Draco's Naughty Wishlist

by George Lucas Official

Hermione aims to please her new boy toy Fiance Draco...and she's gonna work her way down the list ;)

Portion 1:

SCENE 1: McDonald's Restaurant

The Goldblum was not a patient man. The upbringing in his royal Egyptian household taught him that sooner was always better than later. Glancing around the room, annoyed, the Goldblum produced a silver and gold telephone from the folds of his smoking velvet jacket. He quickly dialed a number and pressed the receiving end to one of his golden tan ears.

"Uh, hi, uh, yes, this is uh, Jeff Goldblum calling for, uh, Mr. Jong-Un? We had arrangements for the night but he doesn't seem to be..." He trailed off as he sensed a presence that he knew to all too well. He closed his eyes in a tired and exhausted way, and, without turning his head, began to speak. "So uh, what part of 'leave me alone' did you not, uh, understand?" He turned. There, standing in his imperial apple red shoes, was Sanic the Hedgehog.

"I thought I may have run into you here!" Sanic exclaimed to the entire dining room. Without so much as flinching, the Goldblum replied, "I've found someone who actually cares for me now, not just using me as a piece of raw MEAT!"

He bellowed the last word in a fit of rage and desperation. However, by the time he spoke again, he was already unbuttoning his shirt. "You're, uh, about to learn what happens to filthy rodents who do wrong on me." Slowly, gently, he removed his shirt, exposing his hard cut muscles and perfect tan. Not bad for someone of the ripe old age of 93.

"OH YEAH?!" Cried Sanic. But he too was removing what little garments he had on, and his shoes lay on the ground.

Almost as if acting on the same conscience, the two creatures flung themselves 5 feet into the air towards one another, and out burst forth brilliant rays of golden light, shimmering like jello in the air as they remained floating 5 feet above the ground. As the light slowly subsided, it was revealed that the Goldblum's 15 inch member was wavering just in front of Sanic's hedge hole, all the while the Goldblum was grasping his electric blue hair from behind to keep him tethered.

"UGGGH…" Cried out Sanic in apparent frustration in anger. However, his blue bell bottom was inching towards Goldblum's now filled salami stick, and in a final thrust, he let go of his pain and anger, letting the Goldblum schnitzel fill him all the way to his pancreas.

"FASTER THAN THE SPEED OF SOUND!" Shrieked the hedgehog. Faster and faster the Goldblum went, almost to the speed of light.

"This is how you handle vermin." Murmured the Goldblum. Then, there was a crashing sound of a door being thrown open. The Goldblum, realising what was coming, turned his head slowly to the left. Filling the whole doorway with his beach body frame, was Kim-Jong-Un. An expression of growing rage began to show on his face, and his skin pigment was turning slowly red.

"This is haoh mai date reepays mee?" He whispered slowly. Without warning, he performed a triple backflip towards the pair of lovers in the middle of the room. The whole dining room seemed to hold its breath as Jong-Un produced a golden firework stick from his ass. Still in the air, Jong-Un blew hard on the stick. It hissed and lit up the whole room with a deep royal purple colour before slowly taking the shape of something of legend. A giant hand. A protruding stomach. A monstrous chin. But when George Lucas spoke, his voice seemed to be magnified fifty fold, and echoed off the walls.

"This is essentially a love story." He bellowed mightily. Effortlessly, he grabbed the fleshy buttocks of all three of the horny participants, and brought them close to his already bulging trouser, which contained three flies to be undone. "It's time I showed you all who the real master is."

Not one, not two, but three lightsabers, all a deep crimson red in colour, slowly extended from within the flies. He brought the rumpus of each of the whores forth, and had the lightsaber contact the insides of each. Blinding white light, bellowing from the Lucas-God, and...silence.

Some time later, the three men woke up to still be lying on the stone floor of the restaurant. All of them were fully clothed.

"Uh, what was, uh, that all about?" Asked the Goldblum, rubbing his head.

"Boy, I don't know, but whatever it was, I sure don't want to do it again." Piped up Sanic.

"Ahgweed." Offered Jong-Un. Jong-Un slowly exited the spotless restaurant, however, the Goldblum lingered. He felt like he was forgetting something. It was when he was walking towards the exit when he felt it. A lurching from deep within his insides. He doubled over, and tried for support on the nearest table but painfully collided with the floor. He was seeing stars. He looked down at his chest and saw, with horror, a dark spot of blood appearing there, as though something was fighting to escape. Realising what was to come, he closed his eyes. In huge splashes of blood and cum, a stunted Lucas slowly crawled out of the now dying Goldblum. The Lucas creature crawled slowly towards the Goldblum's face.

"You didn't think I was gone for good, did you?" Whispered the Lucas-creature. The Goldblum lifted his head one final time to see the Lucas-creature sprouting fangs before all went black.

Portion 2:

Author's Note:

The dark is generous. It gives itself the utmost time to prepare for whatever the light has in store for it. It waits, growing, biding its power, until it gives itself fully to the mercy of the light.

The brighter the light, the darker the shadow.

CHAPTER 1: A Long Awaited Revenge

New York had always been a centerpiece to behold in the great nation of the USA. The spacious and concrete towers had always provided the citizens with the utmost satisfaction of fame and glory. Save one.

Quick, rapid steps brought the very well known jolly rancher down Broadway. Pedestrians were so preoccupied with their own meaningless tasks that they didn't even turn to recognize their own God. The Lucas turned a small corner on the street and turned to regard his destination. The New York Library. With his breathing even more ragged and harsh now, he walked right into the building, hesitating just for a moment to regard a camera and reporter filming right in front of him. Hope they didn't catch me thought the Divine man.

He walked straight into the 1800's section where he hoped to find more information on the whereabouts of his prime target. Flipping from book to book, he began to lose hope. He just had to be here somewhere! But then, just as he was opening a book on ancient squid hunting, a sudden idea struck him. He didn't need to find his lover directly. He would make others tell him first!

Slowly but surely, like a garden snake basking in the warm sun, The Lucas turned into the brightly lit street, letting the sun's radiation fuel his energy. Then, just as suddenly, in a loud chuckle, he was gone! Vanished from sight! Citizens in the vicinity gasped as if a large phallic object has just passed through their very souls, tormenting them. They hadn't felt that much power since the great collapse at McDonald's, nearly two weeks before. But they knew what was coming now. The Lucas was seeking his revenge.

The Sandcrawler Manor was aptly named, not just for its monstrous size, but it's use of golden Asian sand in its walls, ceiling, and even floors. It was the perfect place. Perfect. Perfect for one man only.

As his light, sky-blue eyes scanned the towering building before him (there's so much...happening behind those eyes), he let out a longing groan, and felt the pull of the darkside take hold of him once again. He knew that he was toying with his own feelings, that whatever him and Lucas had was finished long ago. But he could never forgive the man for what he had done. It was a crime of the utmost betrayal, and so far, with the McDonald's rampage, Hayden Christensen had only gotten part of his long awaited revenge. True, he had deliberately set Lucas free in that incident by sending in Kim-Jong-Un, but now, he needed to finish the job. Hayden was aware of what Lucas was capable of, and knew that his time was very limited before something big happened. With a sigh of resignation, Hayden set himself to work building the perfect trap.

CHAPTER 2: Aggressive Negotiations

The Lucas had never imagined that there was a place more beautiful and plentiful than the green screens at Pinewood Studios, but today, he was proved wrong. He materialized slowly, resting his small girlish feet on the soft grass. Here, he lifted his wibbly wobbly chin upwards, and found himself gazing upon a large, beautiful, and old statue of Pazuzu himself. Sand dusted all around him, and in the distance he could hear the rough barking of quarrelling dogs. His eyes continued to rake the imaginative object before him, taking in every single fucking detail. The softness of Pazuzu's eyes. The hardness of years and years of hard earned muscle. And, of course, the small but effective package, nestled comfortably between his legs.

Not sure of how to proceed, The Lucas lifted his flabby arms upwards, as if praying to the sacred object.

"Uh...listen, uh, 'Zuzu...I need some, uh, help, incredibly enough...ME, a God among men, hehehe…" rambled The Lucas, not sure exactly how to proceed. Resigned to the worst, The Lucas got on his own two knees, with much effort, and began to softly caress Pazuzu's own member with his quickly drying tongue. Almost immediately, The Lucas felt a soft vibration coming from within the statue itself. Silence. Then…

"Lucas! It was foretold we would meet again! I need not remind you that the LAST time you required my help, you failed to hold up your end of the bargain…"

As always, when Pazuzu spoke to The Lucas, he spoke in the voice of the elfish John Deacon.

"Yeah, I know I know. But this time, 'Zuzu...Hayden needs punishment."

These words struck a chord with Pazuzu. His eyes, opening a tad wider, and interest flickered within the depths of his darkened eyes.

"Well, this certainly changes things…"

CHAPTER 3: A Friendship In Flames

Filet Mignon with a generous side of strawberry crumpets had always been Hayden's favorite meal. It helped him keep the utmost physical physique and performance when preparing for an acting routine. As he finished his food, he reached for his glass of water sitting by his right hand. A long gulp of of the wetness permeated the silence that weighed down in the abandoned Sandcrawler Manor, and Hayden felt something he hadn't felt in years. It was...arousal, mixed with the strangest degree of pain and heartache. Hayden didn't like the feeling at all. Not long after he had finished filming Attack of the Clones, Lucas had taken him aside and told him something that changed his life forever, and it was then that Hayden got his first glimpses at these complex emotions...

Hayden quickly pushed the thought out of his mind, eager to get on with the task at hand. He couldn't let himself be weighed down by thoughts and feelings long gone.

Standing up rather quickly, he threw aside his clothes with a single sweep of his pedophilic hand. With his other hand, he used his Force-like powers gifted to him by Lucas to summon a full fledged human sized condom from the depths of the Manor. An ancient treasure that not many knew was hidden here, Hayden dangled the rubbery object in front of him, searching for what he knew should be on it. Then, written in what looked like blood, Hayden found it.

Steven Spielberg (1969)

At last, Hayden had proof that Lucas had not only been...entertaining other guests while he and Hayden were betrothed to each other, but now his darkest suspicions were confirmed. His own son, his flesh and blood, Steven Spielberg, had been giving his body to Lucas, under his own father's nose. Anger took a tight hold on Hayden, and he flashed his electric blue eyes to the sky, screaming in a torrent of abusive pain "YOU TURNED HIM AGAINST ME".

A long, ringing silence followed this statement. Hayden got up slowly, and threw the condom to the floor, eager to get the show on.

"If it is war you want, then war you shall receive!".

CHAPTER 4: Chupacabra

The Lucas wiped thick, black liquid from his bearded chin, gasping as if he had just run a block.

"I can tell it's, uh, been awhile since you've, uh, had any action…" he said sheepishly to Pazuzu, having at last fulfilled his previous end of the bargain.

"Now, Lucas, we are square. You say you need my help again? I suppose we could work something out." Pazuzu grinned slyly at him.

"I just need, uh, help in locating him. I'm afraid he may, uh, discover a terrible truth...about myself and Steve...hehehe." Lucas's fear turned to excitement as he realised the potential of this future confrontation. And with Pazuzu aiding him in locating Hayden, The Lucas was sure he would exact the truth. "The boy needs to learn the facts before I can have my way with him. After all, he was once my Anakin."

The Lucas wasn't sure why he felt so devoted to Hayden. He figured that it was probably because he had ruined his life during the making of the Star Wars pictures, but it was all the same to Lucas. If he went down, they all went down.

"Now, onto business," spoke Pazuzu in a brisk tone, eager to get on with his duty. "You say you want to find this boy? I can only assume that someone of this calibre and potential has one great weakness…"

Lucas immediately brightened up, knowing at once what this might mean.

"Sand. It's sand. And I think I know just where plenty of that may be…"

CHAPTER 5: Rough, Coarse, and Irritating…

The walls were painted. The floor was shined. And his flesh was exposed. Hayden sat in a cushioned chair of the deepest royal purple, naked as the day he was placed on this earth from the hand of God himself. He, unlike Lucas, had the patience necessary to enact his grand scheme. As he bided his precious time, the grandfather clock made from the fingers of Samuel. L Jackson struck 12, and Hayden knew that soon, he would meet his ultimate match.

Without wasting too much energy, Hayden, on command, spewed forth from his royal scepter enough seed to fill 10 swimming pools. He was soon wading waist deep in his own half finished children. This was all a part of the plan. He was fully aware that Lucas wouldn't be able to resist the pungent odour for long, and that with him, he would bring the wrath of a thousand hot fires. But Hayden didn't mind. All he wanted was love, and if killing the one thing that gave him that broke him free of its binding spell, then so be it.

CHAPTER 6: Frisko

Pazuzu had never forgotten just how persuasive Lucas could be at times. It was always amusing, seeing Lucas wobble his fupa down to his level, and beg for help in times of need. Despite Lucas being on a level of true divinity, Pazuzu always tended to have something that Lucas could never achieve through pure unoriginality and tampering gifts. Thus, he always felt it his unofficial duty to help the old soul whenever he could, though he always liked to have his way with him first.

The two old friends walked slowly down the cobbled side street in Istanbul, taking their time yet at the same moment staying completely on task. Pazuzu turned his horned head to Lucas, and spoke in knowing tones.

"You do realise that he must know that we're coming for him?"

Lucas inclined his head slowly, though due to his mass he had to turn his whole body in the process.

"Oh, uh, yes, I'm, uh well aware. Hehehe. He would be a fool not to suspect anything coming from me. In fact," he added with a grin, "I would be disappointed if he wasn't."

Pazuzu gave a growling moan, eager to finally see some action in his relatively stony life. Though mostly malevolent, Pazuzu was simply an old soul, just trying to find his way in the universe, and Lucas helped him see through that.

"Have you thought of a game plan yet, Lucas?" Inquired Pazuzu thoughtfully, aware of how reckless the man could be.

"Of course. Hehehe. He won't escape my creative grasp, uh, this time." Pazuzu had to accept that Lucas was being legitimate, and could only place his complete trust in him as they rounded the corner and came to a stop in front of a giant mansion made of Asian sand.

"Well, Lucas. Here we are. Your friend should be in there somewhere."

And without another word, Pazuzu vanished in a trail of smoke and vape.

CHAPTER 7: Lucas Mucas

"Well, uh, I suppose I'm on my own now, hehehe," mumbled Lucas as he walked up to the front gate of the esteemed Manor. The windows had a dull, broken look to them, and the paint on the outer walls looked as old as time itself. However, what intrigued Lucas most was that the entire building seemed to be molded and constructed out of some sort of hard sand. This is the place. Thought Lucas with a confirming jerk of his schnitzel. It was time to go to work.

With a determined step in his walk, he strode firmly up to the front door of Norwegian Metal. Before he could even begin to summon the inner courage to throw his fist on the door, however, it slowly creaked open for him. Resigned to the worst he could possibly imagine, Lucas walked over the threshold boldy. He stepped inside and peered around. He was nearly waist deep in what seemed to be some sort of sticky confectioners icing. He bent over curiously, intending to see what was waiting for him. A quick sniff of the adhesive-like substance confirmed that Hayden was indeed here. He would recognize that stench of broken dreams and forgotten memories anywhere. Wading determinedly through the pool of baby juice, Lucas began to shake. The tremors got worse when he rounded the corner and met the stare of those blue eyes he knew so well. He tried to focus on something, anything else to draw his attention away from the pain he knew that he had caused, but alas, he was unable to break the bond that the tears streaming from Hayden's eyes started.

