Series: Voyager
Season: 5
Pairing: Paris, Chakotay, All
Part: 1/?
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Voyager and her crew does not belong to me. I just barrowed them for this fiction. Also, the psychological issues mentioned were not properly researched and should not be taken as facts.
SYNOPSIS: Alternate ending to *30 Days*. In the episode, Tom sustained a concussion during an attacked on Voyager while he confined to the Brig. What if his head trauma had caused more serious consequences?
A/N: Maxine, THANK YOU so much for beta-ing this story for me.
CONFUSION
by Synbou
Confusion greeted him as he woke up. Confusion and pain, actually. He was laying on his back on a hard floor. The side of his head was hurting badly, as if he had slammed it into a wall. A crazy thing to do, he told himself. Than again, maybe he was crazy? For, as hard as he tried, he could not remember where he was nor could he remember WHO he was...
With this alarming realization, his survival instincts kicked in. He managed to get himself on his feet, his eyes still closed. When he did open them, a sarcastic chuckle escaped him. He leaned on the nearest wall, closing back his eyes. He sighed as part of his memories came crashing back. He was in a mess this time! At least, that's what it looked like from his particular perspective.
"This has to be the quickest recovery I have ever seen!" A man said. He sounded both sarcastic and impressed.
He opened his eyes again. A bald man, a doctor judging by his blue top Starfleet uniform, was standing on the other side of the force field that was confining him to his jail cell. He flashed the doctor a cocky grin, and waited for him to do the next move.
"I see that you hit your head again, Mr. Paris," Bald-Man said haughtily.
So Bald-Man knew his name, his favourite hobby and had an attitude. What else?
"Looks that way," Tom said, keeping a suspicious eye on the physician. He could not place the man at all. "And you are, Doctor?" He asked to level the plain field.
"Mr. Paris..." began Bald-Man. "Tom, you don't remember who I am at all?" Bald-Man asked in a friendlier manner.
Concern was showing on o the doctor's face, although his patient could not find any hint of the sentiment in his eyes. Actually, Bald-Man had strange eyes, Tom thought. "Sorry."
Bald-Man ordered for the force field to be lowered. He stepped into the prisoner's personal space, aware that he was scrutinized by his patient with no hint of recognition. Bald-Man led him to the bunk. "Do you know where you are, Mr. Paris?"
"In a brig," came his knowing response.
"Good. You still can accurately point out the obvious." Did Bald-Man think he was funny? "You are on the Starship U.S.S. Voyager," Bald-Man informed him as he picked up a tricorder from his medkit.
"Voyager? Yeah, right. Doc, there's no Starfleet ship named Voyager. Believe me, I know them all, past and present."
"I know that you do, Mr. Paris. However, there is one now," Bald-Man argued, as he examined the readings on his tricorder "Mr. Paris, can you tell me what stardate it is?"
"Sure. Stardate 567789.3." Bald-Man's silence suddenly worried him. "That's not it?"
"Well, it is a little off," Bald-Man replied a bit too vaguely.
000
Commander Chakotay had been in the Captain's ready room when the Doctor had called. He had seen Kathryn Janeway lose her composure for a split second as she had been informed of a problem with Tom Paris' injury. As if sentencing Paris to 30 days in the brig had not been hard enough? As if she had not been feeling guilty enough already?
The Doctor had requested their presence at the Brig. He had been waiting for them in the hallway at their arrival.
"Will he be all right, Doctor?" Janeway asked. Her voice was firm, but Chakotay could still detect a hint of concern in it.
"I am not sure, Captain," answered the Doctor gravely. "There are inconsistent brain patterns in Mr. Paris' cerebral cortex and he lost a considerable part of his memory. I will need to perform a full neurological evaluation to know if there are more problems."
"'Considerable part of his memory'," Janeway quoted. "How much?"
"Mr. Paris seems to have lost part of the last seven years. Actually, when I asked what was the stardate, he replied: 567789.3."
