest relationship." Maria fought back.
"Hey! Low blow!" Tony argued.
"She's not wrong Tony. You know that." Pepper looked at him.
"How did this turn on me anyway? Shouldn't this be about Robin Sparkles?" Tony diverged.
"Karma?" Bruce suggested.
"Can't be that, Brucie." Tony waved it off.
Soon the video ended. All eyes went to look at Maria.
"I will never look at you the same." Clint said dramatically.
"Because 'Let's go to the Mall' didn't do that already?" Natasha looked to him.
"Well, more so." Clint went on.
"Sandcastle metaphor… strange." Steve went on.
"It was oh so… Canadian of you." Tony smirked.
"At least there were no beavers." Bruce laughed. Maria's face changed at a sudden memory.
"Wait… is there one… with BEAVERS?" Tony's eyes widened. Maria said nothing.
"There's ANOTHER one?" Clint went on. Still no sign of change for Hill.
Tony bolted out of the room with Clint following close behind.
"JARVIS! Google Robin Sparkles and beavers!" Tony called out. Maria groaned and brought her face into her knees.
Goddamn beavers…
Four days after 'Sandcastles' made its way around the group, Maria realized that she would never be able to escape this embarrassing past. The team had almost stopped referring to her as Maria Hill in favor of Robin Sparkles. It was like she was sixteen all over again.
Can't say Maria enjoyed being sixteen.
Maria was enjoying her time at home alone, when a knock came at her door. She opened it to see Tony and Clint at her door with shit eating grins plastered on their faces.
"Have you seen it?" Maria said, knowing exactly why they were at her apartment.
"Not yet. We wanted to share the experience with you." Tony said.
"How sweet." Maria said sarcastically. "I assume the team is on their way?"
Clint nodded. "We had Tasha stop at the store for snacks."
"Now, lets pop this sucker in and take a peak!" Tony said holding up the DVD triumphantly.
Clint made his way to the couch as Tony worked the TV. Soon the video was playing.
Then the logo for 'Space Teens' appeared.
"I thought this was a ROBIN SPARKLES video Tony? Not some cheesy kids program." Clint looked at the billionaire.
"Look, my guy assured me this is a legit Robin Sparkles." Tony said.
Then there appeared Maria and some other girl that the boys couldn't care less about.
"While you figure it out at home, why don't we sing you a song about our beavers?" Robin Sparkles asked on the video.
"This is a MATH show?" Clint raised a brow.
Then the video shut off.
"HEY!" Tony and Clint cried out.
"NO. You do not get to hear the Beaver song. It is a sweet song about friendship and you guys are being disgusting and beavers are adorable!" Maria argued.
"No arguments here…" Tony said, obviously not referring to the animal.
Then the rest of the avengers entered.
"Good, you haven't started yet." Bruce said as the rest of the team got settled.
"You are not watching the beaver song." Maria told the team.
"Robin Sparkles was on a TV show for kids to teach them math!" Tony said excitedly.
"That's actually a good idea. A smart way to use the media to engage kids into their studies." Steve offered.
"You didn't see the video." Clint smiled.
"You have to let us see it now." Natasha looked toward her ex-superior.
It was Maria against the Avengers. A loosing battle. Maria deflated and handed the DVD to Natasha.
"Thank you for your cooperation." Natasha smiled.
"Yeah, yeah. Let's just get this terror over with." Maria grumbled.
The video was soon backing on and the song was back on.
"Hey, Beaver, come on , When you feel alone . Just pick up that phone . And I'll be there to share myice cream cone. We'll lick it side-by-side. And deep inside you'll know before the day is done." The duet was sung, with another girl with the name Jessica Glitter.
Tony and Clint started laughing. Natasha raised her eyebrows.
"And this show was for children?" Bruce asked suspiciously.
"What? So far, it's a nice song about friendship. I don't see the issue." Steve defended.
"Thank you Captain." Maria said.
