Nightlights

The bunker was quiet. Sam, Dean and Cas had come back from an easy hunt that evening. A werewolf was nothing to a hunter when the big bad guys, like Metatron and Abaddon, were shaking up the earth at the same time. Dean had made them all dinner and they'd laughed and shared funny stories about each other. Dean's cooking always tasted even better when they had nothing to worry about, even if it was just for a moment. Afterwards the brothers had decided Cas REALLY needed to learn something about pop culture now he was human, and they'd watched Starwars on the couch, a beer in hand, laughing at Cas' frustration. ("Of course that's his father! He's called Darth VADER! Don't Jedi's speak German?")

Around 2 AM they'd went up to bed, and that was when the lightning had struck. They were all standing in the upstairs hallway, about to say their goodnights, when they heard a loud crash and suddenly the Bunker went dark.
"Crap," Dean said.
"Demons?" Cas blurted, sounding a bit nervous.
"Nah." Sam sighed, moving his hand through his hair. "This has happened a few times now- lightning strikes the generators of the bunker and the powers goes out for a couple' hours."
"Yeah Cas, no fuss. Just a power outing. It'll be fine by morning." Dean slapped Cas' shoulder. "Goodnight, bud. Night Sam." Dean got into his room, humming contently.
Cas looked a bit nervous, hands twitching at his sides. The younger Winchester noticed.
"Hey, Cas- it's nothing. Trust us." Sam smiled at him.
"Yes, Sam, I- I know." Cas gave him a nod. "Goodnight."
"Yeah, goodnight."

Dean Winchester was asleep. On nights like this, after a hunt that went well, with the people he cared about most safe and at home, Dean slept well. Sometimes he even dreamed a happy dream, a faint memory of his mother, something about pie or a funny moment with Sam. But even on his happiest nights, when Dean felt like he slept really deep, he still slept light. Being a hunter your whole life means waking up at the smallest sound, the smallest touch, even the slightest hint of air moving. So when Dean felt a hand softly brushing his shoulder, he woke immediately. Even in the safety of his own room there was a gun on his nightstand, and it took Dean just a few seconds to grab it, unlock it and point in at the intruders face.

"Dean."
"Cas! What the hell!"

Castiel had sneaked into Deans room and was now standing next to his bed. He wore a pair of Sam's old flannel pyjama pants, and a soft washed out grey t- shirt that had belonged to Dean. His blue eyes were big and full of fear, pupils almost entirely dilated, and his hair was all messed up. He clutched his sides protectively with his arms. Overall, he looked like a scared little kid. Dean was not amused.

"Cas. What are you doing here in the middle of the night?" Dean felt a twist in his stomach and he sat up. "Is there someone in here?" He whispered urgently, eyes shifting to the door.
"No! No." Cas whispered back. Dean let himself fall back into his pillow, blowing out a low whistle. "Dude, then what is it?" Dean murmured, his eyes already closed again.
"It's-" Cas swallowed, looking at the hunter. He felt stupid. "Never mind. It's nothing."
"Then go back to bed," Dean said, squinting his eyes at Cas.
"Yes. I will."
But the angel didn't move. He stood beside Dean's bed, awkwardly, looking down at his feet. Dean stared at him. Cas shifted nervously.
Cas behaviour reminded Dean of something, someone, but he couldn't quite grasp who- and suddenly he remembered. A little Sam, probably five years old, asking Dean if he could sleep in his bed, because he was afraid of the thing in his closet.
But that was ridiculous. Cas was a full grown man-used-to-be-angel, for God's sake!

"Cas- Are you- Are you afraid of the dark?" Dean asked Cas, sounding a bit surprised.
"I- I wouldn't name it that way,-" Cas stammered.
"Are you?" Dean asked again, sounding a bit more serious.
Cas sighed.
Cas nodded.
"When I still was an angel, I was able to see in the dark, to sense things. Now- Dean, I think my eyes are broken. They trick me into seeing things-" Cas swallowed, "creatures, in the dark, but when I turn on the lights, there's nothing!"
Dean felt his heart melt a little, and he shook his head. "Cas, your eyes are fine. Everyone feels that way."
Cas still looked a little lost. "Dean… The dark… It reminds me of my first weeks. As a human." Cas quickly looked down, biting his lip, feeling like an idiot for admitting that.