"Mr. Lucas," spoke Hayden in a raspy, tired voice, "I never knew there was a bastard as large as you. You know why you've come here. I know what you seek." George was stupefied. He had expected anger, yelling, even rapey violence from Hayden's part. Now, he could hardly stand the pain and disappointment in his former mistress's voice.

"Hayden, uh...I know that we both, uh, knew this was coming, hehehe...but, uh, it's time to face this once and, uh for all." George spoke slowly and deliberately, weighing every word as if he was choosing his thoughts very carefully.

"The time for forgiveness is over George. You made that clear in 2002," replied Hayden, now sounding close to true and free tears himself. "I never wanted to be a part of your world, but I never realised I wouldn't be able to escape it when you became MY world."

These were the words that sent Lucas over the edge of what he roughly considered good and evil. His pupils rapidly began to cry in streaming, mismatched tears of agony and blood.

"Hayden, uhh...I did not expect you to understand much...but now you've given me no other choice." With that being said, Lucas contracted his massive gut, and forced off his clothing by the power of pure pressure. Beneath it lay his three golden-red saber crisps, waiting to be unleashed.

"Let's get started." said Hayden with finality.

Together, they moved as one, and the battle was on.

CHAPTER 8: Battle of the Heroes

The Lucas God charged the esteemed actor, unleashing all three of his crimson blades and swinging them wildly. Hayden, using his powers of precognition, avoided the attack, causing Lucas to charge straight through the wall behind where he once stood. Hayden was terrified, knowing that by avoiding the inevitable would only cause further pain. Lucas let out a bull-like roar, that seemed to venture straight from the deepest depths of his perverted imagination. Hayden seemed to shrink before him, terrified of the continuous anger coming from Lucas, but also with a hint of melancholy admiration. And after all, thought Hayden, there's no arguing taste.

Lucas reappeared in the room with a blast of purple energy, causing Hayden to grunt sensually and jump back. "Perhaps you've forgotten uh… I made you what you are hehehehe...I gave you this power, and now...I uh...will take it away hehehe…" Hayden squinted his eyes in confusion, not understanding what the Lucas God meant...however this look soon become one of fear when he realized what Lucas was holding in his hand…

"FUCK NO LUCAS!" Shouted Hayden in an actual orgasmic and thunderous desperate plea. "YOU'VE TAKEN EVERYTHING FROM ME!"

"You've, uh, forced my genius hand," quipped the Lucas, holding up the script of Episode II in his trembling and greasy hand. Hayden began to break down into unconvincing, yet genuine tears.

"Don't…"

Lucas, now pushed to his limit, and peering down at his creation through his cracked, rounded glasses showed no mercy. He opened the script. "This has gone on uh….long enough, young one…" With a graceful wave of his small fingered hand that had taken the virginities of many, began to rectify and erase all of Hayden's God given powers from the picture. Hayden squirmed and struggled like a lobster being steamed alive at Christmas.

"Uh UHUH...Uh UF FUCk!" Shrieked Hayden in his painful and vibrant tones.

Then, just as suddenly as it had started, the pain came to a shivering halt. Hayden was left in a fetal position on the dusty, cum-ridden floor, with nothing but his now merely human attributes.

Lucas stalked his now wounded and vulnerable prey on the floor, helpless as Lucas had been during the making of the first Star Wars picture in '77.

"Now, uh, Hayden...it's time we did things my way…"

CHAPTER 9: Are You An Angel?

"Say, uh...Hayden. Are you an angel?" Lucas inserted his hand into one of his many rolls and pulled out his own trademarked makeup kit. When Hayden failed to answer, Lucas continued, "An angel. They live on the moons of, uh, Iego," Lucas began applying lipstick to his chapped and bloody puckers, "I think." he added with a groan of anticipation.

Hayden tried earnestly to crawl away into the peace, freedom, justice, and security of the outside. He was making good progress, though he sensed that Lucas was only toying with him, as he had so many times before. Lucas, keeping pace with Hayden's broken frame, continued, "The deep space pilots talk about them…you know what they say about them?" Hayden let out a groan as his wanting to escape had only intensified...he knew what was coming. "They are the most beautiful creatures in the galaxy…" Hayden continued his struggle towards the door, sweat dripping from his face. Lucas, wanting to push this even further, slammed his heavy foot down upon Hayden's thin, woman-like, ankle. He let out a cry of pain, "They're also veeery fragile." Lucas added with satisfaction in his voice.

"Lucas, for the love of God…"

Lucas observed the broken fragment of what was once a man before him, and looked inside himself. He dissected his innermost emotions. He reassembled them. If anything, they burned even hotter than before, but they no longer had the power to cloud his mind.

"No." said Lucas simply. Hayden's eyes went wide, and he braced for impact. Nothing more than broken nerves could register the rough and gory pull of Lucas's hand through his hair as he lifted him up and slammed him into the opposite wall. Hayden knew nothing could save him now. It was over. Lucas chuckled victoriously as his big, bold and beautiful frame strutted proudly across the room towards his prize.

"I've waited a long time for this moment...my little, bland, friend." Hayden did nothing. He knew any effort would just be in vain. It was time. Lucas, with the strength of ten gundarks, gripped Hayden's pretty doll-like hair and dragged his plaything across the chamber...into the soon to be destroyed bedroom. Hayden realized that all the pain he had suffered was nothing in comparison as to what awaited him there. The very tectonic plates of our green globe began to rattle and crack under the sheer power of Lucas' thrusts. Hayden's but mortal form twisted, shattered and snapped. With each bloodcurdling push Lucas only felt more pleasure as he tore straight through the mountain of mangled flesh that once was Hayden Christensen.

The streets around what once was Sandcrawler Manor were flooded with Lucas' waters of life, contaminating the entire city, and killing millions instantly. When it was over, Lucas was content...pleased that his creation finally had some use after all. As he walked away from the rubble, he looked back on it all, on the countless who perished, on the levelled landscape that once was the hope of many...on Hayden…

"Maybe I went a little far with this one." he said as he shrugged and walked away...into the wondrous, binary sunset.

Portion 3:

Author's Note:

By the time any evil has a chance to take it's putrid hold on society, the good, in turn, has a chance to take a veritable shape. But it is in vain. If you are grateful, I will give you more.

CHAPTER 1: Cheesus Christ!

Chatham had always held a high status among common tradesmen and mercantile folk. A constant supply of chicken and grain ensured that Chatham never flew under the radar. It attracted a great variety of visitors, elderly, and even, at times, trouble. This day, in which our story starts, was no exception.

Quick footsteps brought the youngster of Chatham-Kent quickly to his favorite dining spot in all of the world: Richmond McDonald's. The location always held great interest for the native of Chatham-Kent's appetite. There was never any delay in the time he took to order his food, to the time he received, and he was known by most there as "Charlie". Not many knew his true identity, however. It held a past so terrifying and unspeakable, if any word were to reach...Him...he would never be able to escape his destiny.

Today, Charlie was craving a nice juicy royale cheese, and just a little bit of signature thai sauce on the side. He wasn't so sure about his drink. He knew that sugar and carbs would eventually catch up with his otherwise clean cut and hard 46 year old body, but he wasn't in the mood for discussion. I want a 7Up, he thought decidedly. And of course, he would finish off his meal with a warm and tender apple pie, baked fresh everyday just for him. You could never find any better deal in all of Chatham, or the world for that matter. Everytime he ordered this particular meal, he would get a thrill of joy from his Adam's apple right down to his jiggly jong. At only 43.99, he couldn't argue.

As he rounded the corner to Richmond street, the one that would eventually take him to his value meal, he felt something in the air. Perhaps it was a testing solution from the military base right up the road, but he thought he could detect a slight...heaviness in the way that the air passed into his golden lungs. Not quite sure of how to cooperate with air, he turned on his feet and shook his fist secretively at the military base, knowing they would strip him down and detain him if they saw any rebellion coming from him. Charlie did not exactly have the best reputation in Chatham. Once or twice he was caught at the bargain bin in Walmart, attempting to bust his load into the large selection of films featuring Renee Zellweger. He had been escorted out on both occasions by some young attractive policeman, but not after he had finished his business.

The thought of perhaps going to make an inquiry with the Sheriff had barely crossed his mind when 4 police cars raced down the road at top speed, nearly breaking the sound barrier. To make matters even more delicate, he saw, to his utter disbelief, smoke pouring out of Richmond Mcdonald's! His trot broke into a sort of sideways gallop as he quickly headed down to the restaurant.

Just as he approached the famous golden archway, two large men, one of them his old mentor, Sheriff Zlorps, stopped him in his path. Behind them, he could see two other policemen putting down the iconic crime scene tape.

"What...what's happened here?" Charlie asked Zlorps fearfully.

"Well, uh, you see sweetie pie...it's bad. I think you'd better come inside and see for yourself.

CHAPTER 2: Ruins

The good Sheriff lead Charlie under the yellow crime scene tape and into the nearly leveled fast food restaurant.

"There's...nothing left.." Zlorps put a comforting and suggestive hand on Charlie's shoulder. "I'm afraid it gets worse muffin top." Charlie turned to the moustached cop with a blank expression.

"What do you mean worse?"

Zlorps looked at the floor, and kicked at the cumstained carpet. "I don't know how to tell you this candyass… so I'll have to show you. In there." He pointed to an object sitting in the middle of the floor, covered in a soft white tarp. Charlie turned back to him,

"What is this?"

Zlorps looked him dead in the eye, as he did so, a single, solitary tear, shinier than the most precious gem, cascaded down his aged visage.

" He's gone...I'm sorry sugar tits but it's true."

Charlie couldn't hesitate any longer. He bent down to the tarp, shaking in fear. He lifted the tarp, revealing the chiseled face of The Goldblum.

"Oh my god!"

He screamed and fell into Zlorp's caring arms. "Who did this to him?! How did this happen?!" inquired Charlie with his ears dampening the good sheriff's blue jacket.

"We don't know yet tricky-nips but we'll catch him. I promise you…"

he reached down to catch Charlie's face "I will find who did this and I will kill him with the full fiery fury of my heart."

Charlie, though full of grief, was comforted by this gesture. In Zlorps' strong arms, he felt safe and secure, he always saw him as his father.

"Fuck me Zlorps." he said calmly as he clawed at Zlorps' muscular frame.

"Ok." Said Zlorps as he unbuckled Charlie's pants and placed him on a nearby table.

Now in position, Zlorps pulled his own trousers down to reveal all two inches of his massive shaft.

"PLEASE!" screamed Charlie, spreading his now exposed ass cheeks for the officer. Zlorps, being unable to argue with such an offer, slammed his salami stick into the young lad with all the force he could muster.

"You have the right to remain silent!" said Zlorps as he slapped the boy's puckered ass. Charlie bit his lip in an attempt to contain his screams however, it was in vain. Charlie bit straight through his bottom lip, tearing it entirely off.

"HELL YES DADDY!" he squealed as blood began to trickle down his chin. Zlorps gasped with the sudden outburst of pleasure and knew it was time to finish this. He gripped Charlie's now bruised rump and hammered away at it like a medieval smith, contorting Charlie's tailbone in unthinkable ways until finally he screamed

"YOU'RE UNDER ARREST FOR CUMMIE STEALING!" and unloaded approximately ten litres of love straight into Charlie's ass and unto the corpse. Charlie reached his fist into his ass, removed a handful of cummies, and swallowed it whole.

"Guilty as charged…" Charlie said with a roguish wink of the eye.

CHAPTER 3: Epic Meal Time

Charlie walked painfully down the busy streets of New York, rain was pouring down his face. He remembered Zlorps' instructions clearly, he was to meet a friend of his at the 9/11 memorial at 4:20pm, once there, Zlorps' friend would fill Charlie in on what exactly happened at richmond McDonald's. He needed answers.

So there he was, standing at the memorial at 4:20pm and there he was. Zlorps' friend was more magnificent than Charlie could ever imagine. He was tall, and handsome as hell. He was bad...but he did it so well. His heavy frame strided towards Charlie, he was without a doubt… Guy Fieri.

Guy's white, spiky hair sparkled, even in the dim light of the cloudy New York skyline.

"Charlie!" He screamed, "It's me! Guy!"

"I can see that." Charlie said, impressed by Fieri's wonderful flaming shirt.

"We don't have much time!" Guy grabbed Charlie's hand and brought him aboard his magic carpet.

"Where did you get a magic carpet from?" Charlie asked, aroused by his capture's charms. Guy turned to him and removed his sunglasses, revealing his sickening sunken eyes.

"Arabia, silly!" and just like that, the two of them rocketed through the sky and immediately plowed through a building, instantly killing multiple business people.

One man however, survived our heroes' entrance, albeit barely. He began to crawl away from the erupting blaze, his legs, only attached by a few tendons. If only, he thought, he could reach the phone in time to call his wife and tell her he loves her before the end.

Guy, jumping at the opportunity, pulled out his handgun, pointed it at the man's head and painted the floor red.

"I had to put him out of his misery...and into my stomach!" One by one, he prepared the shredded corpses, marinated them, seasoned them, and finally grilled them to his succulent liking. Guy began to eat his prey with nothing but hunger on his mind, it had been centuries since the last virgin sacrifice, so he was starving.

"Aren't you supposed to help me?" Charlie interrupted.

"Oh right!" Guy said, blushing of embarrassment at the realization that lunch wasn't for another half hour. "Take this!" He threw a business card at Charlie. "This guy has all the answers you need."

"Thanks.." Charlie said, unsure of what had just happened. "Murray's investigations?" He read aloud. He began to descend the many staircases of the office building, unto the street, and towards the address marked on the business card.

CHAPTER 4: Ghosts of the Past

The Murray's investigations building was gothic in design, it looked old. Very old. Charlie couldn't help but stop and admire it. He moaned eagerly as he pushed his way through the thick oak doors which were the entrance to this wonderful feat of architecture. Charlie made his way through the marble foyer of the building.

"I'm looking for Murray! Hello?" he yelled up the empty staircase.

"Bill Murray?" said a familiar voice behind him. Charlie spun around, scared, yet aroused ;)

"Woah! You're!?"

"Yes." Bill interrupted. " but Please..." He added, "Call me Billy."

Billy placed a firm hand on Charlie's crotch. He immediately hardened like a stale baguette.

"BILLY FUCK ME!" Charlie screamed as he carefully, delicately, and violently tore off the actor's bulging trousers.

"Woah...and here I was thinking Garfield was a bad kitty...you're clearly a much naughtier kitty, you wanna be Billy's lil' kitten?" Charlie immediately sprouted whiskers and began meowing as he began to fellate Bill's throbbing proton pack.

"Oh geez." Billy said as he felt the pleasure tear through him. Being the generous man he was, Billy began jerking Charlie's inferior schnitzel. The two began to levitate out of pure passion. The purity of it all was so beautiful, it would bring a tear to any onlookers' eye. Just a man and his kitten, against the world. Both participants could feel they were going to burst soon..and hard.

