"Lei è mia e solo mia." Sebastian's voice was low, dark and wouldn't be nearly as terrifying if he didn't have a sickening grin across his face.
Clary swallowed loudly, wishing she knew more Italian. From the way Sebastian had spat the words and Jace's eyes narrowed she knew it was nothing good. Maybe she didn't want to know Italian after all.
"Lei non sarà mai tua." Jace muttered in an equally grim tone. He looked like an angel of death. His eyes were narrowed to mere shining, golden slits and his curling hair hanging around his face. Gripped tight in his hand was a burning seraph blade, he had only seconds ago named Zaphkiel. And for maybe the fifth time, Clary felt like her legs might give out.
The three of them - Jace, Sebastian and herself - were locked into what Sebastian had called an Insigno. They were stuck in a scalene shaped force field. Jace and Sebastian glaring at each other from the far corners, and Clary stood at the northernmost corner, nearly between the boys and their angry staring contest. They had been in this thing for hours, Clary squinted against the wall of what looked like transparent seaweed fanning around in the wind - sometimes zipping around as if it was alive - to see the sun settling low on the horizon. She could also see her stele lying on the ground, a foot or two away. Her hands itched to reach for it, but they all had figured out early on that that was not a good idea.
There were barriers that boxed them in, as well as separated each other. The barriers inside were invisible - like a wind gently but steadily blowing you backwards when you got too close - but the force field that looked like waving seaweed was very visible and very much there. Jace was first of them all to try to kick, punch and jump himself out. She could see from where she limply stood the burns the seaweed had laced into his clothes. He even tried to throw one of his daggers through the wall, whatever purpose that may have achieved.
It burned. The dagger went through one wall and Clary had watched, expecting it to come out and stick into the ground outside the Insigno. It vanished into a puff or swirling green smoke. Jace swore and said something about faerie magic and claimed he had heard of old traps forgotten in abandoned faerie territory.
So, here they were. Once the boys had realized they couldn't kill each other, they settled with bickering at each other. Most of it, Clary couldn't understand. They would insult each other in English, then veer off into Italian again, sometimes glancing over at her as if waiting for her to join in. She sensed they were talking about her and shuddered whenever Sebastian would flash a wicked grin her way. Really, she was too exhausted to care anymore. It seemed like an eternity since she'd been outside the Insigno, though the rational part of her brain figured it had only been about five or six hours.
"Tu sei un bastardo." Jace's voice rose, every word he spoke with force. Clary realized they had continued their conversation while she had let her mind drift away. Her eyes found Jace's face and he was staring hard at Sebastian, his face contorted by disgust.
"Io sono solo malato, se lei lotta." Sebastian's eyes flashed with something dark and the grin he already wore widened.
"She didn't. She loved every minute." Clary's head whipped around to Sebastian and his eyes were on her, raking her up and down as if he could see right through her clothes. A feeling of dread twisted up inside her stomach and stayed there. She was about to bark a few choice words that would make even a sailor faint when his eyes tore away from her body, sliding easily back to Jace, and he laughed aloud.
Jace had the seraph blade held above his head, bringing it down with a cry and connecting it with the invisible barrier. Her Jace looked lethal, his face all angles as he swung with strength no mundane would know what to do with. Though he was totally hot with all the will and strength pulsing through him, it wasn't enough. The blade bounced back and flung itself in the opposite direction, like a puppy running from the vacuum cleaner. The momentum brought both of Jace's feet from the ground and ending with him nearly landing upside-down on his head. Instead, he maneuvered his legs in the air and came to a tumble on the ground, summer-salting over and over until he could control his balance once again and came to a crouch on the ground. Then, back on his feet. His legs looked steady but his face looked like he was going to be sick.
The composure washed over him completely and he bored his golden eyes into Sebastian's empty, black ones. Light and Dark. Good and Evil. Hadn't Jace - her Jace - once said something about a gray area?
"I don't believe you." He said, simply. Sebastian lost his smile and his eyes became deadly serious, any light or amusement in them had disappeared.
"Would you like me to show you?" His voice deadpanned at the same volume he had been speaking in, but it sounded as loud as a shriek in Clary's ears.
"Show him what?" Clary inquired, taking a step away from Sebastian, as if she had anywhere to run. The dreading feeling in her stomach seemed to pop open like a cocoon, butterfly wings unfurling inside her. Except they were made of slippery, webbed skin. Tar black in color. And when they tried to flap, to escape from her abdomen, the wings curled backwards and wrapped around her stomach, squeezing and throbbing until she had to wrap her arms around herself. Neither boy quite noticed her, they were staring dangerously into each other's eyes. Staring so hard as if they were chatting inside each other's heads.
"Sebastian. Don't." Jace warned, he swung his seraph blade back and forth, though his grip was all the more tightening. Clary wondered if he could break it.
"Oh, but I don't want to be made a liar in front of my adorable baby sister." Clary stilled and turned slowly, wondering if it was just her imagination that his voice had come closer.
