Link, who was always annoyed that people called her.. oops.. him.. Zelda, walked down the foresty path.

"Stupid sexy gorons. I ought to just screw them all to teach them a lesson! I ain't no girl!" (s)He said grumpily, kicking a non-living rock for good measure. (s)He turned to look at the readers sensually. "Oh, hey there. Did I forget to tell you? Silly me. Gorons are talking rocks."

A rocked hopped towards her, 'hips' swinging wildly. Link let out a loud, sexy moan as (s)he watched.

"Oh.. Hey there RockyGoron, I didn't think you'd arrive so soon.." Link said before sucking on (her)his finger to be.. sexy?

"Grrhenenhne. Hehehehe." The Goron said shyly, 'cheeks' turning slightly pink.

"Here. This should make it easier for you to talk." Link said, picking her up and drawing a face on with a sharpie.

"Grahenehe! Toooooooo!" The Goron said in thanks, now better able to pronounce her vowels. She tried winking with a crappy sharpie eye.

Link giggled before clearing her throat and chuckling as manly as she could.

"You know, RockyGoron... I've been noticing something is a little different about you lately."

"Grrenentinenene?" RockyGoron guessed.

"No no, I didn't notice you had liposuction.. Although I probably should have.. I've actually noticed that you've well... Gotten a new hole."

"Grn... Greehu... UUUUUU" The Goron said lewdly.

"I thought you'd never say" Link grinned, pulling out a twelve inch-strap on shaped like a dragon cock and... well... strapping it on. Where did (s)he pull it from, though? Link had no pockets!

The Goron shrugged as well as any rock could, ready for an adventure.

"Okay, hold still. I don't like lube so I'm going in dry." Link man-purred at RockyGoron.

"Gruhuutuuuuuoo?!"

"Relax! I'm pushing in!" And with that, Link pushed the giant strap on into the little rocks hole! (S)He moaned loudly... A bit too loudly. This isn't a porno, Link.

"EEEEEE... oh!" The Goron cried out in pain before relaxing when it all suddenly changed to pleasure.

Link started humping away, somehow managing to get 12 inches of strap on into a rock only about 4 inches in diameter.

Meanwhile, Zelda was walking in the forest with one of her slaves. Fantasy princesses have slaves, right? Looking over, she saw Link grinding a strap on against a rock and began to worry about him. Maybe she shouldn't have sold him that meth. But oh well; princesses had to make a living somehow.

"Does this turn you on, majesty?" The slave asked in worry, not wanting to do it again.

"No! What did I tell you about talking! AH!" She fumed, pulling on one of her slave's nipple rings as punishment before going on her way.

"I think- I'm- Going to- GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!" Link faked a male orgasm really hardcore. RockyGoron "Grububububububububububu" orgasmed right on back at him!

"Whew! What a rush! I'm totally a man and not a woman." Link wanted to confirm to RockyGoron.

"Gruuuhh..." RockyGoron said skeptically, panting hard still from the pleasure.

Link took a cork out of her/his strap on and pumped a pump so water shot out of it like semen. "There, you see? I got cum on you and everything."

The Goron hopped up Link's arm and down her/his body to undo her/his pants, somehow able to climb vertically like the horses in Skyrim.

"Hey! Hey! What do you think you're doing?!" Link gasped, batting at the Goron weakly.

"Grru!" The Goron said, easily avoiding the hands. She used her sharpie mouth to push down Link's pants and strap on... GASP! Link was a girl?! What?! Why wasn't she sharing her holes?!

Link went dark red.

"Now you know my secret... We can never speak again!" She freaked, carefully putting RockyGoron on the ground before taking off running, pants still down. So... waddling. She took off waddling.

RockyGoron turned around, staring at us, the viewers. "Everyone knew she was a girl. It's pretty freaking obvious!" RockyGoron said before grinning big and winking.

The Sexy End.