Then Clint went up to Steve and whispered in his ear. Steve's face changed.
"I take that statement back. This is not appropriate at all." Steve continued with a shocked face.
"Thanks for ruining my support Barton." Maria rolled her eyes.
"Anything for a beaver Maria." Clint smiled cheekily.
"You have corrupted Steve… scared him for life probably." Natasha looked to her partner.
"Not the worst thing I'll do." Clint shrugged.
"Two beavers are better than one.They're twice the fun.Ask anyone.A second beaver can be,Second-to-none!Two beavers are better than one!" the duet continued.
"Do you still happen to know this Jessica Glitter chick?" Tony asked.
"We haven't spoken in years." Maria answered.
"We should get you together again. Could be fun to have the two beavers back together." Tony said.
"What you said sound sweet, but I have a feeling it isn't." Maria looked at the billionaire.
"Its not." Clint went on.
"Da da da da da. You're my favorite beaver. Da da da da da. Space Teens are forever! Da da da da da. Don't forget to do your homework ! Cause math's cool!" the duet went on to sing.
"Did you guys just sing math is cool?" Clint snorted.
"It was to educate kids Barton!" Maria defended.
"This is one of the stupidest things ever. Its amazing." Natasha smiled.
"We'll share a root beer float and learn about how friendship weighs a metric tonne!" the song went on.
"A metric tonne?" Steve snorted.
"Canada uses the metric system like most of the world Mr. America." Maria informed.
Soon enough the other avengers were singing all off key again.
"Two beavers are better than one! They're twice the fun! Ask anyone! A second beaver can be… Second-to-none! Two beavers are better than one!" the group of avengers sang as they ate popcorn.
"This is truly amazing! You never cease to amaze Robin Sparkles!" Tony says between laughs.
"Happy you're getting a laugh out of it. I guess." Maria said as she watched the group singing the Beaver Song.
"Well, if we weren't going to enjoy it, who would?" Bruce laughed.
"Beaver puppets, math and Sparkles singing! What more could one want?" Clint smiled.
"And what is with that robot everywhere?" Steve went on.
"He was a good friend… oh my god what am I saying!" Maria sulked.
"If it helps, it couldn't get worse." Natasha offered.
"Oh it could." Maria mumbled. Too bad the group heard.
Tony and Clint looked towards each other.
"Are you saying…" Clint started.
"There is worse?" Tony finished.
Before Maria could answer the pair sprung up and ran out the door.
Oh good lord… Maria thought.
The rest looked at Maria for conformation of more Robin Sparkles. Maria just shot daggers at them. "Don't you guys have somewhere else to be?"
The others looked at each other and decided to leave. Natasha got the DVD. The trio left.
At least after this next one Maria knew there was no more.
Maria was still getting beaver jokes. Even three weeks later there were beaver jokes.
When Natasha came back from Canada from doing god knows what, Maria had been left a bunch of stuffed beavers. All on her desk at Stark Industries, they were left with the note 'because two beavers are better than one. ;)'
Maria could just roll her eyes.
Now, Maria found herself at the tower again.
"AVENGERS ASSEMBLE! AVENGERS ASSEMBLE!" Tony called through the halls.
"Again, that's my line." Steve pointed out.
"Again, we are all already in here dumbass." Clint said.
"So you assembled. And you made sure Sparkles is here." Tony went on.
"What is it this time?" Bruce asked.
"IT'S ROBIN SPARKLES FOUR Y'ALL!" Tony exclaimed loudly.
"YAY!" Bruce and Steve cheered.
"This is a magical day!" Clint cheered.
"JARVIS play the video!" Tony said to the AI.
The video started. And what they saw shocked them. This was not the bubbly Robin Sparkles they had come to know. This was something entirely different. Dark hair and make up. It was clearly the grunge era. The name had gone from Robin Sparkles to Robin Daggers as if just to push the point.
"You, you're beautiful. On your pedestal. I see you. You don't see me." The grungy song started.
