The Deep Blue Glee
(Brace yourself: littlefinger is coming)
A fan fiction for all the family*
*If you're an orphan**
**Cos there is gonna be some straight*** up sex going on
***although it will mostly be gay
It was a sexy, sunny day in the big castle in game of thrones land. A big tournament was underway and an much bigger surprise was also underway. Fights were happening and a new knight called Ultra master Clovis of the house Spectacularis the great was easily winning it.
"My what an amazing fighter that man is, so graceful and strong he is!" said a person.
"Yes he really is the greatest warrior that man" said another one.
They were both wrong and sexist. Clovis won the fight excellently and took off his helmet, but was it his helmet, or was it actually...HER helmet.
That's right, Clovis was a girl, or really actually a woman. A beautiful one. Her hair was like a river of gold, flowing seductively down her golden face. Her lips were like red rubies attached to her face. Her eyes were like small angels, swimming in her face. Her body was so sexy it could make the sahara wet, if ya know what I mean (wink wink).
But she was not just a pretty, splendid, face, she was brave as well. She had killed a hundred dragons and was a better sword fighter than Jamie Lannister and had escaped the clutches of evil sauron.
"Jolly good show" came a dickish voice from not too far away and up the stairs a bit. Who is it? It's king Joffrey, who is a fucking twat. Seriously, this guy needs to chomp on a cock and shut the fuck up. On the way down the stairs a poor little child asked him for a single penny so that his mother would not have AIDS and Joffrey let out a single vacuous laugh then did did did a shit on the kid's face again.
But just as soon as he saw Clovisis stunning gorgeous face, he was amazingly impressed. Then he looked over for a mirror to see how ugly and worthless he is, only to find that he was shitty and lacklustre compared to Clovis. Comparing them is like comparing a shit to a piece of diamond gold and Joffrey is the shit.
He depressively flung himself out of the window and onto the ground below. Most of the time when people are suicidal it is because they are misundersttod by the posers around them or are too clever or dark in their souls. Joffrey was just shit. Good riddance.
Clovis picked up a crown. "By DeCrEe I aM tHe KiNg, I mEaN qUeEn NoW!" roared our perfect protagonist. Everyone smiled. Tyrrion Lannister smiled.
Then Vaneiris Targarrion flew in through the open windows on a dragon cos she wanted to be queen instead. But one look at wonderful Clovis and the dragons switched sides cos they loved Clovis more. "Unacceptable" said Vaneiris, who wasn't the quenn. She tried to stab Clovis but she was a robot.
Clovis mused "Well, my court jester isn't here, so he can't juggle. Maybe I should juggle. JUGGLE THESE!" Clovis reached out and grabbed Vaneiris' boobs and juggled them, but not actually juggling, mainly just, like, feeling them. Vaneris was very turned on and having fun. Before she could say anything, clovis touched her bum, she had one orgasm, fell over and died. "woops" Clovis laughed mirthfully.
The fit red head from beyond the wall who john snow is gonna probably gonna have sex with in the next episode but don't spoil it for me if you've read the book and the fit redhead MILF who Stannis boned came out of a car and walked up to Queen Clovis.
"They say Stannis never smiles, well I gave him a sideways smile" said the MILF while as she touched her vagina.
"We have been having lesbian sex for ages" said the other one proudly and lustfully "touching each other's breasts and vaginae"
"But it will never be perfect, for it will never be with you" they said in unison as they began to cry massive wet tears. Others joined in the sadness.
"Do not cry, for I will make you both the hands of the queen, and you don't wanna know what i do with my hands when I'm alone. eh, eh, know what I mean?" boomed the queen charitably and buxomly as she raised her eyebrows chronologically. The 2 redheads looked confused but still aroused until Clovis shouted "THR33SOME" they all cheered, the dragons burnt everyone cloths off using careful fire and a whole lot of genital jamboree started to happen. At one point, everyone's boobs touched. Nothing happened between the dragons because I'm not into that kind of weird shit.
With everyone else's clothes also being naked, tyrrion got a chance to eye up littlefinger. "phwaor what a bum! I love it" he thought and said. Also, littlefinger's name was actually a joke, because his penis is very big. "fancy a bit of the old rumpy-pumpy-short and stumpy" Tyrrion asked. "yes" screamed Littlefinger longingly and joyously. They had sex doggy style then Tyrrion jumped up and Littlefinger gave him a blowjob. Then the same thing happened again with the roles reversed. Then (SPOLIER ALERT) the ghost of Renley Berratheon appeared and started to kiss Tyrrion's 6-pack chest and littlefinger's moustache.
it was decided that Clovis was the greatest, sexiest queen to ever rule the seven kingdoms. This was celebrated by the queen being allowed to have colour photographs of all the sexy girls in the land and also have sex with them if she felt like it.
John Snow and Sam bummed each other.
They loved it.
The end.