My Little Horse: Broship is Magic

by Diastrous

Dim Moon hates working for Celestia. So when he hears of a pony managing to leave the boring desk behind to stay in a place called Ponyville, he tries the same thing. Sure enough, he gets plopped in WhoresTown where he meets 5 horses that change his life.

Introductions. I'm bad at starting stories, so let's just introduce you to the characters and get the apple tree planted. The Chart below shows which horse represents each pony. But this doesn't necessarily mean that they are anything like.

Dim Moon – Twlight Sparkle

False Sweets – Pinkie Pie

Firez Fallen – Rainbow Dash

Skittles – Rarity

Sour Patch – Apple Jack

Out Permit – Flutter Shy

Dim Moon, Unicorn Cutie Mark: A moon partly covered by a cloud. "Friendship is a cold orange soda,"

A horse that has seen better days. His man is faded red, bags under his hazel eyes. That smug smilehas long vacancy. The only thing that is keeping him around WhoresTown is his 5 good friends. The reason why he came to this bucked up town in the first place.

FalseSweets, Earth Horse Cutie Mark: A Fraction, 1/Peppermint candy. "Friendship is a uncalculatable solution to an all too familiar problem."

False always knew he was different. It wasn't because all he saw as numbers, or that he could never start or end a conversation, or that he never knew his parents. It was that he was the first horse that could change colors depending on his mood. Sometimes he was pink with blue eyes. Other times he was colored mahogany with some sort of fusion of red and purple colored eyes. Either way, his one purpose in WhoresTown is to figure out the definite value of friendship with the help of his five friends (test subjects).

FirezFallen, Pegasus Cutie Mark: Three white Fireballs. "Friendship is competitive."

A fun loving, competitive dueling pony that loves to win. Unfortunately, he has one major responsibility to keep him from doing just that. Protecting the town from meteors. You see, when he was just a young colt, he was so obsessed with the stars and astrology, that by his first lift off, he was already aiming for the stars. Now, Luna bless him, because it was a long a painful journey. One that he eventually made. But with a purpose, for that same day he reached the upper most atmosphere, he saw a comet headed for Equestria. Unsure of what to do, he rammed it. Yes, he rammed it. But he was able to gain enough speed that eventually he caught on fire himself and became a comet. They both collided and the comet shattered, spreading across Equestria. The horses and ponies on Equestria were staring at awe when this happened. The only ponies and horses that know about this little event are Luna, Celestia, and the Mayor of Whores Town. But FirezFallen doesn't mind.

Skittlez, Unicorn Cutie Mark: A pot 'o gold that has a rainbow coming out of it. "Friendship is rich,"

A rainbow colored horse with fierce black eyes. It has been since birth that Phillies and colts teased him about his rainbow colored coat. But he also realized on the same day that horses and ponies also respect power, and you get power through money. But his 5 good friends see through his phony facade. And that's when Skittlez realized that real friendship makes you truly rich… kinda.

Sour Patch, Unicorn Cutie Mark: A sack of sugar. "Friendship is Sweet!"

A green horse with white freckles and an orange mane. Works hard at his Candy Factory. In fact, that is all he is almost thinking about. Not much is known about what goes into his candy, probably pure magic, but they taste delicious! Only problem is that he met five horse that aren't the greatest fans of his candy, and that's when he made it his sole purpose to make a candy that each of these five horses would like. And of course you can guess who the five horses are, can't cha?

OutPermit, Earth Horse "Friendship."

A really shy horse. Has been teased all of his life while waiting for the day he could become one of them. But that never and still hasn't come. For years he has been waiting until he finally gave it up. He became a hermit on the outskirts of WhoresTown. It was only by chance that he was the first Horse that DimMoon met and it was only by another chance that they became best friend from the moment they met.

So, we have the introductions, let's get the apple barrel rollin'.

Tasty Edibles was busy that night. Every horse has been working all day and everyhorse was looking to have a good time. It was the usual set up at the usual table for DimMoon. He was sent to WhoresTown on a mission by Celestia to make WhoresTown a better place. Cleaner, more respectful, what have you. He never really did enjoy his job. All of Celestia's chores were painfully boring. So when he heard a pony from the Magic School was able to stay in a place called Ponyville, he had to take a stab at doing the same thing, and sure enough, he was able to stay in WhoresTown.

