Walking in the Wind

by hmweasley

Tamaki gets accepted into university in France, and Haruhi is forced to deal with him living halfway across the world.

A/N: This is written to take place after the anime. It won't fit with what happens in the manga.

"Goodbyes are bittersweet,
But it's not the end.
I'll see your face again."

– "Walking in the Wind" by One Direction

Ouran was at its most regal during the winter. Sure, it was beautiful in the spring, summer, and autumn too, but there was something about the building itself in the winter, not surrounded by signs of carefully controlled plant life, that Haruhi loved. It looked severe. She was glad that she had begun school during the spring. Otherwise, she might have been too intimidated to enter.

For many, winter was a slower time meant to be spent indoors with those you loved most. Haruhi had never longed for that more than she did this winter, the reality of the coming spring weighing on her mind.

Tamaki would tell anyone who would listen about how he had gotten accepted into a university in France, about how he was moving there as soon as he graduated, about how he'd see his mother for the first time since he was a middle school student.

Haruhi was happy for him. Really, she was. But she was sad for herself.

"Haruhi," Hikaru and Kaoru called.

Haruhi rolled her eyes as they saddled up to either side of her. The twins' behavior had ceased to truly annoy her over the past two years, but this was not a time when she wanted them in her face in that uncomfortable way they liked to talk to her at times.

"You're looking particularly melancholy," Hikaru informed her.

"Yeah, this is something beyond your usual stoic features."

Haruhi couldn't keep her eyes from flickering towards Tamaki, who was busy talking to a group of excited guests.

"Ah, yes." Hikaru wiped a false tear from his eye, faking an emotional reaction to a romantic scene he saw in his head. He was far too good at mimicking their customers. "I'm sure this sadness has nothing to do with the way the boss has been talking about France any chance he gets."

Kaoru was quick to smirk, not bothering with the fake emotions of Hikaru.

"The best university in France," he said, echoing words that Tamaki had said a million times that morning. "So close to his mother. It really is like everything's falling into place."

"What the hell are you two trying to accomplish?" Haruhi snapped.

She felt tears stinging at her eyes, and she was determined not to reveal them in front of the other Host Club members, let alone the customers. Besides, this was unusual for the twins. They were always the ones most likely to poke fun, but rarely did they provoke tears. They certainly never set out to make Haruhi, of all people, cry.

But they only shrugged in answer to her question, sharing a glance that indicated that they didn't know why they were attempting to provoke her. She didn't buy it. They were hiding a motive as they always did.

Haruhi wanted nothing to do with the twins' games at the moment. Maybe they were trying to cheer her up in a strange way, or maybe their motives were different. Either way, she wasn't playing along. She ambled around the fringes of the music room, not wanting to capture a customer's attention. More than a few of her regulars would take sympathy on her and begin to coo and fuss, which wouldn't make her feel better.

She didn't see Kyoya until he spoke, causing her to jump into the air.

"He doesn't leave for a couple of months, you know?"

Haruhi glared and continued to walk away. She was done with club business. They could deal without her for the rest of the day; see if she cared. Haruhi was close to walking out of the music room altogether and going to find someplace to sulk when a hand touched her elbow.

Jumping once again, Haruhi twirled around, bringing a hand up to cover her heart, which felt like it had exploded out of her chest.

"Tamaki-senpai!" she yelled once she was face-to-face with the older blonde-haired boy.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Tamaki repeated, waving his hands around in front of himself as if that would do anything to help the matter. "I truly am sorry, Haruhi. I didn't mean to startle you."

Haruhi sighed, but she didn't soften her glare, no matter how much Tamaki pouted at her in sorrow. This was a common refrain. Truthfully, Haruhi found it difficult to stay angry at Tamaki for long. Frustrated? She was always frustrated with her fellow Host Club members. That was a given. She'd adjusted to the perpetual feeling of frustration over the past year and a half. It wasn't anything serious, yet Tamaki always reacted as if this one time was finally when Haruhi would abandon him forever.

Even after a year and a half of friendship. Even after months of dating. It never changed.

"It's fine," Haruhi replied. "I'm fine."

Tamaki stopped pouting, but instead, he began to look at her with concern, his forehead creasing. He knew something was wrong, and this perception was different from his earlier worrying.

There was a moment of silence. Haruhi didn't know what the other club members or the customers were doing. All she saw was Tamaki looking at her, examining her with a far greater intensity than she felt comfortable with. Her eyes looked anywhere but at Tamaki, yet she couldn't see anything but him out of the corner of her eye.

"Come with me," he urged, holding his hand out to her. It was over dramatic, even if he'd asked a simple question. Still, Haruhi couldn't say no to him. If she did, it would confirm that something was wrong.

So she took his hand and followed him as he led her out of the music room. The hallway outside was suspiciously quiet, with not one student in sight. Haruhi cursed under her breath, wishing a few would walk by and help her feel less like Tamaki's sole focus. Her stomach wouldn't stop churning.

