Bella first decided that she wanted to become a detective when she saw the new Sherlock Holmes movie. She ran around parks pretending to solve mysteries, which usually involved her punching small children off of swings in slow motion. So, when Mike told her about the awesome mystery of destiny, Bella knew she was the only person in Forks with enough experience to find the serial rapist. She wrote down all the facts in her notebook, just like she saw on one of her favorite shows, Blues Clues.
"All victims are under ten years old, male, found with all the blood drained from their bodies, lying in a pool of seamen. All bodies have mysterious bite marks somewhere on their person." Yes, a mysterious case indeed! Bella couldn't think of what sort of weapon would leave bite marks and drain blood from a body. Thinking about a case with absolutely no leads is boring, so she decided to go to her boyfriend's house and visit his vampire family.
Bella, however, found her awesomely amazingly sexy sparkly omgahdz boyfriend in a sad mood. He played his piano dramatically in the living room, a sad tune, to subtly hint that he was… forlorn [striking emo Edward pose].
"Bella," he murmured because he was too stupid of a sparkly fairymonkey to talk normal, "Rosalie is moving out!" He struck another emo Edward pose.
Bella blinked. "Rosalie? Oh you mean the Blonde Bitch? Good for you!" Bella couldn't tell Edward's emo poses apart from his celebratory or happy poses because they all involved him staring sadly into the distance and being shiny.
"Bella, Rosalie is REALLY a nice person on the inside, and…" As Edward tried to defend an attractive blonde's personality (XDXD), Bella zoned out and imagined Edward singing Seventy-six Trombones. Bella knew better than Edward; Stephanie Meyer wouldn't be able to make a character realistic enough to be Secretly Nice. When Bella realized Edward was done ranting and was expecting a response, she asked him why Rosalie moved out.
"Well, she and Emmett had a, errr, fight…" Bella zoned out and imagined Bella and Emmett having a boxing match for the rest of Edward's rant. She got bored.
"Okay, can we just stroke each others' faces now and pretend we're having sex like a couple of good little mormons?"