To his left was OutPermit, just sitting and looking around as usual, still completely amazed at the decour of Tasty Edibles. "Dude, you have been in town for about a month, and how are you still amazed by that old wooden post?" DimMoon pointed to a wooden that was one of a dozen that was holding up Tasty Edibles.

"Amazing. Really. Science." OutPermit managed to squeak out. DimMoon just smiled at his friend and looked at the door again. He checked his imaginary watch. It has definitely been at least thirty minutes past their usual hang out time. Something was wrong.

"Hey. Permit. How about we go see what the other horses are doing?" DimMoon interrupted OutPermit, who was focusing on a crack in the table. "C'mon. Before your head explodes from too much information." DimMoon got up and with OutPermit following behind.

"Is that possible?" OutPermit's widened while DimMoon just rolled his eyes.

DimMoon wanted to go see where FalseSweets was, and it was probably the usual place for FalseSweets to go think. At the top of the Garbage Gorge, the closest point in WhoresTown to the sky. And sure enough, he was there sitting alright. DimMoon and OutPermit traversed the rocky and garbage terrain to where FalseSweets was sitting. They knew better to not disturb FalseSweets when he was thinking. Bad things would happen. FalseSweets always saw you, and would talk to you when the time was right.

"So. I've been thinking," FalseSweets spoke after a few minutes of silence, currently many shades of gray.

"Lemons?" OutPermit asked in fear. The last time FalseSweets thought about lemons, things got rotten apple nasty.

"No, no. I'm through thinking about lemons. Just makes me mad. No. I am thinking about the fourth wall once more." Oh boy, here we go. DimMoon could only think to himself. But he knew that OutPermit enjoyed these conversations, so why ruin the fun? "How can we break it? Penetrate it? Look beyond it, see where it heads?"

DimMoon could only roll his eyes. But OutPermit got brave and began to ask questions, "Do you know where the fourth wall is False?"

"Unfortunately, no. And that is where the major problem is! How can I break this fourth wall, if I can't even find it!" FalseSweets yelled in frustration. He then breathed. "But I digress. So. I apologize DimMoon for my absence, I lost track of time."

DimMoon smiled and did a forget about it motion with his hoof. "Not a problem."

"So, what is the agenda for tonight's activities?"

"We're just setting out to find the others around town. Care to join us?"

"That would make me happier than a goomba that didn't get flatten!" DimMoon stopped and looked at OutPermit, who could only shrug. FalseSweets was incredibly strange sometimes.

Next was FirezFallen. He was never seen during the day, and usually, he was the first horse to make it to Tasty Edibles. So it surprised DimMoon that FirezFallen wasn't present when he arrived at Tasty Edibles.

The three of them made it into town, when they suddenly saw FirezFallen land in front of Tasty Edibles, looking worn down. The three of them trotted over to their friend.

"Hey Firez!"

"Hi."

"Greetings Pegasus! How have you been?"

FirezFallen turned to look at them and merely raised his hoof in acknowledgement. He really looked dead tired. His eyes were droopy and he was shaking to just stand. "Whoa Firez. You ok?"

Firez shook his head. "No. The Pegasus community needed help with a Parasprite problem in Cloudsdale." FirezFallen shuddered. "Luckily, there were some pretty skilled ponies there. Including Rainbow Dash and SlipStream." FirezFallen then collapsed onto his flank.

"Did you have a Parasprite gathering contest against Rainbow Dash?" FalseSweets inquired.

"Yes." FirezFallen nodded.

"Did she beat you again?" FalseSweets asked, turning a shade of magenta explosion.

FirezFallen looked past FlaseSweets, DimMoon and OutPermit. "Hey, Where's every horse else?" FirezFallen changed the subject.

Before FalseSweets could ask another question, DimMoon intervened. "We set out looking for you guys since it was only me and OutPermit in Tasty Edibles." FirezFallen then apologized and DimMoon shook his head. "Don't worry about it. Anyways, wanna join us in going to find Skittlez and SourPatch?"

"Sure." Thus, the four of them set out to find their missing two friends.

Of course, Skittlez was either at the Tasty Edibles or at home, scheming new ways to make money. The four of them got to Skittlez house and DimMoon knocked on the door. "Hello?" But as soon as he knocked on it, the door nudged open. So the four horses entered, and that's when the four of them fell into a net trap. FirezFallen used his wings to fly out of the net and he that's when he met Skittlez on solid ground. "You like? I call it the Trapinator! To stop intruders from entering your house?" Skittlez then pressed a button on a remote and the three remaining horses in the trapped net sprung up and the net trap was replaced with a mattress.

