Authors Note: Alright, this is a para I did on my RP blog on Tumblr, and I love it so much I decided to cut it together into a one-shot. The premise is that Beck and Jade are just getting together, and she has an eating disorder, and self-harms, and she had an abusive ex who abused her(sexually, physically, and mentally). Beck has anxiety and is recovered from an eating disorder. It's kinda messed up and sick, but that's how we like it. I can't take credit for the Beck bits, just the Jade bits. Forgive me if it's choppy.
Her Dad lives at the far end of town, so Jade quickly throws on some nicer clothes and asks her Dad to borrow a car. Her step-mom was being a bitch at dinner, so he lets her take the car out of guilt. Jade starts up the car and pulls out. Just as she pulls onto the road, her vision becomes fuzzy. She pinches her arm hard and wills herself to remain conscious. As she does so, she remembers she forgot to eat. Having purged after dinner an hour ago, her stomach gurgles, running on empty. "Shit. I hope I can stay awake for the movie…" Jade says to the empty car.
As she drives, the familiar voices are back. "Not good enough. Fat. Stupid. Boring. Ugly." She is worthless. She is not good for anything. She doesn't know what she is doing. She almost turns around twice, but forces herself to continue. There is something about Beck….Something that makes her forget. Makes her forget how uselessstupiduglyfatboring she is, makes her forget about how she is not good enough for her dad, makes her forget about Him and everything that he did—Woah. Jade is driving 15 over the limit. She pulls into the parking lot and waits for Becks old pickup truck to pull into the lot, the cloying heat in the car making her almost feel warm.
Beck smiled as he saw the text message on his phone. He threw on some clothes that looked nice but not too over the top. He got in his car and started to drive to the movies. He was excited to actually hang out with Jade. He really liked her and wanted her to know that because he had heard rumors about her home life and if they were true she deserved so much better. He had also noticed how thin she was. He liked her the way she was but the more and more they started to talk the thinner she got and he was scared that she was doing it to herself on purpose. He had lived through that before and took him a long time to get back to the way he was. He still every now and then did when he was hating on himself badly but it wasn't as often as it used to be.
He smiled at he pulled into the theaters and saw Jade's dad's car. He recognized it from the time he dropped her off at school in it at the beginning of the year. He parked right next to her and turned his car off running his hand through his extremely thick hair.
Jade heard his car before she saw it. She loved that rather than all the fancy new cars most of the students around here had, Beck preferred a loud, old truck that he worked on himself. She fumbled for her wallet and pulled the keys out of the car, stepping out of it towards Beck. He immediately reached for her hand and she shirked away. "Please don't touch me." she said quietly. No matter how much she liked Beck, no matter how just being around him made her feel something other than sadness, pain, or numbness, he would have to earn her trust.
He sighed and looked at her. "R-Right sorry." he had worked him self up in the car thinking that he would be bold with his actions and then this happened and all the confidence he had built up shattered. "So should we go get our tickets?" he spoke quietly and pulled at his thick mane. "You wanted to see the new scary movie that came out right?" He wasn't really good with scary movies but he was willing to go watch it with her even if it ruined his image.
"Yeah." She replied, not looking at him. "You might have to protect me from the monsters though." Jade almost gave herself a standing ovation just for saying that. Then she mentally kicked herself. She had just told him not to touch her, now here she was, borderline flirting? They entered the theater and since it was a Saturday night, it was pretty busy. Jade almost felt like a normal girl, going on a date.
She didn't care what it did to her, if Beck made a move again, she would force herself to let him touch her. It was just a touch, right? She couldn't remember what human touch felt like. She could not remember what a hug, a warm hand to hold, or a gentle kiss felt like. She only remembered harsh, hard, painful slaps and jabs. Fierce movements and possessive clutch. Maybe, just maybe, Beck could help her remember.
He smiled "I'll protect you or at least run for my life with you," He chuckled, "It depends what we're dealing with." He walked her to the line and smiled looking around "It's super busy tonight." He smiled seeing other kids laughing and smiling with their significant other. He looked at Jade again smiling. She was one of the most breath taking girls he had ever met. She was a strong person and he could tell. He wished that he could be like her being strong that is. He caved at the slightest of stressful situations. Once they got to the line he bought the tickets and smiled leading her to the snacks. "Hungry?"
