ONE NIGHT...
A dark and stormy night at the Smith home... So stormy this storm could storm a castle... More stormy than any
storm you could ever fathom in all of stormdom...
The entire Smith family was asleep, except Roger. He was in the upstairs attic, dressed as a princess, while
talking to his new parrot, Captain Greenback. "We're gonna go on tour next Tuesday and make lots of money
aren't we Captain?" said Roger. "No!" replied Captain Greenback. Roger looked annoyed. "No, what do you mean no? I re-wrote the lyrics to
every Bruce Sprinsteen song and spent hours teaching you to sing them!" said Roger. He continued. "I'll be
damned if I did all that for nothing, you mean you're backing out of the deal?" "Squaw! Yes. Go find an eagle named Lady Kah Kah, not me!" said Greenback.
"Oh gee. This is too bad. It really is, I liked you for a while. I now have no choice but to kill you" said Roger,
pulling out a knife. Roger began attempting to stab Greenback, but Greenback evaded each blow with nimble
speed, ultimately flying out the window, leaving the house for good. Roger began to cry, then waved his fist out
the window towards the sky, yelling and screaming, whilst proclaiming himself the king of music, and begging the
parrot to come back. He heard a loud noise that sounded like a meteor crashing to the ground, and quickly
darted to Steve's bed for refuge. Steve was asleep, dreaming about girls.
"Oh, Lisa Silvers, let it be true!" said Steve in his sleep, kissing Roger on the cheek.
"Oh my god oh my god, you've finally come around, I'm happy for ya Steve, well, if you know what I mean!" said
Roger. Steveshrieked in his typical revolting high pitched Spongebobian tone, and woke from his sleep instantly.
"What are you doing in here Roger? Besides I thought you finally decided you were straight" yelled Steve. "I
am straight, Steve. Straight for alien women, and also my inner woman. We have a relationship, and I need to
feed her and take care of her, and sometimes she likes dudes" said Roger.
"You just hurt my brain" said Steve. "Yep. I have a way of doing that. NOW GET OUT STEVE, YOU
DOUCHEBAG. EVERYBODY HATES YOU!" said Roger.
Steve screamed, and ran out of the room, waking up the entire Smith family. Another crashing sound was heard
as well. Stan immediately grabbed his gun and headed for the front door with Francine in tow. Yes folks, he was
actually carrying Francine. Haylee, surprisingly was still sound asleep in her room, with headphones on, listening
to Gallows songs. Yes, that's the honest to god truth, as hard to believe as it sounds. She was sleeping, while
listening to Gallows. Meanwhile, Roger was running back and forth in the attic, debating in his mind whether to
write a suicide note using paper from his custom made Hello Kitty Suicide kit.
"Oh my god oh my god. It's the end. We're all gonna fry we're all gonna fry, the Mayans were right, holy shit
Batman!" yelled Roger. Roger panicked and rushed outside screaming, where Stan and Francine were
attempting to find the source of the crashing sounds."ROGER!" yelled Stan. "Were you blowing up electric trains
again?" asked Stan. "No," replied Roger. "What makes you say that?" he inquired. "I heard crashing noises,"
said Stan. "Coming from upstairs" he added. "Oh, that's right I was just playing Modern Warfare 2 on my
computer. Oh shit, wait, I don't have a computer and I hate videogames, never mind" said Roger. Then Stan and
Francine began simultaneously screaming and pointing at the part of their house that was the attic. A giant UFO
had crashed through the roof above the room.
"I'm calling my superiors on this one," said Stan. "We just can't have any more aliens living here" "Don't forget to
call someone to fix our roof afterwards" said Francine. "The roof can wait. Seriously Francine, they're very
patient, how the hell do you think they put up with Santa's reindeer?" said Stan. Stan bolted back into the house,
carrying Francine with him. Just then, Roger remembered he had an Indiana Jones lasso, with which he used to
latch on to the UFO, yanking it out of the Smith home and onto the ground. It was now only seconds beforeit
would ultimately burst into flames, but Roger, though being a quasi homicidal sociopath, also had a caring heart
within him. He knew there had to be a surviver in there somewhere. Roger risked his life and rushed into the
ship. There, in the control room, he saw a gorgeous fainted blonde green lady lying on the floor, dressed in a
Tron-esque/Star Trekish outfit. She was every alien mans dream come true. Roger began thinking.
"Woah, ok woah, she is one tantalizing sexy time traveler. She makes Francine look like a two dollar whore" thought Roger. "Oh my god, what am I thinking? I mean she's probably dead. Then again, what if she isn't dead?" he thought.