"Meow!" screamed Charlie, alerting his owner of his inevitable nut. Billy, being omnipresent, knew this already of course, and looked Charlie in the eye.

"We have to cross the streams!" Charlie nodded his pretty kitty head. It was time.

They leapt from each other, performing multiple flips and acrobatics that even the most distinguished cirque du soleil troupe would be envious of. Until finally, both of them erupted, spewing their hot loads then...the two streams collided, resulting in total protonic reversal. It would be several hours before the men awoke, but now...sweet pleasureful silence.

CHAPTER 5: Waters of Life

The next morning Charlie was using Bill's shower, he was amazed by it's ivory walls and luxurious water pressure. It felt good to finally have time to relax. He felt the warm water cascade down his bruised body, it entered every crack, every orifice, and soothed him to his core. He had cum a long way since Chatham, and he was so close to getting answers. He needed to ask Billy today. He needed to know the truth.

As soon as he thought this he felt a slight chill. Rather than warm clean water, he felt a cold dirty hand touch his tortured left ass cheek. He jumped and gasped in fear, he was about to scream...but he knew that touch. He knew there was no need for worry. It was Billy. Charlie had a cheeky smile creep onto his face.

"Again Billy? Really?" Billy placed his other two hands on Charlie's chest, cupping his luscious guy-tits.

"You know me…" Billy said with a ghoulish grin. "I'm Bill Murray! I take what I want whenever I want it…"

Charlie got goosebumps...he knew he couldn't resist him. Charlie turned to face Billy and began to kiss him passionately, their wet bodies seamlessly began to slide against each other. Billy's massive shaft became massive as blood rushed to fill it's every vein. Billy let out the war cry of his people, the sound echoes through the bathroom. As he did this, his trousers' serpent acted as if it had a mind of its own. It quickly extended to at least twenty feet and jammed itself straight up Charlie's swollen asshole.

"HELL YEAH BILLY! FILL! ME! UP!" This scream of encouragement made Billy smile, he intended to do just that. Every. Single. Inch. Of Billy's erect schlong entered Charlie's body, up past his rectum, through his intestines, stomach, throat and finally up out of his mouth. Charlie attempted to scream but nothing but gurgling filled the room.

Billy laughed hysterically at his feat. He didn't think it was possible but...he did it. Charlie's entire digestive tract had become a dick-gestive tract. He was completely impaled by Billy's member. Billy then grinned an awful grin as he climaxed.

Billy's ghost juice exploded out of Charlie's mouth, creating almost a fountain statue out of Charlie, it began to rain back down on Charlie completely coating him in baby juice. Billy retracted his cock, causing blood to drain from Charlie's decimated anus, allowing Charlie to speak again.

"You slimed me Billy!"

"Damn right!" Billy said with a wink. The two man dried the blood and cum off each other, laughing like two japanese schoolgirls.

Chapter 6: Answers

Still huffing and puffing as if he had just ran a 10 mile race at 1 mile an hour, Charlie began to turn his attention to more important details. True, it was hard to top the immense amounts of pleasure that Billy rewarded him with, but with time of the extreme essence, he decided that cummies would have to hold off. For now.

"Billy, I came here in need of answers," asked Charlie sheepishly. He was fully aware that he had just had the time and cum of his entire meaningless existence, and that now it almost seemed rude asking for such delicate details.

"Anything, Candy Apple, anything I can answer, I will." said Billy in an earnest whisper, leaning in close enough to fill all of the void between them. Charlie began to feel slightly nervous himself as of this moment. He wasn't sure how to word it.

"I, uh...I need answers on...on The Goldblum." He finished this proclamation with his back straight and erect, a proud man in an honourable pursuit.

"What in the Slime-Verse did you just say?" demanded Billy quickly and coldly, all past warmth now quickly draining from his shocked eyes. "That's two slaps for that question, mister." he said, ending his statement with two quick and painful pinches right on his derriere.

"I know it's sudden, but I need answers. The Goldblum was the victim of a terrible tragedy right in my hometown, not one month ago." Charlie waited with bated breath, unsure of how Billy would react to his bold and brute request.

"Well, you see...I'm not sure if I'm the best one to tell you, Charlie," said Billy, now avoiding his eyes and instead focusing on Charlie's limp phallic device. "I'll tell you what...because of all you've done for me here, I'll point you in the right direction…" Billy reached into his many folds of skin protruding on his hairy chest and pulled out a slightly moist paper card. "Follow this, and you'll find some answers."

Billy leapt into the air following this and crawled through the wall vent with finesse reminiscent of a down syndrome toddler exposed to Chernobyl.

Charlie, intrigued by the paper, looked down with a slight tear in his eye.

London HA9 0WS, UK: Wembley Stadium

Chapter 7: Battle of the Britts

Charlie lifted his sore rumpus from the subway's seat, stepping off the train and into the crowded station. Eagerly, he pushed his way through the crowd and turnstile, into the sprawling streets of London. He yawned and stretched out his arms, and took a big breath. He could practically smell the answers he was looking for. He galloped down the cobblestone roads, desperately searching for this "Wembley Stadium" he outstretched his arm to a stranger on the street, hoping the man could give him directions.

"Excuse me sir?" he said unsurely, hoping he did not misgender,

"Why yes?" the man replied in a deep voice, and very distinct accent.

"I'm Charlie, I'm looking for a place called Wembley Stadium, do you know where I can find it?"

The man turned to face Charlie, he seemed familiar, to him but couldn't quite place his face.

"Why yes of course! I was on my way there myself!"

"Oh really?" Charlie said surprised "Want to come with me?" Charlie said with a wink, biting his top lip like the savage animal he is.

"Ha! I'd love to but, I'm waiting for my friends, we are going there together real soon, I'd be nothing without a little help from my friends."

"Oh.." Charlie said, lowering his head in disappointment.

"Hey!" comforted the big-nosed old man, "I'll meet you there ok?"

Charlie nodded.

"Good! Ha! It's that way my friend!" he pointed at the massive stadium that lay two feet from them,

"Thank you mister!" screamed Charlie as he strode through it's gates, clicking his heels in delight."

The man put a phone to his ears, "This is Richard...the boy is here...I'm afraid he'll get mixed up in our plans today...I'll be seeing the tree of you very soon…" The man placed his cell phone in his long jacket, making visible, only for an instant, his sparkling pink uniform which he wore underneath.

Charlie entered the stadium, he searched almost everywhere and couldn't find anyone. He almost gave up, until he heard it...a voice, no THE VOICE.

Standing on there, on the stage of Wembley, naked as the day he was born stood Freddie Motherfucking Mercury.

He bellowed a mighty "AAAAAAAAYOOOOOOOOOO!" as he soared through the air in his trademarked yellow jacket. He landed with a violent thud right in front of the meer mortal Charlie. Charlie jumped back, and eyed what lied before him, Freddie's muscular body glistened in the stadium lights, his eyes were like diamonds and his mustache...was like a meadow, and smelled of butterfly milk .Charlie dropped to his knees.

"I am not worthy!" He began to bow to the Bohemian.

"Of course you aren't darling..." Freddie said in his strong, overpowering voice, "But I am a giving God."

Freddie, now contemplating how to deal with this fresh piece of meat, picked up charlie with just one muscular arm, and put him on his feet. Charlie, unsure of what was going on, looked at Freddie with concern. Freddie, in return, leaned into Charlie and whispered in his ear

"How big's your cock?" Charlie, now overpowered with lust, reached for Freddie's long, hairy member. Freddie, with the reflexes of a puma on metabolic steroids, snatched Charlie's hand out of the air, crushing every bone in his body instantly.

"Now now love, let me serenade you.." Charlie began to break down into tears.

"Freddie...I'm just a poor boy, I need no sympathy.." but before Charlie could finish, Freddie screamed "EASY CUM!" Charlie climaxed immediately, spewing his white, hot load unto the stadium's floor. Charlie moaned in pain and pleasure as he attempted to move again, however, every single bone in his body had crumbled like shortbread, he was defenseless, he was afraid at first, but he then realized Freddie would have his way with him, and so he just closed his eyes and waited to receive Freddie's killer cock.

"It seems you're just waiting for the hammer to fall aren't you darling?"

Charlie managed to scream "FUCK ME FREDDIE!" before passing out from the pain.

"OPEN UP YOUR ASS AND LET ME CUM INSIDE!" Freddie began to sing, "REST MY PENIS HEAD, INSIDE YOUR RAVAGED INSIDES!" Freddie began to thrust his massive twig n' berries into what was left of Charlie's battered asshole. Freddie trusted, and thrusted, and thrusted some more until he reached his desired pace, laughing maniacally as he felt Charlie come back into consciousness. Feeling the blood pump through his prey again, Freddie was inspired to finish this.

"GET READY!" Freddie sang immaculately, Charlie knew what to do...his head spun around 180 degrees to face Freddie.

"READY FREDDIE" Charlie screamed as he felt his ass fill to the brim with his pungent love juice. "CRAZY LITTLE THING CALLED CUM!" sang Freddie with finality.

Freddie looked down at the husk of a man that once was Charlie, feeling sorry for all the damage he had done, Freddie brushed his moustache against Charlie's left asscheek, healing him of all his wounds and repairing him entirely, making his bum as tight as it was when he was first ravaged by Zlorps.

"Thank you...for everything Freddie…" Charlie said, admiring Freddie's Chiseled features.

"Don't thank me darling, the fun is just beginning...come meet the boys, I know Deacy has been dying to speak with you." Freddie took Charlie's hand and guided him backstage.

The backstage area was filled with the stench of brustle sprouts and asscracks, and it's tall grey walls were far from inviting but Charlie pushed forward. Hoping that this "Deacy" would have the answers he needs. Then he saw them. The other three.

"This is Brian, Roger, and Deacy" said Freddie proudly.

The men he gestured to paled in comparison to the Fredster.

The one he called Brian was tall, and had a long grey mane of curly hair, he proudly held in his hands an instrument of his own design, "the Green Average", a bass guitar that has nothing special about it, and it certainly wasn't red.

Then there was Roger, who hadn't stopped staring at Freddie since we entered the room. He wore a shirt that said "Freddie 4 Life" and he held two wooden sticks in his hands, giving off the impression that he was a drummer or something.

Then finally there was Deacy. Deacy was...strange to say the least. He was short, stout, and aged. Time had not been kind to the old man, in fact it hadn't been to any of them. Except Freddie, of course. Freddie produced a sparkling bottle of cabernet sauvignon from the interior of his jacket. He immediately began to pour the fluid into five glasses with a proud smile.

"HELL YES FREDDIE!" screamed Roger, making everyone in the room jump and then squirm in discomfort. "POUR THOSE FUCKERS!"

"Roger for christ sake calm down. We've been working with him for the better part of forty years and you still haven't gotten over him have you?" Brian said, clearly displeased with Roger's behaviour. Roger did not even look at Brian. He didn't look at anyone. He never did. Only at Freddie. He still had yet to blink since him and Charlie entered the room. Tears flooded the percussionist's bloodshot eyes as he looked at his hero.

"POUR IT LIKE THE GENIUS YOU ARE!" Freddie looked up at Roger, he had a sort of...admiration for his disciple. Charlie was about to pick up his drink when Deacy rested his freakishly long fingered-hand on his shoulder.

"We don't have much time." Deacy said in a high, elfish voice.

"What do you mean?" Charlie said, puzzled. Deacy ran his hand through his white curly locks.

"Billy sent you here didn't he?" Charlie had a stern expression creep onto his face.

"You know what happened?" Deacy looked at Charlie, he seemed to be ashamed of something.

"I'm afraid I was a part of something terrible my boy. A long time ago I helped set in motion events which made a powerful being infinitely more powerful. I now see the error of my ways. I went into hiding." Charlie's mind spun.

"What are you talking about?"

"Can't you fucking listen?! He's back! He destroyed that McDonald's, He killed Hayden and now he's coming to-" Deacy stopped and turned towards the door. Faintly in the distance, a steady beat was growing louder and louder.

"NO!" he screamed "Charlie! Get down!" Charlie obeyed and hid beneath a nearby table. Suddenly the beat shook the entire stadium, causing silt to drop from the ceiling, and all four bandmates to turn towards the door.

"Oh bloody hell…" said Freddie, annoyed, "It's the-" Before he could finish, the wall came crumbling down, revealing a blinding light that blazed behind it. Then...the unthinkable.

A massive, yellow submarine smashed into the room, nearly crushing everyone within. The ramp of the submarine lowered, and in single file, four uniformed men exited the colourful vessel. The first wore glasses and was clad in a rich yellow, the second was big eyed, and wore blue, the third had reached spiritual enlightenment and was clad in red, and the fourth and final, had a massive nose and proudly donned a pink uniform.

"Beatles?" said Ringo with a proud smile. Paul immediately pushed his way over to Ringo and flicked him in the nose, causing it to gush blood.

"DON'T YOU EVER FUCKING SPEAK OUT OF TURN AGAIN STARKEY! YOU GOT ME CUNT?!" Ringo cowered at Paul's raised fist.

"Ok Paul, I'm sorry Paul!" Paul straightened his cobalt jacket.

"It's quite alright Ringo, just don't do it again."

Charlie got up from under the table, "Who are you?" Inquired Charlie in a daze.

"Us?" John Lennon laughed, "We're the Beatles, and we are here to wipe these poor sods off the face of the fucking earth!" as he said this Freddie levitated across the room and stood defiantly in front of the fab four.

"That's where you're wrong, darling." Freddie said suggestively, as the other three members of Queen joined his side valiantly.

"Queen is a menace to brittain's rock and roll legacy, you know, It is time we decimate your filth." Paul said as he smiled and cracked his knuckles. Charlie, unsure of what to do, immediately dropped his pants and fell to his hands and knees lifting his ass into the air.

"Please! Just take me!" The Liverpoolians turned to face the boy, Ringo saw the bravery in Charlie's actions, the mere sight of such kindness brought a tear to his eyes.

"How interesting…" George said, teasing his moustache, "What do we do John? Paul?" All of them looked quizzically at each other. "I say we fuck him." Ringo said nodding, bringing up his drumsticks to play Charlie's bum drum.

"No!" John said, lowering Ringo's hands. "We can't forget what we came here for. These sorry cunts." Charlie began to get nervous, he couldn't risk Deacy being killed before he got answers.

"So...how do we do this?" Brian said, eyeing down his foes.

"It's simple…" John said as he removed a massive dildo sword from within his yellow jacket. "I don't believe in violence...only love and peace...so we kill each other….through love…" As he finished he cracked a roguish smile. This aroused Freddie, making his schlong even longer.

"I love the sound of that you smug bastard." The game was on.

John readied his massive dildo sword, and smacked Freddie's chiseled face, causing him to lose several of his jagged teeth.

"ROGER!" Freddie said, blood dripping from his mouth. "KILL RINGO."

Roger, after finally receiving an order from his emperor, wanted nothing more.

"WITH THE SINCEREST OF PLEASURE!" Roger removed his trousers and Freddie fanclub underwear to reveal his disturbingly tiny penis and horrifically large testicles, he then jumped in the air, with the intent of crushing Ringo. Ringo screamed a scream and jumped out of the way, just barely surviving the shock wave. Roger, knowing that his lord's work be done, immediately produced a set of bongos from a puff of smoke and attempted to crush his adversary. Ringo, having a background as a russian ballerina, easily avoided the attack.

