Title: 550 Peanuts
Original post date: 11th May 2006
Spoilers: 1x08, Confidence Man
Summary: Charlie asks everyone, EVERYONE if they have peanuts. Even Leslie Arzt!
Disclaimer: Lost isn't mine, I've just stolen it because I felt like it. Nyah! P

After Hurley's unhelpfulness, Charlie was certain that nobody else would be able to help him but he had valiantly struggled on, asking everyone he could find at the caves before heading back to the beach, despondently holding the empty jar he'd found to fill with his promise to Claire.

He glared now at the empty jar as though the island's lack of peanuts was entirely its fault. 'You'd best cooperate jar,' he muttered sternly as he strode over to yet another clique of survivors. 'I need you filled with peanut butter before the day is out.' Plastering a winning smile on his face, Charlie waved cheerfully to his fellow survivors who were settling down to a frugal lunch. Charlie's stomach growled at just the thought of food but he ignored it, instead opening his mouth to allow a jovial 'Hi!' to escape him.

'What do you want?' a woman asked him, immediately suspicious.

Charlie refrained from rolling his eyes only with great difficulty and addressed himself to one of the others sitting with her.

'I was just wondering if any of you had any peanut butter? Or peanuts? I'm not really that fussy.'

'What for?' the woman asked, still suspicious.

'For Claire, you know, the pregnant girl?'

Comprehension dawns on faces, followed by pity – whether genuine or superficial, Charlie doesn't care.

'Nope, no peanuts. Sorry.'

'Ohhh…I ate my last packet a couple of days ago.'

'I don't even like peanuts. Or peanut butter. And I haven't seen any around – have you?'

'Nuh. Hey, didn't that redneck bloke get the last of them anyways?'

'Okay, okay,' Charlie spoke over the top of them, his hands held up in an unmistakable "whoa" gesture. 'Thanks anyway.'

As they turned back to their food, Charlie sighed. Again. This was turning out to be more trouble than it was worth. However, as he turned to leave, someone called out to him.

'Just so you know…' it was an older man, slightly tubby, who was sitting a little way from the others. His short, bristly hair was going grey and he was in serious need of a shave. '…Even if you did manage to find a bag of peanuts, you probably wouldn't be able to make peanut butter out of it. At least not any great amount.'

'Why's that?' Charlie came closer, frowning.

'Well aside from having none of the other ingredients, it takes about five hundred and fifty peanuts just to make one jar.' The man looked at him condescendingly. 'I don't know about you – but I don't think there's five hundred and fifty peanuts just laying around on the beach waiting for you.'

Charlie felt his frown turn into a bitter scowl.

'Oh well thanks for that,' he said, voice dripping with sarcasm. 'That's exactly what I wanted to hear.'

'Now see that's the sort of thing I hate about young people,' the man said, raising his voice slightly. 'They always get defensive when you try and help them.'

'I'm not getting defensive!' Charlie retorted.

The man eyed him beadily for a moment and Charlie shifted uncomfortably – unnerved by this mans silence.

'What's your name?'

'Charlie.' He said aggressively. 'Why?'

'Well, Charlie,' the man folded his hands comfortably on the top of his stomach. 'My name is Dr. Arzt and, just as a little reminder, getting pissed off at me is not going to get you any peanut butter.'

'You…' Charlie considered arguing with him some more but after a moment he gave a snort of disgust and just turned around to leave.

'The rate you're going you'd be better off giving her the empty jar and pretending that there's peanut butter in there,' Arzt called lazily, almost as an afterthought. Charlie's pace slowed and then stopped altogether as he turned back to Arzt.

'Imaginary peanut butter?'

Arzt glanced up from his water bottle, startled. 'What? Oh are you still here? I thought you'd stormed off already.'

'What did you just say about imaginary peanut butter?' Charlie pressed urgently. Arzt looked blank.

'I said something about imaginary peanut butter?'

Charlie grinned widely and trotted forwards to pat Arzt on the shoulder in thanks.

'You're brilliant. Thanks man.'

And without another word, Charlie practically skipped off down the beach, stowing the jar in his bag as he went.

Arzt watched him go and then took a swig of his water, shaking his head.

'Kids.'