Author's Note: I was inspired to this story by the song "When I Was Your Man" by Bruno Mars. Every time I listened to it I thought that it could also be a nice title for a WTB? story. The chorus goes like this -
Too young, too dumb, to realize
that I should've bought you flowers
and held your hand.
Should've gave you all my hours
when I had the chance.
Take you to every party
'cause all you wanted to do was dance.
Now my baby's dancing
but she's dancing with another man.
I can only recommend to listen to that song before reading the story. You'll find it on YouTube and Vimeo and lots of other sites. It will get you into the right mood for the story; just imagine Tony singing instead of Bruno Mars.
Disclaimer: None of the WTB? characters belong to me, no copyright violation intended.
DECISIONS REGRETTED
Tony was sitting in his car, a silver Lexus. The days of driving a cool, black Jeep were long over. He had turned 50 and was a grandfather. The shoulder, which had been so badly injured during his pro years as a ballplayer for the St. Louis Cardinals, was giving him pain repeatedly, he had undergone knee surgery, and he needed reading glasses. But he was in pretty good shape; his body was lean, his muscles toned, and he could still easily run 15 miles. Not bad for a grandfather.
Zoe and Marius, his two grandchildren, kept him on the go. When Samantha had first told him she was pregnant Tony didn't know what to think about it. He adored children and had always been looking forward to becoming a grandfather, but not so soon. He had just turned 43, an age to still have children of his own, when his daughter had put the little rosy bundle into his arms, saying, "Meet Zoe, Grandpa, your granddaughter", with a blissful smile on her face. Now, Zoe was seven years old and the apple of his eye. Marius had been born only one and half years later; his little baby had been a mother of two at the age of just 23. Unfortunately, her marriage hadn't survived the early parenthood. Her husband Hank and she had worn themselves out with taking care of two crying babies, earning the family income, and working for their respective careers. Hank had been a gifted but rather unsuccessful puppeteer. He was hardly able to flush any money into the family funds, so he had been looking after the kids while Sam had worked as a free-lance journalist for the local newspaper. Her job hadn't been a reliable source of income either, so money had been a constant issue in the marriage. It had finally split them apart, for both had been dissatisfied and had held the other responsible for it. So eventually, when the kids had been four and three, they had gotten a divorce. With the help of her father, who had served as a babysitter whenever necessary, Sam had managed her life as a single working mom. After two years of only focussing on her children and work, not caring about men at all, she had made the acquaintance of Adrian, a likeable and affectionate bookseller in his mid-thirties. They were dating since then and had even already talked about marriage and adding more children to the family. Tony for his part was happy that Sam had found someone to share her life with again. He of all people knew how hard it was to raise little children without the help of another parent. Finding Angela had been a stroke of luck, not only with respect to the matter of raising Sam but also with respect to his very own well-being.
Tony checked his watch again, he was half an hour early. It was a sunny spring Saturday afternoon, actually a bit too warm for the season but perfect for the occasion. The pictures would come out great. He thought back to the day he had learned about what would be happening on this particular day. He had come home late - he lectured on history at a New Jersey college - and had routinely emptied the letter box. As always, he had carelessly thrown everything on the table and had taken an after-work beer out of the fridge first. Then he had sat down at the table and had browsed through the contents of the letter box which like always had consisted mainly of junk mail. But suddenly an extraordinary envelope had caught his eye; it was made of creme-white thick vat paper and the address had been skillfully written in calligraphy. He had turned the envelope around to get a clue of the sender but there was nothing to be read on the back. So he had ripped it open, still wondering about this mysterious mail. In the envelope, lined with golden tissue paper, he had found a folded card and on its face he had pictured two entwined golden circles. A wedding invitation? By then, his curiosity had been aroused. Who would invite him to a wedding? He hadn't known any couples with wedding plans at that time. So he had opened the folded card and the first name he had made out was that of 'Jonathan Bower'. Tony's heart had leaped for joy. He had been happy for him, for Jonathan hadn't been very lucky with his prior relationships, but now he had finally found his perfect match.
Then Tony had read the rest of the invitation and his heart had skipped a beat.
MR. AND MRS. ALLEN COOMBS
REQUEST THE HONOR OF YOUR PRESENCE
AT THE MARRIAGE OF THEIR DAUGHTER
Haley Anne Coombs TO Jonathan Robert Bower
SON OF MR. AND MRS. TYLER ROLLAND
AND MR. AND MRS. MICHAEL BOWER
SATURDAY, FIFTEENTH OF APRIL
TWO THOUSAND AND ONE
FOUR O'CLOCK IN THE AFTERNOON
ST. JOHN'S PROTESTANT EPISCOPAL CHURCH
628, MAIN STREET
FAIRFIELD, CONNECTICUT
DINNER RECEPTION TO FOLLOW
It had been a very formal invitation but that was not the reason for the instant pain in his chest. It was the name of the groom's mother, ... Mrs. Tyler Rolland!
Tony checked his watch again and tightened his bow tie. His tuxedo still fit him, he only needed a new shirt and a pair of black leather shoes for the wedding. He was excited but also a bit tense. He hadn't seen Angela for five years now. The last time had been at Marius' baptism in 1996. Sam considered Angela to be the grandmother of her children just like he was their grandfather. So she had always been part of these family celebrations, only that they hadn't lived as a family anymore by then. After they had broken up, after the love of his life had been in shambles, Tony had left his home for almost ten years, had moved out of Oak Hills Drive, and had relocated close to the college where he had been working at the time. Five years without her. It had been five dreadful and miserable years, full of solitude and regret for Tony.
When time had still been blissful and carefree they had become a couple despite him being still a student. His plan had been to wait until he graduated but one day Angela had taken the life-changing first step and had declared her love to him. She had it inscribed on the back of a watch but still, it had been more forward than he had ever been during their seven-year friendship. He knew that if he had turned her down in this very situation - like he had done about a year earlier in Jamaica - he would've lost her for ever and that had been a bigger fear than being in a relationship with a woman who also was his boss.
After he had graduated, it hadn't been easy to find a job at his age as a first-time employee. And although he had been looking fiercely for almost half a year without the slightest success, he had turned down the offer of a college in Iowa to become a history teacher and baseball coach. It had been a great opportunity, but he couldn't picture himself to be separated from Angela. They had confided in each other only a few months earlier and had been enjoying their new relationship to the fullest since then. He missed her on a regular work day when was she away for merely ten hours, how was he supposed to get along with only seeing her at the weekend? So he had decided to not even check it out but to continue applying for jobs in the Fairfield area. Angela had warned him that one day he might regret to have let go this opportunity. She had tried to talk him into going to Iowa to have a look at least, but he had been stubborn as a donkey. He should have listened to her; he had learned that later, ... the hard way.
First his strategy had seemed to pay off. He had gotten the position of a substitute teacher at a Connecticut high school and was pleased about his professional start, although it had been a part-time job with only the option of being turned into a full-time position later on. Unfortunately, this dream of a job offer in Iowa had been floating around his head constantly, and eventually he had begun to regret to have let this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity slip through his fingers, ... just like Angela had predicted.
