What Really Happened
Part One
a fanfiction comedy by Stacey
(don't read this unless you've read ALL of book four or you will be horribly lost)
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"Kill the spare."
Wormtail heard the instructions and shakingly picked up his Master's wand. "Avada Kedavra!"
Cedric Diggory fell to the ground. Wormtail winced at the sight and turned to Harry, who was puking all over the place.
He strode over and pulled Harry roughly up. As he tied the boy to the headstone (which read Tom and Martha Riddle as they'd been buried together) he thought, Ack, this is so morbid. Trust frikkin Master to come up with something like this.
Finally he dragged the waiting cauldron and dumped ol' Master in it with a splash.
At least one good thing will come of this, he thought, Voldy hasn't had a bath in twenty years.
"Bone of the father, get the hell up." said Wormtail crossly. "You hafta bring Voldy back."
A fine powder of white dust rose from the ground and hovered, before forming the shape of a large hand. The hand was making a very rude gesture. Then the dust broke apart and flew into the cauldron.
"What, did you have a sense of humor!?" Wormtail stared at the ground where the two Riddle's were buried, then focused his attention on the cauldron. It's contents had turned blue and were now hissing and bubbling.
Meanwhile, the huge long snake called Nagini was circling Harry hungrily.
Then he paled. It was his turn now. "FLESH of the servant!" he yelled, trembling all over. "You will be cut OFF, and thrown into a cauldron of CRAP, in which a deformed little baby will come BACK to life!" In one swift movement he picked up the jagged knife on the ground (A/N: Don't ask me how the knife got there, sheesh) and ... cut off his lips.
Damn, he thought, I cut off my lips.
Wormtail clutched his face his face and whimpered, shocked by the pain. After a few seconds, he managed to stagger over to Harry Potter.
"Bwood o' deh eneny," he gasped, "You will resurrect yo' foe!" It was hard to speak without lips.
With the same jagged knife, he sliced the nick of Harry's arm. Blood seeped out while Harry watched helplessly. Wormtail fumbled in his robes for the right glass vial. He pulled it out, collected Harry's blood, and poured it into the cauldron. Then, shaking uncontrollably, Wormtail fell to his knees.
Steam shot up from the cauldron, and after a few agonizing seconds of silence, the outline of someone very tall and thin could be seen rising out. It hovered for a second, then stepped to the ground.
It had gleaming red eyes, and slits for nostrils, like a snake. Nagini slithered up to it, hissing loudly.
The naked person then said the most unexpected thing it could have said:
"Aaaugh! I've been reborn--as a woman!"