"The day of his capture by Starfleet for being a Maquis," Chakotay remembered. "He's back in a brig of a Starfleet ship almost seven years later."
"That's why I asked you here," said the Doctor. "It is hard to determine the extent of the damage. I'm hoping that you will be able to jog his memory. He should at lest be able to remember you, Commander."
"And if he doesn't?" asked the Captain.
000
Paris was sitting on the bunk and levelled his head up when he heard footsteps coming his way. He eyed his two new visitors critically and grinned has his blue eyes rested on his former Maquis captain, now dressed as a Starfleet Commander.
"Chakotay," Paris drawled, his expression cocky and defiant. "Fancy finding you here."
"If you think I'm here to bust you out, you're up for a major disappointment," Chakotay told him just as arrogantly.
The Commander could tell at first glance that the younger man was in pain. His shadowed blue eyes were betraying him. It was even more obvious as Paris stood up and walked up to the force field to meet up with him.
"I would never be that presumptuous," Paris replied, his grin still in place. "I don't need to be reminded of who I am, do I? Who's your friend?" he asked flashing a smile to Janeway.
Spirit, Paris sure had his arrogant act well rehearsed, Chakotay thought. He had almost forgotten how smug the younger man could be. Of course, by now, everyone on Voyager knew it was mostly smoke and mirrors. However, at the moment, Paris was not aware of that and he didn't know Janeway either. It only confirmed the EMH's hypothesis. Chakotay casted a sympathetic look towards his Captain. They were in for a rough ride.
"Tom Paris meet Captain Kathryn Janeway of the Starship Voyager," he introduced.
"Janeway..." Paris repeated as he studied her, clearly searching for some kind of connection. "You served under my father, didn't you?"
"On the Al-Batani," Janeway confirmed neutrally. "I was his science officer during the Arias Expedition."
"You must be good," Paris told her on an equally neutral tone. "My father only accepts the best and the brightest."
It was common knowledge that there were ill feelings between Tom and his father. Even five years later, his friends never really knew how deep those feelings ran.
Paris allowed himself weary sighed before saying: "Ah well, nyone who comes in good faith, Captain, Commander, is welcome."
"Excuse-me?" said Chakotay, taken aback. He held up a hand to silence Paris before going on. "Where did you heard that?"
Paris snorted. "Oh Chakotay, if you only knew..." He held the Commander's gaze. "We have a mutual friend. At least, he's a friend of mine. Is he really a friend of yours?"
"You know Darrien."
"I do." Tom was pensive for a minute. "Hell, what do I have to lose anyway?" He mumbled to himself. He turned back his blue eyes on Chakotay. They were so ghastly, Chakotay felt a shiver go up his spine. Janeway seemed mesmerized herself by this look they had never seen before.
"Chakotay," Paris said just above a whisper, but still forcefully. "I know you don't trust me and I can't blame you for that. But, you have to listen to me."
Chakotay felt compelled to give the younger man his attention.
"Commander, you had me fooled. You have a lot of people fooled on all sides. That's good. You're in an even better position than I thought to help the people of Javary. Chakotay, You have to do something!"
"Tom..." Chakotay tried to interrupt.
"Let me finish! You have to prevent the Maquis from putting one of their base on Javary. They are barely equip to defend themselves as it is. If the Maquis put a base there, it'll put oil on the fire! They'll become even more vulnerable to a Cardassian attacks and the Federation is already there ready to retaliate. As a Starfleet officer and the Captain of a Maquis cell you can do something. You're a man of honour, who cares for the wellbeing of others; and the tJavarians are good people. I know you can. At least, you can try. Captain Janeway, you have to let him do this. Innocent lives are at stake here!"
Neither Kathryn Janeway or Chakotay expected Tom Paris to believe so strongly about a cause or to hold so much faith in the Commander. It left him completely exhausted. Chakotay's heart sank. If only this meeting had happened seven years ago...