After another few months, he had become evermore dissatisfied and had taken his mood out on the rest of the family; especially Angela, for she had been the reason he had turned the offer down. He had known that he was being unfair, that she had tried to persuade him to go in the first place, but the longer he hadn't been promoted to a permanently employed full-time teacher, the more impatient he became. He had hoped that as soon as he had a job other than Angela's housekeeper, he would feel adequate to her; actually quite the contrary had happened. Even with a college degree in hand, he had only obtained a substitute job. Nothing he could meet Angela's high professional standards with, not even rudimentally, and that had discomforted him a lot. He had felt like a well-kept boyfriend whenever she paid for a vacation or car repair. Even when she had let him pay the check after a romantic dinner, it had evoked a bitter taste, because he had known that the next grocery bill would be on her purse now that his very own funds had been exhausted by a single fancy dinner. And the more often she had said that she didn't like to differentiate between her money and his money but perceived it as their money, the more bruised his male pride had become.
One day Angela had outright told him that he had to accept the fact that she was a successful woman and would probably always make more money than him. She had pointed out that he had known from the start who she was. She had asked him to make up his mind about whether he could live with it or not; for if not, if he wouldn't be able to live with it, they couldn't go on like this forever, it would inevitably destroy everything which was between them. That had been a bitter pill for him to swallow, but he had to acknowledge the fact that his ego wasn't able to handle a relationship with a woman like Angela. He loved her more than his life, just like he had loved Marie, but still, these recurring little punches in the stomach had slowly been eating him up. So it had been just a question of time until the unavoidable had happened, ... they had reached a point of no return. Tony remembered every word of their painful talk as if it had taken place just yesterday. It had been burned into his memory, because life had never been how it used to be afterwards.
"I don't think I can handle this anymore, Angela", he had told her at the breakfast table, carelessly poking the scrambled eggs on the plate in front of him.
"What do you mean?" Angela had asked. She was having a nasty premonition though, because their constant arguing over money hadn't gone unnoticed by her, and her female antennas had detected the negative vibes coming from him lately.
"I can't handle being well-kept", Tony had replied dryly.
"You are not well-kept and you know it! You never felt well-kept while you were my housekeeper", she had said stonily.
"You were my boss and you paid me. That was something different. Now we're a couple, I have a new job but you're still paying for almost everything", he had tried to explain his feelings.
"Tony, you knew from the beginning that teaching jobs aren't so well-paid but you decided to go for it nonetheless because you love being a teacher. And you are a great teacher. You do meaningful work for society whereas I try to sell Americans things they don't really need. It might be more lucrative but it sure isn't more meaningful."
"Yeah, big deal!" he had exclaimed scornfully, "Thanks for trying to sugarcoat my unsuccessful attempts to earn a sufficient income but reality is that I'm only filling the petty cash whereas you flush in the big money."
"I don't see it this way and you know it. We're a team and as a team we're providing and caring for this family. What if it was the other way around? What if you were making more money than I? Do you honestly think I would have the same misgivings as you?" Angela had asked.
"Maybe not. But that's how it usually is ... the man is the breadwinner and-"
"And the woman stays at home and takes care of the house and the children? Is that what you wanted to say?" Angela had interrupted him. "Honey, you knew from the very first day you walked into this house that things are different here. How come you're challenging them now?"
"Because I'm not happy with them anymore." That had been the moment he had looked earnestly into her eyes and from his face Angela had read where this conversation would be leading to.
"You're not happy anymore", she had repeated, her voice almost broken. Not because his statement had been a complete surprise for her - she was a sensitive person after all, madly in love with his man, she had sensed his constantly growing dissatisfaction - but because it had sounded so disillusioned and final. "Is there anything I can do to change what's making you miserable?" Angela's heart had begun to pound.
"As long as you're not willing to become purposely unsuccessful, I wouldn't know what", Tony had said helplessly.
Angela had looked at Tony. Her worst nightmare, the ever present fear which had her made suppress her romantic feelings for him for years, seemed to have finally come true.
"So are you telling me it's over?" Tony hadn't replied anything, he had just hung his head and had swallowed hard. Angela's next question had been hard for him, "Don't you love me anymore?" she had asked in disbelief and had hold her breath.
"I do love you! I've always loved you and will forevermore", Tony had insisted.
"But obviously not enough to convince your male ego to stay in a relationship with me", she had commented contemptuously on his emphatic love profession.
Tony had asked himself whether she could be right, that if he had loved her more, their different income levels wouldn't have bothered him. But then again he knew that he loved her more than his life and couldn't love her any better. He had no explanation why he saw no alternative other than getting out of his romantic relationship with her. But a life without Angela being in it seemed also unimaginable. "Could we return to being just friends?" He had asked cautiously.
Angela had shaken her head very slowly. "I don't think so, Tony. We gave up our friendship for love and now that we've lost love I guess we lost our friendship too", she had answered very matter-of-factly, desperately trying to control her emotions.
"What do you want me to do?" Tony had asked in a helpless tone.
"I think you have to move out, Tony."
Angela had inhaled deeply to prevent her shaking voice from cracking. That last sentence had hit them both like a sledgehammer on the head. And when Tony had stared at her, shocked about what this meant for them, she had explained why she wanted him to leave the house, and it had clarified that indeed there hadn't been any other option.
"You telling me that you can't handle our relationship anymore won't stop me from loving you. I've loved you before you were ready for our relationship, and I will love you after you declared it to be over. What I simply can't do is living here with you in this house as if nothing of this ever happened and return to what we had before. Admitting that we loved each other was a one-way street, Tony, and we knew it. We knew that our paths would come apart, if it didn't work out, ... and we took that chance. How do you picture our cohabitation anyway? Like a regular flat share? You living your life and I mine? Double dating? Do you really expect that I could bear watching you dating other women? I've been through this hell while you were dating Kathleen, and I definitely won't do such a thing to myself ever again. So, ... if you really want to give this up, it has to be a clear cut. I won't be able to deal with it any other way."
So it had been a clear cut, clearer and deeper than Tony had ever imagined possible. There were days it had been almost more painful than losing Marie. Marie's passing away had been fate; hard to accept, but nothing he could do anything against. Angela walking out of his life, or rather him walking out of hers, had been his very own decision, and sometimes later he wasn't so sure whether it had really been the right thing to do. The irony of it all had been that only a few months after he had moved out of Angela's house, he had been offered a job at a New Jersey college as a full-time history professor. Two years later, he had been given a chair, and last year he had become the dean of the same institution. So he had made a veritable career, a career Angela would've been proud of, ... had she still been at his side.
Tony checked his watch again; it was half past three. So far, his car had been the only one in the parking lot in front of the little church, but now the first guests were showing up and one car after another was pulled up next to his. Women in elegant dresses, men in tuxedos or dark suits, and dressed up children were populating the courtyard of the church. The sun was shining and everybody was in a good mood. Tony had his heart in his mouth and his palms were a little sweaty. How would everyone react upon seeing him? He had been invited and had announced his attendance, so nobody would be surprised to see him, but still no forecast could be made about how all of this would turn out. Not even Tony himself had any idea about what his first meeting with Angela would be like after five years of not seeing each other. The first meeting with married Angela, married to another man.