While the others were distracted by this battle George immediately removed his red uniform and slammed his massive skin sitar into Brian May's fat ass. Brian released a series of screams as pain filled his every limb. George had him right where he wanted him.

"Not looking so good old man!"

Brian couldn't help but agree, he did, after all, have a massive penis inside his tight asshole...but then he got an idea.

"Oh just you wait!" Brian said proudly as he spun himself with the speed of a tornado. George was puzzled at first...but then he knew what the clever guitarist was planning.

"NO!" screamed George as Bian's clenched, spinning ass tore George Harrison's penis straight off. George fell to the floor, and began to lose colour as the blood rushed from his naked body. Brian laughed and approached his victim,

"You're not looking so good yourself! Ha Ha! Now eat shit and die you indian fuck!" Brian then held opened George's mouth and bent over it as if it were a porcelain throne.

"Bottom's up bitch!" he said laughing as he shot George Harrison's cock right back at him, along with a metric ton of Brian's own shit. George immediately inflated like a balloon, then exploded in a brilliant display of feces and cum. Brian stood there victoriously covered in his own stool.

"Well I guess I rocked yo-" Before he could finish Paul was choking him with a set of anal beads.

"Sleep…" Paul said, tightening his grip. Brian frantically squirmed and fought for air but it was no use. It was over.

The snap of Brian May's neck filled the room, causing the three remaining members of Queen to turn their heads in disbelief.

Roger, in his grief filled haze, made the mistake of taking his eyes off of his adversary. Ringo, without a moment's hesitation, pulled out both of his solid maple drumsticks and raised them above Roger's turned head.

"Time to go to the octopus' garden in the sky you cunt!" and so, with a chuckle and overpowering moan, Ringo mercilessly battered away at Roger's once sound skull.

Roger screamed as he felt the pain fill his body, and regret fill his mind. Ringo only sped up his drumroll, putting on the performance of his career, Ringo smiled at the sound of Roger's snapping cranium.

"Soon." he thought to himself. "It will be time to feast." Despite Roger's countless pleas for it all to come to an end, Ringo continued. His eyes grew wide with the satisfaction of his own heinous brutality. Roger soon began to notice crimson drops of blood pouring down his face as Ringo's drumsticks began to enter his brain. Ringo began to tear up at the sight of his actions, he had made Roger's entire head into nothing more than a bloody, bony pulp...It was perfect. It was time.

Ringo immediately placed his massive nose into what remained of Roger's head, slurping up all the nutritious goodness. He would need it, after all, since soon he would have to enter his cocoon for hibernation. He felt every drop of Roger's brain soup enter his body and he had never felt so alive. Deacy and Charlie watched these horrific events unfold all fled towards the door, hoping to escape with their lives, but John, Paul and Ringo had different plans...The three of them jumped into the air, performing multiple flips and acts of unparalleled gymnastic achievement, landing right in front of our two fleeing heroes.

"Not so fast…" they said in unison, removing their garments to reveal their massive erections.

"Freddie! Help us!" Deacy yelled at the top of his lungs, but Freddie was nowhere to be seen.

"It's all over you pricks." Paul said with a grin. John, with a devilish grin, yelled "CUM TOGETHER!" causing all three of their hardened, veiny, schnitzels to twist and shout, melding together to form one massive Beatle cock.

Charlie closed his eyes, accepting defeat. He grabbed Deacy and held him close, hoping that we wouldn't have to die alone, drowning in a Liverpool cum flood. Deacy embraced him in return, knowing that he too, in his last moments, wanted to feel the love of a friend. The two of them braced for impact when all of the sudden they heard a voice, no. THE voice.

"SO YOU THINK YOU CAN FUCK ME AND CUM IN MY EYE?!" Freddie Mercury emerged from behind a curtain, completely in the nude, sparkling like a human trophy. He was not alone however. Oh no. He was riding on the shoulders of a tall figure, clad in sleek black cloak. It was none other than Darth Vader.

Freddie soared off of his mouth like he songbird he is and enveloped Ringo's entire head inside one of his clenched fists.

"THIS IS FOR ROGER!" He said boldly as he completely crushed Ringo's feeble skull, causing blood to drip from Freddie's hand. Paul was speechless, not because he was shocked, not because he gave a single fuck about Tingo, oh no, he was speechless because Vader was crushing his throat with an invisible force.

Vader marched across the room, towards the gagging Beatle with his hand outstretched.

"Be careful not to choke on your own penis Mccartney." Paul was puzzled at first, not understanding what the dark lord was inferring. Until, of course, Vader used his mystic powers to shove Paul's own Cock down his throat. Paul's eyes grew wide as he felt himself climax within his own stomach, the pressure of his own eruption instantly decimated all of his internal organs.

Vader, pleased with his work, dropped Mccartney's twisted carcass unto the floor.

"We Make a good team darling!" Freddie announced as he gayly strolled across the room and twisted Vader's firm, toasted nipples.

"I agree..." Vader said attempting to conceal his throbbing robo-erection.

"No need to hide darling…" Freddie leaned into Vader's ear and whispered something to him. Vader seemed to be shocked through his expressionless apperatues.

"Are you sure?" Vader asked in disbelief.

"I can take it." Freddie said with a wink.

Vader nodded and ignited his lightsaber. It's vermillion blade filled the air with a dull hum. Freddie bent over, presenting his firm ass to the sith lord. Vader jammed his lightsaber into Freddie's posterior, there was resistance, at first but in time the blade penetrated and fit comfortably into his sphincter. Freddie moaned with pleasure as he felt the energy fill his rectum.

"Forgetting something?" interrupted a familiar voice. John lennon stood there, with his hands placed defiantly on his hips.

"Be right with you darling!" Freddie said, taking more and more of Vader's sword into his anus. John, fed up with Freddie's buttplay, jumped across the room.

"Goo Goo G'Joob!" he shouted, growing a long pair of tusks from his mouth. Freddie screamed in pain as the bony spikes penetrated his spinal column,

"Yoko Now!" upon his command a small Japanese woman pranced down the ramp of the yellow submarine, carrying a syringe and screaming like a hag. Yoko Jabbed the syringe into Freddie's neck, injecting him with an unknown substance.

"NOOOOO! NOT AIDS!" Freddie shouted in horror. It was too late however, as Vader, Yoko and John backed away from Freddie's weakening body. "The...show...must go on." Freddie said calmly, jerking his cock gently. "It must...go on…" and then, like the tear of an angel, but a single drop of golden cummies flew from Freddie's urethra and into Charlie's mouth.

John and Yoko's celebration was literally cut short when Darth Vader turned his blade on them. He hacked and slashed, finishing what Freddie had started leaving nothing but bloody ribbons and sushi.

"It's over…" Charlie said sadly.

"No." Deacy put a calming hand on Charlie's shoulder, "Freddie gave you his most precious gift before he passed on. In time you will understand."

Darth Vader watched Deacy and Charlie walk into the sunset, before raising a communicator to his mouthpiece.

"Wembley was a success my lord...I must discuss urgent matters with you." Vader then charged off in the opposite direction. Charlie turned to Deacy.

"What happened at Richmond McDonalds? What happened to…"

"Your father?" Deacy interrupted. "The Goldblum was killed. He was killed by a God...a powerful God…" Charlie squinted at Deacy.

"Powerful God?"

"It...comes from elsewhere, it has immeasurable power and an incomparable fupa, It….calls itself Lucas."

Vader entered a large dark chamber. He reached into his cloak, removing a golden firework stick from its inner pocket. Vader blew hard on the stick, resulting in a blast of a golden light, then finally a royal purple mist filled the room. Then he spoke.

"So uhhhh….what do you want?"

Vader fell to one knee "My lord, Wembley was a success. Queen and the Beatles destroyed each other just as you had predicted."

A deafening chuckle flooded the chamber.

"I knew it! Ha ha ha, I'm a genius!"

"Of course my master...but the boy…." "Boy?" the presence demanded with a sudden urgency, "What boy?"

"The one I encountered in Wembley...I believe Pazuzu is helping him, and I believe...that he is the son of the Goldblum."

Lighting cracked in the room, the mist began to swirl and grow agitated. Two impossibly dim eyes formed, peering through a set of round glasses.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes my master. I have felt it." Vader replied, keeping his eyes on the ground."

The ethereal eyes squinted "Unfortunate…bring him to me." Vader looked up at the mist, puzzled.

"Master if I ma-"

"No you may not you silly, silly boy!" the mist interrupted, "I think I will find his anus most pleasurable. Bring him to me alive. Destroy anyone who stand in your way and all who assist him."

Vader bowed his head again, this time out of fear rather than respect.

"Yes my Master." The eyes glared at Vader quizzically, then began to chuckle like a madman."Master?" Vader looked up at the now fully revealed image of his lord. "MASTER LUCAS."

CHAPTER 8: Date with Destiny

Charlie and Deacy strolled through the streets of New York, hand in hand.

"So your real name is Pazuzu? And You're a demon from hell?"

Deacy smiled proudly, "Why yes I am. My true form is that of a winged statue." The very thought of Deacy's stone form pillaging his asshole for days on end made Charlie's skin tingle with delight...but he had to focus.

"So my father was killed by this...Lucas? Why?" Deacy lowered his eyes, as if he were carefully choosing the right words to say.

"Your father was chosen. Chosen by the Lucas...you see every thousand years or so, the Lucas needs a host, a sacrifice if you will, to rebirth himself to further connect himself to this realm." Charlie was confused, a lot of this meant nothing to him at all.

"So where is this Lucas now?" Deacy stopped and firmly gripped Charlie's shoulders, looking him dead in the eye.

"Listen to me. There's no hope for revenge. He can't be stopped. He's far too powerful, for you, for me, for anyone. All I can do is try and bring you to safety. Lucas still believes I'm on his side and I wish to keep it that way. Charlie...I brought a friend to take you home."

Charlie turned around and peered through the busy streets to see a man in a blue uniform, gun slung on his belt and a shiny badge. Zlorps. It was him.

Charlie and Zlorps both began to cry upon seeing each other. Charlie immediately undid Zlorps' pants and began to fellate his naughty nub. Zlorps screamed in ecstasy, already feeling himself nearing climax. Charlie really knew how to handle his junk, working the two inch shaft with his tongue and fondling Zlorps' lonely testicle. Zlorps moaned all the lyrics to smooth criminal before unloading a plentiful load into Charlie's foodhole. Zlorps looked down at his little slut proudly.

"I see you're a repeating offender of cummie stealing!" the two men laughed and noticed that a crowd had gathered to witness their sexual act, and that Deacy had disappeared. Zlorps helped Charlie to his feet and began walking him towards the train station.

"Let's get you home, Butterballs."

Deacy had to have looked over his shoulder a million times on his way to Billy's. He was worried. Very worried. Without Freddie, who would keep the peace? Was Vader on to him? What did Lucas want with the boy? All of these questions and more plagued the demon's mind as he walked up the stairs into Billy's building.

He pushed through it's massive oak doors and immediately called out.

"Billy! I put him where they'll never find him!" there was no answer. Only an echo through the empty marble hallways. "Billy?!" Deacy asked again, this time with fear in his voice. Still no answer. Only silence. The silence was then brought to a startling conclusion when heavy, long, mechanical breaths filled the musty air. "Lord Vader?" Deacy said with a nervous false enthusiasm, "Wha-What are you doing here? Ha!"

Vader emerged from the darkness standing feet taller than the elfish man.

"I was about to ask you the same thing Pazuzu." Vader's tone sent shivers down Deacy's spine. "Where is the boy?" the sith asked calmly.

"What did you do to Billy?" Deacy asked with a nervous shudder in his voice. Vader casually stepped aside to reveal Billy's deformed cadaver bent over a desk, covered in a sickly milky fluid, with a steaming hole burnt into his ass.

"I will only ask you one more time. Where is the boy?" Vader was standing toe to toe with Deacy now. He was sweating, trying to think of a way to save himself...but he knew there was no surviving this. Not with a functioning anus, that is.

"He's safe. Where nobody will find him." Vader stood there, unfazed by this act of rebellion.

"Very well…" Vader raised his hand, Deacy immediately felt the pressure on his pitiful member. He bit his lip and tried not to scream. Vader pressed a button on his chest plate, activating a small door on his crotch, unleashing the full girth of his robo-dick.

Deacy screamed and begged for mercy but it was no use. He felt the sith lord choke him and violently enter his asshole, the more he jerked and the more he squirmed it only went deeper and deeper into his now mangled bowels.

"Now you will learn the power of the cock side!" as Vader said this, his robo-cock activated it's flamethrower and burned it's way straight through Deacy's entire body as if it were paper mache. Vader, still not content with this punishment, gathered up all the remaining pieces of Deacy and spread it all over his mechanical shaft, making a meat jelly lube. He used this lube to further drill the ass of Billy's cold cumstained corpse. When Vader was finished, he retracted his mecha-knob and pulled out his personal communicator.

"Attention all Bounty Hunters in this galaxy...We are in need of your assistance."

CHAPTER 8.5: The Mandela Effect

My God...the tanned leathery skin...the supple, ancient flesh long since nurtured by a mother's caring breast...and the hint of a tragic past buried deep within years of regret. These were the characteristics that perfectly made up the caring and tender visage of Wallace the Claymation. Wallace often spent his numbered days outside in his vibrant and leafy garden, where he tended his many crops and grain. Love and warmth was all they needed. Love and warmth. At around noon, Wallace realised it was time for him to retire back inside the shelter of his humble abode in order to receive his treatment of chemo. You see, Wallace was sick...real sick. The doctor downtown in London had only given Wallace approximately two and a half weeks left, so Wallace decided he would spend it doing what he loved...gardening. Which is exactly what he planned to do.

Stepping inside the cool shade of his home, Wallace felt all of his terminal troubles float away into nothingness. True, the tumour inside his heart had already swollen to the size of a dinner plate, but Wallace was making sure he enjoyed every last second of his time on Earth. As if hearing this very thought, Wallace's faithful companion, Gromit, stepped into the room. He was one of the only things that brought Wallace a resemblance of joy in this godforsaken world. A grin crept onto the otherwise shriveling features of Wallace, and, despite his debilitating state, Wallace wanted just one, solid hug from his longtime buddy. He shuffled slowly across the carpet, hoping to catch Gromit before he went to bed. But...alas. Gromit had already walked upstairs into his bedroom, and Wallace knew he would not see him again until morning. That is, if I even make it until morning, thought the glum Wallace.

Early the next day, Wallace was awoken from a sharp pain in his testicular area. Knowing that the tumour was only supposed to be in his heart, Wallace felt panic overtake him. But...but what if it spread? Thought Wallace sharply. Just as suddenly as the panic had come, it was gone when Wallace remembered he had fully fledged syphilis. And what a night with the pastor's boy that was, Wallace thought reminiscently. Now, with a full days work ahead of him, Wallace intended to take a trip into town to see some old faces...perhaps for the last time. Not before he had reached the landing to the hallway, however, Wallace remembered that he still had Pastor Tobey's little boy locked inside his closet. Right. Can't forget about that. Moving swiftly back to the closet, Wallace unlocked a series of complicated dollar store locks holding together a twelve inch thick steel casing. Peering inside, he saw the faint outline of what seemed to be a human pin. Looking healthier everyday Wallace concurred. On closer inspection, however, Wallace realised that the boy was feeding on something. He took a closer look, and to his horror he realised that the strewn remains of Gromit were being shovelled into the boy's mouth at lightning speed.