"What's actually wrong, Haruhi?"

"I already told you. I'm fine."

Tamaki was quiet, but his eyes continued to hold hers captive and wouldn't let go. Haruhi knew she wasn't going to get away without revealing what was wrong, but that wasn't going to stop her from trying.

"Is this about France?"

Haruhi, whose eyes had been angled towards the floor, snapped her head up to look at Tamaki, frozen in place. It confirmed everything that Tamaki had been thinking, and Haruhi felt her walls crumble.

"Of course it's about France," she whispered. "What else could it be about?"

Tamaki didn't answer her question.

"Are you reconsidering what you said before?" Tamaki asked.

Haruhi frowned.

"About us breaking up when you leave? No. I'm not reconsidering that. I agree that it would be a bad idea to stay together when we're on different continents. It's...a bad idea. I know that, and I'm not reconsidering. I just… It's upsetting, Tamaki. Of course it is."

She hadn't been expecting him to smile. It was a sad smile, but it was a smile. Haruhi didn't know how to react.

Tamaki took a step closer and reached out to take both of her hands in his. Haruhi took a deep breath, preparing herself for what was guaranteed to happen. She wasn't going to get out of opening up to Tamaki and letting him know how she felt. It wasn't like he didn't already know.

They stood there watching each other for a moment. It felt significant though it was no different than countless other moments they had shared. Takami reached out to brush her hair away from her face. It was getting a little too long to stay out of her eyes.

"We'll always have each other," he told her. There wasn't an ounce of doubt. "Some way or another, we'll always be there. I have faith in that, Haruhi. If I doubted that it would be true, I don't know that I would be going."

Haruhi wanted to protest. He was going to France for his mother. He couldn't change that on her account; she never would have let him. It didn't matter how she felt. She'd feel worse if she let him do something like that.

"You're going to France," she said. "That's not up for debate. Just give me the space to be upset about it."

Tamaki watched her for a moment before nodding. He stepped forward to place a quick kiss on her forehead, and he didn't back away as he spoke, keeping her close to him.

"Would you like to go home for the day? Take some time? Your customers will feel so sympathetic that Kyoya can't complain that it's a bad business move."

Despite her sadness and the fleeting thought that it didn't matter if it was bad for business as the 'business' would be ending in a few months, Haruhi found herself smiling.

"I think that would be a good idea," she admitted.

She'd not once missed her Host Club duties. Partially because that was what was required if she was going to pay off her debt, but over time, it had also become a personal commitment. Haruhi didn't back out on her commitments, and somehow, at some point in time, the Host Club had become at least as important as school.

But that day she couldn't do it.

XXX

Spring came again, bringing with it the usual colors and signs of life that many valued. The Ouran campus transformed to the softer beauty that was welcoming to students both new and old. Haruhi tried to absorb it and lift her spirits, but it was difficult.

On her first day at Ouran two years ago, Haruhi had been driven by nothing but academics, wanting to find her way to her classes and study as much as possible even though it was only the first day. Last year, her first day had been remarkably different, filled with resuming Host Club duties.

This year it was different once again. She didn't have Host Club duties to return to because there was no more Host Club. While Honey and Mori leaving the year before had been difficult to take, it hadn't been like Tamaki and Kyoya's departure, which left the club nonexistent. They couldn't have functioned without their president and vice president. Haruhi and the twins never would have tried. They weren't foolish, no matter how much some of the former customers begged.

For the most part, Haruhi could pretend it was just another day at Ouran. The twins were the only members she had frequently seen during the school day itself, and they were still there. It was only after school when the club's absence made itself known in a way that wasn't capable of being ignored.

Haruhi found herself in one of the school's expansive libraries, a place that she hadn't spent much time in during the previous two years. Not since she gave up on them and set off on the journey that would take her to that godforsaken music room. The same music room that she was missing desperately. With a sigh, she struggled to focus on her schoolwork. There was plenty to do, especially with it being her last year. University was on everyone's minds, and Haruhi couldn't afford to slack off.

Focus, focus, she thought to herself as she stared down at her books, her notes, everything she had with her. But she couldn't focus. Not really. This was one thing that she'd get better at with time. She'd become used to the routine of studying in the library instead of going to club meetings, but she wasn't there yet. There was no option to snap her fingers and magically be used to this routine, and she was close to giving up on studying . At least in the Ouran library. Maybe if she went home she could trick herself into believing that it was one of her typical late night study sessions after a grueling day of Host Club activities. Maybe.

She tried it over the next several weeks. It didn't work. Suddenly, she was coming home hours before her father left for his shift at work, and while one would think that a quiet house where its only other occupant was sleeping would be an ideal study situation, Haruhi found herself distracted by her father's presence. Sometimes he snored, which was irritating, but more than that, whenever he did get up, he always appeared sympathetic when he saw Haruhi there. She couldn't stand it.