He remained seated in his car until the entire congregation had entered the church. He had watched from afar how everybody had greeted one another, the hugs and kisses on the cheek they had exchanged. He had heard their joyous laughter and the blissful anticipation in their voices, and for a short moment he had played with the idea of aborting his mission, of starting the ignition and vanishing as if he had never been there. But he had reminded himself that this was to be Jonathan's wedding, and he still loved the boy as if he was his own. He had been overwhelmed to be invited, for after all he had done to this family he wouldn't have held it against anybody, if he hadn't. The moment he had considered to escape from the scene had been the one Angela had made her way from the parking lot, across the green spring grass in front of the church, up the stony stairs, through the huge portal into the building. His heart had skipped a beat upon seeing her at the arm of a tall, slender, good-looking man in a grey tail coat. She wore an elegant, apricot-colored gown and a matching silky shawl around her shoulders. Her hair was up, like it had always been on festive occasions such as this. She was beaming with joy and pride about celebrating her son's wedding; Tony could tell. She held on to the man at her side who was giving her the moral support she needed to make it through the day; Tony could also tell. How badly he wished to trade places with that guy!
Another deep breath and he opened the car door, scurried over to the church entrance, and just made it inside before the sexton closed the massive wooden doors for the ceremony. He found a place in one of the lateral pews where he could hide behind a pillar but still had a good view at the family's pews, and at one member of the family in particular. During the entire ceremony, Tony kept his eyes glued to Angela; only the bride and groom walking down the aisle and exchanging their marriage vows were able to draw his attention away from her for a few moments. She was either clinging to this man's arm or holding his hand whereas he looked at her with a warm, loving expression on his face. When the pastor declared Jonathan and Haley to be husband and wife, Angela started to sob and the man pulled a folded handkerchief out of his breast pocket and handed it to her to dry her tears. He laid his arm around her shoulder and squeezed her gently, and she smiled at him gratefully and ... lovingly. Tony believed himself to be in a bad movie, watching a horrible scene which gave him shivers, which was again crazy because for the impartial observer the interaction between these two people was rather heart-warming than horrifying. But Tony wasn't impartial.
After the ceremony had ended, the entire congregation stood up and watched the newlyweds walk down the aisle and out of the church. Tony once again hid behind the pillar, he wasn't ready to be seen yet. Meeting Angela again, even if it had only been one-sided yet, upset him more than he had expected. He observed how she hugged the man next to her, and how he brushed away a tear from her cheek. Tony looked after them on their way down the aisle to the church portal, arm in arm. They had walked down the aisle just like this on their own wedding day, he presumed. Maybe the man had also brushed away a tear from Angela's face then, and she had looked him lovingly in the eye, just like she had done a few minutes ago. Tony clenched his teeth. He wasn't over all of this; not that he had ever thought he was, but that it would strike him that hard was unexpected.
Tony was the last one to leave the church. When he stepped outside, he was blinded by the light of the late afternoon sun which shed its warm and golden beams onto the scenery. The newlywed couple had already gotten on a 1959 Chevrolet Impala convertible and was leaving the site for the location where the dinner reception was going to take place. Angela was talking to an elderly couple, presumably Jonathan's in-laws, then turned once again to the man in the grey tail coat and let him lead her to the car. She was still having a Jaguar, Tony thought and smiled. He connected various memories with the Jaguars she had been driving during their time together. One in particular; the night after they had declared their love to one another and had desperately tried to find a place to let their physical attraction run free. It had ended with both of them making out in a Jaguar with a releasing hand brake; the malfunction had caused the evening, which was supposed to lead into a night of passion, to be over abruptly.
Before he knew what was happening, Tony stood alone in front of the church. Silence had fallen onto the site, and it had become cold now that the sun was hiding behind a huge, grey cloud. He had successfully managed to procrastinate saying hello until the dinner reception. If Angela had been looking out for him, he hadn't noticed. Maybe she was so caught up in the event that she didn't even realize she hadn't seem him yet? Maybe she didn't care whether he was there or not? Another punch in the stomach. There was only one way to find out what she thought or didn't think, and that was talking to her. He was invited to a dinner reception and he would attend. It was a matter of decency anyway to congratulate the newlyweds personally, ... and the bride's parents, ... and the groom's parents. Jonathan had four parents at his wedding, his father with his second wife and his mother with, ... Tony felt his heart ache thinking this thought through. 'It's all your own fault, Micelli', he chided himself, 'now pull yourself together, go to that dinner reception, look into her eyes, and ask her what you've been dying to ask her for so long!'
Tony had arrived rather late at the location. It was a fancy restaurant with a starred chef who had acquired some prominence for his innovative and creative yet very delicious cuisine. The restaurant was situated within a five-star luxury hotel complex, and many of the guests would be staying overnight. Tony hadn't been to such an exclusive place for a long time, actually for as long as he wasn't with Angela anymore. He just couldn't afford something like this.
Tony was looking around whether he could spy anyone familiar. Suddenly he saw Mona beckoning him over. He was seated at a table together with her, Sam, and Adrian. They were joined by two couples from Haley's side; two of her cousins with their spouses. Mona had embraced Tony and had greeted him with the words, "Good to see you again, Buddy!" She had missed him too, Tony had been one of her rare male 'friends'; her relationships to men usually were of a different cast. "How's the world been treating you, Tone?" was her first question, "Any women I have to know about?" She grinned and punched his upper arm. So Tony gave her an overview about the last five years of his life, and was only interrupted by the armada of waiters and waitresses who started to serve the first course. It had been Tony's initial plan to say hello to Jonathan and his bride, as well as to Angela of course, before dinner started, but now he was condemned to wait until the official part of the party was over. All the guests were seated at their respective tables, there was no way that he could walk up to the table of honor and engage the groom and his mother into a private conversation. He would have to wait until dinner was over and all the speeches were held.
The evening was stretching like a chewing gum. The food was delicious, and if Tony hadn't been so tense, he would've tried to figure out some of the chef's tricks, but his thoughts were running amok and he didn't really have an appetite. One speech after another was held; first the groom's best man, then the bride's maid of honor, followed by the father of the bride. Mr. Allen Coombs delivered a humorous speech, filled with childhood stories of his daughter, a funny description of the first meeting with his future son-in-law, and a detailed manual of how to keep a marriage happy and long-lasting.
The dessert plates had just been cleared when Tony heard once again the chime of silver cutlery against crystal glass. He moaned inwardly, for there seemed to be no end. When he turned around he had to swallow; this time Michael stood up to say a few words as the groom's father. He told everybody how happy they had been when he and Angela had found out she was expecting. He still remembered holding his baby boy in his arms for the first time, and described his feeling of helplessness and devastation when he had realized that their little family was breaking apart. He apologized to Jonathan for not being there on many occasions and thanked Angela for having raised his son to the decent, amicable and sensitive man he had become.