"Oh, well…" Jade trailed off, a debate going back and forth in her head. She needed food. She didn't deserve it. 1 cup popcorn with butter 60 calories. OK. "Yeah, I could go for some popcorn. I'll buy, since you got the tickets." She offered. Beck kept touching his hair. She had the sudden urge to run her fingers through it. Whether or not her mind would comply, her body craved human contact. Before she knew what she was doing, she reached up and tousled his hair.
He smiled when she started to play with his hair. He looked at her and smiled "Jade I said I would pay and also it's polite and the gentlemen thing to do when your on the first date." he smiled at her. He really liked it when she was playing with his hair. It made him feel happy because he cared a lot about his hair and he made sure that it was soft and thick. "What would you like to eat I can go for anything Jade." he smiled at her wanting to have the feeling that all the other kids had when they were happy and in a relationship.
She dropped her hand quickly from his head at the mention of the word date. "Is…This a date?" She asked tentatively. Jade had been wondering the same thing all night. She had no happy memories associated with that word. For the first time though, she was desperate to make new memories. She had a crazy strong yearning for something. For happiness. For the longest time, she was content to be miserable. But seeing Beck tonight, smiling at her like he was now, filled her with a desire to start fresh. He looked a bit sheepish at her question, and she quickly added "Because I would like that."
He blushed softly. He was thankful that he had dark skin so it wouldn't show as much. "Y-yeah if you want it to be that is." He smiled at her. He hadn't been on a date for a while. It was before he moved to this school was when his last one was. He looked at her and saw a new type of spark in her "Well, then Ms. Jade this is a date indeed." He smiled and looked at her. "What do you want to get? I'm game for anything like I said." On the inside he was freaking out he wanted this to be a date and it was. He was on a date with Jade West.
She blushed, and it showed on her fair skin, so different from his. "Just popcorn." She mumbled, smiling a genuine smile. It was the first time Beck had ever seen her really, truly smile. She walked with him to the snack line where she couldn't help but gaze at the boxed candy in abject lust. She had a massive sweet tooth, but she hadn't tasted candy in months. She bit her lip, imagining melting chocolate, hard candy clicking against her teeth, the sweet gnash of gummies. She forced herself to look away and once again tried, to no avail, to get Beck to allow her to pay for the snacks.
He laughed and when he got to his turn in line he smiled "Uhm can I get a medium popcorn, medium lemonade, and a box of M&M's" He smiled at the cashier who nodded and went to get their things. "Jade, are you sure you don't want anything else? Because it's not big deal." He laughed "I tend to eat a lot in scary movies because I'm awful with horror, but they are so fun to watch." He laughed and looked at her with care.
"No, thank you, Beck." She smiled at him. "I'm the total opposite, I get super drawn into the story. I scare easy." She admitted as they walked to the theater. She could tell he was surprised by this. "I bet you always thought I was the Big Bad Unshakeable Jade. But I'm just another scaredy-cat." She wasn't sure if she was talking about horror films anymore. "In movies, I mean."
He laughed and looked at her "Well it's okay I'm here for you. We can freak out together." He smiled and followed her to the theater "Pick a place to seat. I'll let you do that." He smiled and followed her to the seats she picked. He smiled and put the drink between them and the popcorn and M&M's on the floor while he took off his jacket. He had a long sleeved shirt on underneath as well. "So what is this movie about? I saw a couple previews but nothing to extensive" he asked looking at her.
"It's about this girl who goes to oversee her grandpas house while he's in Africa, he's supposed to be some sort of explorer or something, anyway, she finds this mask in his attic, and it makes you possessed or something. I don't know, the trailer wasn't very specific. I heard it was really scary." She shrugged and laughed. She rubbed her hands on her arms, she forgot how cold movie theaters always were. "God it's cold in here."
He looked at her. "Do you want my jacket?" he smiled "I have long sleeves on and I don't get cold easily." he smiled and looked at her. He then picked up his jacket and handed it to her. "it's really warm." He smiled and thought about all of this he was on a date with Jade West and they were being all flirty which he wasn't good at doing. He smiled looking at her.
