Brilliant
Musical Dream
by
Person-san
Summary: One-shot. Anzu is a dreamer who dreams of dancing. Recently, she's been dreaming of a musical angel instead... Anzu&Yuugi
Disclaimer: I kinda wished I did own it, but it probably wouldn't be as good. So no Yuugiou for me. The song Once Upon a December is from Deana Carter and the movie Anastasia.
I'm a hopeless dreamer...
You know, schoolwork could get really boring. When it's not hard, it's boring. It is very, very rarely that schoolwork is fun. Now is one of those boring times.
And when I'm bored, I daydream.
My greatest dream – to go out and dance of course. I've had this dream since I was little. I'd go out in a tutu and surprise the family when I'd go out in the rain just to dance. I remember I used to do that. It wasn't until the millionth time that my mother actually saw me and told me to stop. That was...when I was twelve, I think.
Recently, my daydreaming goes in another direction. I don't know why, and I'm not entirely sure when it started. It's just that the only thing I used to dream of the most was dancing. Of course, I thought of other things, but dancing was in my mind constantly. It was like a drug... When is the next time I'll be able to dance? What clothes should I wear that matches with these moves? When will I have my first addition? What feelings does this dance represent? Will my mom give me new dancing shoes next Christmas?
...Like a drug. I was down-right obsessed. Though now it's all changing. The dreaming, I mean.
I'm dreaming of something else recently. I think even more than I dream of dancing. It's practically rivaling those daydreams of being on the stage. This...other dream comes up a lot. Sometimes when I dream of dancing or other things, it comes up suddenly. Or it will happen slowly, and I won't even notice I'm dreaming about him until...
Yes, I'm dreaming of him.
I don't know when it started, but I only noticed when he turned up in my daydream of dancing in the rain. I remembered one time – when I was eleven or twelve, I think – it was drizzling. I started to dance around after breakfast. Then my parents left to go to the grocery, and I was still dancing in the backyard. Before I knew it, it was drizzling. I didn't care. I continued, because I didn't want to stop. I didn't know how to stop.
It was just so fun...
"Dancing in the rain..." He sang.
I giggled, peering at him joyfully, but I didn't stop. I don't know why he came around the back, but I was just glad. I don't know – didn't know – what it was about him, but whatever the situation was, I was always glad to see him. I often wondered and had myself believe that even if he barged in while I was taking a bath, I'd still be happy to see him.
"Dancing in the rain..."
His voice sounds like music. It's high like instruments, and at the same time deep enough for a beat. The first time you hear him, thinking he's just a ten-year-old, his voice is surprisingly mature enough for an opening song. His features look like a light show. His eyes a sparkling and happy, like flashing violet that makes you feel special in the spotlight. At the same time, it's shadowed enough to be calm and watching peacefully. His happiness and innocence gives me energy to continue. He is my music and my motivation. And his voice keeps singing for me...
"Dancing in the rain..."
"We're dancing in the rain..."
"You look like a princess. Or a fairy ...You know, it's too cold to be dancing." You look like an angel. Or a cute baby with cool hair. And it's December, of course it's cold.
"I got the dress for Halloween, remember?" I kept dancing, mumbling, but he heard every word. "I was Anastasia...and you were a bunny-monster."
"I like that movie." It started to rain harder, and I closed my eyes. I kept dancing to the low radio, but not really listening to it. I was waiting for his voice. That was my music. He was my music. When he didn't say anything else, I frowned.
"Let me hear you sing the song..."
He knew what I was talking about. He was so shy with me at times. I always wanted to be the one to bring out the best in him. Always wanted to be the one who he could look up to, and I could do the same. He started to sing softly, but I heard him
"Dancing bears..."
I'm going to teach him.
"Painted wings..."
I'm going to teach him to dance.
"No. I can't dance."
"Why not?" I stopped, walking him in the kitchen. Everyone thinks he's too skinny, that he doesn't eat much. I think he's curvy. "You look the part."
"I'm no good." He has a shy smile. "I've no grace, you know?"
"That's why," I say, sharing strawberries, "I can teach you. You're just a little stiff. I can teach you to relax."
"I can't." He needs more confidence.
"Why did you come here?" He likes chocolate. I take some out...
He shrugged. "To watch you dance." I just hope he doesn't have too much sugar.
"If you don't dance, you can sing."
"I can't." He doesn't think he can do anything. "I'm not good at vocals and everything..."
