Hi. My name's Tom. You don't know me, but you know my parents. Courtney and Duncan. My mom's this super-expensive, famous, wealthy lawyer. My dad's a... well, I'm not sure how it's called. He pierces people for a living. I think they used to be on this old realty show. They both didn't let me watch it. When I found it online, I realized why. Anyway, it all started about 23 years ago, in their friends' wedding.
(flashback)
"Hey man, congratulations'', Duncan said. "Thanks, man", Geoff said and they fist bumped. "Always knew you guys will get married at the end", said DJ, who stood near them. "Hey, where's the blushing bride?", Duncan asked. "She's with Gwen, Leshawna and Courtney, getting ready. This last few months were hard on her. On both of us". Geoff moaned as Duncan and DJ laughed.
"Are you sure this dress is OK?'', Bridgette was having another of her bridezilla moments. "Relax, honey", Leshawna calmed her, "You look gorgeous, girl. Besides, it's kind of too late to change it''. "You look like a princess", Courtney said as she purred herself a glass of white wine. "I can't believe you're finally getting married", Gwen tried to change the subject. Bridgette smiled nervously.
Although Bridgette expected some crisis to come, the ceremony went pretty smoothly, other than Owen's constant crying of joy. The food came out, numerous pictures where taken with the happy couple, and then the dancing begun. Off course they hired a DJ. Duncan and Geoff were doing Jell-O shots, while the girls drank some fruit cocktails. "Wow, I think you had enough", Bridgette said to Courtney when she got her third cocktail. "She's right, if you keep drinking, you're gonna end up doing something you'll regret", Gwen said. "Oh c'mon, just one more", said drunken Courtney.
Duncan was after about 10 shots or something, even Geoff quitted by now. He looked around and noticed Courtney. "Glad to see the princess drinking", he said and drunkenly smiled at her. "I'm not a princess", she said and continued gobbling down her cocktail. I'm not sure what happened, but the next morning they were both very hungover.
"Ahh...", Courtney moaned as she woke up. She looked around her and didn't know where she was. Then she noticed who was lying next to her. She screamed, horrified. "Shut up!", Duncan said and covered his face with his pillow. It took him a few seconds to realize what happened. "What are you doing in my apartment?!", he yelled.
After they both had coffee and got the hang of themselves, they started to remember. "I can't believe I slept with you", Courtney said, mortified. "Why? There are a lot of girls who would be happy to be in your place", he said mockingly. He wasn't too happy about it either, but he enjoyed annoying her so much. "Oh my god, I feel sick", Courtney said. "Hey, that's crossing the line!", Duncan got angry. "No, you idiot. I actually feel sick", she said and ran to his bathroom.
After a few minutes of vomiting, she said: "What was that?'' "You drank a lot, that's all", he said. "No, it's not that. I remember I vomited at the middle of the night too. That must be something else". They looked at each other and one scary thought came to their mind. "NO!", Duncan said, "That can't be. I always use a condom". He ran to his room and turned it upside down, trying to find some kind of proof.
Meanwhile, Courtney bought a pregnancy test. A couple minutes later, Duncan stood outside of his own bathroom, hoping and praying. Courtney came out white as a whitewash. "It's... positive", she said quietly. "Are you sure?", he asked. She showed him the stick. Yeah, there was no doubt about it. She was pregnant.
For some reason they decided to keep the baby. Duncan even supported Courtney as she gotten through it. She moved into his apartment and decided to raise him together. Any guesses who the baby is? That's right, it's me. Fun story, right? Well, it's about to get even more fun.
Duncan and Courtney, as you know, constantly fight, and after I was born their fights gotten more serious. So when I was about three months old, Courtney, my mom, decided to move out to her mother's house and take me with her. Duncan, my dad, got to visit me twice a week and take me on weekends sometimes. I mean, if my mom let him.
Today, everything is different. My mom married to this guy names Scott who's really stupid, but kind of funny. They have their own daughter, Lilian, my half-sister. she's 15 right now and is a complete copy of my mom. Scott's a stay-at-home dad and he usually does everything my mom tells him.
My dad met his wife, Rachel, at this tattoo shop she worked at. Rachel's nice, but those two sometime forget that they are in their 40's and have a daughter. Yes, another half-sister whose 15, her name's Carla. She's really cool. Boy, Lilian and Carla just hate each other.
So that's it. That's my story. I just finished college. It was great not living with this people for the last four years. Got to meet some normal people instead. I know my family's weird, but hey, it could've been worse. My parents could have stayed married.