..

CHAPTER ONE

..

The Beginning Or The End

..

The hit had been something he hadn't expected. The world stilled for just a moment, though he was sure it was more like a lifetime and everything in it became calm and quiet – there was no longer a storm raging inside him in that moment, the anger within him had eased, the hope that had abandoned him glimmered with light and washed him with the love so desperately needed, and all the mistakes he had made in the past seemed plausible in his mind.

He felt invincible.

His reasonings for him being in the abandoned church now scattered with the only belongings of those less fortunate, who had nowhere to turn in life but to the hope of a saviour, wasn't known to him in that moment but he knew his reasons for a lot of things he had done hadn't always been the most logical.

His eyes watched her as she danced through the bliss of the first initial hit she had taken, where life and love collided like a meteorite and a planet, sending shockwaves throughout her entire body. Her long blonde tresses bounced in the air, and he was sure her golden locks were speaking to him and casting golden streaks in the air as she beckoned for him to join her. She was dancing seductively mostly for him, despite the onlookers watching on. And when he placed his hands upon her hips, the pure ecstasy radiating from him, his mind travelled to her.

Gloria kissed him then, but he faltered, and though her senses were exploding, she didn't feel the weight of his lips upon hers move away until he slipped from her arms completely. She continued to dance with exhilaration pulsing through her body, her eyes occasionally meeting Nick's, as he returned to his seat on the floor. Nick kept his gaze fixed upon her, and she could tell – even in her distant state – that her mind was elsewhere.

"Come on, Nicholas!" Gloria sang to him, closing the gap between them once more before collapsing into a heap at his feet, his hands caressing his bare ankles.

"Don't call me that," Nick warned her, and he watched a knowing smirk etch across her face.

"Let's play…" Gloria whispered excitedly. "Let's just… lose ourselves in this…"

Nick watched as she grabbed the needles they'd previously used, but his mind wandered as she readied the needles for them. Another hit in such a short amount of time sensed danger within him, but danger was what he needed in that moment to feel something, to feel anything. He could feel the drugs wearing off and he needed more.

No, he craved more.

"Here," Gloria whispered, reaching up his face and making him look her in the eye. Once their eyes met, she smiled at him. "Are you ready to go on an adventure, Nicholas Clark?"

The mere mention of his full name caught him off-guard, but he found himself nodding at her. She wrapped a belt around his arm and, with one final passionate kiss, she injected the heroin into his vein, all the while keeping their gazes upon one another. Intensity rose between them as his eyes rolled to the back of his head, his entire surroundings dancing away from his grasp as his mind began to numb.

And as he welcomed the darkness, the lull that the drugs offered him casted him further into the abyss of unconsciousness, he never imagined he would be the only survivor in what could only be depicted in a nightmare.

..

The one thing Margot Wallis wasn't expecting to see on the doorstep of her house was the man who had broken her heart. She had escaped college for another week and had driven home from college after a long day with the only thing on her agenda of that Friday evening being a hot bath, a date with her favourite book, and an early night. As she pulled up to her house, seeing him standing there with his grubby shirt open to reveal his tanned torso, his trousers halfway down his hips to reveal his boxer shorts, and his feet missing shoes and blackened due to the hot asphalt beneath them.

His eyes were wide and alert as they searched hers. Even in his high state, he could see the disappointment etched across her face as she stared at him.

"Are you being serious right now?" Margot asked him as she exited her car. "You're high as a kite, Nick. What are you doing here? Where's your girlfriend? Gloria, is it?"

She saw his eyes widen in shock, and she furrowed her brow.

"Oh God… oh God," he loudly exclaimed as panic radiated throughout his body. Margot watched him, aware of the audience gathering behind her, the hushed chatter circling around her like the buzzing of bees. She grabbed the sleeve of his shirt and pulled him towards the door, shielding him from the onlookers. She pulled the keys out of her bag and placed them into the lock, and once hearing a click, pushed the heavy door open.

She guided him in gently, his head snapping from side to side as he tried to rid himself of his invasive thoughts.

"Is this a bad hit again, Nick?" she asked, her voice low with a hint of sadness. She shut the door behind them, shutting the world out of a vulnerable situation and she guided him to the couch, gently easing him down onto the cushioned seat.

He looked at her deeply, his hand grabbing the hand that rested upon his arm. "No… no… I promise you, Wallis."

He held her hand tightly as he pleaded his innocence. Margot observed the urgency in his actions as she took a seat upon the coffee table in front of him, all the while keeping her hand in his. Margot observed the state he was in, and aside from the alertness in his eyes and actions, she could tell he hadn't been living in the greatest conditions since the last time she had seen him.

