A/N: Hello everyone! This fic is for the wonderful maysterious-song who actually gave me the promt as a joke but I still did it. I hope it will brighten up your day as much as it did Zoe's! Thanks to the wonderful waterbaby for betaing!

"Robin!" Little John shouted, slightly annoyed. "The evil box is making noises again. It's irritating the horses, make it stop!"

"It's called a phone, John! And it's not evil." Robin, who'd just came back from the woods carrying a few branches of dried wood under his arm, snatched the ringing mobile phone from John and dropped the branches into his waiting arms.

"The Evil Queen gave it to you. Thus it's evil," the bigger man grunted under his breath, carrying the branches toward the fire without waiting for a reply. They'd been with the Charmings for about seven months now and even though most of the people had accepted Regina wasn't the Evil Queen anymore, Little John and some of his men were still wary. Robin scolded him silently before he touched the magical box… no, the phone and pressed it to his mouth.

"Hello!" he shouted so loud it made the heads of the nearby horses shot up in panic. He and his men had been sent by Charming to reconnoiter the forests surrounding the castles for any strange monkey activities. Well, they hadn't been sent, he and his men had volunteered, much to the dislike of the former queen who thought the expedition too dangerous in times of the Wicked Witch lurking behind every shadow.

A fight in Regina's chambers had followed, a fight after which she'd almost persuaded him to stay - damn that woman and her seductiveness. Almost. However, in order to not lose the contact to the Merry Men and especially Robin, she'd given him this small black magical box with which he could talk to her at any time, give her updates and call for her in case they should be in danger. It was a strange, tiny thing that made very weird noises sometimes - he even had to leave it in the sun once a day for a few hours so it would be "charged" as Regina had told him. Nevertheless, it let him talk to Regina, a small consolation for their time apart. Even though he'd only been gone for three days, he missed her terribly.

No answer came from the phone and only then Robin remembered he had to put the thing to his ear to hear the voice of the person talking.

"… have to yell into the speaker every damn time you pick it up. I'm gonna be deaf by the time you return," Regina's voice lectured him through the small thing. "I understand you when you speak with a normal tone, okay?"

"Regina," he smiled, happy to hear her voice. He could imagine her furrowed brow and the vein on her forehead, which always stood out when she was irritated or angry.

"Yes Robin, it's me. Who did you expect, the tooth fairy?"

"Do they use these things, too?" Robin wondered aloud, dragging an annoyed huff out of Regina on the other end of the line.

"No, they don't. They…" He could feel a snarky remark coming but for some reason she held herself back. "I have someone here who wants to talk to you. Wait a second, I'll put him on speaker."

All of a sudden the noises from the other end sounded a bit livelier than before.

"Papa!" Well that explained it.

"Roland my boy, how are you?" Oh God, it felt so good to hear his son's voice. He missed his little boy more than he would have thought possible. Of course, there had been times when he'd been gone for a few days when he was away for a robbery, but Roland had always had someone from the Merry Men with him he knew. Leaving him in the castle with all the strange people made him feel slightly uncomfortable. He trusted Snow and Charming, yes, but it was another thing to trust them with his son's life. Thankfully there was one person he knew would do anything to protect his son.

"Papa, are you in the magic box? How did you get in there? Did one of R'gina's magic mushrooms shrink you?"

"He's not in the box, Roland. I told you, your papa is out with your uncle John and the other Merry Men to patrol the forest," Regina explained patiently. Robin admired how easy she was with children, especially Roland.

"But when he's in the forest how can his voice be here?" Roland asked curiously.

Robin cracked a smile. "It's complicated, my boy. How was your day? Did you and her majesty have fun?"

"Yes Papa! R'gina and I made gi-gini… Ginabread!" The low chuckle from Regina made Robin's heart clench a little in his chest. Oh, how he missed her laugh and that elusive yet satisfying smile she'd reserved especially for him and Roland.