"Thank you, Angela, for covering for me so many times." Michael threw his first wife a grateful glance and slightly bowed his head, then he continued, "Contrary to Haley's parents, I'm afraid Angela and I don't serve as the perfect example of a successful marriage, at least not with each other." He paused and some people were laughing. "But we have always been connected through our son and have remained friends after our divorce. The two of us, together with Heather, my wife, and Tyler, Angela's husband, want to welcome Haley to our family, and ..." The rest of his speech hadn't made it to Tony's conscience. Michael had lost him after he had uttered the words, 'Tyler, Angela's husband'. It had been the first time these words were voiced to Tony. Until then her marriage had only been a vague idea in his head, nothing real, nothing solid. Now that Michael had spoken it out loud, it had become a reality. A reality which wasn't easy to accept for Tony under normal circumstances, and even harder with Angela and Tyler smiling consenually at one another in the room.
Mona noticed Tony's reaction and gently squeezed his hand. "Unfamiliar view, huh, ... Angela being courted by two men simultaneously. And when I look into your face, Buddy, I'd rather make it three", she concluded.
"Does it show that much?" Tony asked. Mona had always been a confidante, especially in matters of the heart.
"She's not available anymore, Tony", Mona reminded him earnestly, "and as much as I always liked to tease her about the weird men she used to date - present company excepted", she winked, "Tyler is a real nice guy. Compared to that jerk of a first husband, this one is like a jackpot in the lottery." She looked at Tony compassionately, for she could see how painful her words were for him.
"They seem to be a happy couple", Tony noted tonelessly, and Mona didn't say any more than, "Hmmm." She didn't want to rub more salt into his wounds. Fact was that they were indeed happily married. It wasn't a crazy, all-consuming, passionate love they were sharing, Mona could tell, but Tyler was totally devoted to her daughter and their married life was harmonious and full of warmth. Tyler had given Angela a kind of stability and reliability, neither Michael, nor Tony had ever been able to give her, she conceded to her son-in-law, but she wished he would also be a bit more hot-blooded, adventurous and passionate, ... like Tony had been. Mona sighed. If this stubborn Italian macho had only been able to master his excessive male pride, the two of them could've had a perfect relationship. Even if she'd sympathized with Tyler in this case, whom she really liked, and who seemed to flourish at Angela's side.
The last part of the reception's official sequence was the wedding dance before the sociable get-together was about to begin. Jonathan and Haley entered the dance floor, and the band started to play a slow waltz. The young couple looked gorgeous, waltzing in a tight embrace and gazing lovingly into each other eyes. After a few moments of dancing alone, the newlyweds beckoned their parents over, so the dance floor was soon peopled with four dancing couples. Tony couldn't draw his attention away from Tyler and Angela; Mr. and Mrs. Rolland. He was a good dancer, that was the first thing Tony had checked out. His movements were fluid, he had a good sense of rhythm, and he was skilfully leading Angela across the dance floor. She followed his guidance smoothly, never loosing body contact or taking her eyes off his. Tony could see that they were a well-attuned pair, they obviously went dancing regularly. Just like they had done back then, because Angela loved to dance and Tony had known. Now he had to watch another man dancing with her. Tyler had placed his right hand low on Angela's back; very low, as low as only a husband was allowed to. With his left, he was pressing Angela's hand to his chest, pulling her close. They were silently talking to each other, smiling, and when Tyler had whispered something into Angela's ear, and Angela had laid her head on his shoulder afterwards, Tony could't stand it any more. He turned away and emptied his wine glass in one single gulp. Then he stared at the bottom of the glass, numbed by an overflowing feeling of regret.
"Why don't you talk to her, Tony?" Mona advised him. "I think she isn't even aware that you're here. You've watched her all day and haven't even said hello. I bet she thinks you haven't shown up. Come on, pull yourself together and stop torturing yourself", Mona encouraged him.
"You're right, Mona. Thank you. What do you think, how will she react upon seeing me?" Tony asked insecurely.
"I have no idea." And that was the truth. Nobody could foretell Angela's reaction to seeing her lost love again; the man she had loved more than any other man in her life, the man she had secretly desired for many years, then fiercely loved openly in their short-term relationship. The man she had wanted to marry, but who had gotten cold feet beforehand because of the social status and affluence of his fiancée.
"Hello, Angela", Tony's mouth was so dry he thought he'd suffocate, "good to see you. You look stunning in that dress!" He had always complimented her, it felt natural to do so right now too, despite all the years which have gone by without seeing each other. He had observed her every step since the wedding dance was over and had caught her in between two conversations with people he didn't know.
"Good to see you too, Tony." Angela sized him up from head to toe. "Well, a tux has always suited you." Her eyes smiled warmly at him but one could see that she was uneasy.
"It's been a while ...", he said.
"It sure has", she agreed.
Both looked at each other, not knowing what to say. The tension between them was palpable, but it wasn't anything like the electrifying, sparkling chemistry they used to have, it was rather awkward and uncomfortable. Then Tony couldn't stand it any longer.
"Oh come on, Angela, let's relax! We used to be so close, how come we can't even say hello to each other any more?"
"You're right", Angela agreed with him, "there's no reason for being so formal."
"A hug?" Tony felt uncertain but also odd, talking to her like she was some distant acquaintance. They had lived together for ten years, had been friends for a long time, a couple for almost two years, had shared their lives and ... a bed, and now they were standing in front of each other, afraid of saying or doing something wrong.
"Okay", Angela nodded in consent. Tony stepped up to her and took her in his arms. He was overwhelmed, it felt just like all these years ago. He remembered the sensation as if it had been last week that he had last held her; the same delicately built body, the same warm softness, the same intoxicating fragrance. He could've held her forever like this, which would've been absolutely inappropriate of course, so he pulled back.
"So, Jonathan's married now, hugh? Haley seems to be a nice girl", Tony tried to small-talk. "Shall we go outside?" he asked her. "It's beautiful outside, still quite warm."
"She's enchanting! And Jonathan is very lucky to have her", Angela said while following Tony outside on the patio. "They're going to move into our house, ... uh, ... I mean, ... Oak Hills Drive." 'Our house' had slipped out of her mouth accidentally, but she had always thought of it as their house, even after Tony had moved out.
"And you? Don't you live there anymore?"
"No, I ... uhm", Angela cleared her throat, "... Tyler and I have an apartment Downtown, on the Upper East Side. It's much more convenient, we both save so much time without having to commute from Connecticut into the City", Angela explained. Talking about her husband in front of Tony caused her some discomfort.
"Upper East Side, ... okay, ... What does he do for a living?" Tony wanted to know.
"He's managing the family's company, a manufacturer of medical devices; surgical instruments, syringes, and such."
Tony was intimidated from one second to the next. "Important stuff", he nodded appreciatively, "Successful business man, I suppose."
"Sort of." Angela knew this was Tony's blind side. Not that she had particularly looked for a successful business man, but fact was that Tyler was successful, very successful. For generations, his family belonged to the richest families in New England and his company was very profitable.
"So, ... you traded up, Angela. From an underpaid substitute teacher to a loaded company owner", Tony said sardonically.
"I beg your pardon?" Angela had expected some kind of remark from Tony, but that he would comment on Tyler's occupation so bitterly hadn't seemed possible to her. "You have no right to say that, Tony! You know exactly that it never bothered me that you were a teacher. I would've even taken you as a housekeeper. You were the one who couldn't cope with it, you were the one who broke up, not me. So don't you dare insult me with your superficial and absolutely inappropriate contemplations', she admonished him.