By the third week of school, Haruhi had found the one place where she could study successfully: the music room.

It was strange when she bothered to think about it. Here she was in the same place she'd spent all of her other days after school, but she was alone there. Nothing was the same, yet Haruhi found herself comforted by the room around her and was able to complete her work.

That was, until the twins showed up and became a nuisance.

No one came to this music room now that the Host Club had disbanded. There was no reason too. So when the doors flew open, Haruhi was startled, but she'd put two and two together to realize it was the twins before she caught sight of them. No one else would have been that dramatic about it. That had been an attempt to startle her.

"Interesting choice," was all Hikaru said as they entered, looking around to see if the place had changed since they were last there, which hadn't been since the last school year.

"But a bit morbid," Kaoru finished Hikaru's thought.

"One would think the library would be a better choice."

"Anywhere but this place."

"This room isn't for studying."

There was a pause as Haruhi tried to focus on her work despite the twins' presence, and the twins came further into the room, intent on bothering her. Haruhi's eyes remained on the textbook in front of her, but the words were becoming harder to decipher as her mind fought to focus on the twins.

They were hovering over her, making comments that she wished she couldn't hear. It was a given that this would make her snap, and they knew it.

"Look," she said sharply. "I have to get into a good university, and that means getting the best score on the entrance exams. I'm sorry that I don't come from a rich family that makes college more of an option than a necessity, but if I want to become a lawyer, I can't afford to screw this up. So if you two don't mind, I'm trying to study here."

Her words held enough anger that the twins paused, though smirks soon grew on both of their faces. The fact that she'd managed to amuse them only made Haruhi angrier, though she struggled not to show it.

"Haruhi," Kaoru said patronizingly. "You're number one in our class."

"And have been since you began here at Ouran."

"And that's after becoming a scholarship student."

"A scholarship that required you to be first in the class if you wanted to stay here."

"They don't hand those out lightly."

"Even if you made things comfortable for yourself when you fell for the chairman's son."

Everything they'd said made her angry, but nothing made her glare more than Hikaru's final comment. The boy shrugged in response.

"I'm just saying," he said.

"It was a good strategic move," Kaoru agreed.

Haruhi's anger exploded. This time she stood from the table she'd been sitting at, slamming her hands down against the wood as she spoke.

"I didn't fall for Tamaki as a 'strategic move', and you know that, you assholes!"

Her outburst shocked the twins into silence. While Haruhi had insulted many of the Host Club members out of frustration over the years, she'd never said something quite like that. Hikaru and Kaoru had managed to push the right buttons, and by the looks of it, they hadn't realized that until Haruhi was screaming at them.

Haruhi hadn't been expecting it either. She sat back down, trying to control her breathing and, therefore, how calm she felt.

"Wow," Kaoru said. For once, his voice was quiet. "Not having Tamaki-senpai around has really done a number on you."

"What happened to Haruhi-chan?"

"Haruhi-chan is here, and Haruhi-chan wants to study," Haruhi snapped.

Instead of heeding her words, the twins pulled chairs up and settled in beside Haruhi. They had nothing with them. Not bags, not books, nothing. That wasn't a good sign for Haruhi finishing her work.

"Haruhi, you're number one in the class," Hikaru reminded her.

"You'll ace the entrance exams."

"The University of Tokyo would be a fool not to take you."

"We promise they will," the two concluded.

Haruhi gave them an odd look. Something had occurred to her.

"You don't happen to have family connections to the University of Tokyo, do you?" They looked suspiciously innocent. "You're not planning on ensuring I get in yourselves, are you?"

Again, they looked her directly in the eyes, pictures of innocence, but Haruhi could sense what the truth was.

"Guys, I appreciate you wanting to help me achieve my dreams, but I have to get into university on my own. 'Helping' will only cheapen any achievements I make after that. Promise me you won't pull strings to get me in anywhere. If I suspect you have, I'll only decline to attend."

There was a hint of guilt in their expressions for the first time. They shared a look and silently communicated before giving Haruhi short nods, agreeing not to interfere.

"But that doesn't mean you need to be so worked up about school," Kaoru said.

"If the club hadn't disbanded, we'd be meeting with customers right now."

"So you're not missing any of your typical study time if you talk to us."

Something about Kaoru's words made Haruhi feel a twinge of guilt. She'd been so caught up in her own sadness about Tamaki and Kyoya's departure that she hadn't stopped to think about the twins. They'd come such a long way towards opening up to others in the two years Haruhi had known them, but they still didn't have many friends beyond the club. It was stupid of Haruhi to believe that they weren't suffering if she talked to them so little. She may have seen them in class, but that wasn't the same when they were used to spending hours together after school each day.

"I'm sorry," Haruhi told them with a sigh.