"YOU LITTLE CUNTFUCK" Screamed Wallace. Reaching inside his chest, he pulled out his still beating, multi talented, bloody and raw tumour-ridden heart, and suffocated the boy for his treachery.

CHAPTER 9: Bounty Hunters

The air was hot off the golden shores of california, it was a perfect day for time by the water. The sun cast its glorious light unto the sapphire waters which carried Darth Vader's luxurious yacht. One of the semen on board was clearly distressed, and with a disgruntled expression, strode across the deck to a superior officer.

¨Bounty Hunters? We don't need their scum!¨ the officer looked back at him with a nod

¨I couldn't agree more.¨

At this moment, a rough growl interrupted their exchange. The two semen looked towards the upper deck from which it came, what they saw…

Adam Sandler, wearing nothing but a leather, rhinestone studded thong and an unconvincing toupee...however he was just one of a hideous rogues gallery of the galaxies complete and utter worst, all of them, bounty hunters who answered Vader's call.

The lineup included Adam Sandler, Ainsley Harriott, Bowser, and two other figures, they wore all leather jumpsuits and motorcycle helmets which concealed their identities. Vader on the other hand, was busy lounging out on the balcony, wearing nothing but his helmet. He was tanning his ashy amputated torso and sipping sangria.

One of Vaders sailors approached him nervously

¨My Lord, the bounty hunters have arrived.¨ Vader managed to wobble up unto his stubs and roll across the deck.

¨I shall address them immediately.¨ Vader said, contently as he struggled to tumble along the floor. Vader's torso came to a halt as his head looked up at his gathered group of mercenaries.

"There will be a substantial reward for the one who finds Charlie Goldblum. You are free to use any means necessary but I want him ALIVE." He crudely tumbled over towards the two bounty hunters who hid their faces behind their helmets. He peered at them from behind his own helmet. "No foot humiliations!"

"As you wish." one of them replied with a chilling voice, seemingly disappointed.

"Good. Now time to see which one of you shall be my chosen one!" Vader said proudly as a battle arena lowered into the room. The bounty hunters gasped as they realized it was indeed...the cocktagon.

"This battlefield was brought here from the far away village of Toronto specifically to test your abilities...you all must battle one another for superiority. The winner...shall go on and capture the boy."

The bounty hunters nodded and without hesitation jumped into the Cocktagon. The cocktagon was a large...well octagon. It was dark as the night and littered with crumbled buildings and debris... it had clearly seen its fair share of grand battles. Legends have been told for centuries of its many mysterious beings which reside within; Helmut, Goldar, and of course the noble Spennicus to name a few...however they have been dormant for millennia.

The floor was covered in soot and ash...and there in the centre lay a pile of bones. The skeleton was clad in blue duct tape, hockey equipment and tin foil as armour. He clearly was a victim of a long lost battle...one in which he had suffered inhumanly and was brought only humiliation by his oppressor.

Without a moment's hesitation every single bounty hunter began to stroke circles around their tender nipples, causing their nipples to punch right through their clothing and become fully erect...and sharpened.

Bowser dashed at Adam sandler, screaming wildly and finally impaling the jew on his pointy tit-spikes. Adam squirmed and screamed but it was no use. Bowser's nipples went straight through him, he then shit himself, spilling his dreadful waste all over the floor in a glorious explosion of diarrhea. Boweser was tormented by this smell and covered his big turtle nose.

"I'm sorry!" Adam Sandler said with a shiteating grin, "It must have been the chimichangas!" Bowser, in outrage, massaged his nipples, allowing them to extend even further, and cut the retired comedian clean in half. The Koopa King was happy with his kill, however, as soon as he took a step, he slipped on jew feces. Now overturned on his shell, Ainsley Harriott saw the opportunity to make turtle soup.

He made his way over to the helpless villain, tore open his tropical shirt, and used his own razor nipples to chip away at Bowser's shell, to reveal his Koopa-Cock. Ainsley looked up at Bowser's shocked expression and gave him a twisted smile.

"Give your meat a good ol' rub." Bowser shut his eyes in defeat as Ainsley rubbed Bowser's shaft so hard, it tore all the skin off of his uncircumcised babymaker. He did not stop there however, oh no, his continuous friction skinned Bowser alive. When it was over, Bowser's exposed muscular husk lay dripping with thick blood dripping from it's every orifice.

Harriot was proud. He did, after all, need this bounty if he were to maintain his status as the galaxy's best chef/bounty hunter in the galaxy. He removed his infamous can of spices from his pocket and began to prepare Bowser for an illustrious feast, However this preparation was cut short...Ainsley heard a noise come from behind him. He spun quickly to face the direction from which it came but it was near impossible to see through the rubble and thick fog that the cocktagon supplied.

The chef pulled his 9mm handgun from his holster and brought it up at the ready.

"Who goes there?" Ainsley inquired the rolling dark fog. The noise picked up again, it seemed to be as if someone, or something was rolling towards him. Then he saw it. He couldn't believe his eyes but there it was. A tiger emerged from the shadows, gracefully rolling on a skateboard he had placed under his striped belly, he propelled himself by using only his large paws.

"What are you?" Ainsley asked, terrified.

"Me? Meow! I am Tigron, I have been sent here by the great lord king Maximus. " Ainsley's mind wandered. Is this one of the many mystical creatures of legend that resides within the cocktagon like he had once heard about as a boy? Or was this another test from Vader? Ainsley needed to know.

"What do you want?"

Tigron tilted his feline head with curiosity. "Meow, He told me to warn you meow!" Ainsley instantly began to sweat.

"Warn me of what?" Tigron had a subtle smirk grow across his whiskered face.

"Many dangers reside within this realm...Vader has awoken many powerful beings by disturbing this sacred place. They will come for you! Meow!"

The culinary genius spun around with his gun, and erect nipples, at the ready. "Like what?!" he screamed at Tigron, but he was nowhere to be seen. "You shall see…Meow…" Tigron's voice echoes through the black. Harriot was terrified, that was until he heard footsteps and chattering come from behind a nearby pillar...then he was speechless.

"SPICEY!" shouted Harriot as he used his nipples to punch straight through the pillar, leveling it instantly, only to reveal there was nothing there. Ainsley took a breath and tried to calm himself down...he was far too horny. He needed to tone it down if he were to survive.

"YARP YARP!"

These words filled the air with noise and Harriot with dread as he turned to face his foe...He was at least seven feet tall, carried a hammer and covered in thick brown hair. He wore nothing but underwear and chains, and his face was that of a mutilated basketball.

Harriot tried to scream but it was too late. CLANG CLANG, Yarp Yarp's silver hammer came down upon his head and made damn sure he was dead. Harriot's brains coated the floor in a thick bloody paste. Yarp Yarp began to drink the blood from the floor, savouring every single drop as it came in contact with his long tongue. He was completely unaware, however, of the two remaining mystery bounty hunter's approaching him from behind.

Both of them unzipped their leather trousers, unleashed their massive cocks and began battering the creature's ass mercilessly. The two of them slid comfortably into Yarp Yarp's ass and began to tear his anus. The two of them nodded as they literally fucked him in half. Yarp screamed in horror as his bloody corpse was split right down the middle with buckets of baby juice still dripping from his attacker's monster cocks. The two leather clad men high-fived and looked up out of the cocktagon.

"Well done." Vader said over the intercom. "You outlasted your fellow bounty hunters and managed to defeat one of the many horrors of this realm...impressive...most impressive. You shall go to find Charlie and bring him to us. My lord will be pleased…"

The bounty hunters looked at each other and nodded contently...the game was on.

CHAPTER 10: The Night Before

Chatham's busy train station was renowned throughout the world, it was the central hub of transportation and essential for navigating such a large city. Tradesmen, merchants, workers and peasants of all sorts visited regularly, What nobody expected however...was to be visited by Egyptian royalty. A puff of smoke spewed out of the freshly halted steam train. It's doors flew open, releasing countless passengers. The last to exit was no man however, He strode out into the station, observing his surroundings, then began to make his way towards his waiting limousine.

The year was 2015, the day was August 12th, and the time was 11 pm. Jeff Goldblum couldn't be happier to be alive.

While enjoying the luxury of his ride to his hotel, The Goldblum couldn't shake the feeling that he wasn't safe. That is after all, the reason he had travelled so far, to feel safe...safe from him, but deep down he knew distance didn't matter. He lowered his head in defeat and rubbed his tear filled eyes with his tanned hands. That was when his phone rang.

The Goldblum smiled when he saw the caller ID...it was Kim. The Goldblum flipped open his golden cell phone and pressed it against his leathery ear.

"Herrroooo?" Kim Jung Un asked happily. Goldblum felt a smile stretch across his face. It was so nice to have someone who loved him, no matter what was going on, no matter how much he cried...Kimmy was always there for him.

"Hi uhhhh It's me, I'm in Chatham."

"Oh vewwy goooood! I fly out in mourning okayeee?" The Goldblum thought of how wonderful it would be to see him again, and forget about everything.

"I can't uhhh wait. Richmond McDonald's at 6 ok? Just like last time, and uhhhhh remember to keep it quiet...we can't draw attention to ourselves."

Kim went silent for a second,

"Is this about the L-"

"Yes!" Goldblum interrupted, "He can't find me...it's uhhhh too dangerous."

Kim went silent again. "Ohhh He always finds a way mai Jeff." Goldblum felt a shiver go down his curved spine as he hear those words. "You should nooo that betta than anybodie."

Kim finished. Goldblum felt his heart race and sweat drip down his muscular chest.

"I'll see you tomorrow Kimmy...nighty night." The Goldblum shut his phone aggressively and placed it in the front pocket of his smoking velvet jacket. "Would I ever be safe?" he thought to himself, "Never." He then thought as a grim expression spread across his face. The Goldblum's limo plowed through Chatham's streets towards a dark future.

CHAPTER 11: The Gift of Bulsara

It had been months since they left New York and Charlie and Zlorps had already begun their new life together, hoping to leave their troubles behind. They bought a small apartment in downtown Chatham, where they made sure to have their life sized cardboard cutout of a basketball player visible out the window at all times.

Zlorps still worked as a police officer, while Charlie stayed out home, he cleaned, cooked and didn't speak until spoken to like a good lil' bitch. Charlie woke up to butterfly kisses, from Zlorps, after making him breakfast and giving him his daily blowjob, Charlie kissed Zlorps on the cheek and led him out the door.

"Goodbye my love! Come back to me and be safe!" He said with rosy cheeks, Zlorps looked back at him with a reassuring gaze.

"You know I always will. That's a promise Titsmagee!" Charlie laughed and shut the door, he loved his life so much. He didn't have to work, his ass was obliterated every night and he was so glad it was never going to change. However...that day he had a strange feeling in his stomach.

He initially just passed it off as hunger pains, he was just living off of Daddie's cummies after all. As hours went by however, he knew this was not the case. It felt odd...but right. He made his way to the bathroom, looked in the mirror to find that he had grown an incredibly beautiful moustache.

He stroked it, noticing it was as soft as a grassy meadow and smelled of butterfly milk. He wondered at first if Zlorps would like it and if it would give a new sensation when he was pleasuring his man. He then remembered that he had never had a moustache in his life. This had happened overnight. Then it dawned on him...back in wembley, when he swallowed Freddie Mercury's golden cum drop...it must have changed him. Deacy did say after all that with time he would understand what Freddie had done to him. He decided he needed to be sensible about this and go see his doctor. As he made his way to the Chatham clinic he noticed that his throat felt different...as if his vocal chords have been enhanced septillion-fold. He let out a mighty

"AAAAAYYYYOOOO!" that shook an entire city block. Astonished by his new abilities, he hurried to his doctor.

Charlie eagerly awaited his test results, partially because his royal Egyptian heritage had taught him that sooner was always better than later, and that he had a mad craving for pretzels. The doctor entered the room scratching his head and looking down at his papers.

"Uhhhhhh I don't know hot to tell you this but...You're pregnant." Charlie's eyes widened in disbelief,

"Pregnant?"

"Yes," the doctor confirmed, "Stage 5. I'm so sorry, it's inoperable there's nothing we can do."

Charlie ran home with tears in his eyes, How would he tell Zlorps?! More importantly, how was he pregnant? He got home that night sobbing uncontrollably. He looked up at the clock.

"5:13…" he said aloud.

Less than an hour until Zlorps gets home.

The New York city skyline was lit up like a lit christmas tree and Guy Fieri was ready to take a mean ol' bite. He loved stalking through the alleyways at night as it gave him the darkness he needed to go undetected while hunting for virgins to harvest. However this night was different. He could smell it in the air with his well developed senses. He was rummaging through a pile of garbage when he heard the sound of footsteps approach him from behind.

He snarled and turned to face his soon to be prey, only to see that the tables would soon be turned. Two men completely clad in leather and black helmets stood over him.

"Oh…" Guy said nervously, "So you're the bounty hunters who survived the Cocktagon huh?" The two mercenaries had no reaction. "Vader's pawns sent to find the son of the Goldblum? Well I know where he is! And I'll never talk! I will grind your bones into chili powder and serve you with a cabernet sauvignon!"

The bounty hunters continued to stare at the foodie, unfazed by his well constructed threats.

"I think you will find this encounter to end very differently."

One of them said as he held Guy down with incredible weight. Guy laughed at this attempt to contain his power and began to push back...but it was no use. The bounty hunter was heavy. Very heavy. Guy felt his bones break under the pressure.

"WHAT ARE YOU?!" he asked in excruciating pain. The other leather clad man with ungodly speed, sprinted towards Fieri and began to undo his pants. "NO! PLEASE!" they remained silent. "I'll do ANYTHING!"

"Where is the boy?" one of them asked in a monotone voice. Guy, without hesitation, sold out his friends.

"Chatham! Ontario! Canada! There! Now let me go!" The bounty hunters continued removing his pants and pinned him even harder to the floor. Guy began to cry.

"Please...I'm begging you!"

"Where is your god now?" one of them said as they jammed their massive erection into Guy's bloated anus. Guy bit his own tongue straight off, causing blood to drip down his chin.

"RAPE! RAPE!" he screamed, But through his tongueless, blood filled mouth, it was near impossible to understand it. He slowly began to black out, feeling his attacker's member go further and further up his ass. Thrusting into him, over and over, breaking the sound barrier and completely destroying him from the inside out. The bounty hunters had what they wanted. It was time to end this.

CHAPTER 12: The End Times

Charlie could do nothing but sit in his chair, terrified of how Zlorps might react upon hearing the news that he was pregnant with another man's baby. He did not know what he would do without Zlorps' massive chaud drilling his ass 24/7. How would he even function? He looked back up at the clock...only a minute had passed in what seemed like an eternity of despair. He broke down and started to cry, everything was so wrong! He knew he should not have whored around! In that moment, Charlie heard the apartment door swing wide open. He gasped in fear,

"Zlorps?" he called, being unable to see who had entered, "I'm so sorry I need to tell you something...I'm p-"

"Pregnant?" Zlorps interrupted sheepishly, holding back his tears. "I know…" Charlie was speechless. He contemplated for a second that maybe, just maybe if he offered up his puckered anus to Zlorps he would forgive him.