"Tom, I would like to do something, but I can't. It's too late."
"Chakotay, it's not too late! You can do something if you don't compromise your position!" Paris insisted a bit angry. "But, if you keep on boarding Federation starships and wearing that uniform you certainly will!"
Paris sighed tiredly. His hand searched for something to hold on to and only find the force field. He jerked back in surprised.
With urgency, Chakotay lowered the force field and rushed to Paris' side just in time to prevent his head from hitting the deck.
000
"Doctor," Janeway pressed on as the EMH led the Captain, and the Commander to his office.
"I healed most of the damage to his temporal lobe and hippocampus areas of his brain," the Doctor reported. "As for what Mr. Paris will remember once he wakes up remains to be seen."
"When do you expected him to wake up?" Janeway inquired.
"We could wake him now, but I'd prefer for him to do so naturally. His brain could use the time to heal from the obvious trauma."
"All right, Doctor. Now, let it be clear that the conversation in the Brig stays between us. The last thing I want is to rehash old conflicts."
"I wouldn't worry about Ayala, he knows not to say anything. I'll have a word with him just in case. As for rehashing old conflicts " quoted Chakotay. "I was thinking more along the lines of not adding more fuel to the fire."
"Maquis versus Starfleet again..." Janeway sighed.
"A lot of people agreed with what Tom tried to do to save that ocean," Chakotay pointed out. "I heard some crew members say that Tom might have been Maquis after all, and that coming from the least expected people."
"When Starfleet chicken's out, your left with the Maquis way" Janeway cited. "Well the Maquis way didn't work, did it?" she aded smugly.
"No, it didn't," Chakotay agreed. "But, it never was about the Maquis ways versus Starfleet's in the first place. Tom would never see that far. It wasn't then, it wasn't two week ago." He allowed himself a soft chuckle. "The day we'll figure out TomParis, we'll solve one of the greatest mystery of the universe!"
"Somehow, I doubt that we ever will," Janeway said with a sad smile of her own. "At this rate, he'll manage to get himself kill way before we can."
000
Paris had awakened in a Federation sickbay. It had taken him only a few seconds to realized that he was on a Starfleet starship: a vessel cruising through space at warp six. A bald doctor that seemed vaguely familiar had greeted him. It had been obvious by the physician's interaction that he knew who Paris was. Unfortunately, the odds were not even. If Paris had been able to remember this particular character, maybe he would've known if the physician was only annoyed at him, or if it was a general personality trait.
When the doctor had informed him that the Captain had asked to talk with him as soon as he was conscious, Paris had requested a set of clothes. It was not a good policy to meet a starship captain in one's pajamas, even if it was the middle of the night.
At last, the doors of Sickbay opened. He stared despite himself at the woman and the man who were cautiously making their way towards him. She was definitively in charge.
"Captain Janeway," Paris acknowledged as recognition drew upon him. "Chakotay, it's good to see you again."
"Tom, you remember us," Janeway said. She seemed relieved.
Why was she calling him Tom? "Somewhat," he replied. He looked around. "Why don't we use the Doctor's office. It would be more private. That is, if you don't mind, Doctor."
"That's kind of you to ask, Mr. Paris," the EMH replied. "I don't mind at all. Go right ahead."
Paris led the way towards the CMO's office. The perplexed glance hat Janeway exchanged with the commander was not lost on him.
With a hand gesture, he invited the Captain to take a seat in front of the Doctor's deck.
"So Chakotay, you are a Starfleet officer after all," he said as he sat behind the desk.
"I am now," the Commander simply stated. "Paris, what's the last thing you remember?"
The man was not losing time, was he? "I was in a brig" he said eventually. "That's not hard to imagine. Why was I in the brig?"
Again, sideways looks were shared among the Captain, the Commander and the Doctor.
Janeway made eye contact with him. "You disobeyed a direct order," she finally told him.
"I could see that happening, too" Paris considered. "What was I trying to do?"