"Couldn't you just lock your door?" FirezFallen asked. Skittlez thought about it and then yelled in anger.

"ARGH! I couldn't come up with an idea for the past three months. THREE MONTHS! I haven't made a profit for THREE MONTHS!" Skittlez trotted away to his big screen computer monitor. FirezFallen then whispered to the other ponies, "Except for everything else he sells in Equestria." The other three horses nodded.

"You know Skittlez, you have lots of money as it is, shouldn't you think about retiring?" DimMoon observed.

"RETIRING! But then how will I be able to make more money?" Ugh. There was no use arguing with him when he became like this. FalseSweets then picked up a nearby empty coffee cup.

"Hitting the stash again?" FirezFalllen observed. FalseSweets nodded. Skittlez walked up to FalseSweets and snatched the coffee cup away from him.

"There is nothing wrong with drinking a gallon of coffee every hour! It helps keep me awake!" Skittlez held the cup away in a defensive position. DimMoon looked at the other horses doubtfully, all of which were deliberately avoiding eye contact. "At any rate," Skittlez threw the coffee cup into a pile of his junk. "What can I do you guys for?"

Before DimMoon could speak, FirezFallen dove in, "Remember that thing we do every Friday Night?"

That's when Skittlez ran over to his pile of junk and threw a guitar at FalseSweets. He took the guitar, turned black and white, and began to jam while Skittlez yelled, "Rock and roll all night!"

Then FalseSweets chimed in, "And Party Every Day!"

DimMoon face hoofed and OutPermit smiled, nodding his head to the beat. FirezFallen then flew over to his usual position in the room and began to drum a sick beat. "YEEEEAAAAH! FALSESWEETS! Solo!" FirezFallen yelled.

FalseSweets then entered the solo and Skittlez pressed a button. The whole room dimmed and a spotlight shone on FalseSweets. DimMoon could not help but join in on the fun by starting to dance with OutPermit.

The five horses were now on the road again, back to WhoresTown.

"So. Where are we heading to next?" Skittlez asked, wiping off the black and white makeup.

"We have to go find SourPatch. And quite honestly, I don't know where to start looking." DimMoon looked ahead, unsure.

"Well, where ever he is…" FirezFallen commented.

"…He is probably eating." FalseSweets finished.

OutPermit was trotting next to DimMoon and asked him, "Do you think… ummm, he could be in the Fields?"

DimMoon sighed. He was probably right, and then took a sharp left turn. Everyone knew where this was going. "Horse s-"

"Firez! This is a PG rated fan fic!" FalseSweets yelled. Every stopped and looked at FalseSweets. He looked around all over and couldn't seem to find what he was looking for. Before anyone else could say anything, he simply muttered frustrated, "Fourth wall eludes me again…"

The quintet of horses trotted up the road to the Freaky Field. Think of the Everfree Forest, except a bunch of rolling fields, and those fields are filled with wheat. You always knew when you entered and left the Freaky Field, usually because you would take with you and mouth full of wheat. But it was incredibly dangerous in the Field. Sometimes you would be stuck in one spot for days, eating wheat, and then get surprised by a lone wolf. Yes, it was incredibly deadly dangerous out there.

But depending on where you were at, the wheat either tasted like regular ole wheat, or it would taste like chocolate, or strawberry jelly, or even an egg salad. This is where SourPatch came to get his new candy ideas. He would taste the wheat, and if it was tasty, he would collect a sample. Right now, he has been mentioning a candy that tasted like berries, so the five horses went to the berry section of the Freaky Fields.

"Ugh. I hate flying in these fields. I can never tell where I am." FirezFallen commented.

DimMoon tasted a nearby wheat, it tasted like yogurt. "Ok, we are getting pretty close. Keep your heads up." That's when they heard a nasty shriek come over yonder the wheat. Yeah, like that was a specific direction.

"That definitely sounded like SourPatch." FirezFallen spoke out. FalseSweets turned a deep blood red. Skittlez lit up his horn and ran forward.

"C'mon DimMoon! Let's go!" Skittlez, FalseSweets and FirezFallen ran forward. OutPermit cowered behind DimMoon.

