BASED ON AN ANON PROMPT: "Mr. Carson, shall we…walk back together?" Elsie scurried to catch up to him when he paused to consider her question, smiling to herself when he shuffled to place her to the inside, the way any gentleman would for his lady. They walked along in companionable silence until the Abbey came into view from a small rise in the road. Turning to look down, he studied her with unabashed curiosity, causing her to blush and turn her own gaze to study the tips of their shoes between them. What happens next?
He passes her and turns his head. Sad eyes look into hers for a fleeting moment before he walks on, along the empty platform, shoulders slouched. Not at all looking like the confident, proud butler she knows so well.
She had expected him to somehow make peace with his past at some point; had hoped he would come, almost prayed for it, but knew it was unlikely. Even though she never missed an opportunity to gently remind him that his old friend was still out there waiting for him. There were many reasons why his appearance at the train station was unexpected and surprising. First of all, she knows how difficult it is for him to admit when he is in the wrong. Quarrels between them take days to be resolved. He needs time to think, time to come to her and apologize. Although he trusts her, knows her, knows that she cannot stay angry for long. Of course, this man, who's now sitting in a train to Belfast was his friend years ago. They were close once but aren't now. They hadn't spoken for years, had not been in contact since Grigg's sudden appearance ten years ago. How can he talk to Grigg? How can he forgive his old friend when others are around to witness his possible failure? When he is not in his familiar surroundings, the place he knows like the back of his hand. He is vulnerable out here, not in charge, just a man who's afraid of things that had happened a lifetime ago. But he took the risk, took to heart what she had told him. This is his one chance, perhaps the last one, to make peace with his past.
She turns around, follows him with her eyes, how he walks away from her with long, fast strides. He has done this for her too and she cannot let him go. The realization hits her unexpectedly and she starts to run, calls his name, needs him to wait. Her tight skirt makes it difficult for her to run and to catch up with him but he has heard her, lingers until she reaches him. He does not speak, does not catch her eye when she looks up to him, just walks, a bit slower now.
They leave the station together, descend the stairs side by side, turn left at the end towards the exit. In the distance the train blows out smoke, the whistling sounds through the quietness. He does not look back but she takes one last glimpse, sees how the train disappears around the corner into the forest. Grigg is gone. The last chapter of his past closed. A wound stitched up, she wonders, and wants to ask him how he feels now. Relieved? Hurt? Lonely?
"Mr Carson?" Her voice sounds small. There is no answer. He walks on, lost in his thoughts apparently. For a split second the urge to ask again is there but she lets it pass. He is allowing her to keep him company. She should not push him. A conversation can wait for later.
Whatever he is thinking about must be upsetting. His hands clutch into fists every now and then and he stares straight ahead. Alice Neale? Grigg and him must have had an argument about her all these years ago. Had he loved her? And then lost her to his friend? She swallows hard at the thought of it. To be fond of someone, like he had said, or to be in love are two different things. Love is so much stronger. She knows this from her own experience. An image of Joe crosses her mind. The man who had loved her, wanted to marry her and then spend the rest of his days with her at his side. It was not love what she had felt for him. She liked him, but not enough to call it love. A long and happy relationship seemed impossible. But the many next to her had experienced something different. Had his heart broken, had lost a friend, carried with him an uncertainty hidden in his heart for decades.
Her hand reaches out to touch his elbow, gently, carefully. She doesn't want to startle him. His head turns and he offers her another sad smile, then tugs her hand safely into the crook of his elbow. It is warm there, a safe place, one she has never had the chance to touch before. Yet everything about it feels familiar.
They continue their walk back towards Downton Abbey in silence. The wind rustles the leafless branches of the trees, gravel and dry leaves crunch under the soles of their shoes with every step they take. A stray cat passes, a few crows fly from one treetop to another. Everything around them is in constant motion, moves on, changes. Today he was part of that change although he always refuses to accept it. But one chapter of his life is finally closed now. He can start a new one.
Her other hand joins the one on his elbow. She holds on to him, needs to be close, because as long as she does not know more about Alice, or what has caused the friendship between the two men to end, she has to stay at his side, be the person that does not drift in and out of his life. He adjusts her hand, pulls her imperceptibly closer. Their shoulders touch, they are in step. Years of working side by side turned them into partners, friends, people that know each other better than themselves sometimes.
In the distance they can already see the majestic building that is Downton Abbey. It disappears behind the next hill, is visible again after they've walked on a bit.
"I'm glad you're here." He suddenly says.
"Why shouldn't I?" She smiles up at him.
"Seems not many people get along with me for long." He sounds bitter and she stares at the tip of their shoes while they keep walking.
"If you mean that friendships come to an end sometimes, then I agree. But whoever does not get along with you, doesn't know you."
She can feel his gaze, knows that he is studying her now intensely with that curious glance he sometimes has. Her cheeks feel warm, a blush creeps into them.
"You know me, Mrs Hughes." It is a face. "You'll never abandon me."
"Never Mr Carson." Their eyes meet and for a moment they just stare at each other in silent understanding.
"Thank you for that." To her surprise he lifts her hand and kisses the back of it. "This…" he hesitates while she holds her breath. "…you, mean a lot to me."
He begins writing that new chapter, she thinks. And her part will be an important one. How much she will be involved is up to him but she feels that by letting go of his past love, he's now finally able to find new one. One that won't break his heart. She'll make sure she doesn't.
THE END