"You were doing just fine back there." Why is he always restraining himself? Doubting himself?
"I just can't sing."
He doesn't see what he can be.
"I can't do anything..."
He doesn't see what I see...
"I'll never duel again!"
Now the daydream takes me here. He is defeated, crying, and miserable. He's screaming for his grandfather, and he's yelling at his 'other self'...
His 'other self'... Is he the cause of his pain?
I hate it when he cries; when he's like this. My music has stopped, replaced by a scared child who I want to help, but is out of my reach. My motivation is just within my grasp, but I feel it slip. He's so depressed, and this time I don't know how to help him.
I'm crying too.
I tell him I'm sorry. I'm sorry that he lost. I couldn't help him. That his voice is broken. I'm sorry about his grandpa. That he tried. He tried, and tried, and tried, but he couldn't save him now. I'm sorry that I couldn't save you. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you. I'm sorry I forgot about you.
I'm sorry I forgot about you...
My daydream takes me somewhere else.
The date we had at the carnival. He's still reading the newspaper. I don't know – I didn't know, but it got me mad. His attention was off me. I didn't know back then, because I was making a big mistake. I couldn't know.
Now I know. I wanted him to watch me dance. He forgot about me.
That was nothing compared to what I did.
Maybe if I make him anxious...
I peered out of the Ferris wheel. He looked so scared...for me. He was so close to screaming my name. He was so close to crying for me to get down. So close to being sad...
I didn't care.
I was so stupid...
"What the–!" Another compartment blew up. I was so scared... So frightened... I...I didn't know. I know I should have listened. He was talking about a bomber... Now I was in a Ferris wheel full of bombs...
I should've listened.
For some reason, I stopped listening to the music.
But I was saved. Of course. I was saved, and then I stopped caring again. I threw the thought away as just a panic attack. Then I threw myself at the one who gambled for my life. The one whom held my heart.
I didn't care for the music.
I stopped caring.
Nothing is wrong with expressing emotions. If I loved someone, I would show it. If I was -in love- with someone, I would show it. But now that I look back at it...I wasn't. He saved my life, yes. He shared with me, yes. Did he return the feelings I had for him?
No.
It wasn't until I had stopped crying that night to realize I didn't either.
It was all just a crush. He was like my prince charming. My knight in shining armor. I was to...dense, perhaps...to realize he was like that to everyone. I was nothing special.
My music still remembers that. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. But I can't say that to him; no. I don't want to bring that up. It makes me feel guilty. Every time I think back at it, a giant pit forms in my stomach. Every time I think about it, I feel like I want to be invisible.
Everyone makes mistakes. Mistakes that hurts the ones you love most. But...I didn't even realize it was a mistake until it was too late.
We had already...drifted.
Have you ever felt so ashamed, that you feel as if the world would be better off without you? I have. I am.
He started to set us up on dates, while he just watched from the background. I thought I was happy. Maybe I was. I was still dancing. Then I realized I was dancing less and less.
At first, I thought it was because we were busy. That it was the same reason that we had drifted apart so much. But that didn't make sense. Whatever trouble came along, or whomever psycho we ran into, everyone still had time for each other. Everyone grew closer. Even Kaiba grew closer to our group.
So why were we the ones who were drifting?
...Was it...because of me?
It made sense.
When I tried dancing a little while later, I was devastated. I couldn't dance. I tried to go with the beat, but my feet wouldn't cooperate. I tried to go with the emotion of the song, but I couldn't relax in order to do that.
What's wrong with me? Tears sprung in my eyes, and I lost all train of thoughts for my sanity.
Why can't I dance? I drop to my knees, feeling a familiar feeling of sickness in my stomach that I couldn't recall. For some reason, I couldn't dance. Not properly, anyway. I didn't know what was wrong with me. It was the most frightening experience in my life...
I can't dance...
I can't dance...
I cried. I collapsed on the ground and cried. No one would hear me, even when I turned the radio off. I cried and begged and beat my legs. It was raining before I knew it. I didn't care. I continued, because I didn't want to stop. I didn't know how to stop.
"I can't dance..."
"Anzu?"
That voice... Only one person can have that voice, that musical voice. I looked up. Yes, it was him. Only one person can have those eyes. Those light, but shadowed eyes that gave me a sense of being loved. Only one person could have a voice both high and deep at once. Only one person could make me feel so special...
But I never knew how he felt until then. I mean, we touched dozens of times before, but it was as if I hadn't felt anything for a long time until he picked me up then. I realized we hadn't touched for a long while before then. His other self – the pharaoh, yes – but not him.