Despite both twins acting like they didn't know what she was apologizing for, the truth was there between the three of them. They sat in silence for a moment, aware of how each of the others had been affected by the disbanding of the Host Club.

None of them had imagined this when they'd first learned of the ridiculous Host Club, but here they were, cursing Tamaki Suoh and all of his ideas that seemed stupid on the surface yet always had an impact on their lives.

Though it pained her to do so, Haruhi closed her books and put away her notes, giving the twins her full attention.

"Fine," she said. "But only during what would have been club hours."

She hadn't seen them look so thrilled since Tamaki and Kyoya had left. She hadn't been either.

XXX

The twins were right. Even Haruhi couldn't say she was surprised when she received her acceptance to the University of Tokyo, though she was stunned that her dream was one step closer to being a reality.

She was much more surprised by the full ride scholarship she had managed to procure, though her father kept telling her she shouldn't have been. She was sure that everyone else would too once they heard the news, but Haruhi only shook her head at Ranka's words.

Haruhi wasn't one to brag about her accomplishments, so she was content to go about her normal routine at home with a huge smile on her face. Ranka beamed too, unable to stop gushing over everything Haruhi had accomplished.

The only person besides her father who Haruhi had contacted immediately was Tamaki. She'd sent him a text the minute she'd known. Well, five minutes after she'd known. Once she'd been able to think again.

It was only a text. Due to the time difference, Tamaki was sleeping when Haruhi sent it. That was sometimes an aggravation in their continued friendship, but it was one they both dealt with without complaint, not liking the alternative. Today, though, Haruhi itched for him to text her back, and it took far too long.

When Tamaki did get back to her, Ranka was gone to the store. Presumably for groceries, but Haruhi knew he was really going with the express purpose of buying her something in congratulations. She didn't need it, but she'd let him go.

She was thankful for her father's absence when her phone rang. It had been a while since she and Tamaki had spoken over the phone, with texts being more convenient between the time zones and their schedules. They even video chatted more often than they talked on the phone, which made it strange to hear his voice without seeing his face.

It still managed to put a smile on her face.

Tamaki didn't bother with greetings. He launched right into the reason why he was calling.

"Haruhi, I'm so proud of you." Haruhi could imagine the tears making his eyes sparkle, and she rolled her eyes. "You've come so far from your commoner beginnings. And now a scholarship student at the University of Tokyo. I'm so proud."

He had to take a break from speaking to control himself.

"Thank you," Haruhi replied, feeling embarrassed at the praise.

She didn't know what else to say. Going on about how hard she had worked was far too boastful, but she wouldn't lie and say it had been no big deal. It was more than a big deal. It was everything she had dreamed about, and Tamaki knew that much, despite her never going on and on to him about how much this meant.

"It's hard to believe we've made it here," Tamaki said. His voice was softer, and Haruhi held her breath in order to make sure she caught every word. "When we met, we were innocent high school students." Haruhi scoffed, which Tamaki ignored. "Now I'm back in Paris, learning more about the ways of the world." He was referencing the fact that he'd taken a roommate in a rundown flat as an 'experience' into the life of 'commoners'. Haruhi rolled her eyes. "And you got into the ever so prestigious University of Tokyo. Oh, how things have changed."

They had, but Tamaki hadn't highlighted the changes that were the most significant, those that had happened inside of them. Tamaki really was experiencing more of the world, but it wasn't because of the flat or roommate he wouldn't shut up about. It was because he was caring for his mother, and everyone knew she didn't have much time left. The doctor had given her mere months.

Haruhi had changed because of Tamaki and the Host Club members, and it felt like she was a different person than the one who had walked into that music room and knocked over a vase.

"How are things in France?" Haruhi asked, wanting to deflect Tamaki's attention from her own situation.

Tamaki took the bait. Haruhi couldn't be certain without being able to read his face, but it was likely that he knew what she was doing. He wouldn't fight back or push her to talk about a topic she was hesitant about.

"France is wonderful," he said, as he always did. He launched into a long, rambling speech about what was happening to him. Haruhi held the phone to her ear as Tamaki talked about his roommate and his mom (glossing over the sad parts). He talked about school and what he was learning in the classes he enjoyed. He talked about how much he had missed speaking French and how beautiful of a language he found it though, "Japanese is just as beautiful in a different way."

Haruhi half listened, but she found herself wandering about the house as Tamaki spoke, cleaning like she did most days. It felt nice, doing her usual chores but having a constant soundtrack that was Tamaki's voice. This very trait had annoyed her in the not so distant past, but now it brought her comfort. Oh, how she missed hearing his voice every day.

It wasn't much, but it was something. And she was thankful.

XXX

Haruhi graduated first in her class, as if anyone was surprised. While she felt proud and happy to be one step closer to her dream, she couldn't help but reflect on the fact that it had been one year since Tamaki had left Japan for France.