"We made gingerbread cookies. And Roland ate a whole bunch of them. Something I specifically told him not to do." Her voice became a bit stern and oh, he could imagine his son's guilty puppy-dog eyes staring at her.

"My tummy was feeling funny afterwards and it hurt a bit but R'gina made it all better."

"Did she now," Robin mumbled, a bit worried that his son had been feeling unwell during his absence.

"He's fine, Robin," Regina reassured him. "I took care of it and he promised to never eat a cookie again without asking first. Right, Roland?"

The yes came reluctantly but it came anyways. "Now, it's late my little knight. Tell your father good night."

"Night Papa! Will you come back, soon?"

"I will, my boy. If everything goes well we will be back at the castle the day after tomorrow. Sleep well, Roland. I love you." His heart ached for his son but he swallowed it down, letting the sweet reassurance of his boy sink in.

"Love you too, Papa!" He heard a bit of rustling, then mumbling and something he could swear sounded like "Love you too, R'gina…" before a deep breath escaped the woman on the other side of the line.

"Are you okay," he asked concerned, slipping into his tent. His men were still busy drinking around the fire, trying to keep warm in the upcoming cold of the night. He pressed the phone to his ear with his shoulder while lighting a small candle he put into a hand lantern to keep the flame from inflaming his tent.

"I'm fine. It's just… I'm sorry Roland had a tummy ache. I should have kept a better eye on him." She sounded worried, almost terrified which made Robin's heart clench.

"It's not your fault, Regina. He once ate a whole loaf of sweetbread with John's raspberry jam and was sick for two days after. I didn't think the little guy would actually be able to eat it all."

"Yesterday he told me he decided he would eat so much until his tummy was a big as John's."

This actually made Robin laugh. "I'm not exactly sure he should take John as a role model in terms of abdominal girth."

"Don't let John hear that. I think since I told him to show some restraint at the buffet he's actually been trying to hold himself back."

"Oh, he is. But that's because he's become friends with Francine the kitchen maid, who slips him a bag with pastries every morning before breakfast."

Now both of them couldn't hold back their giggles. It felt good to hear her laugh, to laugh with her together. After a while, a comfortable silence settled between the two of them. "I miss you," he said, his heart and body full with longing for her.

"I miss you, too. I'm in my chambers now…"

He arched an eyebrow. "I'm in my tent. The others are still at the fire but they don't feel comfortable around the phone. They think it's… bad."

"Hm," she hummed, and then sighed.

"What?"

"It just feels great to get out of this corset after a long day." Oh yes, he could imagine. As stunning as she looked in her regal wardrobe, she looked even more breathtaking with nothing but her thick dark curls falling over her shoulders, tickling her luscious tender breasts… Robin's mouth went dry at the thought.

"You're… naked?" he asked, his voice hoarse.

"Naked as the day I was born. What are you wearing?"

"Uh. My… shirt and my… breeches. I… you're naked?" he asked again, the thought of her alabaster skin under his fingertips making him go almost crazy.

"Very naked and very… alone."

Oh what wouldn't he give to be with her right now, to kiss her red painted sweet lips, to squeeze her breasts, to… Heat pooled into his cheeks. Was it inappropriate to think such things of her while she was on the phone? Did the magic box transport thoughts at well, or just words?

"I wish you could be here, Robin. I'm… I'm aching for you."

"God Regina," he groaned, pressing his eyes tight shut when the space in his breeches became uncomfortably tight. He had to get out of these. Now. "Wait, I… I need to get out of these damn breeches."

"Hurry up, Robin. I'm so wet… already."

Saliva pooled into his mouth at the thought of her slick warm folds, his cock now aching with want when he loosened the belt and let the breeches fall down to the ground. Damn, he was stiff. Stiff and hot and pulsing and aching for Regina.