Tony startled upon her vehement reaction but knew she was right. "I'm deeply sorry! I apologize, Angela! You're right. I don't know what's gotten into me." He was trying to lock eyes with her, and when he had managed to do so he said, "I'm sorry!" with puppy eyes and a soothing voice, "Forgive me, please."
Eventually, Angela gave in. "Alright. Forgiven and forgotten", but she remained earnest.
Another moment of silence occurred, then Tony simply had to satisfy his curiosity. "Does he know, ... about us?" he asked.
"Yes."
"Everything?"
"What do you mean with 'everything'? He's my husband, I don't keep any secrets from him. He knows that I hired you as my housekeeper, that we became friends, that we fell in love with each other but fought against our feelings for many years, and that when we finally admitted that we loved each other it didn't even last two years. He knows that it broke my heart when you moved out, ..." She didn't spare him any of the pain he had put her through.
Tony looked to the ground. He knew that he had broken her heart, but his had been broken as well. They had been victims of the circumstances he hadn't been able to stand at the time. It had been a mistake, he knew that now. He had given in too early, hadn't tried to convince his male ego that it didn't matter that she made more money than him. He hadn't listened to what she had said, that she had valued his work to be important, that she had been proud of him, that she had admired him and his stamina on his way through college. He had only seen that the numbers on her bank account statement had been significantly higher than on his. He had been an ignorant idiot!
"Angela, I was a jerk! I know that now! I can't believe that I let my stupid male pride decide what to do. Leaving you was the mistake of my life. If I could turn back time, I'd ..."
"Tony! Stop it", Angela cut in. She closed her eyes, inhaled deeply, and put her hand up to silence him. Tony's words had upset her.
"I only want to apologize, Angela."
"What for? It doesn't change anything. So much time has passed since then, Tony. We've both moved on, there's no use in going back." Angela sounded disillusioned and bitter.
Moved on? Tony wished he had. She sure had. She was married, had a new life. A life in which he didn't play a role whatsoever. He for his part hadn't been in a single serious relationship since he had left 3344 Oak Hills Drive. He had been together with women but he had never given his heart away again. In his eyes, no other woman had been able to hold a candle to Angela, so none of his acquaintances ever had a chance to take her place. His solitude felt like a punishment to Tony, as if life wanted to show him time and again that he and only he had to be blamed for being lonely now.
"I want you to know that it was all my fault. I ruined everything with my selfish needs. I hurt you, and that makes me sick. You were the last person on this planet I wanted to hurt. I want you to know that I'm sorry", he tried to explain.
"I appreciate that", Angela's eyes were filling with tears now. She slowly shook her head, intertwined her fingers and swallowed hard. With a thin voice she said, "Too bad you weren't aware of all that back then, Tony. We could've made it, ... it's too late now."
"It is, isn't it?" He had still been having this vague hope although he knew that she would never betray her marriage vow. Maybe her marriage wasn't so happy after all? Maybe her husband wasn't such a great guy? Maybe she hadn't been able to forget him? These had been the torturing questions floating through his head ever since Sam had first mentioned that she was engaged to be married.
"It is, Tony! I am married." Three little words which described reality brutally in all its significance and made Tony's hopes burst like a balloon which had been inflated too much.
"Do you love him?" Tony asked.
"Yes, I do", Angela replied honestly, looking him straight in the eye to show him she meant what she said, "although it took me a long time to trust my feelings. This love is different from the crazy, unpredictable relationship we had. It's a calm, stable, and reliable love, Tony. It gives me security and a reason to get up every morning, looking forward to the day ahead of me. I haven't had that without Tyler."
"Is he good to you?"
"Yes", Angela nodded, "very good. Ever since he came into my life, he tried to make me happy. When I first met him I wasn't ready for a new relationship, and he was so patient with me. He gave me the time I needed and he helped me to heal. It must have been difficult for him to see me bemoaning the loss of my relationship to another man, but he swallowed his pride and waited." Tony cringed. So Tyler had been able to master his pride for the woman he loved and he hadn't. "He loves me, Tony, without any conditions or restraints. He loves me although he knows that I will never be able to give him 100 percent of my heart, that there is this part of my heart, deep down, that belongs to another man."
"You still have feelings for me?" Tony could hardly believe it. Maybe there still was hope?
"Of course I do. What we had was very special, Tony. I never felt closer to anybody than you, ... up to this day. For that reason it was so hard to get over it once I lost you. Maybe I would've never gotten over it, if it hadn't been for Tyler."
"Do you think we can be friends again? Now? It wasn't possible then, but maybe it is now?" Tony looked at her questioningly, "I miss you. I never met anyone I could think of sharing my life with again. It would heal my wounds, if I could at least see you from time to time", he told her with sad eyes.
Angela swallowed. It was a tempting idea. She missed him too, if not necessarily his love anymore, but his companionship. They had been soul mates, and she wished she could rely on him as a friend again, sharing her thoughts with him, asking him for advice, or just spending a fun afternoon with him.
"I don't think it would be a good idea, Tony", she said only very reluctantly.
"Why not?"
"Because, ..." Angela inhaled deeply. It was painful to say what she had to tell him, but it was necessary; necessary for her as well as for him, "Because it wouldn't work, Tony. We can't be friends anymore, I mean just friends. Part of me still loves you and always will, I guess, so trying to be your friend would be like dancing on a tight rope. And I know for sure that I would fall off, and I couldn't do that to Tyler. He doesn't deserve to be treated like that, he deserves my gratitude and my loyalty."
"Sure he does. And I don't deserve anything", Tony concluded disenchanted. He could see that it wasn't easy for Angela either. She didn't want to punish him or get him back for his mistakes, but acted out of sheer self-defense. They had reached a dead end in their relationship, and there was no way out. At least not at that very moment.
"So, ... you're happy", Tony concluded.
"Very." Angela whispered. 'I would've been happy with you too', part of her wanted to scream, but her self-discipline made her keep these words to herself.
"That's good, Angela", Tony assured her, "I want you to be happy, and if me staying away from you is going to help you being happy, then I'm willing to do that." Although these words were very difficult for him, he meant every single one of it. Before this day, before he had found out that she was indeed happily married, he had always been thinking that trying to fix things between them would not only be in his own interest but in hers as well. They hadn't separated because they didn't love each other any more. He had somehow pictured her in the same vicious circle as he had been in all those years; feeling lonely on the one hand, but incapable of giving one's heart to someone else on the other. Angela, other than he, seemed to have found someone who managed to break that cycle, and he would be the last person to make her life complicated and difficult again.
"Thank you", Angela said gratefully.
Angela and Tony's conversation and their embrace hadn't gone unnoticed by the tall, dark-haired man with the grey temples. He was standing behind a pillar and held his breath. He couldn't overhear what they were saying, and he didn't need to. He knew who this man was. Angela had told him about him. He had been the reason for her to hesitate so long until she had finally allowed herself to be in a relationship with him. It had taken Tyler Rolland countless of dates, cautiously dancing around his admiration for her, until she had let him kiss her goodnight for the first time. Followed by months of ongoing back and forth, of moving two steps ahead, then again three steps backwards in their relationship. There had been moments, he thought she was opening up to him, letting him love her the way she deserved, often followed instantly by moments of repudiation and keeping him at arm's length again. If he hadn't been such a sensitive and empathetic man, madly in love with this woman, he would've either scared her away with being too pushy, or sent her to hell because of the insuperable wall she had built around her heart.
