Joker, you're so close, but so far away. I wish we could just be together forever and never worry about that damn Batman. Harley Quinn sat across from her love, The Joker, poking a fork at a steak she had prepared for them for a romantic dinner. At least, it was supposed to be romantic.
Joker glared across at her, no apparent joy or mirth on his face. The man Harley had fallen madly in love with seemed so distant lately. So glum. Maybe he needs some cheering up? Harley's first attempt to cheer him up didn't go over so well. Thinking that walking around with nothing on aside from her smile and make up would help him feel good was a mistake. He had merely shrugged her off and told her that he had no time for such games.
Taking a bite of the now cold steak, she let out a long mournful sigh. "You know something sweetie." She paused, waiting for Joker to respond to her, he looked up, then back down at his food. "I said, 'you know something sweetie.'"
Annoyed Joker stopped chewing on the rubbery piece of steak in his mouth, it tasted like leather. "What is it Harley? I let you cook this wretched meal didn't I? Isn't that enough damage you've done for one night?"
"No," she began, choking down a sip of wine, "I just wanted us to have a romantic night together. You've been such a stick in the mud lately. You know, a girl can lose interest without the right kind of attention." Twirling one of her loose pigtails, she looks over suggestively at him, maybe he might get the hint that I'm craving something from him!
"Attention? I have no time Harley. Batman is still loose in Gotham, and in case you haven't noticed, I still have to do something about The Dork Knight." Shoving his plate aside, the Joker abruptly stalks away from the table, saying, "But now that you mention it my dear, I have been working a little too hard lately. If you need me, I'll be watching the TV."
Harley turns her head and watches him walk out of the dinning room. Sighing to herself she thinks, he really is dreamy though. Such a wonderful butt! "Oh Harley, you really are crazy." Pushing herself up from the table she collects the dishes and tosses them in the garbage. "One more thing to do tomorrow: steal some more china."
The living room was dim except for the light from the television. Joker was sitting on the couch, legs propped up on the coffee table, his expression still seemed serious, even for him. "Nothing like a bit of TV, eh Harley?"
Looking at the television, Harley spies a familiar figure, "Why are you watching his cartoon? I swear, you think more about the Dork Knight than you do your precious little Harley."
"But this is my favorite show! This is the one where I actually beat Batman! Ha ha ha!"
I guess if it makes him happy, I should be happy for him, "But wouldn't you rather be happy another way puddin?" Reaching up, Harley slides down a strap of her dress, then the other. Turning around she peers back to make sure Joker is watching as she slides the form fitting outfit down her back. Within seconds it collects around her ankles. "Like what you see?"
Joker gazes up and down at her, well, he thinks to himself, she does have one helluva good body. "As much as I like what I see my dear, I just don't feel like doing anything tonight. Besides, look at the TV!"
Harley glares down at the glowing box, and of all things to see, she catches a likeness of herself getting pied in the face by Joker. "Ha ha ha ha! I really ought to do that to you one of these days Harley! You'd look even better with a pie in the face! Ha ha ha ha!"
Tears begin to well up in her eyes as she picks up her dress and storms from the room, shouting back, "Forget it Joker, I'm leaving!"
"Oh, I'm so scared, look at me shaking! He he he!" Turning back to the television he thinks, what's wrong with her?
Unable to hold back the tears any longer, Harley hastily throws her dress back on and grabs her purse. "If he thinks he can treat me like that, he's got another thing coming to him. I'll see if I can crash at Ivy's tonight."
Harley arrives at Ivy's greenhouse about half an hour later. The sun has set for the day and all is quiet and dark. This isn't so bad, she thinks to herself. Ivy and I need a little girl's night. Knocking on the door she calls out, "Ivy, it's your girl, Harley. I need a place to crash tonight."
The door opens slowly, "What's the matter dear?" Ivy looks up and sees Harley looking disheveled, her make up clearly has been running, don't tell me she's been crying over that stupid clown again.
"It's Joker. He just-he ignores me!"
"Harley, come on in, let's get you cleaned up."
Stepping inside Harley's greeted by the smell of various cultivated plants. Ivy being the green thumb gardener that she is always has something new and exciting growing. Taking Harley's hand, Ivy brings her to her living area. "I've told you before and I will tell you again, Joker is not worth your time or effort."
Choking back more tears Harley says, "Everyone keeps telling me that. Even that stupid Batman said that. I just-I don't know what to do. He ignores me, it's like he doesn't know I'm there."
"He doesn't care you're there."
"Tonight for example," Harley wipes a tear from her cheek, "I wanted to do something special and romantic for us. I cooked up a really nice meal, he barely ate it!"
Ivy tries to feint surprise, "Oh really?" Just let the poor girl spill her guts, she thinks, she'll feel better once she vents.
"Then he gets up and just starts watching cartoons! Cartoons! What's worse is I took my dress off, I wanted to get him excited, he just kept watching that damn cartoon about the Dork Knight. It's like he thinks I'm not attractive or something!" Harley begins to sob again, Ivy handing her a box of tissues.
"There there dear. He's just blind and stupid. You're definitely attractive, I think that Joker doesn't know beauty when he sees it in front of him. You could probably be completely naked in front of him and tell him you want it and he'd still not know what you're talking about."
Harley sniffs, "That's already happened before."
Patting Harley on the back, Ivy thinks aloud, "Well, I think the only way I can help your situation is with this." Ivy reaches up to a shelf and grabs a small bottle of pink liquid.
"Perfume? How's that supposed to help?"
Chuckling, Ivy says, "Come on sweetie, how long have we been girlfriends? You know damn well this isn't merely perfume. It's my special pheromone mixture!"
"Oh, you mean the one you use to seduce men, making them bend to your will?" Harley's eyes begin to twinkle in hope.
"Exactly dear. A few sprays of this and Joker will melt in your arms. Hell, he may even make the first move himself!" Ivy sprays a bit of the perfume onto Harley. "How do you feel now?"
"Drop dead sexy." Harley smirks and laughs, Joker will be mine tonight, I know it!
Ivy brings Harley back to the door of the greenhouse, "Well, I think you'd better go now and get your clown."
"I will, thanks Ivy, you're the best friend a girl could ever have!" Harley hugs Ivy tight then walks out of the greenhouse. I'm coming puddin', she thinks to herself, get ready, you haven't had Harley like this.
The door opens to their apartment, Joker looks up to see Harley come walking in, a wide grin on her face. "What are you so happy about?"
Slowly walking over to the couch, Harley begins speaking in a seductive tone, "Oh, nothing in particular puddin'." Leaning over, she plants a kiss right on his cheek.
"What-uh-what's that perfume you're wearing? It smells-it smells-" Joker interrupts himself, kissing Harley passionately on the lips. "Never mind that, why don't we just have some fun dear!"
Harley smiles as she kisses him back, taking his jacket off, she thinks to herself, this is it. I'll finally have my Joker! "This is the happiest night of my life honey, I love you Mr. J."
"I love you too Harley, now take off that annoying dress!"
"With pleasure!"
THE END