"I wish I could kiss you right now, I wish I could taste you!" He groaned, the thought of her unique salty taste when he licked and sucked at her sensitive bud of nerves vivid in his mind. "I wish I could swirl my tongue over your clit and make you moan." The moment he said it, a gasp escaped Regina on the other side of the line. Robin gripped the phone harder with his left hand, his right sliding down to brush along his sensitive throbbing cock.

"God Robin, I need you. I'm ready." Her voice was hoarse, raw as flesh and so full of desire it made his cock twitch almost automatically.

"Are you touching yourself?" He knew he didn't need to ask, didn't need to because he knew. Knew her delicate fingers were rubbing her sex in small circles. He'd never seen her satisfy herself, usually it was him to take care of it, to make her come harder and intensify her orgasm, but the thought of her rubbing her sensitive clit herself turned him on so much he let out a hiss when he wrapped his free hand around his cock.

Her answer was a low moan, which told him more than he needed to know. Slowly he began pumping his cock, imagining it were her small, warm but incredibly skilled hands. "Christ, Regina I'm so hard."

"I want you inside me, Robin. I want you - now!" Her voice actually cracked which increased the desperation he felt right now. He should be with her now; he should be with her in bed giving her what she needed.

"I know… I know. Damn, I want to fuck you and make you come so hard you won't be walking straight for two days. I want to bury myself into your sweet slickness and fuck you and kiss you until you're breathless and…" Oh, he was close, so close, the pace of his hand increasing with every second.

"I'm so close Robin, don't stop!" He could hear her heavy breaths through the phone, could feel her hot, sweet breath on his collarbone, wished she would leave her marks on him with her nails. Damn, he was close himself, his body flushed with ecstasy, his heart beating so fast it felt like it must jump out of his chest any minute now.

"You're making me crazy with need, Regina. I want to feel your walls wrapping around me - God, you're so tight, so tight I always feel like I will break you when I push in the first time, but you're always ready for me. I want your legs to wrap around me, I want to find that angle which you like so much and hit that spot that makes you moan into my mouth while I kiss you. I want to hold you, I want to fuck you senseless - come for me, Regina. Come for me."

Her breathing tightened, a sound which almost sounded like a sob escaping her throat and he knew she was there, knew it would only take one more… "Fuck. Come for me, my love."

That did it, for him and for her. Robin felt his release washing over him with a wave of pure pleasure while Regina's excited moans and cries continued through the other end of the line. He imagines her body twitch, her hips jerking against him and her eyes, which were always so clear and filled with pure pleasure when she looked at him while hitting her orgasm.

"God Regina, I love you." Silence. For a few moments, all either one heard was heavy breathing, each of them trying to gain back control over their bodies.

"Wow… that was…" Robin choked out, his voice sounding strange in his ears.

"Phone sex." Regina explained dryly, obviously having recovered from her orgasm.

"What?"

"What we just did. It's called 'phone sex' in the Land Without Magic."

Robin raised an eyebrow at the black magical box - no, phone - in his hands. "Huh. There is actually a name for it? That's what these things are for?"

"Well, it's one of the things phones are good for," she hummed satisfied and oh, how he could see her snuggle into her soft velvet cushions now, all content and satisfied, her skin probably a bit sweaty from exhaustion.

"Hm… It's an interesting… alternative. However I much prefer the real thing." His heart was heavy with emotion and longing to snuggle under the covers with her.

"Can't argue with that."

"Two days, Regina. I'll be back in two days and I promise I'll make the lost time up to you."

"I'll be waiting for you. Good night, Robin. I... I…"

"I know. Good night, my love." He waited for her to disconnect the call, staring at the dark black screen after silence settled in. Perhaps, he thought, he could ask Regina to keep that magic phone thing just in case. The silence was soon disturbed by a low buzzing and the screen lighting up once again. A message from Regina. Hm.

Robin tried to remember what to do and when he finally figured it out, a picture popped up in his messages. A surprised yet satisfied smirk settled on his face. Yep, he would definitely be keeping that one.