"Clary!" Jace shouted, but Clary was frozen. Sebastian was moving his hands to the dirt and grass, sinking them in to the wrists. Clary watched, bewildered yet curious. Her pain hadn't quite subsided, but the exhaustion had set in, sevenfold. They had been running after Sebastian for so long…maybe this was what he had planned to happen the entire time.
"Who do we belong with but each other?"
Clary's eyes grew wide as she saw him hold his hands under the dirt, chanting something that she couldn't make out. His voice had climbed a few notches and it sounded almost like he was quietly singing. A song that sounded like tinkling little bells - almost like a lullaby. It was then that she felt the air grow hot around her, not hot enough to make her sweat but enough to make her breathing feel hazy, as if the Insigno had turned into a greenhouse. Her eyes shut on their own accord and she felt herself sinking to the ground. Someone was shouting her name, begging her to…not to do something.
Something flashed in front of her, making her see dark red behind her lids for just a moment. A noise. Crunching. Like glass shards underneath a pair of shoes, edging closer to her.
"Clary!" Reality came jolting back to her as Jace yelled her name. Her entire body jumped and she sat up, becoming aware of her surroundings again. Her eyes landed first on Jace, his emotionless mask gone absolutely, replaced by emotions she had seen on his features before. When he yelled at her in Alicante, begging her to go back to New York in his own way. When he had shown up with Simon in Valentine's boat as she traced a mark on the wall of the ship. The terrified eyes he had stuck her with every time he had woken from one of his nightmares where he had killed her. It all swirled into one mask of surprise, worry, pain and anger.
A bubbling laughter caught her attention away from her Jace, carefully looking up to see Sebastian. He was looking down at her with a grin cracked into his pale face and an eyebrow raised. The pain in her stomach had fluttered away when she heard Sebastian's song. Now it was back. And she felt her jaw drop as she glanced back and forth between him and where he should have been.
"How?" Was all she could muster. She realized that the song had left her body with no strength. She could barely arch her brow along with her question.
"You see, little sister," He raised his hands, palm towards the sky as if he was talking to heaven itself.
"The Seelie Queen grew much more fond of me than I expected her to. She gave me information to subjects I never even knew existed. She allowed me to traipse through their study areas like I was King. I learned much from her. So much. Faerie magic's like these-" He turned and looked around their cage with an emotionless gesture.
"They are very, very simple for me to understand. Simple enough for me to use my mind and flip the barrier off like a switch. Simple enough for me to get back to you…" The dark tunnels he had for eyes softened like a real human's eyes might if they looked at something they loved. He knelt onto the ground in front of her, capturing one of her red curls and caressing it between his fingers.
"Non la toccherai." Jace's voice growled out from behind her, and Clary yearned to look back at him, but Sebastian was too quick. He grabbed her chin and held it in place, trying to stare right through her skull, perhaps.
"Speak English, little brother. I don't think we need to protect her from what were talking about anymore." One corner of his lovely mouth quirked up and he stroked the side of her jaw.
"Nothing is going to protect her from what happens next." His face inched closer to hers and she moved her chin away from his grasp. Clary tried to yank her face away from his, to be as far away as she could possibly be, but her bones were jelly, her muscles tired and nonexistent. Her move was a pathetic slide away from him, the butt of her jeans dragging against the dead grass.
"Clary, get up!" Jace urged her on more and more as Sebastian chuckled darkly, scooting a little to be back in front of her. Now, he didn't waste any time. He cupped his long hands around her cheeks and pulled her into his kiss. Clary's heart rate jumped and she tried to coordinate her limbs long enough to break Sebastian's perfect nose. She couldn't even make a fist.
The feeling of being kissed by her brother and having nothing she could do about it made Clary's mind shatter into a million pieces, trying to fit the pieces back together in a way that would make everything else go away. Her eyes were filling rapidly as she heard Jace's voice calling out to her, a touch of something she'd never really heard in his voice before. Hysteria.
"I could get used to this, couldn't you?" His grin touched his eyes, the way they did when he got something he really wanted.
"Don't touch me." Clary mumbled through the tears, though she held her eyes steady to his. Sebastian frowned and he reached forward, as if he wasn't thinking about it, and rubbed the pad of his thumb across her cheek where the tears landed.
"Don't cry, angel girl. It will be just like the dreams." He leaned closer to her, his warm breath stirring her hair as he spoke against her ear,
"Only better."
"Get. Away. From. Her." Clary was able to look back this time and saw a sight that broke her heart. Jace had several new burns in his clothes, some spots were stained red as blood seeped into the threads. His light hair was a messy halo around his head, his eyes wild with hate and his chest thundering up and down. In response, Sebastian spun Clary around to face Jace and she looked at him full on, letting the tears roll off her face and seep into the dirt below.
"I'm sorry." She whispered and hoped that he heard her over Sebastian's laughter. Her brother had stayed in the same spot, but wrapped his arms around her, resting his chin on her shoulder.