Zlorps had a strange look on his face, however, as if he was about to vomit. Charlie noticed that he was bleeding, cuts and bruises marked his lover's face.

"Charlie...I am so so sorry…" Charlie tilted his head in confusion.

"Zlorps?" The officer lowered his bloodshot eyes in shame.

"They made me do things...things I don't want to do but I can't help myself.¨ Charlie was filled with dread,

¨Who?¨ Zlorps closed his eyes.

¨Goodbye...Charlie.¨

In that moment, a massive penis head smashed out of Zlorps¨ mouth, chattering his teeth and spilling his blood all over Charlie.

¨NO!¨ he screamed as he saw his corpse drop to the floor with a thud...revealing the two bounty hunters who were standing behind him.

¨All lone.¨ one of them said with a cold, calculating voice. Charlie bent down and held Zlorps, and looked up at his attackers definitely.

¨WHY!? WHY DID YOU DO THIS!? WHO ARE YOU?!" The hunters looked at each other, as if they were contemplating answering his quarrel.

¨We were sent here by lord Vader. Billy, Deacy, Guy and Zlorps are dead. You will be too unless you come with us.¨ Charlieś world had crumbled before his very eyes.

¨Everyone.¨ he thought. ¨Iĺl come with you...¨ he said defeated. He was without hope. It was over. One of the hunters grabbed Charlie with big strong hands and forced him into restraints, both of them jumped unto the back of the other hunter.

¨Hold on!¨ he said as he gracefully carried them towards Charlie's doom. They raced through the streets, past the Canadian/American border, over bridges and under mountains until...California. Charlie, despite his horror of recent events enjoyed seeing the sun kissed golden hills of his homeland again. The hunter carried him into the distant wilderness, far from any cities or towns and up a mountain. Mist cloaked the golden mountain in an angelic fashion...then he saw it…

¨Wh-where are we?¨ Charlie asked. The hunter set him down and looked him dead in the eye.

¨Skywalker Ranch.¨

CHAPTER 13: 3D Editing

Each hunter took one of Charlie's arms and began to guide him through the hallowed grounds of Skywalker Ranch. Through the thick fog, Charlie could make out pens holding herds of zebras, and many other exotic creatures. Then...he saw it. The mansion. It sat gloriously on top of a hill, with purple light pouring from each of its many windows.

"What are we doing here?" Charlie asked nervously, "Why are we here?" the hunters tightened their grips on his arms, completely ignoring his requests for answers. He was dragged up the rich mahogany steps towards the giant haunting door that acted as the entrance for the looming house. The door flew open, as if by themselves, releasing a thick royal purple mist from the entrance.

Vader stood there, silhouetted in the glowing purple light, with the mist being up to his knees.

"Well done. Take him to the dungeon. I shall inform my master of his arrival." Vader's expressionless faceplate seemed to glare at Charlie's distressed face, with tears still draining from his eyes.

"Charlie Goldblum. We meet again at last. My master will be pleased with the news of your capture." Charlie looked up at Vader, furious, and spat at him. Vader immediately wiped the spit from his chest plate, inserted a wacky straw into his mouthpiece, and slurped up Charlie's saliva. Vader paused and leaned towards Charlie's face. Vader took breath then sprayed all of Charlie's spit right back at him.

"I'm rubber...you're glue."

Charlie was baffled at the sharpness of Vader's whit. He was outmatched by him...not only physically but mentally as well.

"Take him away!" Vader gestured towards the basement then marched into the purple mist, shrouding himself in it's air-like embrace. The hunter's summoned their strength and tossed Charlie into the pitch black basement and slamming the door behind him. Charlie plummeted down the staircase and landed hard on the sediment-covered floor. He picked himself up, brushed himself off and began to peer through the basement.

It was dark. Very dark. He could hardly see anything, until he stumbled upon a pile of corpses completely doused in cum. He fell back, frightened by this haunting sight...and it's pungent smell. Each of the bodies were horribly disfigured and hardly still in tact.

"Hello?!" Charlie asked the darkness, "Is anyone here?" Charlie was surprised to hear a soft voice reply to him.

"Hello!" Charlie turned to face a aging man who wore tattered clothes, a busted baseball cap, and cracked glasses.

"My name is...Spielberg. I have been here for many moons."

"I'm Charlie, what the heck is going on here?"

"I'm afraid you're under the charge of Lucas now…" The director said sadly, "You know, Vader used to be someone else."

Charlie looked at Spielberg, puzzled by his seemingly out of the blue information.

"What do you mean?" Spielberg kicked at the dirt and looked back up at Charlie, "Lucas' greatest pawn was once his greatest adversary, they did battle long ago...but Lucas changed him."

"I don't understand."

"He still has that in him, those feelings of rage towards Lucas. He wants to fight back but Lucas' powers have a hold on him."

"We can use him against Lucas?" Charlie asked hopefully. Spielberg smiled,

"Potentially...but it will be just you my friend. I have been trapped here for centuries...I'm an old man...I will not last much longer...Goldblum."

Charlie jumped back, "How do you know my name?"

Spielberg laughed his trademarked laugh and looked back at Charlie through heavy eyes and a smile.

"I don't just know your name, I knew your father."

Charlie began to tear up again,

"You knew him? Jeff Goldblum? The actor?"

"The actor?! Ha!" Spielberg laughed, "To me he is royalty." He smiled a golden smile at Charlie and raised his arm displaying his egyptian scarab ring to him.

"Wow!" Charlie screamed, realizing this was indeed, the crest of his royal egyptian family. Charlie was ignited with the fires of revenge. He needed avenge his father. A determined expression lined his face as he looked the elder director dead in the eye.

"How do I get out here?" Spielberg pressed his hand on Charlie's chubbed love handel,

"Life finds a way." having been the saying his father had always spouted, Charlie found Spielberg very arousing for his age. The two began to lock lips and tongues, Spielberg had gone for years without a good nut, and now it was time. He undid his pants and bent Charlie over a nearby pile of bricks.

"FILL ME!" Charlie screamed.

"Squeal like a pig!" Spielberg demanded as he began to remove his brittle, infected schlong from his tighty whities. Charlie accommodated, screeching at the top of his lungs, filling the whole house with his racket. The door to the basement flew open, spilling light into the dark basement. Darth Vader stood with his hands on his hips at the top of the stairs.

"What the Fuck is going on here?" Spielberg stood in front of Charlie, as if protecting him from Vader.

"I know who you were, who you were before you where Darth Vader" Vader levitated down the stairs and landed toe to toe with Steve.

"Step aside old man. My master wishes to see the boy." Spielberg remained with his feet planted, pants at his ankles.

"You'll never win you know that? The Goldblum made sure of that. The prophecy will come true and your master's fate is sealed. Lucas will fall." Vader's clenched fists tightened.

"Hayden it's not too late-" Before he could finish, Vader chopped him in half with a single stroke of his glowing sith blade. Charlie looked up at him in fear.

"It is time for you to witness the power of my master."

Vader guided Charlie through the maze-like hallways of Lucas' sanctum, bellowing, distant chuckles filled the air, as did a royal purple mist. Then, finally, they were in his personal chambers. Vader fell to a knee, bringing Charlie with him, also in the room, was the two bounty hunters, kneeling beside them.

"This is your prize my lord." Vader said with finality, "Your will is done." A deafening chuckle nearly leveled the house as he...appeared. The purple mist swirled and became agitated, before becoming the shape of a beast...and with a golden flash, George Lucas appeared in all of his tubby glory.

"Well, well, well…" Lucas said, unenthusiastically slow clapping and making his way towards his kneeling underlings. "This is uhhh… what you'd call the darkest hour of hero's journey! Ha!" as Lucas finished his clever evaluation, he removed a whole baby zebra from his pocket and swallowed it whole. They all watched in disbelief as they watched it travel down his throat, fupa, and finally belly. Charlie shook in fear, but then remembered all that this monster had done...Billy, Deacy, Guy, Zlorps...his father. He was going to end this.

"I'd call it where the villain eats it!" Charlie rose from his kneeling position, and sprinted full tilt at the divine being, George Lucas laughed at the mortal's attempt to attack him and forced him back with a beam of purple energy. Charlie collided painfully with the floor and felt a tingling sensation fill is body. He moaned in pain, and struggled to his feet, with sweat dripping from his brow. He immediately ran at the Lucas God again. Lucas raised an eyebrow in disbelief.

"Can't you see you've lost? Uhhhh it's over!" Lucas unleashed another blast of purple energy, this one more intense than the last. Charlie toppled to the floor twitching.

"It is pointless to resist." Vader said to the now fallen hero. Charlie began to agree with the dark lord...until he felt it...a tingling in his genitals. Lucas continued to approach him, smiling in his apparent victory.

"You see...I'm limitlessly powerful. I uh… can control time and space through this uhhhh...strange magic...this uhhhh force...it's my power and with it I can edit the universe to my liking. The pillars of reality shall bend to my will and so shall you!" Lucas unhinged his jaw, much like a snake, and chuckled a mighty chuckle. Lucas' mouth could easily swallow Charlie whole, and it seemed as though that was his intention.

Then...in what seemed to be the end...Charlie's schnitzel hole stretched and stretched. Charlie screamed in pain.

"THE BABY IS COMING!" and just like that, lightning bolts shot out of the now horrendously stretched out hole. Lucas couldn't believe his eyes...could the prophecy be true afterall?

"AAAAAAAAYYYYYYOOOOOO!" screamed a reincarnated Freddie Mercury as he burst forth from Charlie's weiner. "ALRIGHT!" Freddie added as he soared through the air and slammed his dick right up Lucas' nose.

"Curses!" shouted Lucas as his head filled with Freddie's love explosion. Vader ignited his lightsaber and rushed to aid his master. Charlie began to flee the scene, making his way for the door...that was until the bounty hunters blocked his path. He looked at the two leather-clad figures in fear, wondering what they would do to his poor rectum. That was until They reached up and began to remove their helmets. Charlie looked on their true forms with wide eyes.

"Uncle Jong Un? Sonic?" There they were. Sonic and Kim Jong Un.

"Comie wit ous!" Kim said gesturing towards the door.

"I'll take us out of here in a jiffy!" peeped up sonic as he downed a chili dog in a single gulp. Both Charlie and Kim jumped unto the hedgehog's spiked back, then at a ludicrous speed, they sped out of Skywalker ranch and back to Canada and safety...away from Lucas' clutches.

"NOOOO!" the Lucas screamed witnessing this betrayal. Vader then chopped off Freddie's salami stick, freeing his master. Freddie now stood alone, naked, and before both Vader and Lucas. Vader raised his blade, about to finish his work...until Lucas gestured for him to lower his weapon.

"No...I shall uh...finish him." Then...Purple mist filled the room again, as the Lucas God undid his trousers, revealing not one, not two but three crimson lightsaber blades. "Goodbye you fucker! Ha! Ha! HA!" He then shredded Freddie into bloody ribbons. Lucas, in panic, turned to his sith underling.

"BRING HIM TO ME!" Vader bowed to his master.

"As you wish." Vader strutted out of the room with great speed, and down the hall towards one of his most trusted admirals.

"Ready my forces. The boy has escaped." The admiral nervously nodded. "Yes my lord." He would have him this time.

CHAPTER 14: The Belly of the Beast

August 11th, 2015

Lucas was furious. He had been running for metres and he could feel his body giving up on him, he was losing time and it wouldn't be long until his prey was out of reach.

"Goddammit!" he said, out of breath. He ran along the beach of Norway hoping that he wasn't too late, and began unbuttoning his shirt, revealing his massive hairy, voluptuous tummy. He had to hurry. He struggled to remove his denim pants and egyptian silk underwear, then finally he was naked. Just as he had planned. He jumped twenty-eight feet in the air, then dove head first into the knee deep water, nearly shattering his spine, but that didn't matter. He had a date to crash. He knew he was smart to make Kim Jong Un his sleeper agent...he's the one person the Goldblum trusts, and his trust will be what kills him. He had brainwashed him, using his mystical powers, to ignite a summoning firework stick the second the Goldblum was within his sights, teleporting him instantly to their position.

Lucas began to swim towards north america, the cold water tantalizing his wee genitals. He smiled thinking about how ingenious he was for such a plan. Lucas, upon entering deeper water, dove beneath the waves and began to swim deep into the dark depths. Stroke by stroke, he made his way to his destination. Ominous lights loomed at the bottom of the ocean, these were, without a doubt, the lights of the Gungan city. His beach body frame entered the airlock, allowing him to breathe once again, and enter the facility.

The Gungan city was a CGI sight to behold, full of unconvincing effects and wonders. Lucas chuckled, looking on his creation like that of a proud father.

"Mesa's papi?" The Lucas God turned to face that familiar voice. It was Jar Jar!

"Yes Jar Jar. It's me! Daddy's home!" George said with a warm hearted grin. Jar Jar went apeshit and clumsily hobbled over to his father.

"Yousa here to stay daddy?" He asked with a look of worry. George looked down, knowing he would have to lie to avoid disappointing his many children.

"Yes my son. I'm not lying to you like last time, and that's the truth." Jar Jar embraced the bloated naked man. "Tell the boys I'm home Jar Jar!" Jar Jar nodded and turned towards the city's intercom system.

"Daddy!" he screamed, alerting all to their God's presence. In that exact second, a disturbingly massive amount of Gungans came pouring down the hallway towards them. It was as if there was a flood and they were all being carried by a wave. They showed no mercy or conscience as they trampled any Gungan who was not running fast enough, brutally stomping them to a bloody pulp. They were trying to crawl over each other, screaming for their "Daddy" Many Gungans fell in their attempts to reach their creator, only to meet a malicious demise under the feet of their own brothers. They finally reached their goal. The horde of Gungans tackled Lucas and immediately started humping him ferociously.

Lucas chuckled uncontrollably, it was good to be with all his sons again. The Gungans began to slam their tongues down each other's throats and sticking their mean ol' Gungan cocks up each other's asses.

"It was a mess...a beautiful mess." Lucas thought to himself, watching all of his children enjoy each other's company. Once they had all enjoyed each other's bum holes and spilt their purple loads all over the deck, they moved on to the corpses of their fallen brothers. Lucas smiled to see his boys filling up cadavres with purple love. Moaning filled the air (as well as the odor of rotten eggs) once all his children had their fun, and he in turn with them. They placed all those who did not survive into the center of the chamber into a giant meat pile.

Lucas, without hesitation, belly flopped into the pile of meat, fucking every little flit and hole he could find. Life was good...but when the Goldblum falls...it would be oh so much better. Soon. Soon all art would be destroyed...soon the Goldblum would die...soon his sons would inherit the world bove.

CHAPTER 15: The Rebels

Swift red shoes carried Kim, Sonic and Charlie over the Canadian border and to safety. The three chose Charlie's apartment in chatham as a safe haven. Kim wrapped Charlie in a warm blanket as sonic prepared a wholesome pasta dinner for the trio.

"Tomowwow we takie you to de reberrion ok?" Kim said as he patted Charlie on the back. Charlie was still shaken by what has taken place, and being in the place where Zlorps was killed certainly didn't help.