The group looked at the screen with jaws dropped. They looked so happy. Maria just watched them.
"This is the most 1990's music video of all time." Bruce commented.
"Only second to shirtless old men in black and white for no reason." Tony added.
Then a shirtless old man in black and white for no reason appeared on the screen.
Everyone screamed.
Then Mounties were arresting Robin Sparkles.
"Wow… that's… something." Steve commented.
Then those Mounties were both kissing Robin Sparkles on the neck.
"There is so much wrong with these videos… I love them for that." Natasha went on to say.
"I'll never move on. It will always be you. Every guy that I'm with I'll be thinking of you. If I get married, he'll always be second to you." Robin Daggers sung.
"Well… that's… nice?" Clint eyed Maria. Maria did not make eye contact.
Then they realized there was a documentary after the music video.
"In 1996 we booked the half time show for the Grey Cup. Huge gig." A man, Robin Sparkles manager, said to the interviewer.
"Grey Cup?" Tony asked and everyone else looked for an explanation as well.
"Canada's version of the Super Bowl." Maria clarified.
A wave of understanding passed over the group.
Then the music video went on again.
"The law can't stop my love. I'll fit you like a glove. Restraining orders don't scare me." Robin Daggers sung. Steve popped up in even more attention giving Maria a questioning look.
"So the whole 'I'm not scared of the law' attitude… that's… all here?" Bruce looked at Maria.
"Remind me to warn any date you might have of your stalker tendencies." Natasha smirked.
"The lawyers at the record company made me promise to say that 'The views expressed in this song do not necessarily reflect the views of Dominant Records or any of its subsidiaries.'" Was then the next verse. Everyone burst out laughing.
"Nice to know they covered their asses. Like what Pepper does for me." Tony laughed.
"Shut up Stark." Maria glared.
Tony lifted his hands in surrender. "Just saying Sparkles. Or is it Daggers? Is this when you became such a scary hardass?"
Maria continued to glare.
"I'm totally a slacker and I don't even care. With my curling 'zines and my faraway stare. But deep down inside. Yeah, deep down inside I'm dying." The song continued.
"Well, that's not… concerning at all." Bruce noted.
"Why are there little pageant kids? Am I the only one questioning it?" Clint asked.
"You aren't." Steve, Natasha, Bruce and Tony all responded.
"I'm trapped in a cage of the tears I cry. I'm praying to God but SHE doesn't reply. Even the robot says 'MOVE ON' I'm trying!" Robin Daggers went on. The robot then appeared on screen.
"HEY!" the whole group cheered. They loved the robot.
"Wait… did you just say god is a she?" Steve looked at Maria amused.
Maria shrugged. "Yeah, I got nothing."
The video went off and all the group did was stare at Maria Hill.
"Well… what do you say for yourself?" Tony asked.
"It was a dark time."
"Apparently."
"That was the creepiest thing I have ever witnessed. It was beautiful." Natasha smiled holding in a smirk.
"You can't possibly top that." Clint went on.
"That was psychologically very… interesting." Bruce looked on.
"And Robin Sparkles was shocking…" Steve went on.
"There can't be more can there?" Tony looked on.
"That ended your career. I wonder why…" Bruce said sarcastically.
"That's when I stopped." Maria said. Her Grey Cup performance of that grunge song titled 'P.S. I love you' ended it all. The documentary attached said so itself.
"So… no more Robin Sparkles?" Clint looked disappointed.
"Would it help if you watched 'Let's go to the Mall' again?" Maria asked. She received a nod from every single person.
"JARVIS?" Maria asked the AI. "Play 'Let's go to the Mall'."
"Of course." the AI responded and soon the very first Robin Sparkles video replaced Robin Daggers.
A chorus of cheers echoed through the group as they started singing and dancing along to the catchy eighties tune. Maria even joined in after a while.
Maybe, just maybe, this secret was one Maria could live with being out in the open.
THE END