Hello, all! Long time, no see! It's been so long since I've written any Yu-Gi-Oh! stuff so I thought I'd give it a go. Hopefully my other stuff will follow suit... Anyway this is just something quick I wrote with a theme that hits pretty close to home. Anxiety is not fun, people.
With that being said, I hope you guys enjoy this little short. Cheers!
Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh! or any of its characters (although I wish I did).
I won't break. I can't let that happen—not now, not ever.
Seto Kaiba stared down at his shaking hand and quickly stifled the tremor with a sudden grip to the wrist. There were so many emotions reeling through his mind and body, and he didn't know how to deal with them. You have to beat it. You have to, he thought to himself as he stared hollowly at his laptop screen. Familiar voices wafted into his ears and the trembling in his hand threatened to return.
I just have to make it through the day. Then and only then can I deal with this stupid... So stupid. Why am I being like this? I'm so stupid.
The brunet leaned forward to hide his face behind the screen as his eyes tried to focus, eyelashes fluttering and eyebrows tensing.
It hurts. Why does it hurt so much?
More students filed into the classroom where Seto sat in the very back. His eyes darted to the bottom of the monitor, noting that the teacher would begin the lesson in only a few minutes. That meant...
"Oh, man. I thought I was gonna be late," a grumbling and somewhat out-of-breath Katsuya murmured as he took his seat, a seat right next to the teen CEO.
Please don't look over. I don't want anyone to see me like this. No one can see. Only me. I don't even want to see this. I don't want to be this person anymore. I just want to be okay. I just want to be okay.
"'Ey, Kaiba. Ya got a pencil I can borrow?"
Seto's eyes widened at the sudden query and his mouth went dry. He pretended to be reading something on his laptop to avoid answering, but of course that would not work on the persistent blonde.
"What, ya got cotton in yer ears? Hello?"
Seto gathered all the strength he could muster and turned his head to glare at the teen to his right. "Does it look like I have a pencil, Mutt?" he whispered harshly in return and went back to looking at his screen.
Good. That was good. Good and convincing.
Katsuya rolled his eyes and continued. "Okay, do ya have a pen? I bet all you big wigs have fancy pens."
The brunet scowled. "Fine, if it'll shut you up..." He reached down to his briefcase and pulled out a ballpoint pen, tossing it over to his classmate. Just as the object entered the air, his hand began shaking again. Instantly he slammed it down onto the desk with his other hand and mentally prayed that the other boy hadn't noticed.
"Thanks, man," Katsuya replied with a smile. The smile slowly melted into a slight frown and a hand reached out for the CEO. "Kaiba, what's wrong? Are ya okay?"
That question... Why did you ask me that question?
Seto visibly stiffened as the question swirled around in his mind. His eyes were wide with fright because he knew what was going to happen. He looked over at Katsuya as a single tear slipped down his cheek.
The blonde stared dumbly at the sight. "Are you..." Before he could finish his question, Seto roughly pulled his arm away and wiped at his face.
Why did he have to ask me that? Why? Can't he see that I'm not?
The taller teen froze as a new thought occurred to him.
Can everyone see that I'm not?
A strange fear filled Seto Kaiba's chest as he abruptly slammed his laptop closed and shoved it into his briefcase. I can't let them see me like this, his mind screamed. I can't.
Faces turned in confusion as the young businessman rushed out of the classroom, the door rattling as it closed from the sheer force of its opening. Hush filled the room; the only sound that remained was the tick of the clock on the wall.
Katsuya blinked at the classroom door. "What just happened?"
What's wrong with me? Why am I like this? How did this happen to me? Why me? I don't want to be like this. I just want to be okay.
Seto raked his hands through his hair as he slid down the wall of the bathroom stall, more tears spilling down his face. He lowered his arms to his lap and stared blankly at the metal partition. His right hand shook as both rage and terror coursed through his veins and his fingers involuntarily curled to form a fist over and over again.
Why won't it stop? Why won't it go away? Please make it go away. I just want to be okay. Please.
"Kaiba? Kaiba, are ya in here?" Katsuya's concerned voice echoed through the men's restroom. He noticed that the very end stall door was closed and he could see what looked like someone sitting on the floor. The blonde rushed over to the metal door, crouching down in front of it. "Kaiba, is that you?"
"Go away," Seto said roughly, his voice cracking and hoarse. "J-just leave me alone."
Katsuya knitted his brow, placing his hand on the stall door. "C'mon, ya know I can't do that," he replied. "Now how about ya unlock this thing and let me help ya?"
"No! No, just go!" the older boy shouted, his heart thumping louder in his chest than ever before.
Please, just go. Please. I can't let anyone see me like this—especially not you.
"Fine, then I guess I'll just hafta force my way in."
Seto's eyebrows lowered as he took in the other boy's statement. "What..?" His eyes darted to a sudden mop of golden hair inching in from underneath the stall door. "No! Get out of here, Jonouchi! Please, just go!"
"Nothin' doin'," Katsuya replied as he slowly pulled himself fully into the stall and sat up. His heart stopped as he took in his classmate's appearance. He was sitting with his knees up to his chest and his eyes were wide with fear. Even in the poorly lit stall, the blonde could see the ruddy color blotched across Seto's face. He had been crying. "Kaiba..."
"N-n-no, stay back!" the young CEO pleaded, his hand shooting out as if to keep the other boy from approaching further.
"Kaiba, I'm not gonna hurt ya. I just wanna help," Katsuya reasoned and tried to get closer. "Just let me help ya."
The brunet quickly got to his feet and backed into the corner of the stall, his hand still outstretched. "You can't. You've done enough."
"What? What're ya talkin' about?" the younger teen asked, standing up as well. "What've I done?"
"Everything," Seto practically growled. "You... You did this to me. This is your fault! Your fault!" In one swift motion, he picked up his briefcase and hurled it across the stall, barely missing Katsuya's head. "Y-you... You did this..." he murmured as he slid down the wall once more, staring listlessly at the cowering boy across from him. "It was you. It's always been you."
Kaiba stared at the laptop screen as he typed out his thoughts. One of his therapists had mentioned stream of consciousness writing to help him sort out his feelings, and with much trepidation, he decided to try it. Words flew from his fingers and tears fell from his eyes as the thoughts he unleashed took hold of his heart.
"I gravitate toward him and I'm obsessed. He's there in my mind when I don't want him to be. I don't want him to get the wrong impression of me because that would be unfortunate. I want him to be my friend and I can't help flirting because he's so handsome. He's very manly and he's got this face that I'm drawn to. I can't quite put into words what it is but my eyes go to him. I think that he likes me and that's unfortunate, too. I don't want him to like me in any way more than friends but the idea of someone showing that interest in me is kind of invigorating. I'm still attractive. Why do I feel so ugly sometimes? I can't let anyone see me like this. I'm so ugly. My insides are rotting with these ugly thoughts. I don't want to die. I just want this to go away. I don't want to freak out anymore. I don't want to push anyone away anymore. I don't want to hurt anyone. I just want to be happy. It's so scary out there and in here. Why doesn't anyone seem to understand? I just want to be okay. I just want to be okay. Why can't I be okay?"
Seto stared at his words with a newly found panic.
I'm not okay.
So what did you guys think? Sorry if anyone got OOC. It's hard to keep someone in character when they're flipping out.
Feel free to review and please, no flames. Flames are only good for roastin' marshmallows and weenies. :)
See you next time!