"Why did you kill him? If you were gonna betray Lucas anyway why did you Zlorps?" Kim looked sadly at Charlie.

"We so sowee, so sowee. Me and Sonic were too into chawicktorr." Charlie thought for a moment,

"Oh, Okay." Charlie was heartbroken, but they were clearly justified in their actions. He was above holding a grudge.

"So what's this Rebellion?" Kim smiled in wonder.

"Teh Rebawion es ah bwiwiant awwieance af seequet wawwiahs hoo battle teh Lucas." Charlie was shocked at the revelation of others who will help their cause.

"You mean there are others who will help with our cause?!"

"YES!" Sonic moaned as he sprinted full tilt into the room, tripped over the rug and spilled the dinner all over the floor, staining the carpet. Sonic did not stop there however, his momentum caused him to fly towards the opposite wall, and crash out his apartment window. Sonic plummeted a whole ten feet before splattering on the pavement in a brilliant display of blue and red. Red being his blood. Kim was shocked at the death of Sonic...however his speed always led to his downfall.

"Chawly." Kim said passionately, "Ie new yi fathaw, Jeff, wee wewe lovews..." Charlie looked at Kim with wide eyes. He couldn't believe it...after all these years.

"Mom?" Charlie asked the Korean dictator.

"Yeh." Kim answered with a tubby smile. "Naow les goooo!" Kim took Charlie's quivering hands and led him outside the apartment, over Sonic's remains and through Chatham's downtown district, until finally they came across a foreclosed building...it appeared to be a long forgotten movie theatre.

"Dis es cinimah sieax." Kim said proudly to his son, "Dis is dah rebewiaons, headquawtews!" Charlie finally pieced it all together. That's why his father fled to Chatham, to fight with the rebellion! Kim led Charlie towards the back of the theatre, there he knocked on a chipped brick forty-two times, causing a secret entrance to open. Charlie couldn't believe his eyes!

It was full of supplies, weapons and allies, joined together to do battle with Lucas and end his cosmic tyranny. Many figures stood out, such as Optimus prime, Spider-man, Pewdiepie, Gordon Ramsay and Mahatma Gandhi, but one clearly stood above the rest as their leader: The Phantom of the Opera. He stood proudly on a state, surrounded by candelabras and playing his organ.

Upon Charlie and Kim's entry, the wall shut loudly behind them, The Phantom without wasting a second, stopped playing and immediately began to speak into the microphone.

"My brothers! Joined for the good of the universe, and end to a God! Look upon our visitors!" all of the Rebellion turned to face Charlie and Kim. Charlie blushed, embarrassed all all of this attention.

"At last!" screamed Papa Smurf as he jumped up unto a box for a better view. "What news do you bring Kim and Charlie? Where is our brother Sonic?"

Charlie felt the shadow of sadness sweep over him. "He's dead." the crowd gasped at the news.

"Dead?" Bambi asked with tears pouring from his eyes.

"It can't be! NO!" Screamed Mr Tumnus as he bent down to cradle the sobbing deer.

"I'm so sorry…"

"And what of Guy Fieri? Billy?...Freddie? What of Deacy?" Charlie started to break down.

"They died protecting me." They all gasped again. The Phantom defiantly threw his cape.

"So this is our hero? The one our leader trusts so much to defeat an unstoppable force and yet he has done nothing but harm, causing the deaths of our most valued agents! You have passed the point of no return my friend, and now you will pay for it!" The Phantom charged at Charlie with speed that could have only been rivaled by a Kenyan, only to meet the firm fist of Kim Jong Un. The Phantom toppled to the floor in a daze.

"What are you doing?!" "Pwotecting mah son and dah son of ouw vewy own GOLDBLUM!"

"He is the son of the Goldblum?" The Phantom was shocked at this revelation and rose to a kneeling position. "Forgive me. My master will soon be here to tell you of his plan." Then, suddenly, the entrance opened once more, to reveal none other than the Rebel leader. He stood there in a cloak, hands folded in front of him. All of the rebellion's members fell to a knee including Kim and Charlie. Charlie was intimidated by the cloaked man, he was clearly a man of prowess, elegance and strength...but with a softer side which remained hidden to preserve his image. A brittle snap, like a dry twig being crushed in august, filled the theatre, the Rebel leader then fell on the floor, riving in pain before yelling.

"FUCK!" Everyone fell back in fear, "YOU FUCKERS BREATHED ON ME TOO HARD!" His hood flew off, allowing Charlie to see his face...He was an older man who had clearly seen his fair share of battles and bullshit.

It was Harrison Ford.

"Well what are you faggots waiting for? HELP ME!" Phantom and Mr Tumnus hurried over and put themselves beneath his shoulders, picking up the old man. Two more snaps filled the room.

"AAARRRRGHHH!" screamed the actor as he fell to the floor with every single bone in both of his arms shattered. Hours later, they manage to get him into a full body cast with only a little permanent damage. Charlie waited outside Ford's quarters for his meeting. He was nervous, but excited to finally work alongside the Rebellion.

"Come in!" He yelled, Charlie hustled in, and saw his leader, nearly completely wrapped in a cast. "Look kid you're probably wondering why you're here...It may be hard to believe but Lucas, your father….It's true...all of it. You're royalty, and this alliance was built on the back of your father." What does he want with me?" Charlie asked nervously. "Sit down kid...I'm gunna tell you a story…"

CHAPTER 16: A Goldblum Drama

August 13th, 9000045630000342550023425 BC

The Goldblum was not a patient man. He had been waiting on the Krezul plain of existence for nearly ten millennia and he had places to be. The pyramids were not going to build themselves. He couldn't believe that he only meta-entity of the council of Gods to show up for the meeting on time. Then...in a blast of golden light and purple smoke, Lucas appeared. He adjusted his spectacles and smiled a sinister smile at Goldblum.

"Sorry I was uhhhh….so late I had things to take care of…"

"That's quite uhhhhh alright, you see I just need to get this meeting of Gods underway, I have an appointment on Frezo VIII that I simply cannot miss.

"HA HA HA!" Chuckled lucas as his eyes grew angry, "You see nobody else will be arriving...uhhhh….I killed them you see….I kind of uh….stole their power? Ha!" The Goldblum was outraged.

"You destroyed the council of Gods?! All of them?!" Lucas unzipped his denim jeans and gave an evil glare to the Goldblum.

"All but one…" the Lucas God unleashed his three red blades from his crotch and lunged at the Goldblum, who in turn, avoided the attack.

"Don't do this Lucas!" Lucas turned back towards the golden man with a smile, can't you see? I'm uhhh kind of unstoppable!" Lucas then fired an impressive blast of purple lightning from each of his eleven finger tips, sending the Goldblum spiraling into the cosmos.

"Unlimited uhhhhhhh power!" The Goldblum was down, but not out, and much like the late Mohamed Ali, he returned with a punch that could level mountains to Lucas' jiggly jong. Lucas could only chuckle at this feeble attempt to destroy him.

"I AM GOD!" he screamed, taking on a giant, purple, glowing ethereal existence. The Goldblum looked up at disbelief of the sheer power of his foe, knowing he had the lower hand, but also knowing he had to keep trying.

"NOT YET!" said the Goldblum as he undid his leather trousers and extended his wonderfully tanned salami stick and fired a series of anti-tank missiles from it's tip. This impressive onslaught was in vain however, as Lucas appeared unaffected by the Goldblum's impressive skills.

"Nice uhhh try kiddo!" Lucas slammed his monstrous fist on the Goldblum's erect member, making him scream in pain.

"What's wrong? Are your shorts uh… to tight?" Lucas chuckled at the pure hilarity of his own wit as he proceeded to pick up the Goldblum like a child would examine an insect...before squashing it.

"Hhmmmmm...as much as I would love to plunder your anus...I will challenge you, the last of the Gods to a fair battle exactly 9000045630000342550025440 years from now...ok?" The Goldblum was shocked at the sudden honour that Lucas presented.

"What are the stakes?" The Goldblum asked with a perplexed glare.

"If you win...I leave you be and I will banish myself to the outer realm, where I will serve the rest of eternity in lonesome exile." "and if you win?" the Goldblum asked in fear. The Lucas God smiled his widest smile and chuckled his chuckliest chuckle.

"Oh my dear boy...how naive you have become...uhhhhh...if I win I will use your body as my vessel for rebirth...you will become the host for my reincarnation." The Goldblum gasped in fear. The Lucas's resulting chuckles filled the blackness as he slowly began to dissipate like fog in the wind.

"See you soon...Goldblum HA!" The Goldblum knew he couldn't face him. He was far too powerful, it would be suicide to even attempt it...then...he thought of a plan.

CHAPTER 16.5: A Clockwork At Midnight

There was nothing about the dark and cloudy sky over London to suggest that strange things would be happening in the city. No one on West Wallaby Street saw anything suspicious. And if they did...well, it must've just been a ghost. The quiet and simple silence of the oh-so-cold night was punctured by the sound of feet shuffling on the coarse ground. The sound of feet, however, were accompanied by another gut wrenching noise. The sound of something, or rather, someone being dragged along the pavement. Dark, splattered red spots were given way in the wake of the passing figure pulling behind him what seemed to be a potato sack, full of...something. Something dripping what looked horribly like…

Wallace kept up his pace, knowing that it would only be a matter of time until someone would realise something mischievous was in play. His eyes darted side to side, house to house, eager to catch any source of light before he was vulnerable. However, it was a safe time of 5:02 pm, and everyone was surely asleep by this hour. Just as Wallace rounded the corner towards the local dump, he was alerted to the presence of something. Perhaps it was a windfall, or the sound of something moving, but Wallace stopped dead in his tracks. Slowly he turned around. Nothing was in sight. Now very suspicious, and not to mention a little hungry himself, Wallace did his best to shuffle along faster, despite him having no heart anymore. He was being kept alive out of pure willpower at this point. Wallace reached the end of the street and started along a dirt ridden, rough path that eventually lead to the garbage heap. It came into clearer view as Wallace was almost downright running at this point, struggling to drag the contents of the sack with him. He poised himself upright, ready to dispose of this evidence for good. He bent over, ready to heave the sack across into oblivion. An awful mistake. Pain ripped through his entire body as he found his jeans being torn open by something he knew he should not have fucked with.

"Didn't think ya could really forget about our little arrangement, did ya?" whispered Tobey Maguire vehemently. His hands worked around the complicated fastenings of Wallace's britches, and not much longer after that, Wallace was poised in an unwilling mooning position towards the furious Tobey.

"Sir...Pastor...I never meant to do any harm you see...he was almost asking for i-" His words were cut short as he felt the Angel from Hell slicing through his cancer ridden wong stick in a vertical motion. Blood poured endlessly from the now flappy stump of what used to be the hardest cock in all of Britain. Screaming was now all Wallace could do. Tobey reached inside his own Pastor garb, and released his own webster from within. It was rumoured that Tobey was able to telepathically command his own penis to move accordingly, and now Wallace, and you, the reader, can confirm that. It slithered around much like dangerous asps in the sahara desert, until it found an able opening in between the two skin flaps of shredded dick.

"Now...GO WEB!" Shrieked Tobey, spit flying from his drooling mouth, sweat flowing from every pore. His eyes focused in on its target, and, with a nod from his head, commanded the spidercock to spew webbing into every centimetre of Wallace's husk of a body. A sight to behold indeed, Tobey was now fused to Wallace from behind, his penis going underneath and coming back up to fuse into Wallace's "Gromit". Taking forth a brilliant opportunity, Tobey held Wallace up high with their fused organs.

"I don't know if I will ever be able to forgive you...but this will do for now." he ended as a small tear ridden grin formed on his rascally features, tears born out of the pain of losing his only son to this monster before him. Wallace's screams never subsided, and to this day, it is a matter of question if the screams are still able to be heard at the dump in London. The end.

CHAPTER 17: Truth

"You." Harrison Ford finished with a smile.

"Me?" Charlie asked, confused yet aroused.

"Yes." Ford repeated again. "You see kid, you are the culmination of septillions of years of planning, the Goldblum, he knew there was no escaping Lucas and that sooner or later he would find him and kill him, and be reborn through him...his blood...your blood. The blood you now share with Lucas. Your fates are intertwined. That is why he couldn't kill you back at Skywalker Ranch. Nobody could survive a direct attack from the Lucas and yet...you did. We finally have a chance to break free, to bring him down...to fight back just as your father planned when he created this Rebellion so long ago...and it is finally time."

Charlie's head had nearly exploded at this sudden revelation. He was the one to bring down Lucas? How? But his thoughts were cut short when the door flew open to reveal Papa Smurf, "Sorry to interrupt but…" He pointed at his mickey mouse watch.

"Oh! Ha! Already?" Harrison asked with twinkles in his eyes. Papa nodded and headed back out to the area where all the other rebels were stationed.

"Can you do an old man a favour son?" Ford asked looking at the door longingly.

"Oh! Sure!" Charlie wheeled Ford's body cast out over the balcony so he could overlook all of his people.

"We've been fighting a long time...this war with Lucas has cost us so many lives and caused so much heartbreak. You all deserve a warm drink, a loose girl, and a place in history and I can't sweat that enough." The collection of rebels clapped wildly and cheered at their leader's kind words.

"You've all worked so hard...and now it's time to get hard! It's 9 o'clock and the daily orgy starts….NOW!" like lightning, the mix mashed group of heroes began to tackle each other and fondle each other's no no parts. Charlie watched in awe as Bambi slammed his massive deer dong into Gordon Ramsay's clenched asshole, Ramsay, feeling the pleasure flood his very soul, he beckoned Bambi deeper and deeper into his insides. He could only moan intensely as he felt Babi's pulse against his tight anal walls.

"The SAAAAAUCE!" he moaned loudly, "WHERE'S THE DEER SAUCE?" Bambi felt he was reaching his climax."RIGHT FUCKING NOW YOU CUNT! I SWEAR TO GOD IF I DON'T HAVE THAT SAUCE IN MY ASS IN TEN SECONDS I WILL FUCKING END Y-"

Before the chef could finish his reprimanding, Spider-man swung across the room with the prowess of the most impressive acrobat before slamming his own Spider-cock™ straight down Ramsay's open piehole, and at that moment...it was too much for Bambi to handle.

He unloaded all of his pungent love juice into Ramsay's ass while Spider-man coated the chef's mouth with a thick layer of cummie webbing. Optimus prime was sprawled out on the floor across the room, engaging in an impressive act of his own, Mr Tumnus reared his unshaven fawn anus unleashing a terrible, ungodly tench. Prime couldn't wait any longer.

"Mr Tumnus….Shit out!" The Fawn obeyed, and dropped fawn scatt all over his mechanical lover. Charlie smiled at this and turned back to Ford.

"Why don't you join in?"

Ford smiled a distant smile.

"This is their time...it's how they build comradeship. I'm an old man now, this is my curse...I can never interfere...only watch. It's alright though...it just makes me happy to see them happy."

Charlie looked back down on the rebels' pants party. Gandhi was having the time of his life, the Cat in the Hat was filleting him and damn did it feel good, but it was quickly interrupted by a shout.

"My name is PEEEWDIEEEPIEEEE!" and just like that, the Jesus of Youtube slammed his bro-fist right up Gandhi's ass and worked his mouth like a puppet. Pewdiepie, as if by kharma itself, was also interrupted in turn as he heard a firm voice erupt from behind him.