"To make a long story short: To save a planet made of water from being destructed by its inhabitants technology," she explained.
She was purposefully evasive.
"A planet made of water?" he asked, his voice neutral. He was maintaining eye contact with all them at all times.
"Yes, a giant ocean," she added.
"Now, there is no such thing, is there? " he challenged. Did she think he was stupid?
"Maybe not in the Alpha Quadrant, Mr. Paris," she rose to his challenge.
"You called me Tom earlier," he pointed out. To his satisfaction, he saw a faint breach trough her tough exterior. It had been brief. Had he not be looking attentively, he would have missed it. He did not need an answer from her to his statement, so he continued with a more troubling issue. "Are you suggesting that we aren't in the Alpha Quadrant, Captain?"
"We are not, Mr. Paris." She was getting dangerously annoyed with him. He could have this effect on a lot of people. "We're in the Delta Quadrant."
"The Delta Quadrant, really?" He shook his head. "Captain, I'm starting to be disappointed. I thought that you would come up with a more credible story than this. Don't you think that you are pushing the envelop a little?"
"Now, Mr. Paris, I am starting to be disappointed too. I'm willing to answer your questions, but I will not tolerate any more insubordination."
"For insubordination to occur, I would need to be one of your subordinates."
"Well, I'm afraid you are one of my subordinates," Janeway said.
"No, no, no. I can see a lot of things happening, but me coming back to Starfleet? That, I cannot see. Sorry"
"Well then, I have a surprise for you Ensign," she said, her tone mirroring his impudence. "Actually, two weeks ago, you had the rank of lieutenant. You were demoted for disobeying a direct order."
"You demoted me and put me in the brig for that? must have been pissed as hell."
"Enough!" Chakotay's voice broke into their argument. "Paris, I don't know what you think you're going to accomplish, but I suggest you stop now."
Paris sighed. He looked away a bit shameful. "I'm sorry," he apologized without offering any explanation. Truth be told, he did not know what to say any more.
He had hoped to better understand his predicament by gaining information, but all of what was said did not make sense. He was wasting the little energy he had on a masquerade that was leaving at lost. He brought a hand to his left temple. A headache was starting to form. He closed his eyes.
"Mr. Paris, are you all right?" the Doctor was inquiring
He reopened his eyes. "I will be," Paris said, his voice more confident than he felt.
"Mr. Paris," Janeway began, continuing cautiously only once assured that she had his attention. She was confused, maybe even worried. He could see it in her gray eyes. Though, he was not sure to why. "Tom, if you are wondering if this is real. I assureyou it is."
Why was she calling him Tom?
"Captain," he began, trying to shake away his mental numbness.
"I believe you. I even believe you when you say that we are in the Delta Quadrant. However, I am no less confused."
"What is the last thing you remember?" Chakotay asked him again.
"I'm not sure," he replied. He wasn't sure he even wanted to recall. However, it seems important for the Commander that he did. "You and I. We were talking. I don't remember about what. Although, if I had known that you were still a Starfleet officer..."
"I was not at the time. Like you, Captain Janeway give me a commission when we arrived in the Delta Quadrant. She needed a First Officer and a Chief Pilot."
"And a Chief Engineer," Paris recalled vaguely.
"Yes, do you remember who the Chief Engineer is?" Chakotay sounded encouraged.
Paris racked his brain for an answer. Who could he associate with the present company or with a starship?
"Harry." It was the first name that came to mind. "No, Harry is the musician. Harry... Is there a Harry onboard?"
"Yes, Harry Kim. He is a musician too," Chakotay confirmed. "However, he isn't the Chief Engineer."
Paris did not care about who the Chief Engineer was anymore. Harry was important to him at the moment. If he could only remember why... "We played music together," he finally remembered.
"You played music?" asked the Doctor incredulously.
"Something wrong with that?" Paris asked defensively.
"No. It would be your style not to share this talent with the rest of the crew," the Doctor went on. "I must admit that I am surprised that Ensign Kim kept your secret."
