How Ginji Left
A/N: Written for ajj7sunhawk for her birthday, as a late birthday present. Sorry I'm unable to write past three pages it seems, sigh. Maybe next time I can write a really long one. Happy birthday to you, Ban-chan, from your Gin-chan! *chibi dance*
His chest burned with an unseen ache. It was the dull fury that boiled beneath him unseen, fighting to escape. Fighting to be let loose and reap havoc on the world. He had to be strong though, and hold it back, for as long as he could. Although, most times, when the dull ache grew, he wasn't able to control it. He hoped today that it might not come forth, that the ache would remain in place, that it wouldn't explode like a fire engulfing his body. His solemn brown eyes scanned the tall buildings.
"Ginji-san," a soft voice spoke interrupting his thoughts. Ginji turned to face the soft-spoken man smiling before him. "Are you alright?" He smiled comfortingly. "I was making some tea and I wanted to know if you wanted any?" Kazuki offered, and the blond man smiled shaking his head.
"No thanks, I'm good," he smiled. It was a smile he wore all the time when the fire didn't engulf him. A smile that was fake, but existed to assuage the guilt and the fears of others. Especially the Volts. He turned back to watching out the window. Despite having practiced for so long, the smile was still painful and it only added to the ache that resonated in his chest.
To calm the ache, he was almost tempted to reach out and smash the window and scream. Perhaps, letting some of it go would release some of it that threatened to eat him whole. Of course, he wouldn't do that. He couldn't. He had to stay calm, level-headed. He was their leader after all. If he snapped, if he lost it, if he wasn't there for them... to make everything better, what would happen?
The thought sharpened the pain in his chest and he closed his eyes. He tried to breathe deeply. Perhaps something Juubei-san and Kazuki-san had been discussing the other day would help. It didn't. He figured you had to do more than just breathe a special way but believe in the breathing as well, to change your thoughts with it, but he couldn't.
The ache spread to his back, seeming to cause him dull back pain. It was spreading. There was a lot of sadness and pain lately. So much so that at one point there was a moment where he thought he wouldn't be able to breathe. It was only visible on his face for a split second, so no one noticed, thankfully. He would be more careful in the future.
The blond didn't move for a bit longer until one of the Volts came to inform him of a disturbance in Lower Town. He moved swiftly, the other Volts had gone to take care of other disturbances that had popped up around the town. It wasn't that this man was quite a threat so much as they were short on leaders for the disturbances. The sooner the disturbances were dealt with, the better everything became. If they let them grow, they would only hurt more people, and the pain in the blond's chest would only intensify.
Soon everything was a blur again, a blur of colors, of feelings, and the pain in his chest exploded. Ginji lost consciousness, he could remember the details of the fight, hazily, as if it had been a dream. Like most times when the fire engulfed him, he was incapable of control, incapable of remembering vividly. The man, what remained of him at least, laid wasted before him, along with his lackeys. There would be no more disturbance in the section for a while, at least until someone else came along who thought he was more powerful.
A few days passed, where similar activities occurred. Each day the pain in his chest grew, and each day it was released somehow. Sometimes more than once. He had no control, even though he imagined he could resist it, he could stave it off a bit longer.
Then one day, a man came through lower city, annihilating everyone that came in his path. At first, the Volts just kept an eye on him, he wasn't killing innocents, only the rowdy ones that they had had to take care of in the past, or would in the future. Then the man crossed into Volts territory, and begun destroying people in the lower rungs of Ginji's gang. The pain in his chest rapidly spread as the man entered the territory. It had been just another dull ache before. Ginji didn't need the message that Juubei had come to give, he walked past the man with a serious expression on his face. The air crackled a bit. He was beginning to lose control before he even reached the battlefield, before the pain even had fully engulfed him. Was he choosing to change this time? Had he really chosen all the previous times? These thoughts weighed heavily on him as he went, only diminishing the time he had to hold onto his sanity, his consciousness.
He met the man on the battlefield, and they both stopped a moment and looked each other in the eyes. The blond saw bright blue eyes behind purple glasses right before his consciousness slipped. Everything was hazy, colors, emotions, even some words exchanged were almost unreal. The man seemed to match him, to counter or dodge every attack, and his attacks seemed powerful enough to equal his. Whether he was holding back or not, he couldn't tell, but he didn't think about it much... Why would someone hold back in a fight? In Infinity Fortress such acts were foolish and would only lead to your death.
Suddenly the man spoke again, his words were a bit more clear than the other times. "You should really be careful. You're fighting me but you're still destroying your home. If you keep this up, you'll end up killing yourself." It was true. Raitei had released one of his most powerful attacks, and leveled a few blocks in the process. He couldn't stop though.
So he replied, "When I get like this, I can't stop.. I can't stop until I destroy everything," He didn't even feel like he was speaking for a moment. He felt like it was someone else, or perhaps, he was waking as he mumbled in his sleep. Those times where you find yourself speaking but you don't remember thinking about saying the words that come out. It was the truth though, regardless of who said it. The words seemed to simultaneously soothe his pain and fuel it onwards. Stuck between the release of the admittance of truth, and the guilty pain of it, it became a bitter circle.
Then the man spoke, clearly, "so why don't you just leave?"
The words were cold, like ice. Sharp and piercing, yet something refreshing about them. The blond couldn't pinpoint it, but it was like waking up from a dream, from a nightmare in a cold sweat only to find someone there. Sure, it was horrible, but there was something comforting about it. The electricity wavered and then lowered to a dull charge. The pain in his chest was gone. Words that the man hadn't thought of, hadn't heard before broke his spell.
None of the Volts would have ever suggested him leaving. They needed him too much, even if it was acts of selfishness that kept Ginji there, he would remain for them. Even if he would be destroyed, if they wanted him there, he would stay. He never once thought of himself in the years he had grown up in Infinity Fortress. Everything he had done, everything he had said, was given for others. The war on smaller gangs, the fights against the men from the Belt Line. It hadn't been for power. It hadn't been for control. He had wanted to keep the peace. He had wanted to keep people safe, and happy since he could remember.
Now, this man who stood in front of him suggested something so simple, and so selfish, the Raitei had vanished. Ginji stood in front of him, a bit dumbfounded, and the man watched him carefully. "Just leave?" Ginji repeated softly, a bit in disbelief that he hadn't thought of it before.
"That's what I said," the man stood, relaxing his position but not relaxing the power accumulated in his hand.
"But... I don't know anyone outside," Ginji spoke, almost sounding like a child when he did. There was something innocent and raw about him at this moment, something that sounded scared. He was a man who had seen many things, fought many fights, fear came rarely, but here it was. Leaving everything he had ever known, his whole reason for existence up until this very moment, to be left behind. Sure there was merit in what the man spoke, but what would he become?
"You know me," the man motion, coolly adjusting his sunglasses, and a small grin crept on his face. Ginji suddenly mirrored the man's expression with a smile of his own. It wasn't a fake one though. It didn't cause a pain in his chest. It resonated a soft comforting warmth instead, it made him feel happy. "The name's Midou Ban, but you can call me Midou-sama," the dark-haired man grinned wider.
Ginji's smile seemed to explode when the man introduced himself. "I'm Amano Ginji, it's nice to meet you Ban-san," he told the man.
"Hey! I said call me Midou-sama!" the man yelled from the other end of the battlefield. The blond just smiled and headed towards the man. Somehow the two left the Infinity Fortress that day, unseen by most others, especially the Volts, later to become the infamous Get Backers.