The grubbiness of his body, the unwashed body underneath the unwashed clothes, the grime underneath his nails, the smell radiating from him, and the blackened soles of his feet were a tell-tale sign that he had been neglecting his basic hygiene.

But the one thing that seemed to cause her stomach to turn was the smearing of blood on his clothes and hands.

"Nick?" her voice was low, the worry she still had for him. His gaze met hers intensely as he waited for her to continue. "Is that your blood?"

Nick glanced down at the smears of blood upon the only clothes he owned as well as stained into his skin, and before he could even explain, bile rose to his throat and he found himself emptying the contents of his stomach over himself and the floor between them.

Margot moved quickly out of the way and escaped into the open-plan kitchen where she retrieved a plastic bowl. She placed under him like so many times before, and he held it in his hands. She watched as he continued to fill the depth of the bowl. The sense of hate for him exuded from her for just a moment but she knew, deep down, she didn't truly hate him. There was no way she could ever despise him for everything he'd put his family and her through. How could she? He'd hurt her so much, but she would be lying if she hadn't hoped that every knock on the door or call on her phone was from him coming back to her.

Once he was finished emptying his stomach into the bowl, she asked him the question again, and this time he shook his head repeatedly, as if trying to escape from his own mind and the memories that had begun to plague him.

Margot faltered then, and she felt the weight of the world on her shoulders increase. The man she loved – or had loved, she wasn't certain – was a shadow of his former self.

"No… it's not mine," Nick finally answered as he wiped his mouth. The sour taste was something he was used to, and he avoided her gaze at all the times Margot had been the one to clean up his messes. She'd seen him in this state way too many times.

Nick observed the relief on Margot's face then, and he was unable to shake the guilt that grasped his heart tightly.

"Whose is it?"

"Something happened…" Nick began, to which Margot rolled her eyes at. He caught it and bowed his head in guilt.

"Yeah, something always does, Nick," Margot whispered, a hint of bitterness in her voice. "What happened this time? A bust up with your dealer?"

"No…" he whispered. "Something bad is happening. I think… I just…"

He banged his hand against his head repeatedly as he tried to rid himself of the memories that invaded his mind and the scent of the blood thick in the air that he had woken to. Gloria… eyes cloudy, body covered from head to toe in blood, her teeth gnashing in his direction, the sheer horror of witnessing her rip open his friends as they were too high to even realise. Margot moved towards him and grabbed his arm, preventing him from hitting his hand once more. He fought against her as the emotion began to take over before he stopped, allowing her to wrap her arms around him.

"Gloria… she…" Nick stuttered, trying to figure out the best way to tell her that didn't make him sound crazy. "She wasn't, uh… she wasn't Gloria anymore…"

"What do you mean?" Margot asked with a furrow to her brow. She felt herself tense up at the mere mention of the woman he left her for.

"She was… eating them," Nick choked out with a heave. "She killed everyone in there as they slept…"

..

Margot found comfort in the silence of her bedroom. She rested her head against the wall, the sound of the shower kicking in behind her. She allowed herself to close her eyes and be comforted by the sound of the water washing away the dirt and grime that clung to him.

She breathed in and out deeply a few more times as her mind tried to process what Nick had confided in her. But her brain struggled to grasp what he had told her. She felt sick to her stomach at the mere thought of what Nick had told her. Feeling overwhelmed, she stood from her position against the wall, and moved into the living area of the house and began to clean up after Nick. The aroma of vomit hung heavy in the air, and it was enough for her stomach to turn even more than it was. She glanced at the clock on the mantle and saw that only an hour had passed since she had found Nick on her doorstep, and she was grateful that her parents were out of the city taking a well-deserved break and wouldn't be home for an entire week. If they knew that Nick was back inside their house, they would hit the roof.

As she finished cleaning up after Nick, she found herself moving towards her bedroom once more where she pulled out a bundle of folded clothes from the bottom drawer of her wardrobe. She found herself walking towards the bathroom door where the shower continued to run.

Margot tapped gently on the door, loud enough for him to hear as the shoulder turned off for just a moment.

"Come in…" he called out for her softly, and she opened the door. Their eyes met as the steam of the hot shower billowed off him, and she tore her eyes away from him as she motioned towards the neatly folded clothes in her hands so that he could see.

"You, uh, left these here," Margot commented. "I forgot to bring them round to your house."

She ventured into the bathroom and placed them on top of the closed toilet seat, before turning back towards the door, and avoiding his gaze and nakedness.

"Thank you… for everything…" Nick said, his voice low. "I know you hate me right now.