Roger's eyes widened, and he just stood there. Can't you just totally see this happening in an episode?
Seconds later...
"I'D BETTER GET THIS BITCH SOME WATER SO SHE'LL REMEMBER WHERE SHE IS" yelled Roger, rushing
into the Smith home, and pouring some Miller Lite into a pitcher. Then his rational mind started knocking on the
door of his sick twisted ideas. "That ship was lighting up," he thought. "Beeping loudly! It's about to blow its top
like Stan when Francine won't let him go to My Morning Jacket concerts!" he thought again. "I'M COMIN' FOR YA
BABE!" said Roger, rushing out the door with his pitcher full of booze. He got there in the nick of time,yanking the
fainted female body out of the ship. After he had done so, the ship exploded into a million pieces. Roger began
filling the occupant's mouth with booze, and slapping her face, which woke her up. As Roger looked into her
deep dark blue-ish black sparkling eyes, he began to fall under a spell. The occupant carried very positive
rejuvenating vibes and radiated peace, love, and understanding. "Well, hello there baby. You still have your lenses don't you? What's your name?" asked Roger. The green alien
woman spoke, though she was a bit tipsy from the alcohol, and disoriented from the wreck. "I...I'm Orla!" said Orla. "Orla? I like it. I like it a lot!" said Roger. Orla giggled. "Yes, Orla. Orla the Mystical. I'm from Planet Flora and I work in a room of a mothership called Suite Z-9x where I
transmit positive energy into computers, in order to radiate that energy all through the universe!" said Orla. "Even better. Even better! I have GOT to show you my attic" said Roger. Then he looked up at the Smith home.
Orla giggled again. "You HAD an attic, huh?" said Orla. "Yeah, sorta" said Roger. "Ooh, what an interesting ring you have" he added. "It's my magic space-time travel ring that only those with pure hearts can use" said Orla. "So, if your name was Whorela the Sensual you couldn't use it?" asked Roger. Orla rolled her eyes, but laughed.
Then she whispered in Roger's ear.
"Ya know, I did take on the form of an earth prostitute once, after I escaped from Area 51 in Nevada" said Orla. "Oh my...god!" said Roger.
Later...
"Don't call the CIA! How can you be so insensitive?" Haylee told Stan. "Haylee, I have to do it!" said Stan. Then
Roger brought Orla into the house. "I've got a new friend, wanna meet her? Her name is Orla, Orla the Mystical!"
said Roger. Stan stared in awe as if under mindcontrol. "Oh my god, she's...she's so enchanting...so...not
Francine...so...interesting!" said Stan. Francine thwacked Stan with a frying pan. But then she too became
enamoured by Orla's vibes. "You are just a little cutie aren't you?" said Francine, extending her arms to hug Orla.
Haylee noticed that Orla was wearing a headband with a magic diamond in the center. "Wanna come see my
room?" asked Haylee. "Sure!" said Orla.
Hours later...
"I CAN'T BELIEVE I actually liked her. That green lady...there's something about her that just takes you to
another dimension" said Stan. "Oh I can definately believe you liked her Stan. But I can't believe I did! Now that
she's gone I just want to...beat her at table tennis or something!" said Francine. "Me too. I'd better go make sure
she's not doing anything funny with my daughter!" said Stan. Stan walked into Haylee's room. "HOLY
SHIT...they're BOTH hippies...and besides, SHE'S MINE!" said Stan.
"DAD, STOP!" yelled Haylee, as Stangrabbed Orla, who was drunk and could not stop giggling. Stan took Orla into the livingroom, and began
browsing the Wii Shopping Channel with her, looking for games to play. "Just tell me which one you want, pumpkin!" said Stan. "Aww, are you my Earth daddy?" asked Orla. Haylee was stunned. "That's...what...we used to do...!" said Haylee, sobbing. "HAHAHA, I've got her now...the golden girl is mine" said Stan. "I want mint chocolate chip ice cream, that would be sooo goood right about now!" said Orla.
"NO NO NO NO NO!" said Roger storming into the room. "Orla is MY girlfriend" said Roger, who was dressed up as Hugh Hefner. "Come on Orla, let's go upstairs, put on some music and get goofy. Really goofy!" said Roger.
"Stay away from him Orla!" yelled Stan, pointing his gun at Roger and firing it. Each bullet missed, as Roger
danced and danced, his outfit eventually falling off. "Oh, crap. I'll win you over one of these days Orla, you gorgeous babe!" said Roger.