He hadn't been back in that time, too busy with caring for his mother to take time away from her. She wasn't well enough to travel to Japan with him, and there was no way of knowing what would happen to her while Tamaki was gone. He was far too lucky to have gotten this much time with her, and Haruhi expected not to see him in person again until after his mother's death. As much as she missed him, she wanted that to be as far in the future as possible.

Imagine her surprise when, on her graduation day, she discovered Tamaki, Kyoya, Mori, and Honey in the audience. The twins smirked as if they'd known the other Host Club members would be there, though they denied having been told of the plans. Haruhi could only stare at them from her seat, unable to believe that none of them at warned her about this. About Tamaki.

Mori and Honey she had known were coming. The two of them still lived in Tokyo. They even attended the very university that Haruhi would start at next year. She was unbelievably grateful for that as it helped her feel less nervous about the upcoming transition.

She hadn't expected to see Tamaki, and she'd expected to see Kyoya even less. Tamaki had called to congratulate her on her graduation yesterday, and he hadn't given her a clue. They'd spoken about his mother, who Haruhi couldn't believe he had left in order to be here.

Kyoya, who was studying in England, was shocking to see purely because Haruhi couldn't imagine him caring enough about her and the twins graduating that he would bother booking a flight. Yet there he was. Haruhi wondered if there'd been pressure from Tamaki involved. She had expected an email and maybe a text of acknowledgment from him, but she'd never expected him to be there.

The graduation ceremony went the way Haruhi had expected it too, and then she and the twins were searching for their loved ones in the crowd. While their parents were somewhere in the crowd, the twins followed Haruhi to where the Host Club members sat alongside Ranka, who was gushing to Kyoya about his precious daughter as they approached.

Ranka blew his nose loudly, and as soon as he heard Haruhi's tentative, "Dad?" he shot out of his seat and wrapped his arms around her, muttering things like, "so proud," in her ear.

For several seconds, Haruhi let him hold her and sob (far too exaggeratedly) onto her shoulder. Then she pushed him away, still mesmerized by the presence of the other Host Club members.

"What are you doing here?" she demanded, not doing anything to control her voice. She sounded more judgmental than happy, but the other hosts seemed to get it. Honey and Tamaki beamed at her. Mori and Kyoya looked far less ecstatic on the outside, but the fact that they were there, especially Kyoya, said enough to both Haruhi and the twins.

Tamaki gasped as if offended.

"Did you really believe we'd miss such a special day? Kyoya and I have had plane tickets booked for months."

Haruhi analyzed Kyoya, trying to decide if she believed this to be true. He was typing away on his cell phone, not glancing up when Tamaki mentioned his name or when he felt Haruhi's eyes on him. She took that as a sign that he had, in fact, had tickets booked for months.

"We couldn't have missed such a grand occasion," Tamaki continued, wiping a tear from his eye.

As he continued on about what a beautiful ceremony it had been (despite being identical to the graduation of every other member of the Host Club), Haruhi couldn't help but think of his mother. She longed to ask Tamaki about her, ask why he'd bothered to come when his mother was dying in France, but she didn't. She never would have done it in front of the others, even though she knew that all of them, with the exception of Ranka, knew everything she did about the situation.

Ranka turned towards the twins, ignoring the fact that Tamaki was still speaking words that no one was listening to.

"Where are your parents?" Ranka asked. "Surely they're here."

The twins were able to mask any emotions they felt, although there was a slight moment of hesitation before they answered Ranka. Tamaki opened his mouth to say something to draw the attention off of them (and likely draw the wrath of Ranka), but he was stopped when Hikaru spoke.

"They're here somewhere," he said. "Or at least they were. Mother might have left to deal with important business."

He laughed as if this didn't bother him in the least, and Kaoru joined in before speaking up as well.

"We have all the family we need," he stated simply, causing Ranka to sniffle.

Haruhi was shocked that they had been that upfront with her father, and judging by their expressions, so were the other hosts. Even Kyoya stared at the twins, blinking slowly.

Nothing they had said was a lie, even if the emotions might have been. It seemed something like progress.

Eventually, Tamaki was the first to break himself out of his stunned silence. He looked towards Haruhi with a smile.

"That's why we're here," he said. Then he became grander. "The sad fact of the matter is that we hosts don't live close enough to each other anymore. It's a tragedy, and one we must soothe in whatever ways we can. Who knows how long we will have to suffer through the distance."

If he wasn't acting so stupidly dramatic, Haruhi might have found herself emotional at Tamaki's words. As it was, she found herself rolling her eyes, an action that had her smiling seconds later as she realized how long it had been since she'd gotten to do that in Tamaki's presence.

Kyoya bothered to speak for the first time, glancing up from his phone.

"We'll all end up back in Tokyo eventually," he said as if it were a provable fact. "We know that."

Everyone blinked at Kyoya, surprised that he'd said something that's sole purpose might have been comfort. It was...strange. Even Tamaki watched him for a moment before grinning at him.

