Heinz Doofenshmirtz blushed, looking away nervously. What was he supposed to say? What could he say? She would never believe him, and he doubted that she would even listen to him. How could she listen to him after all that happened?
It had been months since he'd seen her. He had missed seeing her, but how could he possibly tell her that?
He knew Charlene Doofenshmirtz far too well. She would never believe him.
"Charlene, I'm really sorry that I haven't talked to you for a while, but you know, I've been busy – and I really was this time, okay."
He sat down. His arms crossed over his knees and his head rested on his arms, gazing at her.
"I don't expect you to believe me," he said, sighing as he looked blankly at the ground. "But that's okay. After Vanessa got married, it's sort of been like this between us you know? There's no reason for us to really talk. I get that."
Not being able to sit still, he sat up and began to pace. Then he stopped and looked back.
"Just let me talk. I need to get my thoughts out before I explode."
Heinz's hands were folded behind his back now, holding the gift he had gotten specifically for her. He did not think much of it, but this was the type of thing that people got for people like her. So maybe she would deem it important. He hoped she would like it – it was the only thing he could get her now.
"But I just can't go on like this. You couldn't understand. No one's ever hated you – not that you'd ever give them reason to – you're flawless. I mean, uh – no that sounds really stupid, just forget it. Just forget I said that."
Heinz nearly choked on his words.
"It's not easy to talk to you anymore. I'm always fumbling to find the right words now. It's almost like when we first met – you remember, hon – in college. Heh, it's funny, I was always known to ramble on and on, but when I first saw you, I couldn't think of anything at all to say."
He chuckled nervously, pacing again.
"You were always so beautiful. Even now, I guess. Well why wouldn't you be? Heh, but I mean your heart too. You just have this really good heart. You've always been good to me, even after you left me – which I totally understand by the way. I would divorce me too if I could.
"You know, a lot of people would think it's weird that I'm even doing this. I mean, considering that we're not even married. I probably shouldn't even be here."
He sat down again, lowering his head.
"I sound like an idiot," he muttered. "I don't even know why you still listen to me, Charley."
He could not think of anything to say now. Not a single thing.
Only one phrase pieced itself together in his head.
Heinz looked up, trying to keep calm. He had to tell her. Had to.
"I still love you," Heinz said.
It was weird hearing himself say that. The hairs on the back of his neck sprung up; it felt wrong to say that. And from now on, it would always feel wrong to say that.
"I mean not like "love" love. I … I don't know. I know I love you, but not like I used to."
Palms sweating, Heinz was almost afraid that he would ruin the gift he wanted to give her.
"Maybe I don't love you like a wife anymore. Maybe I just love you like I'd love a best friend. Maybe I care about you as much as I care about Perry the Platypus. Not that you've ever met him – but I'm sure you would have liked to have met him."
But he still felt the issue of his unrequited love was not resolved. Heinz did not want Charlene to be mad at him.
"I'm not asking you to love me. Not that you ever really did anyway. You thought you did, but heh, no one ever really could love a nobody like me. Not that it matters anyway, Charley. I'm an old man now. I'll be sixty in a couple of years. Hah, what am I saying? You already knew that."
Heinz choked back sobs. The onslaught of tears came without warning.
"I can't help myself. I tried to move on, and in a way, I did. After all, I still have Vanessa and Norm. As you can imagine, no one wanted to date me after they got to know me. I think I was just lucky with you, Charley. I don't know why, but you decided to put up with me for as long as you did. And you even put up with me after that. So thank you."
He held the present in front of him now, the petals brushing against his tear-stained face.
"I didn't even think I still had feelings for you. Sure, I missed you. I missed having you around and calling me stupid names or just laughing with me or any of that. But I didn't really think that I was still in love with you. I probably should have known; I still kept some of your pictures around my apartment. And maybe you thought I did when I had you personally deliver the alimony checks. But…" he choked now, feeling his face heating up and the tears rolling down his cheeks, "I guess it's too late to say all this, huh?"
He was yelling now, his voice echoing.
"I should have told you years ago! I should have stopped you from leaving! Dammit, I am such an idiot!"
Heinz shuddered, looking around. He tried to lower his voice, although despair was still evident in his voice.
"No, I should have told you last week. At least last week. Maybe on your birthday. I didn't visit you on your birthday. Vanessa did though. Of course you remember that. She told me about it. It sounded pretty fun, even though you guys apparently didn't have cake. They didn't let cake in the hospital or something. That's stupid" – he chuckled – "they should have let you at least have cake on your birthday."
Brushing the tears away, Heinz stared dully at the ground.
"You turned fifty-five, I think. I think you looked good for your age the last time I saw you," the tears came back, streaming down his face.
He quickly pulled the gift from behind his back – five fresh tulips.
"Vanessa and I inherit a lot of the money, the lawyer says. It feels really weird being rich now. I don't really know how I feel about it. Not yet."
He smiled despite himself.
"Actually, I still feel poor; I'm still trying to look for all the discounts in stores."
He held out the tulips, now facing the fact that she could not see them.
"Anyway, the neighbor let me pick these tulips out of his garden. He wouldn't let me at first, but then I explained the whole thing to him, about your being sick for some time and…and…"
The sobs overtook Heinz for a few minutes. He could not help the ever present tears now. Why even bother blinking them away if they were going to come anyway?
When he finally got a hold of himself, he continued, "He let me pick these for you. I told him that you really liked tulips, so he let me have these. I figured it was better than a fancy bouquet you know? You never really were into those when I bought them for you anyway."
No one had bothered to call and tell Heinz what had happened. He did not blame Vanessa; she had to constantly take care of her mother once Charlene was hospitalized. But Vanessa's husband had forgotten to call Heinz.
He had not found out until it was too late.
He was alone. She had left him again.
Heinz wanted to yell, to scream. He wanted to plead with her, ask her why she had to leave him. He wanted to make a scene, fall facedown to the ground and simply cry out to her.
But he found that he could not – the wracking sobs were back once again, forbidding him from saying any more.
Besides, these places scared the Dickens out of him. He did not want to awaken any angry spirits. And he did not want Charlene to be mad at him.
With a sigh, he laid the flowers on the ground – right on top of Charlene's name etched in the cold stone.