"I'm gunna smurf you so hard!" Papa smurf jumped straught into Pewdie's asshole and began to spurt his blue seed all over his digestive tract, giving Pewdiepie a serious case of intestinal cancer, and incredible amounts of ooey gooey pleasure. Charlie watched in awe. It seemed like the world had hope after all! They clearly knew what they were doing! And so he sat and continued to watch the barrage of beautiful love.

"MELLON!" Gandalf screamed, making all three of the Chipmunk's anuses open...ready for a plundering. In that moment life seemed good again to Charlie. In the shadows however...a traitor loomed.

CHAPTER 18: Before the Storm

"Alright." Ford stood proudly next to Charlie on the balcony overlooking his army, now out of his body cast. "The day has come. Today we launch our attack on Skywalker Ranch!" discussion broke out amongst the crowd, the Cat in the Hat looked up at Harrison doubtfully,

"Attack? Now? Just because we have the Kid? This is suicide! Count. Me. Out." Just as he was about to turn and leave, a blaster shot rang out, gruesomely melting the Cat's face clean off, revealing his hideous feline skull and filling the room with the stench of burnt hair. Just like that, the Cat in the Hat lie dead on the mat.

Ford stood there, awkwardly holding his now smoking blaster pistol with a slight smirk, as if he had long forgotten the pleasure of killing, and just refreshed himself for the first time in a long time. "Now is not the time to be losing faith in our oh so noble cause my friends!" Ford continued. "Any other objections?" the building was silent. "Good. Now, as I was saying, Lucas' reign comes to an end, and it comes to an end tonight. We have the weapons, the people and the knowhow...we also have HIM!" he gestured to Charlie, then grabbed his hand to hold it up in victory. "He is the key! This boy shares blood with Lucas! He can kill him!"

They all cheered! "I say we fight! It is time to bring this dictator down! Once and for all!" Optimus said valiantly, They all cheered again and ran towards their crates full of weaponry. Everything ranging from guns, swords, toothpicks and vibrators.

"Today an empire falls. Today hope rises again. Today a God dies!" They all screamed a hardy battle cry. Ford started to walk away from the inspired crowd and beckoned Charlie to follow him into his quarters. Once inside, Ford held Charlie's shoulders and looked him in the eye.

"You scared kid?"

Charlie just realized he was shaking."Yeah...a little."

Ford smiled. "Good! Your fear will keep you on your toes and alive!" Charlie flashed a faux smile before looking down at the floor.

"Look kid..we've all lost a lot to get where we are now. This is the time where we need to be brave...it's almost over and it's so close I can almost taste it! You are the only one who has a chance to stop him you know that? Your power was enough to inspire all of those people. You are powerful Charlie."

Charlie looked up at Ford as if he had never had never received a compliment before. "You really think so?!"

"Yes! Of course! Just remember, you're connection to him is strong, you are resistant to his attacks but not immune." Charlie nodded confidently. He knew what he had to do and it was finally time to avenge his father and fix this, all would be right in the universe again.

"Where do I start?" Charlie asked.

Ford answered with a smile, "My forces will storm the front of the Ranch and distract his forces, then, whilst they are busy, you will sneak in the back window and kill Lucas or something like that. Sound good?"

Charlie smiled and nodded, he was impressed at Ford's prowess as a strategist and a cunning leader. The plan was detailed and foolproof.

"I have received word that Vader has gathered his forces, all of his followers will be there to defend his master. It won't be easy...but it should work out ok, at least I think so." Charlie was pumped. It was time. One by one, the Rebels went to the thames and entered a submarine that was generously supplied by Kim Jong Un.

"Deeesh Submawineee weil tache yuuu tuuu Lucas!" Kim yelled proudly, once all were on board, the door slammed shut and set sail for california. The submarine began to submerge into the cloudy waters of the thames, as it submerged, visible for only a second, was the "Lucas Submarine Association ™ " logo…

Kim, unknowingly, was still under Lucas' control and cluelessly led his friends and family to their imminent doom.

CHAPTER 19: A Call to Arms

Swift footsteps brought Vader towards Lucas' personal quarters. He knew he had to hurry, so he picked up his pace to a sort of sideways gallop. He needed to inform his master that the plan was going...just as he had planned. Vader, without knocking, forced Lucas' doors open. Lucas was sitting in a luxurious mahogany chair with his head hung back, he had nothing but a blindfold on and his crotch was covered in whipped cream.

A hungry Gungan was on its hands and knees and was extending it's long slippery tongue, about to ravage Lucas' sweet tender bits.

"Stop teasing me son! ha ha ha! Just fucking lick me already! Ha ha ha!" Vader screamed in horror.

"Shit!" Lucas screamed as he commanded a purple velvet robe to materialize overtop of him. "Oh uhh… ha! Sorry about that Hayden...You know how it is, boys being boys! Ha!"

Vader fell to a knee, not only to be subservient to his master, but also because he was dry heaving. "My lord, the rebels have fallen into your trap and your sleeper agent is bringing them here now in the submarine."

Lucas smiled, "Good! Good! Ready my forces, make sure you wipe them all out. You however...you stay here with me. We shall kill the kid together...like the old times…"

Lucas seemed to trail off. Vader strode over to him and put his hand on his shoulder.

"Are you alright?" Lucas looked up at Vader...but he didn't see Vader. He saw him for who he was. He saw Hayden.

"I remember the first time I saw you. I remember the casting director talking about you...how there was just so much….happening behind those dead eyes of yours...I didn't believe her...then I saw you. I saw you there against that green screen and I almost couldn't help myself. I'm so happy I remade you...I promise you, when this is all over...we'll be a family again."

Vader smiled. "Thank you my master." Vader turned and started to leave the room,

"Lucas." Vader turned to look back on his past lover, "Hayden...Call me Lucas." Vader was overwhelmed by his emotions. He vaguely remembered a time where he tried to kill Lucas...but his power over him...grew stronger yet.

"Thank you...Lucas." The sith lord replied, to avoid crying in front of him he left his quarters. Lucas smiled, the fool. He actually thought that HE a god would actually care about him. He was but a tool. A tool that the Lucas would use until he was no longer needed. His plan was working perfectly.

Jar Jar walked into the room, "Daddy? What es going to happen to us?" Lucas turned and smiled to his favourite CGI son of many. "Jar Jar! I'm so happy you're here my boy! Ha Ha! Do yousa wanna go on the carousel?"

"YES!" Jar Jar screamed inhumanly loud, causing Lucas to chuckle.

"Come on then!" The father and son began to ride to their pleasure. It was so nice to be with his son again. Soon nobody could stop him. Soon. Everything will end.

CHAPTER 20: Everything Ends

The Rebels led an all out attack on Lucas' fortress. Firing wildly and killing everything that moved. The doors of Skywalker Ranch flew open, releasing swarms and swarms of Stormtroopers. The armies battled a mighty battle, guns were fired, people died and heads rolled. Bambi was showing off his superior methods of killing, he used his raw speed and combat knife to shiv entire legions of the white clad soldiers, as well as fuck their corpses, while at the same time Optimus, Gandhi, Ramsay and the Phantom stormed the entrance with outstanding courage, but a whole new army of troops stormed out...these ones were different… these ones where Gungan.

¨Oh FUCK!¨ the phantom screamed, ¨Fall back!¨ but it was no use. The Gungans tore the Phantom limb from limb with frightening strength and ferocity. After dealing with the others they began to feast on their fallen prey, enjoying every succulent bite of their eviscerated kills. More and more Gangans poured out of the mansion, a seemingly infinite number of them charged our heroes, making many rebels fall..but they kept on battling. The armies seemed evenly matched, it would be anyone's guess as to who the victor would be. Meanwhile on the other side of the mansion, Kim, Charlie and Harrison Ford crept through the back window.

¨The distraction worked!¨ Harrison said proudly as he observed the empty hallways of Lucas mountain palace and placed his hand on the pure copper door knob, ¨The bastard should be in here! According to Kim this is his personal quarters,¨

Charlie stopped. ¨Wait...how does he-¨ Harrison opened the door, blaster at the ready, What he saw inside...he would never forget. Lucas was naked as the day he was born and was sitting at the head of a luxurious lobster feast set up for all of them. Vader then stepped out in front of the table. Harrison fired his blaster, but Vader deflected it with his hand and telepathically pulled the blaster straight from Ford's iron grip.

¨We would be honoured if you could join us.¨ the sith said in a cold voice.

¨How about hell no?¨ Ford took a step towards Vader, but then immediately collapsed with a broken ankle. ¨Looks like you're uh...not doing to well there old man! Ha Ha Ha ! You always were a piece of shit Ford!¨ Harrison screamed in agony, Charlie and Kim valiantly jumped to his aid.

"It's over Lucas!" Charlie said bravely with a massive erection, "The Rebels will overtake your forces and I will kill you."

Lucas bellowing chuckles filled the room as he sat daintily across the room, "That's where you are wrong silly boy. You see I created this uhhhh Gungan army...by cumming into a vat full of sea monkeys. There's over 11 trillion of them. They will never stop and their hunger….for uhhhh….flesh will never be satisfied."

Charlie felt hopeless in this moment. Lucas was right, that is quite a few Gungans and he wasn't sure if all of this would be enough.

"My friends will win...your overconfidence will be your downfall."

Lucas scowled.

"Your faith in your friends is yours." Without hesitation, Charlie removed his pants and thrust his massive shaft at Lucas, Vader however, caught Charlie in mid air with the force and tossed him like a doll across the room.

Lucas continued to Chuckle,"Why do you waste your time with these mortals? Join me...and I will teach you how to use uhhh your powers and stuff."

Charlie considered this offer, it sounded pretty good to him.

"Don't do it!" Ford shouted.

Charlie nodded, and stood up, "Never."

Lucas sighed, "Christ kid just give the fuck up!"

"No."

"Ok fine whatever, Vader kill him."

Vader ignited his lightsaber and swung at Charlie, but he blocked it...using his cock.

"Impossible!" Vader said, turning to look back at Lucas.

"Interesting…" Vader began to clash with Charlie's cock, the battle was amazing, acrobatic and everything in between, Vader's awesome swordsmanship was matched only by Charlie's throbbing penis power. There is nothing but raw passion in their battle and Lucas enjoyed every. Single. Second. Vader dodged and sliced but eventually...slipped up.

Vader fell to the floor next to a massive bottomless pit that seemed to be there for no reason, whilst attempting to block Charlie's barrage of cock swings. Charlie's shlong smacked the siths blade over and over and over, eventually, our hero chopped Vader's arm clean off.

"Goddamit!" Lucas said burying his face in his hands.

"Lucas!" Vader cried out, "Help me!"

Lucas smiled and began to chuckle, "That's master to you. You honestly think that I would care about a pathetic worm such as yourself? Charlie is the real winner here HA! Now Charlie...kill him. Kill him now."

Charlie looked down at Vader's helplessness, was quivering like a small child hiding from a school shooter, it would be so satisfying to finally gut him like a stuck pig, but...he needed to be better than that, unfortunately.

Charlie zipped up his pants. "I shouldn't."

"DO IT" Lucas ordered.

"No." Charlie turned to face the naked God. "For I am a Goldblum. Like my father before me. Your days are numbered your highness."

Lucas chuckled wildly, completely out of control this time. "Don't be so sure you little shit!" Lucas shot purple beams from his hands causing Charlie to fall to the floor in pain.

"Now…I will toss you down this uhhhh pit that I have here and it'll a…..kill you" Lucs began to stride across the room with lethal intent, but Vader stood in front of Charlie to defend him, Lucas stopped, shocked at this sudden act of defiance.

"Get out of the way Vader!" Vader grabbed Lucas by the throat with his remaining hand, lifting him off the ground entirely.

"Hayden." The sith said proudly, "My name is Hayden."

Vader carried Lucas towards the pit. Charlie looked up in disbelief. Vader threw himself of the edge with Lucas in hand. The two plummeted down the pit,

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Lucas creamed as he fell into oblivion. A plume of purple mist exploded out of the dusted himself off and looked outside a nearby window at his rebel fighters...The Gungans were retreating into the hills! They won! Harrison, Kim and Charlie cheered and hugged each other, and the soldiers shot wildly into the air as they watched their enemies retreat.

It was finally over...Lucas was dead and peace was restored.

CHAPTER 21: The Wrath of The Broken God

A series of chuckles boomed and echoes from the pit. Charlie looked back in horror. Lucas was standing there in his ethereal, purple ghostlike form. Purple mist filled the room.

"Did you really think you could even come close to stopping me?" Lucas chuckled uncontrollably, so loud in fact that it shredded Harrison Ford's face clean off. The rebel leader fell to the floor screaming, until he finally succumbed to his blood loss. Kim grabbed hold of Charlie and restrained him, making him kick and scrream like a child getting pulled towards a mysterious van.

"What is this!? How did you survive!?"

Lucas scoffed and strode towards Charlie. "Oh silly silly boy. You see...I'm God. Whatever I say goes and whatever I want uhhh...happens." He pulled a control pad from one of his many flaps and pressed it's single red button.

"This is where the fun begins…" Lucas chuckled as the sky outside began to grow darker than night. The rebel soldiers looked up in terror as they saw it...a battle station, bigger than the moon, in the shape of a massive erection, cme over the horizon, blocking out the sun and any hope the rebels had.

"It's called the Death Cock ™ , you see my sons weren't retreating...they were evacuating."

Charlie began to cry, "You're crazy!"

"Yep." Lucas said with a twinkle in his eye, "As I was saying, this station will flood the world with semen, drowning every man, woman, and child...killing everything and anyone isn't me...or Gungan."

Lucas chuckled his most sinister chuckle.

"So why me? Why any of this?"

Lucas tasseled Charlie's boyish hair.

"The Rebellion was indeed impressive and one hell of a nuisance, but uhhh… I will always find a way to ruin everything. Kim is my slave, I brainwashed him long ago, and through him I fed the alliance lies and stories of how the son of the Goldblum could kill me, and with that hope they would finally reveal themselves, step out of the shadows and be exposed. I just had Kim and Vader ensure you made it here alive...along with the entire rebel army. Right where I want you. Here...to die. Just as I had planned. None of it was real...none of it. You are nothing but false hope. Now...you and all of your rebel friends...will die."

"FUCK NO LUCAS!" Charlie screamed, trying to break free from Kim's tight grip to no avail. Lucas chuckled like the mad man he is.

"Goodbye Charlie." Lucas slashed Charlie in half with his three bladed dick-saber and watched his feeble shreds fall to the floor. It was over.

The Death Cock ™ spurted a massive load all over the planet, coating everything in a thick white fluid. Buildings tipped, cities flooded and the entire population was left struggling to breathe as baby juice flooded their lungs and vital organs. Lucas soared through the air with Jar Jar on his shoulders laughing, watching this perpetual hell he had created really brought a tear to his eye. His sons enjoyed feasting on the flesh of the cum-logged corpses that riddled the once beautiful planet called earth.

"Did yousa go too far in a few places Daddy?"

"No.." Lucas said with a priceless smile and tears of joy streaming down his face. "It's finally perfect."

The father and son laughed for days on end while pillaging any and all corpses they could find. It seemed life had finally found a way.