"C'mon OutPermit. We gotta help SourPatch." DimMoon then ran behind OutPermit and nudged him forward. OutPermit definitely didn't want to go and kept his hooves stamped firmly into the ground. DimMoon, after a few seconds, gave up. "Fine, you can stay here." DimMoon was about to head forward, when OutPermit then jumped on DimMoon. "AGH!" DimMoon fell and OutPermit whimpered. "Or I could just stay here."

Meanwhile, FirezFallen, FalseSweets, and Skittlez ended up in an open field. That's when they saw SourPatch lying down in the middle of the field, unconscience. "Where's Dim?" Skittlez looked around.

Then the three horses looked at each other. "OutPermit."

That's when the ground underneath them began to rumble. Where SourPatch was laying down, a giant bug, mushroom, plant looking thing came out of the ground, beneath SourPatch who was now on the beast's back. "FalseSweets. This looks like your expertise…" FirezFallen looked to his left to FalseSweets, who was already running around the beast, examining physical traits. He came back to the waiting horses.

"It is called an Emperor Beezlebub. A beast that devours plants of all sorts, so probably wheat as well. It also likes collecting shiny objects." FalseSweets concluded his analysis.

"Ok. So how do we kill it?" Skittlez asked.

FalseSweets opened his mouth, then closed it. Then spoke, "Anyone have any pikmin?" Both Skittlez and FirezFallen looked at FalseSweets mystified. "Then, I have no clue." Skittlez face hoofed while FirezFallen looked toward the sky for some means of an answer.

With another roar from the Beezlebub, it began to waddle away, towards the end of the crop circle. "Quick! We have to grab it before it leaves with SourPatch!" The three horses then sprinted afterwards the Beezlebub and started to attack it with kicks and such.

The Beezlebub didn't enjoy this and roared out in pain. It then jumped up and over the three horses towards the middle of the empty field.

"C'MON OUTPERMIT! They need our help!" DimMoon pulled at OutPermit's tail with his mouth.

"NO! We don't know what that thing is!"

"Your right! We don't! But the other four need our help because they know what it is and dealing with it! So. Man. UP!" With one final tug, Both horses went flying towards the battle. DimMoon fell next to Skittlez and OutPermit fell next to FalseSweetz. FirezFallen was still trying to hold his ground, but not making much progress.

"It's about time you got here!" FirezFallen yelled at DimMoon. DimMoon's horn then began to shine as he got up, trembling. That beast looked ferocious. But he had to brave this.

The Beezlebub knocked FirezFallen to the side and glared at DimMoon, recognizing that he is the leader. DimMoon took the challenge and ran forward. The Beezlebub roared and charged at DimMoon. DimMoon didn't know whether to use a fire spell or a frost spell…

"STOP!" Both DimMoon and the Beezlebub stopped. Everyhorse and beast looked at OutPermit.

"OutPermit?" DimMoon looked in front of him to see the Beezlebub speak in confusion.

"OutPermit, you know this beast?" DimMoon asked.

"Mike? Yeah I know him. He's like one of my oldest friends!" OutPermit bounced forward while Beezlebub waddled forward to greet OutPermit. The other four horses just looked awkwardly at OutPermit and Mike the Beezlebub as they exchanged a hoof shake that could not be explained by words. "Mike! It has been like…

"Forever!"

"Totally! So dude, what's new?" OutPermit asked in a new source of energy the no horse nearby could explain. The Beezlebub looked at the four other horses and snorted.

"Those guys have been hassling me for the past five minutes!" Mike complained. OutPermit looked to his horse friends and raised his eyebrow. "Is that true?"

"Well, we…"

"Ummm, I…

"This is quite a conundrum… I plead the fifth."

"We didn't know OutPermit."

The four horses all spoke at once. OutPermit wasn't having it. "All of you! Apologize!" OutPermit spoke with an authority that didn't sound like OutPermit at all. So at once, the horses and yelped an apology. OutPermit made a hmph noise, then faced Mike once more. "I'm sorry Mike. They assumed you were a monster trying to take our friend away…"

"Your friend? You mean this little guy?" Mike gestured to SourPatch. "Yeah, I found this guy in the middle of Sleep Wheat Fields. I decided to try and take care of him. He woke up and I promised I was going to protect him and get him back to WhoresTown. Then SOME HORSES attacked me!" Mike then pointedly looked in the direction of the four other horses, who all whistled and looked at the sky.

"Well, can you blame them? You do have a ferocious growl." OutPermit commented. Mike shrugged his non existant shoulders.

"Meh. Whatever,"

"Anyways, we can take our friend back. We got it from here."