"Thanks." She slid her arms into the sleeves of the denim jacket he always wore. She discreetly sniffed it while Beck was looking away. It smelled like Irish Spring soap, some sort of woodsy cologne, and a musky scent she suspected was all his own. She stuck her hands in the pockets and found a slip of paper, a few spare coins and bills, and a fine layer of sand. The lights of the theater dimmed as the previews started. Jade couldn't believe she was here. On a date. With a guy she really liked, and she was pretty sure likes her a lot too. A preview started for some feel good family movie about a dad who works too much then see's that he needs to spend more time at home. Jade hated those movies. She couldn't stop herself. Her eyes prickled and started to well up.
Beck put his hand on her shoulder "I'm sorry Jade." He knew about the rumors that were around the school and it was obvious that there was tension at home because of the cuts and bruises she came to school with "I can talk with you about it later okay? You don't have to be alone any more Jade. I'm here" He whispered to her and patted her shoulder again and started to pull his hand away not sure if she wanted him to stop touching her or not.
She quickly shrugged his shoulder off. She didn't want this to happen, not while they were doing so well. She wanted to forget about Him, and her dad, and the scars on her wrists, and the grumbling of her belly, just for these few hours. She nodded. If she had anything to do about it, they wouldn't be having any conversations about this. No one had to know about anything. She forced herself to give Beck a smile, and she knew he probably saw through it, but she didn't care. At long last, the movie was starting and she could zone out for a few hours, focusing on someone else's nightmare of a life.
Throughout the movie Beck offered her popcorn and food and everything hoping that she would eat with him. He didn't really like to be the only one eating. He had issues with that and he was still in the process of getting over his bulimia. Half way through the movie Beck smiled at her even though he was freaking out on the inside because honestly this movie was scary. He timidly reached out and grabbed her hand blushing hoping she'd continue to hold his hand.
Throughout the movie Jade carefully took handfuls of popcorn, mentally calculating how much she was eating. To avoid suspicion, she took a few m&m's from Beck, but when something scary happened on the screen, she quietly dropped them on the floor. She was absorbed in the movie, although at this point, she wasn't following the story that well. Something scary happened on the screen, and Jade jumped a little bit in her seat, her heart pounding. Then, before her heart had a chance to recover, someone was holding her hand. In her panic, she immediately jerked away, then realized it had just been Beck. "Sorry," She whispered, "You startled me."
She looked at Beck for the first time in a while and realized the poor guy was scared out of his mind. It was cute. And that was enough to make Jade reach her hand, spanning a few inches of space that felt like miles, breaching the protective shield she had built around herself, and gently take hold of Becks hand, lacing her fingers through his. He wasn't grabbing, or pulling, or squeezing, just gently holding her hand in his. It was unfamiliar territory for Jade, but she was finding that she liked it.
He smiled when she grabbed his hand again. He tried so hard not to show that he was scared but then it came to the point that he didn't care at all anymore. The movie was scary and he was scared he was not going to lie anymore. He noticed Jade's habits with dropping the food etc. He lived through them and they were obvious. He smiled at her once the movie ended. "That was scary… I'm not going to lie I was scared." He blushed softly and looked at her "Do you want to go to my house and just hang out? My house I mean I live in an RV in the front of my parents house." He laughed softly walking out. "Jade you know I don't care about your body image I think your beautiful the way you are you don't need to watch what you eat around me… Your beautiful" he blushed hard.
She blushed hearing him say that she was beautiful. "Thanks, but really, I'm not. And thanks for the offer, but I think I better head home." She saw his crestfallen look. "No, it's not that I don't want to…It's just….There are a lot of things you don't know about me. And I don't think you should get involved with someone like me." She was doing this for his own good. He deserved something better than her.
"Jade I want to get involved with you I like you a lot I have for a while…" He sighed and looked down "When I first moved here I saw your from across the room and slowly but surely I started to talk to you." He sighed again and looked at her. "I am sorry I just really like you." He looked at her.