Dean felt his heart drop. Cas' first weeks as a human were something that was still bothering him. Cas living among the homeless, having too sleep in the rain, on the cold hard ground, or if he was lucky in an abandoned car. No company. Rats and other vermin scurrying around, and every angel in existence looking out for him, ready to slit his throat. In those circumstances, there really were creatures in the dark. Now Dean understands a little better why Cas went with April. Stranger danger seems a lot less dangerous when they offer you warmth and safety. Dean feels like he has failed, not being there for Cas when he needed him most.

"Cas…" Dean looked at him, sadly, feeling like a jerk.
"Since I'm here, with you and Sam, I'd just turn on the lights at night, but…" Cas gestured at the ceiling. "When we were at the motel I could hear you guys, so it was alright. It's too quiet here, I suppose."
Dean hesitated for a moment. He rubbed his hand over his face and sighed, giving in. "You wanna sleep here, for tonight?"
Cas looked surprised at that offering. "If- if that's okay with you."
"Yeah." Dean shook his head at himself, moving over to the left side of the mattress. "Just don't steel all the sheets, capiche?"
Cas got into bed, a little clumsy, and lay down next to Dean, on the far end of the mattress.
Dean already started to drift off again, when Cas' voice alerted him once more.

"I dislike sleeping."
Dean rolled his eyes at the dark, and shifted on his side so he could look Castiel in the face.
"Why? Isn't it soothing for you, a little rest?" he whispered, teasing a little. Cas' face was closer than he thought, and he could feel the heat of his breath on his face. It felt kinda nice. Cas' eyes were almost entirely black now, just a little line of blue around the edges. He looked serious.
"I… I have nightmares." Cas admitted.
Dean frowned a little at that. "About your first weeks?"
"Yes, that too. And about-" Cas closed his eyes. "About losing you and Sam. Again."

Deans heart, or whatever is left of that, cracked.

"I'm just so scared Dean, and I feel so stupid." Cas' voice sounded hoarse and gravelly. "I dream about you dying, and Sam dying, and when I try to help you, I can't."
Dean then realised that Cas was crying. A few tears dripped over his cheek.
"And then I'm alone, and when I wake up I'm alone too, and I think I hear noises in the hall and I just freeze and I think you and Sam are dead and then I just lie there, powerless, until I hear you guys get up in the morning and then I know you're alive-"
Cas pressed his face into the pillow, as if he was trying to disappear. Tears streamed down his face.
Dean had never seen Cas cry, but what could he do? Nightmares are a part of being human. It's just unfair Cas hasn't had to learn it until now.
"Hey, hey, Cas..." Dean pulled an arm around his friend, pulling him into his chest. It all felt a little strange, but he just wanted Cas to feel better. He remembered his mother rubbing his back, when he was a kid, and when he'd had a nightmare. He put his hand on Cas' warm back and patted him, a little uncomfortably.
Cas' tears were quietly wetting Dean's shirt, but he didn't really care.

"Cas, the next time you have a nightmare, you just come and wake me, okay? I don't care. You just come in, and, and you'll find me, snoring loudly, and you'll know I'm alive."
Cas laughed a soft laugh through his tears.
"And you know what?" Dean continued softly. "We'll get you a nightlight. One with batteries. Or solar energy- who gives a damn. We'll get you a thousand nightlights. And we'll put them up all over your room."
Cas was laughing quietly against Deans chest now, and Dean grinned too, going on.
"Hell, I'll put them everywhere. Your walls, your ceiling- we'll create a whole runway of them. The whole hall. My room too, if you want. Sammy's room."
Cas had come up from Dean's chest and was lying on his side of the bed now, shaking with laughter, looking at his best friend in the dark.
Dean was laughing too, still blowing his stupid joke up.
"We'll put so many in Sammy's room, Cas. He'll be so annoyed."
They looked at each other, feeling all giddy and warm.

"A thousand nightlights?" Cas asked, yawning.
"A million." Dean promised.
The room is quiet again, and the two guys were both feeling waves of sleep crashing over them now.
"Cas?"
"Hm?" Cas had his eyes closed again, looking content.
"You feel better now?" Dean held his breath, waiting for an answer.
"Yes. Thanks, Dean." Cas smiled, and Dean looked with a weird mix of love and pride at his friend. Good.
"Goodnight, Cas."
"Hmmhmm. Dean?"
"Yeah?"
"I just came to ask for a torch, you know."
"Night, Cas."