Later that day... Stan was exhausted from playing Wii Tennis with Orla. He went back to bed, not even noticing that blue ooze
was all over the floor.
"Eh, gad, Orla, what is all that? Are you going through some kind of planetary cycle or something?" asked Roger.
"Uh huh!" moaned Orla who seemed to be in pain.
"Aw, don't worry Orla, you just need some blankets and some popcorn and a horror movie. Trust me, I know this, every time I'm having my period I watch a horror movie!" said Roger.
Orla, an alien lady of mostly positive energy could not stomach the horror movie. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" yelled Orla. Steve came down and hugged Orla sheepishly. "Thanks, you're nice" said Orla. "I know, so are you" said Steve, snuggling up to Orla. Roger was furious. "THAT'S MY GIRL, STAY AWAY FROM HER!" said Roger picking up Steve and tossing him outside.
2 weeks later...of smith family time with orla and roger
"WHERE AM I?" shrieked Orla. "You're in the Smith home. You're a female alien of positive energies and we're housing you and feeding you"
said Francine. "Yes, and we understand perfectly that sometimes you go through your planetary cycles, though that last one
was hardly tolerable. We also think you might be an evil blonde Aryan monster woman worse than my wife who
will destroy us any second so we're on our guard!" said Smith, firing his gun at the ceiling. "Remember when we made out on the sofa?" asked Roger. "Yeah, I remember that, sorta" said Orla. "Ya wanna continue where that left off?" asked Roger. "That would be...great!" said Orla. "What does that room called Suite Z-9x in your mothership look like?" asked Roger. "Cuz I'm gonna totally
remodel the atic and we're gonna transmit some positive energy if you know what I mean"
Later...
"What is going on in there between Roger and Orla?" said Stan. "They've been up there for weeks. Every time I try to listen in on what's going on behind that door I just hear
music and strange noises" said Francine. "I'd better take a peak" said Stan. Just as Stan walked into the room, Roger and Orla came out of it, dressed as
husband and wife, and following them was a litter of tiny baby green aliens. "Welp, we're gettin' hitched. We're gonna stay here and Orla and I are gonna be the new 'bigtime couple' here in
the Smith Home. I'm the main man, Orla's the main woman" said Roger. "I can't possibly afford to feed all of those aliens" said Stan. "I normally hate abortion, but this has to be done!"
Stan fired his gun, attempting to kill the alien babies, but they hid behind a steel frame. "I'm gonna KILL ALL OF YOU!" yelled Stan firing his gun every direction. Orla screamed and ran into the kitchen
and started hugging Francine. "Please protect me, I don't like violent humans" said Orla. "You are NOT going to be taking my place as the main blonde housewife!" insisted Francine. "No I wanna be friends. I wanna be nice" said Orla. Francine thwacked Orla on the head with a frying pan. "Your positive energy might work on Roger, but it won't work on me" said Francine. Then she looked into Orla's
eyes. The song 'All you need is love' by the Beatles began playing out of nowhere. Everyone in the household
heard it. "TO HELL WITH RULES! I've been a fool! We're all one big happy family!" said Stan.
"SAY CHEESE!" said a CIA created robot Stan taking a photo of the entire Smith family, including the 'extended'
family, Roger and his beautiful wife Orla and all their alien babies.
Sorry folks, this apparently can't last.. The next month, however, it all wore off...the magic wore off, Stan killed all the aliens after they grew up and Orla
returned to her planet in sheer horror of Stan's evil cruelty. But..that same Halloween night, Stan saw that some
other aliens were standing outside near a tree by Greg and Terry's house. They were menacing looking
reptillians holding 'Vote Republican' signs. One was a purple dragon, and the other was a green lizard person
wearing a red hood. Their nametags read "Dark Lord Zasher" and "Dark Prince Vale" "Um, hello, please come into my house and live with me forever I totally worship you two" said Stan, hugging the
two reptillians. The two reptillians looked extremely confused, but chuckled to themselves. "We knew it would work" they said to each other. The reptillians were actually Greg and Terry in Halloween costumes, thinking that Stan would only let aliens into his house if they voted Republican.
Weeks later...
"I miss Orla," thought Roger, crying. "Oh well. Hey wait, I just got an email from her"
Dear Roger, Sorry about that mean human. We should totally meet again. Come visit me on Planet Flora sometime in the Suite Z-9x Blue Diamond Mothership. Love, xoxo, Orla the Mystical ET.
THE END