"Too right, Kyoya!" he said. "Someday I'm sure we will all be back in Tokyo." He turned his head to make eye contact with Haruhi. There was an intensity there that urged Haruhi to believe his words. "But that doesn't mean we shouldn't cherish what time we have together now," he said.

Haruhi offered him a small smile, and they shared a moment before Ranka yanked on Haruhi's arm.

Their time together would be short, but they would cherish it.

XXX

Haruhi watched everything around her as she made her commute from her and her father's apartment to the University of Tokyo. This trip would become routine, but for the moment, it was novel.

She'd seen the university several times and explored the campus, but coming as a student was different. Once she arrived, she felt overwhelmed, not unlike she had her first day at Ouran. The twins, who had been her lifeline during her final year at Ouran, were gone, off in America and texting her constantly about things they found strange.

Honey and Mori were on campus somewhere. Honey had texted her that morning to make sure she was making it to school okay, which Haruhi appreciated more than she would admit to him.

The two men were nowhere in sight when she arrived on campus though. They'd already discussed their classes. Honey and Mori were studying within the same field and had every class together. Haruhi, meanwhile, would be in classes that were often on the opposite side of campus from her friends.

That was good for her, she reminded herself. She was capable of functioning without the Host Club. She could do this without Mori and Honey directly by her side, even if it felt nice knowing that they were close by.

She couldn't come to rely on them like she had in high school because they would be gone soon enough. That knowledge pressed in upon her and was almost enough to scare her away from spending time with Honey and Mori at all. But she'd never do that. They were too important to push away.

She just couldn't rely on them. She'd make it here just fine, even when she was alone.

XXX

"Do you ever miss high school?"

Haruhi was thrown off by the question, pausing in her work to glance up at Honey across the table. Mori did the same, neither of them saying anything at first.

"Of course I miss high school," Haruhi replied. They were sitting in the library, and Haruhi glanced around to make sure they weren't disturbing anyone.

"What's brought on this question, Mitsukuni?"

Honey looked thoughtful for a moment.

"Seeing Haruhi these past few months," he admitted. Haruhi had to pause from her work yet again to give him a strange look.

"Why?" she asked, though she figured she could guess. Honey and Mori were, after all, also reminders of her own past. She could get why her being around again would remind the two older students about high school.

Honey smiled at her. "We always love having you around, Haru-chan, but when you were in high school, we were used to seeing you with Tama-chan. Now we see you and only you every day. It's strange never having Tamaki around."

Had she and Tamaki really been that inseparable? Yes, they had been together constantly, but so had the rest of the club. Even once they'd graduated, Honey and Mori had made frequent trips back to Ouran Academy to see the other members. The seven of them had always been together. That was what had made their separation difficult. Yes, Haruhi would admit that she missed Tamaki in a way that was different from the twins and Kyoya, but had the others really considered them to be one person?

"We weren't together that often."

Honey's smile turned into something like amusement.

"We were all together that often," was his reply. "With you and Tamaki, it was how you acted not your proximity to each other. By the time he graduated, the two of you seemed like you could read each other's minds. We knew as soon as Tamaki made you a host that there would be something between the two of you."

Mori nodded in agreement.

"The two of you are special," Mori agreed.

Haruhi thought she might be blushing, and she didn't appreciate the physical manifestation of her embarrassment. She wasn't sure why she felt like she did. She'd never considered herself embarrassed by her and Tamaki's relationship or the feelings they shared, but she felt like her emotions were being analyzed.

Honey was still smiling at her softly, as if he was observing something in Haruhi that made him happy.

"I know we don't talk about Tamaki often," Honey said, "because talking about him is sometimes sad, but I know he thinks about you all the time. He's always asking me about you and making sure Mori and I haven't abandoned you." Honey frowned. "As if we would."

Haruhi felt both touched and annoyed, and she wasn't sure which emotion was showing on her face. She knew Tamaki cared, and she appreciated it. However, Haruhi wished Honey's words hadn't sounded so much like Tamaki was overbearingly monitoring her. Checking to make sure Honey and Mori were spending time with her was ridiculous. As if there was anything worth worrying about.

None of that was worth talking to Honey and Mori about. She went back to her studying.

XXX

Haruhi had begun her second year of university and felt settled. Then Tamaki came home for his summer break, and suddenly, Haruhi's usual routine was shaken up. The summer before, Tamaki had stayed in France with his mother. In fact, the only time that Tamaki had come home since leaving Japan had been Haruhi's graduation. She hadn't expected to see him for a long time.

His mother was still alive. Haruhi had wanted to know immediately when she learned that he was coming home, but she hadn't dared ask. She thought that he would have told her if she had died, but she couldn't be sure. Then he'd mentioned his mother as they discussed his preparations to come back to Japan, and Haruhi felt relieved.

