Here we go! The prolouge-introduction thing to pique interests and whatnot. Enjoy more of my shitty writing. Story will be crack-ish, what more can I say. Don't like don't read, because you won't enjoy yourself and your time is probably better spent elsewhere! :)
"Up! Get up now!" His Aunt Petunia screeched, her wails akin to that of a banshee as the unholy noise filled his ears. Despite the shrill tones of his Aunt, Harry half-heartedly rolled onto his stomach, grimacing at the spot of drool he'd left overnight. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes, and tugged the light switch.
Only to have the lights turn off.
He must have left it on last night, would probably drive the Dursley's mad, if they knew. 'Revenge, one step at a time. Go me...' The thought of driving the Dursley's electricity bill up probably should not have excited him as much as it did, but it was nice. After all, what was life without a little excitement?
Ah excitement. The strange drug that he just could not get enough of. Just the other day, in fact, he had been running from Dudley after a nice shit-stirring session, only to find himself on the school roof after attempting to jump the small retaining wall. Now that had been exciting, right up until he had to deal with Uncle Vernon, anyway. Now that was just plain boring.
"Are you up yet? For Heaven's sake boy, hurry up!" His Aunt must have come for another pass, just to be sure he hadn't fallen asleep again. The last time he'd managed to do that, they had locked him in the cupboard for two days. Now normally that wouldn't be that bad, but it was on the holidays.
And that wasn't exciting.
He shuddered at the memory, before sleepily replying "I'm up, I'm up."
"Well hurry up then! This bacon isn't going to fry itself boy! And don't you dare burn let it burn - not for Duddy's special day!" Her poisonous tones pierced through the frail wooden door with ease, assaulting his ear drums endlessly.
How could he have forgotten. Dudley's birthday. He didn't actually mind Dudley's birthdays that much, if he cooked the bacon really well they would usually let him have some of the leftovers, and Harry sure did love bacon. Adding do that, it was exciting in a weird way to see Dudley open his presents. He always enjoyed guessing what was inside them, and when he got it right it made the bacon all the sweeter.
After he'd pulled some clothes on he went out to face the music. He rushed over to the frying pan, quickly turning the heat down and taking the spatula from it's place beside the stove. 'She never could cook bacon properly' Harry thought sourly, taking note of the slightly burned bacon.
He flipped and cooked that bacon to perfection, and when it was ready he set aside the pan and called Aunt Petunia over, before taking his place next to Dudley at the table.
"Mighty fine job boy, and not a single..." Uncle Vernon seemed to visibly steel himself, before continuing, his cheeks glowing slightly redder than usual, "unnatural thing this week! Leftovers will be in the fridge."
Harry just nodded, knowing not to push his luck. His thoughts trailed to other things. More exciting things. If he remembered right - which he usually did, thank you very much - then today Dudley was going to the zoo with his friend, Peers or Piss or whatever his name was. Which meant that he, Harry Potter, might just be able to use the television. Or the computer, whichever caught his fancy.
He was brought out of his reverie by Dudley's loud and obnoxious whine, "Thirty-six! That's two less that last year!"
He smiled. Today was going to be a good day.
Harry looked down at his feet moodily. He'd been happily doing the dishes and watching the telly over the sink when the doorbell had rang. And that was no fun. Now he had to remember the name of Pierce or Piss or whatever he was called. He trudged over to the door, before plastering his best smile on his face and swinging the blasted thing open.
"Hey Du-Oh, hullo Harry. Where's Dudley?" Came Piss's surprised voice from the other side of the doorway.
"Just through there, in the living room." He stepped back after greeting them with his whole heart, letting them through. Harry watched them go, before plodding after them, making a bee-line for the dishes. The telly wasn't going to watch itself, after all.
He was busying himself watching the television when he heard his name mentioned by his Aunt. There was no mistaking who said it, her tone would always become more shrill when she mentioned his name.
"-can't leave the boy with Mrs. Figg, the poor woman is in hospital, she broke her leg." Half-whispered his Aunt.
A second or two passed while Uncle Vernon thought hard. Very hard, in fact. "Marge?"
"Don't be silly, she hates the boy!"
With his brain in gear his Uncle actually managed a somewhat respectable reply time, "Err, what about your friend, you know, Nylon or whatever her name is."
'Forgetting names must run in the family' Harry mused. It wasn't quite often one came across two people with such a talent, after all.
"She's on holiday in Madagascar. Or Majorca. Something like that anyway." Three people! A rare find indeed, this was.
"So what do we do with the boy then?" Uncle Vernon sure did sound desperate. Harry didn't mind, it was usually like this every year. Either way it looked good for Harry.
"We could leave him here." Yes, that's the one! Comeoncomeoncomeon
"And come back to the house on fire? I don't think so! Don't you remember last year?" Harry smiled at that. Last year had been great, completely worth it, that was for sure.
"We could take him to the zoo..." Aunt Petunia suggested. That was A-Ok in Harry's books. A trip to the zoo could certainly be lots of fun.
"... And leave him in the car." Harry stared blankly at her.
'Who did she think she was? The second coming of...' Harry couldn't actually remember any famous torturers, and so he felt a bit silly. Even if no one else knew what he was thinking. That dratted name-forgetting thing.
"That's a new car! It's not happening." Uncle Vernon's imperious tone could never have sounded so fabulous to Harry.
"I suppose we could just bring him inside with us."
'Not bad. Not at all, Potter.'
I think it turned out ok. No weird stuff in this one, by the way. Just a non-idiot Harry. Anyway, what did you think? I myself am rather content with this short prologue. I will probably get around to writing this into a full series, but I am kind of busy. Anyway, future chapters should be 3-4k words. This one would have been too, but it's just a prologue to gather interest. Hardly beta'd at all, so let met know if I failed miserably in my English at any point.