Chapter 1- "Milk's Disease"

Edward was in complete rage. The cook got it wrong again. A milk bottle was on the plate again. This time the chef decided to put four kinds of milk on for Edward. Chocolate, strawberry, regular, and vanilla. Edward still was unsatisfied with the choices.

"How many times have we told the chef to not..." Edward pointed at all four milks. "Put that terrible thing on my plate?!"

Al encouraged Edward to drink the milk. "Come on brother, it'll give you strong bones and it's good from what I remember."

"It's a disgrace!" Edward yelled. "I want them removed from my sight, right now!"

"Don't you want strong bones, brother?" Al asked.

"I can get the calcium elswhere, Al! It's not a hard element to find in other foods!" Edward yelled. "Get me away from the forsaken drink!"

The two brothers continued to argue loudly. Roy was in his office reviewing military plans when he heard Edward's endless shouting about the milk.

"What's Fullmetal going on about this time?" Roy asked.

"Oh, the chef put milk on his dinner plate again, sir." Riza replied. "Oddly, there was four diffrent kinds on his plate."

"Oh, that was me." Roy chuckled to himself. "I told the chef to do it."

"Oh sir, he doesn't like milk. He hates it." Riza reminded him. "Why would you do that."

"Well..." Roy laughed. "I like to play around with Fullmetal sometimes. A doctor brought it to my attention that Edward could have "Milk's Disease".

"Milk's Disease"?" An officer asked. "What's that?"

"Oh, the doctor said it when someone hates milk or they can't have it." Roy explained. "The doctor said Edward could be cured of it."

"How come I haven't heard it?" a medical officer replied. "I've never heard of that."

In the room Edward was still throwing a fit. Al tried to still encourage his brother to have a different flavor but his brother refused again.

"I want those four bastards removed!" Edward yelled. "Right now!"

Al sighed and decided to carry all four milks out off the tray. The milks all had sad faces. The chocolate milk jumped out of Al's arms and decided to set things straight with Edward who couldn't believe it. Milk was standing up to him.

"Al...take this one away..." Edward pointed as he shook. "Al, it's speaking to me..."

The chocolate milk jumped into Edward's lap. "Hey, shorty! That's right, I'm talking to you! Why do you hate us so much?"

"SHORTY?!" Edward began steaming and prepared for his theatrical anger. "No one calls me short! How dare you call me that! Damn bastard called me shorty, Al! That damn milk!"

As Edward continued his theatrical anger. Chocolate milk looked at Al. "Boy, you have a feisty little brother. Is he always like that?"

"Oh um..." Al began waving his hands. "Edward is my older brother. I'm the younger one."

Chocolate milk looked at Al oddly. "Is that how it goes? I could've sworn you were."

Edward fell out of his seat. "I would like meet someone who isn't blinded by height."

Al scooped up the chocolate milk. "I better take you all back to the kitchen before you spoil."

Al began walking past Roy's office as Al heard all about the conversation about "Milk's Disease". Roy was going through papers as he spoke. The four types of milk decided to listen in on it too.

"Well, I guess we could send Fullmetal to this place." Roy laughed. "It's in the northern region. It's very far, a land called Dairilandia."

"Wait." Riza caught on to Roy's plans. "You want to send Ed there? Why? It's town of people crazy about dairy. Especially milk."

"Well, the doctor said Edward can be "cured" there." Roy laughed. "Plus, I need to give Fullmetal something to do. He'll be out of our hair for the next three weeks."

Al covered his mouth. "Brother isn't going to like this at all."

"He deserves it for cursing us out!" Strawberry milk spoke up. "I've never been insulted like that in my dairy lifetime!"

"I say we force feed Edward milk until he throws up!" Vanilla milk replied.

Al sighed. Edward wasn't going to like this at all. If Edward found out he was going to a place where people were obsessed with milk. Edward would drop over dead.

Also he would drop over dead more knowing the milk brigade was planning an assault on him too. Al saw the four dairy drinks actually planning plans and giving everyone a position to attack Edward. There was even a part of the plan where "Master Jug" would be involved too!

OOO

"WHAT?!" Edward bellowed. "You're sending me where?!"

"It's an investigation." Roy smirked a little. "We've never been out North that far. It's a town we've never discovered actually."

"So, you want the milk hater to go out and do it?" Edward growled. "I knew this was a set up!"

Roy laughed. "Maybe it'll cure your "Milk's Disease" too."

"Milk's Disease?" Edward looked questioningly at Roy. "What in the hell is that?"

"A doctor came by and said that it's someone who can't have milk or hates milk in general." Roy began reading papers. "I thought you would be the perfect candidate to be cured."

"I'm not going to Dairilandia!" Edward yellled. "I'll be surrounded by idiots who love milk and worship some sort of milk god!"

"Oh, it's too late for that." Roy laughed. "The decision was made this afternoon."

"I'm not going unless Al comes with me." Edward spat.

Al came in right away. "Um sir...I think Ed would be fine going on his own."

"What?!" Edward faced Al. "Al, think of the torture I'll be going through. I need Al for moral support."

"I think I should sit this one out, brother." Al replied. "I have some studying I have to catch up on."

"Oh great." Edward sighed. "I'm going to scarred for life. It already happened today, four milk bottles and a milk jug attacked me..."

Roy was creeped out. "Ok. That made no sense. Milk can't attack, that would be a new enemy I haven't fought yet."

"Oh, they did. At one thirty this afternoon." Edward replied. "It was an assault. They called war and everything. Chocolate milk was the head general."

Roy looked at Riza and whispered to her. "He really needs to be cured, look at how delusional he is. It's from all the hatred."

Riza looked at Edward. "I guess, you're right, sir. It would do him so good."

"I am not delusional. This really happened!" Edward yelled. "I'm not crazy! The milk attacked me!"

"Tsk, tsk, tsk." Roy shook his head. "A symptom of "Milk's Disease", thank goodness you're being sent out tomorrow."

Edward continued to yell and refuse to go on the investigation as Al had to carry him out of Roy's office. Roy began laughing at his desk as he told all the officers if they saw how crazy Edward looked.

So, it was decided. Edward was being sent to do the investigation against his will. The three weeks of torture began tomorrow at precisely noon when his train departed from Central.

"Poor brother." Al replied. "Maybe it'll finally get him to like milk."

"Don't get your hopes up, Al..." Edward said coldy. "This could make me hate with a burning passion even more."

Al quickly went back to reading as Edward prepared for another assault from the milk bottles and Master Jug.