She was happy to have him in front of her again. Despite her efforts to make a wider variety of friends during her time at university, she found herself spending as much time with Tamaki as possible while he was home.

"You only have a year of university left," she pointed out unnecessarily one night. He looked at her with curiosity. "What will you do then?"

It was a not at all subtle attempt at finding out when he planned to come back to Japan. She had no doubt that he would eventually, but due to his mother's condition, she wasn't sure when that would be. She didn't think he did either, but she wanted confirmation of that.

Tamaki smiled, an unexpected reaction. They never discussed the future except in the vaguest of terms. They weren't together anymore, not really, despite the fact that Haruhi would have named Tamaki as her best friend. Nothing had changed between them except distance, but it didn't feel appropriate to discuss a future together as if they were guaranteed one despite their current status as friends.

"I'll stay in Paris with my mother." There was a sadness in his voice, though his smile remained. "For now, but not forever. With things being as they are, I think my best course of action is to care for her full time. I'm lucky enough that I can do such a thing and be fine. My father has agreed to financially support me if I decide to do it."

Haruhi longed to reach out and comfort him, but she refrained. She didn't feel right touching him, even in the most innocent of ways. Hopefully her presence was comforting in and of itself.

"Once she's gone…" He took a deep breath. There was a resolve in his voice, but Haruhi could hear everything else in his head: the anger, the sadness, the hopelessness. She'd felt it all when her own mother died. "I'll come back to Japan. There will be far more for me here than in Paris. There's no other option to take."

Haruhi nodded, not saying anything. It was a given that she'd be staying in Japan. She'd never had any intentions of leaving. Even if she'd had the means, this was her home, and she couldn't imagine living anywhere else. Visiting might have been nice. She'd like to see France, where Tamaki had spent both his youngest years and his college ones, but being far away from home for too long felt heartbreaking.

She thought it might have been for Tamaki too.

"I can't believe you're here now," Haruhi admitted for the first time. She hadn't wanted to say anything at first, but she felt like she was purposefully concealing information by not bringing it up. "I assumed you'd stay in France for the summer."

Tamaki shrugged.

"I won't lie to you, Haruhi. Leaving my mother behind in the state that she was in was difficult, even if I've ensured that she has the best care possible. But Japan felt like where I needed to be for these few months."

Haruhi watched him with wide eyes, wondering if he was implying what she thought he was. He stared back at her earnestly, grinning, but said nothing more. Haruhi smiled back.

"I hope she's okay," she whispered. It was the closest she had come to openly acknowledging that Tamaki's mother could die at any moment since Tamaki had first told her the doctor's prognosis.

Tamaki took a shaky breath, but his expression remained carefully controlled. He reached out to grip Haruhi's hand as if he were comforting her, but they both knew it was the other way around.

Haruhi didn't know what possessed her to say it, but in a whisper, she told him, "I miss you so much."

Hurt shone in his eyes, but Haruhi knew that she wasn't the cause, that she had merely reminded him of what was. He looked at her for a moment before leaning forward. She met him halfway, feeling butterflies erupt in her stomach as his lips met hers for the first time in years.

It would have been impossible to describe everything she felt in that moment because it engulfed every inch of her. There was the usual pleasure she received from kissing Tamaki. There was nostalgia at memories of the past. There was happiness that she could hold him close. There was comfort. There was dread for what she knew would come.

Tamaki was her future, but it wasn't the future yet. Even as they continued to kiss, they both knew that much.

XXX

The kisses didn't stop for the rest of the summer. Though Haruhi had school, she continued to spend as much time with Tamaki as possible, savouring every moment before he would have to return. Sometimes, Mori and Honey would be there too, but undoubtedly, Haruhi would see Tamaki each day.

If you were to ask them if they were dating, neither would have an answer. In many ways, it was as if they had never stopped dating despite their agreement. Neither one had dated anyone else, and neither had any plans to do so. There was always an unspoken agreement that they would be together one day and were merely on a break as they achieved what they needed to.

Haruhi didn't understand why they had broken up in the first place when this had been inevitable. Yes, they had wanted to avoid the strain of a long distance relationship, but it would have been no different than their continued friendship. Especially when it had taken them so little time to rekindle the flames once Tamaki was back in Japan.

But the summer came to an end as it had to do, and Tamaki went back France. There was no discussion of whether or not they were a couple. They continued to be Tamaki and Haruhi, whatever that meant. Neither would date anyone else. They would continue to talk each day in some capacity. They would continue to care about each other immensely from opposite sides of the world.

Their conversations did change, however, as Tamaki's mother's condition worsened. Tamaki spoke about her more often, unable to keep himself from sharing everything with Haruhi when it was the only thing he was capable of thinking about.

"Haruhi." She knew immediately from the brokenness of his voice. "She's dead."