"Well, Harry is Tom best friend," Chakotay pointed out.
"Harry is my best friend?" Paris asked.
"Yes, him and B'Elanna," Chakotay supplemented.
"B'Elanna. The Chief Engineer. Eric's friend."
"Eric?" asked Chakotay. There was only one Eric onboard and Chakotay was not aware that he and B'Elanna were friends.
"Never mind," Paris said. "Say, why do you all keep on calling meTom?"
000
"Chakotay, wait a sec," the commander heard the chief engineer's called after him. He stopped to let her catch up with him. "Is Tom all right? I was told that he had been taken to sickbay. They didn't let me see him. Is he all right?"
"He's going to be fine, B'Elanna," he assured her, keeping his worries to himself. "Tom hit his head on a bulkhead during the attack. He's suffering from a concussion."
B'Elanna shook her head. "Now, why am I not surprised," She was obviously relieved.
"He's a bit confused, so the doctor is keeping him in Sickbay for the time being. As for why you haven't been allowed to see him; he's still serving his sentence."
"This is ridiculous..."
"B'Elanna, I don't want to hear it."
She gave him an angry glare before turning on her heels.
"B'Elanna." He called after her. "You never told me that you had a friend named Eric."
She literally spin around to face him. "Eric? Who told you I had a friend named Eric?"
"Tom did. He said you were Eric's friend."
"What else did he say?" He could tell she was getting edgy.
"Not much, he mentioned playing music with Harry."
"Tom? Our Tom? Playing music? Are you sure?" She was making the idea sounded ludicrous, but she was hiding something. He was sure of it. B'Elanna could not hide anything from him.
"That what he said," Chakotay affirmed.
"Tom loves music, but he's no musician. He must be more confused than you think."
"Maybe," he granted before heading his own way.
If Tom was confused, he sure was not the only one. Chakotay was bemused himself by the pilot's attitude. Or more so, the sudden changes of attitudes Tom had displayed since his incident in the Brig. Tom had always been hard to figure out. They all agreed to that. He rarely revealed the true nature of his feelings. He was unpredictable. He could be polite, charming, and caring one moment, then sarcastic, arrogant, and untrustworthy the next. He could very professional, yet some times his lack of moral ethics was appalling. He loved to fly, to have an active social life, to play pool, read, and listening to music. He could be very loyal to his friends, to Voyager, and her crew. Still, there were days it
seemed as if he could not care less about what could happen to them or to himself.
So, was Tom just confused because of the apparent gaps in his memory; not remembering his first name, but able to do his last? Now, that perplexed Chakotay. Was there more to the pilot's sudden change of personality?
000
Chakotay was back in the Captain's ready room first thing in the morning. The night had been short for both of them, their sleep interrupted by their meeting with Tom Paris.
"Coffee?" Janeway offered.
"Definitely." He watched her pour the dark liquid into a small china cup. He would need more than one refill, he thought. "You haven't been able to go back to sleep either, have you?"
She raised a hand in defeat. "I'm not sure what to make of this situation, Chakotay. I don't know what to think about Tom or how to handle the rest of his sentence."
"I doubt that returning him to the Brig will bring him back to the present. You could, however, confine him to quarters."
"Sounds like the most reasonable thing to do under the circumstances," she agreed.
She leaned back, rested her head against the couch and closed her eyes. Chakotay gave her a moment before bringing up another sensitive subject.
"Did you have a chance to go over the event on Javary?"
She sighed as a sad expression crept upon her face. "I have. The Maquis did put a base there. As Tom predicted, the Cardassians were there to retaliate. The inhabitants of the planet ended up caught in the crossfire between the Maquis, the Cardassians, and the Federation."
"Just a handful survived," Chakotay remember. "Darren Stoy was not one of them," he added sadly.
"I'm sorry." They observed a moment of silence. "Where does Tom fit into this picture? Did he make a similar plea to someone else when he was captured?"