It lingered. Like I had touched soft silk for the first time in my life. Like I was being saved.
We sat on the bench, and I felt the rain grow more heavier. I didn't know if I was crying or not, but by the look of concern he had on his face, I must have looked as distressed as I felt.
"I can't dance..." I replied.
He stared at me skeptically. Then softened to the confusion of a child.
"What do you mean?"
"Something's wrong." I bit my nails out of nervousness for the first time since I was six. "I just can't dance. I tried, but I can't."
"Maybe...it's because we've been so caught up on everything. You just didn't have the time to practice."
"No. No, it's not that." Rain, rain, go away... "It's something else, I know it! I... You... I can't dance because...I don't feel right doing it. I don't feel right."
Out of frustration, I kick of my shoes, and throw them as hard as I could. I didn't know where they landed, but I heard a loud crash, causing him to cringe slightly. Again, I'm sorry...
I can't help but cry. I'm not sure if I was crying or not, but I felt like a flood inside. Normally, I wouldn't go on fits of anger in public. But he was my friend. He is my closest friend, if not more. It doesn't matter how far we've drifted or how, he still knows me best. I've told him things I've never told my mother. I've shared things with him that would outdo my father or my grandfather. He would understand if I just tell him. He can't read minds, but he can help and understand in just about anything if I just tell him. He's someone that can make me feel special.
But I realize...he's just like this to everyone.
"Then make it right."
I know how...
"I'll help you."
But I'm hesitant to try...
"Just go back to the beginning."
I followed his steps, a bit clumsy. He was...dancing. Well, the steps were that of a beginner, but he lied about not having grace. I felt myself start to get happy.
"You said... You said you couldn't dance..."
"And I'm proving it now."
I couldn't reply. My voice was suddenly stuck in my throat. His hands were really soft. And his eyes...they were sparkling, happy. When was the last time I had seem those eyes look at me like that?
I forgot about you.
I tried to replace you.
I'm sorry.
"Sing." Wet mud was tickling my feet, and I had just noticed he was also bear-footed. His eyes were so innocent. Why I took it for granted, I'll never know.
"Sing? ...Sing what?"
"Let me hear you sing the song." I smiled leaning to smell his wet hair. Hey, no gel. It was natural after all. "It's December."
He paused. It continued to rain, but I couldn't care less. I was dancing. We were dancing. I felt wonderful.
Why aren't you singing?
Why won't you be my music?
Was it because I stopped listening to you?
"Let me hear you sing the song." I won't stop until you do. We'll both suffer from the wrath of a cold together. We've already been through a lot together.
"You know I can't sing." He blushes so easily sometimes. "I never get the vocals or anything right. Plus my voice is out of proport–"
"Then make it right." I step back, still feeling the touch linger as I hold his hands. "I'll help you."
I let go, walking back a few steps and staring at him expectantly. He stared at me, confused and blushing slightly. As I wait for him, I pick up his sneakers and put them on the bench. Then turn back and stare as pressuring as I could.
He smiles.
So pretty. Brilliant.
My spotlight and music.
"Dancing bears... Painted wings..."
I feel my feet moving absently. He says he can't sing. Truth is he can rival all seven members of a boy-band.
"Things I almost...remember..."
Remember... Remember... Everything we've been through. All we did for each other. All the times when you spent time meant for your family and gave it to me instead. When have I ever done that? I...I've never sacrificed time for you. I was so busy living up to my dream. Or morning over the pharaoh who only thought of me as a friend. Or with other friends, some you don't even know.
"...And a song...someone sings..."
You still got picked on and even beaten, despite of myself. I wasn't there much to protect you from most harm. I had a perfect life.
A perfect life.
"...once upon a December..."
Thank goodness you dragged me along with you.
I would be living in a totally different position if it weren't for you. My life would be a lie if it weren't for you. I would be turned into some sort of snob if it weren't for you. We wouldn't have met all these wonderful people... Well, I wouldn't. If it weren't for you.
"Far away, long ago,"
Back then, I stuck up for you, and you encouraged me. You have no idea how much you helped me. Everyone else supported me out of lust or money. You were one of the only sincere ones. You encouraged me the most, thought my dances were perfect, saying I seemed as if I were a gliding fairy.
"Glowing dim as an ember..."