Haruhi was silent for a moment. Despite the time she'd had to prepare for this moment, she had no idea what to do that would make him feel better. When her own mother had died, there had been nothing anyone could do, and she'd thought she'd accepted that in Tamaki's case as well. But in the actual moment, she longed to do something to ease his pain, a feat that she knew was especially impossible over the phone.

She heard him whimper on the other end of the line, and she felt a sense of shock. Never before had she heard him exude such emotion. That was saying something since Tamaki always exaggerated his emotions, displaying them for the world. This was different. Typically, Tamaki concealed the more unsatisfactory things he felt. Today, he wasn't doing that. He didn't have the energy for it. Haruhi remembered that feeling. That sense of hopelessness.

Possible sentiments passed through Haruhi's mind. She could apologize as if she were the cause of his sorrows. She could ask him if he was okay despite knowing the answer. None of it felt satisfactory, and she realized that nothing would. There was no good response in this situation, but she had to give him something.

"What do you need from me?" she asked.

There was a moment of silence. The sounds of Tamaki's heavy breathing had disappeared as if he needed to be silent in order to consider his answer.

"I don't know," Tamaki admitted. "All I know is you're the only one I can stand to talk to right now."

Her heart felt like it had been twisted, and she longed to get to France, to comfort Tamaki in person in whatever way she could. There would still be little to nothing that she could do, but she figured that she would feel less useless than she currently did.

"I don't know how to help," she admitted. "But I want to."

Another pause as Tamaki struggled to speak.

"That's enough," he said.

She wanted to tell him how much she longed to go to France to be there for him, but she couldn't afford the plane ticket. It would only do harm to present such an idea into his head when it was impossible. He'd remain in France, and she would remain in Japan, unable to be with him like they both wished.

It would take years before Haruhi learned the truth of what Tamaki was thinking in that moment. One day, he would tell her how desperately he had wanted to pay for her to fly to France but how he hadn't thought it was fair to ask her to come to his mother's funeral. That was the only thing that had stopped him, and she would wish she had said something, but it was too late.

XXX

Haruhi would never understand how Tamaki managed to graduate university just months after his mother's death. Logically, she knew how. The fact that he was throwing himself into his studies was obvious each time they spoke, and Haruhi got why he was distracting himself in such a way, but it also amazed her that he was successful while doing so.

Not only did Tamaki graduate, he did so at the top of his class, and he shrugged it off when Haruhi congratulated him.

With his degree in hand, there was nothing tying Tamaki to France. He'd made friends during his time there, yes, but they weren't the Host Club. They weren't Haruhi. It was a given that he'd come back to Japan with his mother gone.

Haruhi wasn't capable of going to his graduation ceremony, with her classes still in full swing, but she stayed in touch with him, wanting to know everything and make sure he was doing well.

The day Tamaki got on his flight from Paris to Tokyo, Haruhi couldn't calm her pounding heart.

Of course, she wasn't the only one at the airport. The heir to the Suoh family got a big to do when he came back to Japan, and Haruhi was one of many stationed, waiting for him in a private area that most of the patrons of the airport never got to use. She felt out of place despite the way Tamaki's father embraced her presence and wanted to catch up after several years of not having seen each other.

Tamaki walked through the door, and Haruhi felt tears sting at her eyes. Aside from learning that Tamaki's mom had died, it had been a long time since Haruhi had cried. Not thinking about everyone around her, she rushed forward. Tamaki met her halfway across the room, and they squeezed each other tightly, both knowing what this reunion meant.

The twins were still off in America, supposedly studying. Kyoya had elected to stay in England, "just for a few more years". The Host Club wasn't reunited yet. Even Mori and Honey had elected to stay away from the airport as if they'd sensed that Haruhi needed them too. They waited, instead, at the Suoh family mansion where they were 'helping' with dessert preparation for the night's party. Even Ranka would be present

"You're crying," Tamaki noted when they pulled away far enough to look at each other. He sounded concerned. The Suoh family patriarch and servants had turned to give them privacy, though that was more of an illusion.

"I am," she said, not sure if she should explain why that was or not.

"Why?" Tamaki asked, brushing a strand of hair away from her forehead and causing Haruhi to shiver at the contact. "There's nothing to be sad about." He couldn't keep the huge smile from his face. "We both knew we'd reach this point."

"We did," Haruhi agreed. "It was sometimes hard to believe we'd actually make it here though."

Tamaki nodded.

"So that means you will agree to be my girlfriend again?" he asked, sounding like he truly needed an answer. Haruhi smiled.

"Of course," she said. "I'm not sure that I ever stopped." They smiled at each other for a moment before Haruhi added, "But make sure you don't come between me and my coursework."

"I'd never dream of it." He was serious too. "I would never be able to live with myself if I came between you and your dream. You will become the most prestigious lawyer in Japan, Haruhi. You'll see to that."

Forgetting who surrounded them, Haruhi stepped forward to kiss him.