For Tyler it had been love at first sight, for her it had been a long struggle, ... just because of him. Finally there was a face he could connect with the name; Tony, Tony Micelli. He had made his peace with this name only after she had become his wife. He remembered the night he had proposed to her. He had been dating her for half a year until they had first kissed, it had taken another three months until he was allowed to call her his girlfriend, and another three until he had been able to convince her to stay overnight at his City penthouse; but still, he hadn't felt very secure about his relationship to her. It had been like walking on thin ice with every move he made and every word he said. Tyler hadn't been able to stand the uncertainty anymore after a year of holding back, of pulling away, of being patient; he just couldn't bottle up his yearning for Angela any more. He hadn't been very confident that she would say yes, but the tiny velvety box with the diamond ring had been stinging into his chest through the breast pocket of his dinner jacket like a rusty nail all night, so he had undertaken the unpromising endeavor. He had driven her home after a romantic dinner, she had already opened the passenger's door and had leaned over to place a hasty goodnight kiss on his cheek, when he had asked her to close that door once again.
"Angela, I've got something on my mind", he had started.
"What is it?" she had asked, absolutely clueless about what was going to come.
"This." He had pulled the little box out of its secret hiding place and had handed it to her. Angela had taken it out of his hands and had stared at it, not able to meet his eyes. "Open it", he had encouraged her. Her sight had fallen on a white gold ring with two diamonds, sitting on a silky blue little cushion. It had taken her breath away. She hadn't anticipated a marriage proposal at all and had been completely taken off guard. She hadn't been able to keep herself from thinking back to Tony's unsuccessful first proposal and her own kneeling in front of him. Thinking back to the marriage proposals of her life hadn't exactly filled her with joy; her first marriage hadn't lasted, her second had never become a reality. Angela hadn't been able to utter a single word, she had just gazed at the box in her hand, leaving the man in the driver's seat absolutely clueless about what was going on in her mind. Therefore Tyler had felt the need to explain his surprising action, for the last thing he had wanted to happen was her withdrawing from him because of his love-stricken pushiness.
"Angela, I'm crazy about you, I think you know that. I've never met a woman like you. Of all the women I dated before, there never was one I wanted to marry. You are the first I want to share the rest of my life with." He nervously stroked his hair. "For an entire year, I settled myself with what you were willing to give me. You can't charge me with not giving you time. And I'm still willing to wait for you because I love you beyond measures, but I need you to know that my intentions are serious and honorable. I know someone else made you lose your faith in love, but I hope that one day you'll be able to trust a man once again. And when you are, I want to be that man!"
His words had hit its target. Albeit imperceptible by Tyler they had made their way directly to Angela's heart. In this decisive moment of his life, his empathy had deserted him for the first time. He hadn't seen the effect his words were having on his beloved, so he had continued babbling in a desperate attempt to calm the waves. "I don't care whether you want a big wedding or a small, I don't don't care whether you need another year to make a decision, I don't care-"
"Small", Angela had interrupted his splutter.
"What?" Tyler hadn't understood right away, "What did you say?"
"Small. I ... would like to have a small wedding", Angela had announced, still only staring on the engagement ring in her hands. Everything had been evident to her all of a sudden. She had realized that this was the moment to close one book and to open the next. She had understood and accepted that Tony belonged to her past and that Tyler was to be her future. She had been having feelings for him, yes, but if they had been love, it had felt so different compared to the previous great loves of her life. She hadn't been sure, not until this very moment, whether she would ever be able to give her heart to a man other than Tony. Tyler's unselfish approach, his willingness to do this her way, and his loving patience had been the fertile soil for the delicate little plant of her affection for him. This delicate plant had grown into a healthy small flower by now, and it might even flourish with abundant blossoms some day in the future. To Angela's complete surprise, she had been more confident about being in a relationship with Tyler after his open words than she had ever expected. And she had decided to go with her gut, to rely on what she was feeling in this very situation, so she had accepted his proposal. No more over-analyzing when it comes to love; she had learned that from Tony.
"You do?" Tyler hadn't almost believed his ears. "Anything you want, Love!" He had taken the box out of Angela's hand, had stuck the ring on her finger, had leaned in and had shared the most tender kiss with her. "You've just made me the happiest man on earth, Angela, and I promise I'll make you happy, too!"
And he had kept his promise, he had made her happy. More than that; he had given her back her self-esteem and self-security. Angela had begun to doubt herself; why had all the men she loved most left her because of her professional career? What was wrong with being successful, she had asked herself. Michael hadn't approved her ambition, Tony hadn't been able to tolerate that she made more money, and many men hadn't even dated her because they were intimidated by her success. Tyler seemed to be the first man who was able to see just her, Angela Bower, and not the business woman in her, the founder of The Bower Agency. Maybe because he himself came from an affluent, entrepreneurial family, being used to hard-working and financially independent women. If she hadn't been successfully running her own business, they wouldn't have met in the first place. Actually, that applied to Tony too. If Angela had been a traditional housewife, taking care of the household and kids, she wouldn't have been in need of a live-in housekeeper and nanny when she had hired him.
Tyler had first met Angela in his own conference room. The Bower Agency had been one of three advertising agencies to pitch for the assignment of a new marketing and sales strategy for his company. She had entered the room with her briefcase in hand, and it had been all over for him instantly. He had stared at her, had hung on her every word, and had hardly been able to follow her deliberations. Luckily, the decision for an advertising agency hadn't been Tyler's to make but his brother's, who was Head of Marketing and Sales at the time. He would have hired her right away just to be able to see her again. Not very professional, he had been aware of that, but he had never been struck like this before. The feeling had been purely one-sided, he could tell. Ms. Angela Bower was polite, formal, and concentrated on business only. When his brother had proposed The Bower Agency, based only on the hard facts of course, Tyler's heartbeat had accelerated. Ironically, working together had served as a perfect pretense for Angela to keep him at a distance. "I've always been successful with my rule of keeping private and business matters apart, Mr. Rolland", she had told him in a friendly but resolute way. 'Well, almost always', had flashed through her mind, but she had kept that for herself. Only when Tyler had threatened to walk and look for another agency, she had given in and agreed to a dinner invitation. A few weeks later, she had handed the account over to one of her vice presidents and had started to meet him privately on a regular basis. That had been the first chapter of their romance; the first of many, many long chapters.