"I wish I knew. I was hoping to learn more last night... He was so confused himself, he didn't even remember his first name."
"He sure had his old arrogant attitude well in place," Janeway recalled.
"Kathryn, the attitude is just an act. You were the first one to point it out."
"I know. It just that…" Again, she raised a hand admitting defeat. "I could've smacked him a few times."
"I noticed. So did he," Chakotay grinned. He found it funny now, but he sure hadn't the night before. His tone more serious again, he went on. "Kathryn, I took the liberty to look up Tom's psychiatric profile."
Intrigued, she looked at him. "Why?"
"Tom sudden change of attitude caught my attention. I remembered the subject being mentioned in his file. So, I went back to it. When Tom entered the Academy, he was profiled as having a 'somewhat unstable personality'. It was more defined as a wide range in character traits. After Caldik Prime, a much more profound analysis was done. He passed some time under close psychiatric supervision until being officially released with a dishonourable discharge."
"Go on." Janeway sat back straighter.
"The psychiatric profile issued by Auckland Penal Colony mirror the one from the Academy's. However, it clearly states that he has an 'unstable personality'."
"He has to a minimum level," she agreed.
"So, you are aware of this," Chakotay stated, making sure he didn't sound accusatory.
"Chakotay, when I considered taking Tom along on this mission, I had to be sure he was no security threat. I wasn't going to let a basket case board my ship either. Yes, he can be unpredictable, but I never had any reason to doubt his sanity. Even what he did two weeks ago was based on sound principles. Tom can be very passionate about certain things. I don't think what he did was out of character. I only wish I could have backed him up, but I couldn't reinforce his methods nor his insubordination."
"What Tom did two weeks ago might have been in character - at least what it has been in the last few years," Chakotay granted. "But Tom wasn't in character last night. The man we talked to in the Brig was not the one we talked to in sickbay. Even then, there were something in his eyes that kept changing. A flicker I hadn't seen since his time in the Maquis."
"His time in the Maquis was the last thing he remembered," Janeway pointed out.
Chakotay shook his head. "It goes deeper that." Perplexed, Janeway looked at him. "Kathryn, there's some entries in Tom's file that I can't access. I don't have the medical clearance. I think there's more on Tom's changes of attitudes in those entries. I would like your authorization to open them."
Janeway gave the issue some consideration. "Chakotay, we all have changes in attitudes," she began eventually. "Tom lost part of his memory. He's in a strange environment. He's not too sure if he should believe what he sees and what he's told. I think he's just trying to adapt to the situation as best he can. He is no threat to the ship or himself. I don't see any reason to invade his privacy that way."
Chakotay sighed. "Maybe I'm seeing things that aren't there," he admitted. "Still, what if there is a bigger problem?"
"We'll have to deal with it if it arises." She poured herself some more coffee. "It's clear at the moment that Tom will need help in order to readjust and hopefully regain his memories.
You're more than welcome to offer your services as ship's counselor."
Chakotay nodded. "Maybe I'll finally understand Tom Paris."
Janeway smirked. "Good luck."
000
Luck hadn't been with him when Chakotay had visited Tom in Sickbay. The young man had been sound asleep, sedated by a mild painkiller.
"He woke up two hours ago. He was not very communicative. All he said was that he had a headache," the doctor explained.
"Not very communicative? How was he exactly?"
"He was laying still. His eyes were opened, fixing the ceiling. He never made eye contact with me. He did not even acknowledge me at first. I had to repeat questions a few times before he finally told me about the headache. Actually, it sounded more like a confession. I offered him a painkiller. He simply nodded."
"Do you think he is behaving strangely?"
The doctor snorted. "Commander, Mr. Paris is always behaving strangely."
Chakotay informed the EMH that he would be acting as counselor for the Lieutenant. He requested to be informed the moment the younger man was awake. He stopped by his office to grab a few reports, then made his way to the Mess Hall for an early lunch.