"Ok, suit yourself." Mike then moved his back into the air, SourPatch was lifted into the air and fell on OutPermit's back.

"Thank you so much Mike! No hard feelings?"

"Nope. Just promise me that I get some more of that guy's candy, that stuff is good!" Mike laughed heartily.

OutPermit rolled his eyes and snorted, "So I've heard."

"Also," Mike then leaned in close to OutPermit, "What's with the girly tattoos on their butts?"

"It's called a Cutie Mark Mike. They are all the rage where I come from."

"Ugh. They look so tacky. You must be glad you don't have one."

OutPermit winced a little bit on the inside. "Yeah, something like that."

Mike and OutPermit exchanged their goodbyes and then Mike left with one big leap into the Freaky Fields. The four horses looked at OutPermit with respect and awe. OutPermit then got nervous once more and backed up a little bit. "Ummm… he was a good friend during… school…" All of a sudden, SourPatch yelled an ear splitting screech.

"No! No! Not the Salt! AIIIEEEEE!"

"Well that explains SourPatch's yell." DimMoon observed.

"And then! OutPermit swooped in and talked to the beast like he was an old friend!"

"…because he was."

"Wow. Sounds like a pretty good ole time. Too bad I missed it…"

"And how was the Salt Mines once again?" FirezFallen asked. SourPatch just shuddered.

"Don't ask questions like that! They were horrible!"

"Alright guys, soups on." DimMoon and OutPermit brought out two trays of coffee cakes and apple sodas.

"But seriously dude. Is there any horse, pony, animal, or beast you have not met in Equestria?" Skittlez asked OutPermit.

"Ummm. I don't think so…"

"You've met PhotoFinish then?" Skittlez inquired.

"Yes. She talks too fast though…"

"How about SpitFire?" FirezFallen asked in excitement.

"Once. I went to the annual flyers competition in Canterlot…"

"I got one! How about Lauren Faust?" FalseSweets asked. Everyone looked at FalseSweets with that same old mystified look. "What? Nobody?"

Then, SourPatch asked, "Have you ever met Princess Luna?" OutPermit thought about it and then revealed, "Yes. One time when she was apparently searching the skies for any dangers that she should tell her sister about, she needed a rest and stopped at my hut. We talked and I gave her some soup to drink…" Every horse then exclaimed.

"Ohhh boy!"

"It was nothing like that! C'mon!" OutPermit responded. FirezFallen then put his hoof around OutPermit shoulders.

"You don't have a cutie mark, but yet you have probably the best voice of all time, you incredibly strong for an Earth Pony, and to top it all off, you flirted with Princess Luna! DUDE! How much luckier can you get?"

Then DimMoon spoke after taking a drink of apple soda. "Have you ever met Princess Celestia?"

OutPermit thought about for a good minute, then responded, "No. Not yet."

Speaking of the troll, a letter appeared in the middle of the six. It then floated to DimMoon and into coffee cake. DimMoon opened it with magic and began to read.

"Well?" FirezFallen asked what was on every horse's mind.

DimMoon cleared his throat.

"Dear DimMoon, It's Twilight Sparkle. You know, the one you accidently spilled honey all over and bees chased me across Canterlot." ("Smooth moves!" "Shut your gums, Firez!") "Don't worry. No hard feelings " ("Oh boy! DimMoon got game!" "SKITTLEZ! If any other horse in this room joins in, I'm going to stop reading!") "At any rate. Princess Celestia has ordered that your yearly review come early this year. She has been really busy with affairs and such for season 2," ("Fourth wall! Where are you!" "I'm not even going to acknowledge that FalseSweets") "And she has ordered your yearly review happen in six weeks. Sorry for such a late notice. Also, Celestia has invited me and the citizens of Ponyville to join her in her review of the town! I can't wait to rejoin you and we can catch up…"

"Dude! You gotta go for that plot, man!"

"SourPatch, you're dead meat!" DimMoon then tossed the letter aside and chased SourPatch with his horn on fire. The rest of the horses caught the letter before it could be damaged any further by the coffee cake.

"… on old times. Can't wait to see what you have accomplished! Hopefully Princess Celestia is pleased enough that you don't get banished. Or thrown in jail. Or banished and then thrown in jail where you were banished.

Sincerely, Twilight Sparkle."

The four horses looked at each other.

It just got real.

"You're not going to… AHHH!"

"Gotcha!"