Tyler scrutinized the man who was talking to his wife. He had asked himself many times how he could've been so stupid to leave Angela. But of course he was happy that he had, for if he hadn't, he himself would've never had a shot at her, Tyler knew, and it made him feel threatened by this man's presence. He still had an influence on Angela, Tyler could read it from her demeanor. Why had he come to Jonathan's wedding in the first place? Only to celebrate with his surrogate son, or to win back his ex-girlfriend as well? Tyler didn't feel so secure about his relationship to Angela after all. He knew she was a loving and loyal wife, but he also knew that this man had left a scar on her heart which he hadn't been able to heal completely. She had never totally fallen out of love with him. Sure, he had been invited by Jonathan, his now step-son, but still, this man hadn't engaged Angela in a long and serious conversation only to say hello after many years of silence.
Observing them hadn't been Tyler's plan; he had looked for Angela to ask her for a dance, then he had spotted her through one of the huge glass doors, standing outside on the patio, ... with him. He was a good-looking man, Tyler had to admit. A bit shorter than he was, but also about five or six years younger probably. He seemed to be in good shape, he had broad shoulders, full hair, and he could guess a veritable six-pack under that dress shirt. But what irritated Tyler more than this man's physique were his eyes; they were looking beseechingly at Angela, with a lot of affection and resoluteness. He wanted to have her back, that much was clear! Had Angela really emancipated herself from him? Was he only her rebound guy until her true love came back? ... No, no he wasn't! 'Angela loves me and I love her', Tyler repeatedly told himself like a mantra. It hadn't been easy for him to win her heart because this man had occupied it, but once he had, she had been his and only his. ... Had she really? Had she ever been only his?
Tyler cussed this man, for he had always been like an invisible third party in his marriage. He remembered the day he had learned about the unique relationship the woman of his dreams had been in before he had met her. It had been the night he had stolen his first kiss from her. He had brought her home to her Connecticut house after a wonderful date - well, he had called it a date, she hadn't. He had been standing behind her in front of her door and had watched her searching through her purse for the key. She had looked so enticing when she turned around to say goodnight, so he had surrendered to his desire to kiss her and had brushed his lips onto hers without prior warning. First, Angela hadn't reciprocated at all. She had only stared at him because of his surprising move. Tyler had silently chided himself and had apologized overzealously for his pushiness.
"It's okay, Tyler", Angela had reassured him eventually, "I enjoyed it. The kiss, I mean", and had smiled shyly at him.
"You did? Mind if I kissed you again?"
Angela had shaken her head and they had shared another kiss; a real kiss, and this time Angela had reciprocated. She had let Tyler take her in his arms, had put her arms around his waist, and had indulged into the sweet caress he had been offering her. Her signals had misled Tyler to become more forceful. His kisses had been demanding and consuming all of a sudden, he had pressed Angela to the door, and his hands had started travelling down her back; a perfectly normal reaction from a man who had been suppressing his desire for the woman he adored for months, but way too fast for the woman who hadn't healed from the failure of her previous relationship yet. Because with her back pressed to her front door there hadn't been a way for her to escape the situation, she had laid her hands on his chest and had pushed him away; gently, but insistently.
It hadn't been the first time that she had led him come close first and had pushed him away the very next second, as if she had taken fright at her own courage. "What's the matter? Why are you so hesitant, Angela? You said you liked the kiss", Tyler had tried to defend himself.
"It's not your fault", she had answered despondently, "it's me. I'm the problem here." She had turned around and had sat down on the little bench next to the front door, crestfallen and embarrassed.
"Let me understand what your problem is", Tyler had encouraged her empathetically.
So she had told him the entire story; from day one, when Tony had stood in her door frame with an insecure smile on his face, applying for the job as a housekeeper, until the last day, when he had stood at the very same spot, a cardboard box with his last belongings in his arms and a contrite expression on his face. Most parts of the story had been the usual stuff, like the slow growth of love between a man and a woman, the passion once they had told each other that they were in love, the pain upon breaking up, and the long process of healing. Other parts of her story had made Tyler raise his eyebrows and stare at her in bewilderment, for example that she had hired a male live-in housekeeper, that she had danced around the man of her dreams for seven long years, and last but not least, that their relationship had failed because of different income levels. He was a sensitive man, able to empathise with Angela and her suffering from a lost love. He had understood that she needed time before she could get involved with someone else again, and he had been willing to give her the time. He hadn't known then how much more time she would be asking for and how much his patience would be put to a test. If he had, he might have considered it to be a mission without a reasonable chance, but he had hung in and it had paid off the night he had proposed to her.
Tyler's flashbacks upon seeing Angela, the woman he had fought for for so long, talking to her previous lover made him evermore uncomfortable. He wasn't willing to hand her over so easily, he was willing to fight once again, so he pushed open one of the huge glass doors to join them on the patio. He just caught the last snatches of their conversation.
"... always treasure our time", his rival had just said.
"So will I, Tony. We had a wonderful time but fact is, ..." Angela stopped in the middle of the sentence because she noticed that Tony's eyes were looking at something behind her. She turned around and saw Tyler approaching them. She could tell from the expression of his face that he was tense, and of course she was well aware what about.
"Here you are, Angela", he said, "I was looking for you. I promised you a slow dance and I wanted to deliver on my promise", he explained his intrusion.
Angela's pulse skyrocketed instantly. Not out of a bad conscience because she had been talking to Tony - there was no reason to have a bad conscience whatsoever - but because the imagination of this very situation had always been haunting her; Tony and Tyler meeting each other for the first time. The only man missing was Michael, and the troika of essential men in her life would have been complete.
"Tyler, ... uhm, I want you to meet someone. This is Tony Micelli, my uhm, ... well, you know. ... Tony, this is Tyler, my husband", she introduced them. They looked at each other, both obviously uncomfortable with the situation.
"Nice to meet you, Mr. Rolland", Tony said overly formal.
Tyler offered Tony a handshake, "Call me Tyler, please. Nice to finally meet you, too." Tony felt to be at a disadvantage because he didn't know anything about Tyler's relationship to Angela whereas Tyler knew everything about his relationship to her. The two men forced a smile at each other. There was a short awkward silence, then Tyler took the initiative, "How long haven't the two of you seen each other?"
"Uhm, five years. Last time was at my grandson's baptism. Well, he's Angela's grandson as well, ... sort of", Tony knew that his grandchildren called Angela 'Nana', so calling Marius his instead of our grandson had been neglecting that fact. But he felt uneasy emphasising their quasi familial connection in front of her husband.
"Your grandchildren are adorable, Tony. I bet you have a lot of fun with them. I wished I had children and grandchildren, but because I met the woman of my dreams rather late in my life", he glanced at Angela, "it wasn't meant to be. When Haley and Jonathan have children one day, it will be as close as I can get to grandchildren of my own. And you, my Love", he once again threw Angela a loving look, "will be the most beautiful grandmother there is." Tyler knew he was acting like an attacked alpha male in the jungle, claiming his territory so blatantly. He was a few inches taller than Tony, so he even was in the position to look down on him. He tried to ease the tension a bit with changing to a less sensitive topic than the complicated family structure they all were a part of, "Are you staying overnight here at the hotel, Tony?"
"No. I'll be driving home tonight", he answered, thinking, 'I bet he's happy to hear that.'
"Which is where?"
"Montclair, New Jersey."
"Well, quite a ride. Are you sure you want to drive tonight? I overheard the concierge earlier, saying that there are still rooms available."