He didn't notice Harry Kim and B'Elanna Torres enter the room and sit at a table in the corner. He probably would not have realized they were there had they not been talking about acertain pilot. He carefully eavesdropped, knowing how unethical it was.
"Not only did he mention Eric, but he also told them that he played music with you."
"Only Emanuel would know that," Harry pointed out. "I don't think Evan ever knew, or cared."
What were they talking about?
"I wished Kes was still here. She would know if Tom was having a relapse or not," Harry went on. "Maybe we should talk to Tuvok. What do you think?"
"I'm not sure, Harry."
Chakotay swiftly got up and were at their table in three strides. He sat down with no invitation. "Tom is having a relapse," he stated. Hiding his question in his tone.
Harry and B'Elanna looked at him shocked.
"Oh God, is he really?" Harry asked, alarmed.
"You tell me, Ensign. Of what he is relapsing?"
B'Elanna quickly understood that he had tricked them in revealing more than they should. "You don't really know, do you, Chakotay?"
"No, but I'm beginning to get a vague idea. Follow me," he ordered.
"Sir?" wondered Harry.
Chakotay silenced him with a hand gesture. They made their way to his office. There, he took place behind his desk, assuming a position of authority. If he couldn't intimidate B'Elanna, he was sure he still had an effect on Mr. Kim.
"Of what could Tom be relapsing?"
Both junior officers looked at each other again, clearly deciding who would reply.
"Sir, you're putting us in a difficult situation," Kim began.
"I understand that Tom is your friend and that we are brushing up a personal matter. However at this point, we all suspect that there might be a problem, don't we?"
"Chakotay." B'Elanna held his gaze. "Why not tell us what's going on?"
"Fair enough," he agreed. "Yesterday, during the attack, Tom hit his head and suffered from a concussion. He lost consciousness during a period of time. When he woke up, the Doctor had already arrived to treat his injury. However, Tom did not recognize him. It turned out that Tom didn't even remember the last seven years. He believed he was back on the ship that had captured him before he was sent to Auckland."
"So he knew who he was," Kim stated.
"We think so," the Commander replied. "He recognized me, but not the Captain. That made sense since he had not met her yet."
"Is that when he talked about Eric?" wondered B'Elanna.
"No, that came later. Tom lost consciousness again. We talked to him later that night in Sickbay. He remembered the Captain and myself, but not quite what we had discussed previously. The way he talked and the way he acted were totally different than in the Brig, as if he was a different person himself."
"He probably was," Kim revealed.
"Harry!" B'Elanna hissed between her teeth to silence him. "What else happened?"
"Even as we talked, his attitude changed. We told him that, just like the Chief Engineer and myself, he had been given a field of commission when we arrived in the Delta Quadrant. We asked him if he recalled who the Chief Engineer was. He eventually came up with your name, Ensign. He then refuted the fact that you were the Chief Engineer, but he recalled playing music with you. He also remembered at one point that the Chief Engineer was Eric's friend. Now," he said, meeting B'Elanna's dark eyes again. "You still haven't told me; who is Eric?"
B'Elanna avoided his question. "Did he say anything else?"
"No, his headache returned," he said, quickly causing the exchange of furtive glances between Harry and B'Elanna. He had just said something important, he realized. "The headaches. I read in his file that he was prone to them." He had also read in Paris' file that he had sudden changes in personality. "Does Tom have a headache when he has a change of personality?"
Kim and Torres did not need to utter a word. Their tense body language had answered for them.
"Chakotay, maybe you should talk to Tuvok," Torres offered.
"I'm talking to you," he replied. He could always have a chat with Tuvok later. "Who's Eric, B'Elanna?"
Harry nodded to her in encouragement.
"Eric is Tom," she confessed above a whisper. "He's one of Tom's personalities."
Spirits, Tom had in fact more than changes in attitude. Tom had multiple personalities. "How many?" he forced himself to ask.
