The Apple is the Key

by La Donna Errante

Barney teaches Ted another "scientific" dating rule. Drabble written in response to the prompts "apple" and "key" randomly drawn from a hat.

Ted walked back to the table dejected.

"She didn't even look at me twice. I don't get it."

"How many times must I tell you? The Apple is the Key."

Ted scoffed.

"I'm serious. It's the Adam's Apple Principle. A man's hotness is directly proportional to the size of his Adam's Apple. Simple evolutionary science. According to this chart: The larger the caveman's bump, the more cave chicks he banged. Your Adam's apple is just far too small to be attractive to the females of any highly evolved species."