"I'm sorry, Beck. I don't think I can take any more of this tonight. I like you a lot. And the last time I felt like this….It ended badly. When I care about people, they hurt me." Jade couldn't believe she was saying this to him, but she desperately wanted Beck to understand. "I am broken, Beck. And I don't think I can be fixed." She realized she was crying and willed herself to stop. She was losing control, quickly. "He broke me. I can't even go on a date with someone because he broke me." She started hyperventilating. "I can't be here anymore." She turned and started to walk away.
He pulled her in his arms "Jade I understand just relax please relax." He patted her back "Please relax Jade I get it you don't like me like that its okay I can take it." He patted her shoulder "Just don't freak out please drive home safely. I don't want you to get hurt." He sighed and kissed her head walking to his truck and getting in. He sighed and started her up waiting for her to get in her car and leave. He wanted to make sure she was going to get home safely.
Jade slowly went to her dads car and got in. The moment she closed the door, she buried her hands in her head and sobbed. She couldn't believe how badly she had ruined everything. Things were going so well. Why was this happening to her? Why couldn't she just be normal? She liked Beck. She really did. But he was better off without her. But was she better off without him? Beck made her happy. He really did. Jade sniffed and lifted her head. If there was anyone out there who could fix her, it was Beck. He was patient, and kind, and gentle, and everything He wasn't. She looked across the lot and saw Beck was still sitting in his truck. She didn't think she could face him again tonight. Maybe though, Beck would give her a second chance. He might be what she needs.
Beck sighed and kept looking at her waiting for her to leave until he saw the tears on her face. He got out of the car and walked over to her car and knocked on the window. "hey jade" he motioned for her to unroll the window. He was worried about her dearly he really liked her and hated to see her hurt so badly after a couple minutes he sighed and tapped again softly "Jade come on"
Jade heard him tap on the window, but didn't look up. She was fighting an inner battle in those few minutes. If she let him in right now, this was it. He was involved in the mess of her life. If she didn't open the window, there was a good chance he would walk away forever. He tapped again, and she looked up to meet his eyes. There was no anger or cruelty in his eyes. She rolled down the window, and held up a hand to stop him from saying anything. "I still don't think I'm any good for you. But you might be good for me. I need to ask a ridiculous favor of you. Will you help me?" She could hear how pathetic she sounded, but couldn't help it. If she didn't ask now, she never would.
He looked at her a bit shocked at what she said. "Jade of course I'll help you." he wanted so much to just pull her close to him and let her problems and inner battles flow out and be handled and discussed with him. He knew that he wouldn't be able to cure her but he did know that talking to someone made the pain die down a bit. "Jade I'm here for you no matter what you need." he smiled sincerely and looked at her. He felt awful for her on the bridge of break and he didn't want her to hurt anymore.
Just then, Jade felt her phone buzz inside her jeans. Inside was a text from her father. He wanted her home soon. "I've got to go. My dad wants me home. Thank you, Beck. For everything. Give me time, and I'll tell you everything." For the first time, Jade had someone she could talk to, spill the secrets that had been burning a hole in her chest for years. But it would take her time.
He nodded and patted her head. "I'll text you okay Jade?" he sighed and walked to his car driving off following her out.
She pulled out of the parking lot next to the movie theater, her mind running on overdrive. She didn't know what had just happened. She needed to think this over from the beginning.
They had been flirting before the movie, then the preview made her well up, then they held hands during the movie, then he invited her over, then she flipped out and ruined everything. "Nice going, Jade." she thought to herself. Things would have been perfect if she had just kept her cool. "You did this to me" she thought. "You made me this way." If she ever saw Him again, she would…..Well, she would probably have a panic attack and pass out. But no, he didn't do this to her.
"Oh no, I didn't do anything to you that your useless little self didn't deserve." His voice was in her head again.
"LEAVE ME ALONE, JAKE." She yelled to the empty car.
"A disappointment." Her fathers voice was there now. She pulled over to the side of the road and attempted to steady her breathing. She was shaking now. Things were spinning. There was a rainbow of faces in her mind, Her heart was racing and she felt a strange numbness in her face. The whirlwind lasted about 5 minutes before it finally settled. She was ok. She was in control.
A weird sense of calm settled in her brain, although it was probably just that she was so tired all of a sudden. She had done the right thing. She had finally asked Beck for help. She would tell him everything, and finally someone would understand.