"Five or six that we know," Harry answered. "There could be more. If Kes had been here, she could have told you. She always knew which one was in control."
"Why did you suggest that I talked to Tuvok?"
"Tuvok found out when he mind-melded with Tom," Harry explained.
"When Tom was accused of murder, and sentenced to relive the crime every fourteen hours," Chakotay remembered. "That sure would screw you up. Why didn't Tuvok say anything, then?"
"As long as Tom was no threat to the ship, he had no reason to," Harry went on. "Besides, he and Kes were there to help him. I guess most people don't notice because it's always the same personalities we're dealing with. Emanuel, Eric, Etienne, Ellie. We haven't even seen Evan in a long time."
Emanuel, Eric, Etienne, Ellie, Evan... Say, why do you all keep on calling me Tom? Paris' voice echoed in Chakotay's head. Tom was all of them and could be none of them at the same time. In most likelihood, they had all been created to protect him, to protect what had once been his first personality: Tomas Eugene Paris.
Tomas Eugene Paris ...
Chakotay felt growing sorrow in the pit of his stomach. "What about Eugene?" he asked with a sense of dread.
Only sad expressions answered him.
000
"Herbal tea, hot," Chakotay ordered the computer.
B'Elanna and Harry had just left his office. Chakotay's heart went to them. He had used them to gain the information he wanted; the information he needed to help Tom, he reminded himself. It did not take awaythe fact that he had forced B'Elanna and Harry to betray their best friend, but in this case, the end justified the means. Tom needed all the help he could get.
Chakotay's heart also went to Tom. What could have possibly happened for him to develop so many personalities? How come he never had noticed before?
He did not have the time to pounder the issue as his train of thoughts was interrupted by the EMH.
"Sickbay to Commander Chakotay."
"Yes, Doctor. Is Lieutenant Paris awake yet?" he immediately asked.
"Oh, Mr. Paris is more than awake. He is apparently up and about. It seems he skipped out of Sickbay right under my noise, again."
Chakotay sighed. "Alright, Doctor. I will take care of it. Chakotay out." Things were never easy when it came to Tom Paris. Did he really expect that this would change, especially now? He hit his combadge. "Chakotay to Tuvok."
"Tuvok here, Commander."
"It's seems that Lieutenant Paris skipped out of Sickbay without the Doctor's knowledge. We need to track him down."
"This will not be necessary, Commander. Mr. Paris is actually with me at the moment."
Chakotay's brows went up with surprise. "Is he?"
"Mr. Paris came to me a few minutes ago," Tuvok confirmed. "Commander, Mr. Paris came to me with personal issues. He asked me to act as his counselor some time ago. I shall honour his request. I will inform you and the Captain shortly of my recommendations regarding Lieutenant Paris's sentence continuation."
"All right, Tuvok," Chakotay found himself saying. It was the only professional thing to do. He was in no position to debate the issue. "I'll inform the Doctor. Chakotay out."
As the link closed, Chakotay felt anger rise into his chest despite himself. He was losing control of the situation. He was 'losing' Tom. Chakotay forced himself to put things in perspective. Tuvok had known about Tom's condition for years.
He mostly likely had been there for Tom in the past, especially since Kes had left the ship. It was also an undeniable fact that Tuvok was capable of helping Tom keeps his personalities in check and ensure that the Lieutenant was fit for duty. The Vulcan was probably doing just that at the very moment.
Chakotay felt his irritation rise again as he thought of what was probably going to happen next. Tuvok would fix Tom up, most likely send him back to the brig. It would be the end of it.
It would be unethical to bring back the subject and violating Tom's privacy. Bottom line, he would never know what was really going on into Tom Paris's head. Did he really want to know? Sure, he did. If only to treat Tom better. That, however, he could already do it, couldn't he?
000
End of Part .
A/N: Thanks for reading this little piece. Feedback is always very appreciated. BIG THANKS to Maxine and Louise.
Isabelle S.
May 2003.