"Thanks for asking, Tyler, but I have to attend a conference tomorrow at noon, so I'd rather get home tonight", Tony explained. It was the truth, he had confirmed his attendance at this conference, but he could also easily cancel again if he wanted to. But the outcome of his conversation with Angela left no reason for him to stay.
"What do you do for a living?" Tyler really didn't know. Angela had told him that he had a teaching degree and had been a substitute history teacher when he broke up with her, but they had never talked about what he was doing right now. Actually, they had never talked about him again after she had told him their entire story the night of their first kiss.
"I'm Dean of Montclair College."
Angela, who had only been watching the two men duelling with each other with words until then, exclaimed delightedly, "You've become Dean, Tony? Really? That's great! Why haven't you told me? Congratulations! I always knew you had it in you." In an overwhelming delirium of joy she hugged Tony without thinking, almost forgetting that her husband was standing right next to her. She was very happy that Tony had finally been able to reach a point in his career he had always aspired for. Angela had always given him credit for it, only he hadn't done so himself, but had broken up with her because of a feeling of inadequacy instead. Life could be so cynical.
Tony didn't reciprocate Angela's embrace the way he would've liked to, he only slightly patted her back with one hand. He was surprised and a bit embarrassed by her sudden ebullience. She had been rather controlled and distant during their previous conversation. He pulled back and said, "Without you pushing me through college, it would've never been possible. I owe it all to you, Angela." This was his territory, and he made sure to claim it too; the history he shared with her, the things they had done together at a time when Tyler Rolland hadn't played a role in Angela's life whatsoever. Like his counterpart, Tony was absolutely aware that his reaction was silly and childish, and he pictured Tyler and himself opposing each other eyeball to eyeball in a real duel, fighting for the woman they both adored.
Angela started shivering. It was a mild spring evening, but she was dressed in a thin gown and had left the shawl inside. "Sorry guys, I'm a bit cold. Can we go back inside?"
"Sure, Sweetheart. We could catch up on that slow dance if you like", Tyler tried to take advantage of the situation.
"I'd rather stay outside for a bit more, but you two go ahead." Tony didn't want to go back to the laughter and the cheerful atmosphere inside. He wasn't in the mood for small talk anymore. "We're through anyway, aren't we, Angela?"
Angela nodded, bit her lower lip and answered, "Yes, I guess we are."
"Take care, will ya?"
She didn't know how to answer him. She couldn't believe that this was supposed to be the end. As much as she had told him earlier that their time was over, that what they had belonged to the past, banishing him from her life for good was the hardest thing to do. "You too", was all she managed to say. And then she had let go of Tyler's hand, who had already been wanting to drag her inside, had flung her arms around Tony's neck and had whispered into his ear, "Goodbye, my friend." Pulling back, she had even fluttered a kiss on his cheek, so quickly that it remained unnoticed by her husband but left a burning sensation on Tony's skin.
Another short glance into each other eyes, then Angela turned around, took the hand Tyler was still holding out to her, and went inside, leaving Tony alone on the patio. For a short moment he stared after them, hearing the sounds of the merry celebration inside through the huge slowly self-closing glass doors. As soon as they were completely shut, it was dead silent on the patio; an ambiance which perfectly related to Tony's current frame of mind. He turned his back towards the celebrating group of people inside and watched into the dark night. He pictured a falling star and refused to wish for Angela to come back to him. She had asked him to let her lead her life, and he was willing to do just that. Maybe something good would come out of this painful evening after all, and that would be the start of a life of his own. Maybe now that he knew that Angela had moved onwards without him he could do just the same? It seemed as if he had needed that slap into his face to be able to stop looking backwards, regretting the mistakes of the past, but to start looking ahead into his future. Tony suddenly felt confident that he would also find someone to share the rest of his life with. He wasn't expecting another great love, though. He had already had it twice; first Marie, his childhood sweetheart, then Angela, his adulthood romance. It would've been too much to ask for a third chance. But he would be looking for a woman he could love and cherish, and who would love and cherish him in return. There had to be someone out there he could grow old with, someone who might also have lovers past to cope with. And if he had found that woman, there probably was a way to rebuild his friendship to Angela again. If they were both solidly rooted in their respective happy relationships, resuming their friendship would be innocuous and unperilous. If that wasn't a silver lining to hold onto!
Tony sighed in relief. He felt the cold fist, which had been clutching his heart tightly for so long, slowly loosening its grip. He had been in a stage like this already once in his life; after Marie's death. He had buried himself in his grief for months until he had been able to open up to the outside world again. Samantha had kept him among the living. She had been a little girl in need of a Dad who showed her life was beautiful and promising. This time he had to pull himself out of the swamp by his own hair. Angela had helped him by showing him so brutally that she had been able to go on with her life without him. If she could do it, he should also be able to lead his life without her.
Without her? Seriously? Well, he still had to find out whether it was really possible, but he would try at least. With a good portion of self-confidence and optimism Tony went back in to get his jacket. He was through with the event and wanted to drive home. He said goodbye to Mona who gently squeezed him and released him with the words, "Go and get yourself a good girl, Tone. And let me know how you're doing from time to time. I won't be around here for ever!" She had turned eighty last year, and although she didn't feel like it all, she didn't neglect the fact that her life was drawing to a close. Sam kissed her father on the cheek and Adrian patted his shoulder. They would be meeting soon for Zoe's eight's birthday. Last but not least, he paid Jonathan and Haley his respects and wished them a long, happy marriage. Parting, he said, "Whenever you need advice on how to spoil a child rotten and still raise it to become a decent person, call me, Son! Will you?"
Jonathan nodded and gave him a bear hug. "Thanks for coming today, Tony. I know it wasn't easy for you, but I'm so glad you came. I never liked it when people called you my 'surrogate dad', you were always more than a surrogate. You know that, don't you? I'd love to have my children call you 'Grandpa' just like Sam's children call Mom 'Nana', if it was okay with you."
"I'd be delighted to be their grandfather, Jonathan! You've just made my day, Pal, thanks. Congratulations to you two once again. Enjoy your honeymoon and when you're back, we can get in touch again through Sam. Take care."
On his way out, Tony spotted Angela and Tyler dancing from the corner of his eye. He couldn't help but looking at them once again. They weren't aware of being observed by him and acted very naturally with one another, like any other married couple; smiling at each other, looking into each other's eyes, whispering into the other's ear. One more stab into his heart, then he broke away from the sight and inhaled deeply. If Tony had heard what Angela and Tyler were talking about, he would have known that it was as difficult for her to imagine her life without him as it was for him to imagine his without her. He would have learned that deep down she also hoped that they would be meeting again some day in the future. Like him, she wished for nothing more but to regain her friendship to her former best friend and soul mate. But it was better like this. The knowledge of all of Angela's contemplations would have weakened Tony's freshly attained will power to emancipate himself from her. So, ignorant of the mutual yearning for each other's friendship, he had broken the spell with looking away. He loosened his bow tie and left the place with a bittersweet aftertaste in his mouth. Bitter, for his attempt to turn back time hadn't been successful, and sweet, for he found himself standing at the starting line of something new.
And there was one thing he was absolutely certain about - the story of Angela and Tony wasn't finished yet.