You glowed – still glow – with as much radiance and light, and brighten up for me. You're like an angel of some sort. Everyone always takes you for granted. I took you for granted. Then before I knew it, you were out of my reach. We grew out of touch. It wasn't until today that I realized my mistake. -Our- mistake, perhaps. I'm so ashamed for that. Everyone is always putting you down as weak, short, and whimpy. They don't see what I see; what our loved ones see. You're perhaps the strongest of us, surpassing me and your 'other self' in spirit and compassion. You're no fighter, but your heart is strong enough to melt the heart of Kaiba, but luckily he has his brother for that.
And I don't care if you're short. The only reason I look tall is because of my heels. Without it, I'm just barely taller than the pharaoh. What does it matter, anyway? Like I'd go with someone like Malik just because they're taller...
"Things my heart used to know..."
I thought I only loved you as a brother. Now I'm not so sure. All I know is that weather or not I love you as a close brother or much, much more...
"Things it yearns to remember..."
...I'll still love you more than any other. ...Outside the family, that is.
Wait a moment...
I...I can't believe it!
I'm dancing!
I'm dancing!
How long have I been dancing?
My motivation came back to me. My music is singing for me. And in return, I'm dancing. Dancing for him. Dancing for you!
"And a song...someone sings..."
I'm sorry. I couldn't help it.
I glomped you, and you stopped singing.
Oh. It's still raining.
"Thank you!" I cried happily. "My music! You say you can't sing, huh? Sweet Pete -- thank you, thank you, thank you!"
"Ehh...okay..." He's giggling. Am I tickling him? Ah well. He deserves all the laughs I can offer him, and then some more. "You're very welcome."
You mean so much to me. So much that 'love' may be an understatement.
And all those near-death experiences you and I both faced, individually and together...
...it took singing and dancing for me to figure it out.
"I love you, you know that?"
I rest my forehead on his, and we're both smiling with small blushes, and it's not from the rain or cold. He looks at me with brilliant, innocent eyes that have a unique sparkle in them just for me. I look back at him, only slightly hoping my eyes show the emotion of love and gratitude I feel inside. Perhaps more.
"I love you too, you know?"
Yes. Now we're both happy, aren't we? As long as we have each other, we're happy. As long as we stay in touch, and learn from our past mistakes, we're happy, aren't we?
I am.
I'm so happy with you. That even if you're not here, right now and next to me, you're still with me. I love this feeling with you. I love you.
And now my mom is calling me from downstairs, telling me that dinner is ready, then her steps are heard walking away. It brings me out of my reminiscing on our recent memories.
It's only then I notice.
I was dancing.
Figures. I was thinking of you...
Hm...I didn't get all of my homework done yet. Well, like I said, schoolwork can get boring.
Which reminds me, I have dancing classes tomorrow. Will you watch me dance then? You don't have to, but something inside me knows that I will do better if you are there. Then I'll be more assured you are still here.
I'll have your voice in my heart to listen to. I'll have your image to keep me going. You are my music and motivation. Others take you for granted, but I'll never do that again. Others think your short and skinny, I think your petite and curvy. Others think you're weak, but you have enough strength to share and keep me going.
You bring out the best of me. I'll do the same.
You'd give up all your games for me. I'd give up dancing and all my arts for you.
So I suppose I am thinking more of you than dancing. That's a very, very good thing.
Besides, it's December. I'll buy us some mistletoes.
...Fin...
A/N: The first daydream/flashback Anzu had was from when she was
younger. It was made up in my head. The second one, the one where she
said 'now my daydream takes me here' is in Duelist Kingdom. Where it's
Kaiba versus Yuugi and Kaiba had won because Yuugi didn't want to hurt
him. The third flashback, where she says 'maybe if I make him anxious'
is from the first series of the manga titled "Duel 45: O'clock Terror".
Anzu had taken Yuugi out on a 'date', only to use him in order to bring
out Yami. Literally use, and in the process she put herself in
mortal danger in a Ferris wheel full of bombs, just to get Yami's
attention and save her. I was upset that she had never felt guilty
about it. I mean, if she had feelings for Yami, then she has the right
to express herself, but if you read it then you can see that what she
did with Yuugi was wrong.
Also, just to let you know I wrote this late one night after rummaging through the same old Anzu sites and seeing that there weren't much peachshippers. Why? Because Yuugi's weak, childish...and short. So instead, Anzu would be better with someone taller... That really disappointed me. Besides, have you seen how much height Anzu's heels add to her?
'Kay, that's all for now, folks!