"I don't hate you," Margot said sadly, almost defeated that she couldn't tell him exactly how she felt. Even after everything, she still loved him. Nick nodded as she turned to look him in the eye. And trying to justify herself, she continued. "I could never hate you, Nicholas."

And it was then as they acknowledged the change in their relationship, that he found himself feeling emotional at the mention of his name. She was the only one who was able to call him by his full first name. But before he could say anything to ease the pain that radiated from them both, she excused herself without another word and closed the door behind her. Nick wasn't sure what was going on, and he wasn't even sure if she truly believed him, but he just hoped that she could trust him after all this time.

..

Once dressed and looking a little more presentable, he found her in the kitchen. She hadn't noticed his presence behind her, and so he watched her as she navigated her way around the kitchen. She moved with ease as she pieced all the ingredients together, and he found himself watching in awe as she moved around the room gracefully.

As Margot turned around to place two bowls on the island, she jumped in fright at his unknown presence behind him. She tried to regain her breathing as their eyes met for a moment – and in that moment, it was as if the world had stilled for the both of them – before she tore her gaze away to focus on something else other than her ex-boyfriend standing in her kitchen.

He had showered and dressed; a simple white tee hung loosely around his frame, a black hoodie adorned his shoulders that he left unzipped, jeans that were now a little loose around the hips and converse protected his tired feet. His brown hair hung damp behind his ears, and his skin was as pale as it was before when she had found him in front of her house.

She felt her hands shake and the hair on the back of her neck stand on end at the intensity and the darkness behind his gaze, and she wondered if it had always been there and she had been too blind to notice before, or if it was due to what he'd had to endure.

"I'm guessing you've not had a decent meal for a while, right?" Margot asked, a small shake to her voice.

"Yeah… my diet hasn't been that good recently…" Nick confirmed bowing his head in shame once more. Margot didn't respond but just offered him a simple nod.

"I've made pasta," Margot informed him as she began to dish up. "Your favourite."

He hadn't noticed just how much weight he'd lost in the past couple of months until he had put the clothes on that Margot had brought into him. Nick watched as her gaze swept over his features, and at the changes to his face and body.

They ate mostly in silence from the opposite sides of the island. Margot found herself wanting to ask him questions about what he'd seen and witness, but she could tell he was still coming down from his latest high with the way his eyes were still wide. She wanted to know what happened, to make sense of it all, but she didn't want him the throw up again after only just getting him to eat. He had told her that he hadn't eaten for weeks and the grumble to his stomach confirmed that.

But he had told her things in the past that he had been so sure of happening, but it had all been lies, but this… this was not anything like the kinds of things he had told her before. He had claimed people had been after him, but it had been his reflection in car windows. Never had it been murder, or death, or gore before. It worried her to her very core.

"Where did… all this happen?" Margot asked watching as Nick's fork stopped its travel to his mouth. He looked up at her before he gently placed it into his bowl.

"We, uh, were holed up in a church on South Boulevard," Nick told her.

"The one that shut down a while back?" Margot wondered to which Nick nodded in response. "I've walked past that place countless times."

"You should've come in and said hi," Nick smirked but his joke fell flat as she furrowed her brow.

Margot found himself standing from her previously seated position and moved her full bowl over to the sink. She didn't feel hungry anymore, and more so, she didn't know what she was going to say or do in response to his comment. All those sleepless nights wondering where the hell he was, wondering if he was safe and okay meant nothing to him.

"If what you're saying is true-"

"-I'm telling you the truth," Nick reaffirmed urgently. "You're the one person I came to see. The one person I could confide in."

Margot bit her tongue then, as she shook her head slightly at the fact that it had only been that moment – when everything in his world started crumbling down – had he finally come back.

"You've been gone for months…" Margot whispered, her voice breaking. "And for those months, we've had to carry on as if nothing happened. Do you know how worried we've all been? Madison… Alicia… Travis… do you think it's been an easy ride for us not knowing if the cops were going to knock on the door and tell us you'd overdosed and died?"

"And I'm sorry, I really am," Nick whispered, equally as emotional. "If I can take it back and make it right…"

"You're going to take me there and you're going to show me what you claim to have seen," Margot ordered, raising a hand at her ex-boyfriend as he tried to refuse. He began to shake his head uncontrollably as she continued to talk. "And I swear to God, Nick, if this is all bullshit and one of your visions, then that's it. I'm done. I'll leave you there and I don't, and I'm being serious this time, I don't want anything to do with you again. Do you understand me?"

Nick could only nod at her, and as she led him out to the car, he just hoped that whatever he had seen hadn't been a vision that his drug-fuelled mind created.