"You hate it, don't you? Knowing that she's had so much fun with me, but no fun with you." He rubbed the tip of his nose along her neck and into her hair, taking a deep breath. His sadistic eyes never left Jace's face. He was getting off on Jace's pain.
"What…do you keep talking about?" Clary pushed the words out even though she felt a weight the size of an elephant on her chest. She felt like her lungs had collapsed and, by some kind of miracle, she still lived.
"What's that, sweetheart?" Sebastian let his gaze linger on Jace for a few moments more before he turned to her, nuzzling into her neck and making her entire body shudder.
"What the…hell…" Clary felt like she were choking on air.
"is all this…crap about dreams?" Sebastian's face looked quizzical for a moment, then his face split into a grin.
"You really don't remember? The dreams I sent to you after you escaped me? I sent them nearly every week, little sister." The grin that was plastered on his face seemed like it was never going away. What was he so happy about? She didn't understand.
Clary didn't feel like trying to talk again, so she merely shook her head. If the gruesome smirk could get any bigger, it had. He lifted himself onto his knees, tightening his grip on her and moving his languid lips to brush against her ear, shudders returning to her body.
"You don't remember me coming to you in your dream? You don't remember meeting me in a meadow in Berlin? Nothing about lying in the white sand in Bora Bora? Lying in my bed in the apartment…" His lips were pressed against her ear now, whispering softly as his hand lowered from around her stomach to her thighs.
"While I gave you things you'd never had before…touched you places no other man has touched you…" He proved the point as he very gently slid his long fingers down the outside of her leg, then dragging slowly up the inside of her leg, stopping just before he got to between her legs. She gasped and shut her eyes tight, hoping Jace would do the same.
"You screamed my name, Clarissa. Relentlessly.." His voice had become so low and his breath was hot and heavy against her shoulder, her neck, her face. Her stomach did flips as he inched his hand towards her spot. She was revolted to the point of possibly vomiting, and yet…she felt her blood course through her and throb in one place. Her body knew no difference.
"Jonathan Christopher Morgenstern." Clary raised her voice as high as the volume would let her, which sounded more like a growl than a shout. She had to catch her breathing before she could continue and Sebastian interjected.
"Why yes, that name." The smile was still on his face but his lids hung low, only speaking in quiet, rolling tones. She regretted saying his name at all as she slowly realized what it was doing to him. His heart was hammering against her back, his skin was white-hot and pin-and-needles against hers.
"Stop this…right now." Clary barked, hoping her voice sounded at least a little stern, authoritative. She knew he was laughing without hearing it, his chuckles vibrated through her back.
"Did you know…she's got this spot that makes her go absolutely wild?" Sebastian ignored her and watched Jace with calculating eyes. Jace wasn't defeated yet, but all he did was look around. He was trying to find a way out. As Sebastian called out to him, hatred filled gold eyes landed back on Clary. She nearly jumped, his stare was hard and gazing just above her head. Her heart was erratic as she felt Sebastian's hands move around her body, but she focused on Jace. He was gorgeous, even with the burned clothes and blood running along his bronzed skin. His scarred hands were at his sides, flexing open and closed and Clary felt the greatest urge to hold them in hers. To steady them and fix his messy hair, to tell him it was going to be alright.
As if sensing her thoughts, Jace's eyes snapped to hers, all the hate melting away. He gingerly walked as close as he could to the barrier between them and dropped to his knees. The pain that filled his eyes brought on a fresh batch of tears to Clary's face.
"I won't quit, Clary." He announced, Clary wincing. She thought he would whisper things to her, not let Sebastian in on everything. Sebastian made a dismissive noise and Clary pictured him rolling his eyes.
"I'll find a way out. I won't let him…" He swallowed, his Adam's apple bobbing, making Clary want to kiss it still.
"I love you." Clary's heart pounded harder than she could take. It took her breath away and she quietly sobbed, wishing she could wake up from this nightmare.
"I love y-you too." She felt like she screamed it, high into the heavens, but it came out as sobs. Just as she was moving her eyes to the darkening sky, praying to Raziel to help her once more in her life and never again, every nerve in her body sprung. Clary gasped and turned to look at Sebastian, who was locked onto her left shoulder. She felt his hands, one pulling down the sleeve of her sweater and one still around her waist, then his mouth. His mouth planting wet kisses up her neck, back down ending at her shoulder.
Sebastian's eyes were closed, his brows uncharacteristically furrowed, as if he was concentrating on every move he made. Clary was shaking from head to toe, willing him in her mind to stop. She wanted to fall away from him and go to sleep, her eyes fluttering closed and tears escaping down her cheeks.
"It never happened." She whispered, though her voice still shook. Those dark tunnels of eyes popped open wide and he stared at her incredulously.
"What?"
"The dreams. They never happened." Her eyes bored into his, making sure he could hear the finality in her tone. His face suddenly twisted into a furious expression and he clamped his hand around her upper arm, holding it like a vise.
"They did." He said, almost as if he was trying to convince himself.
"You kissed me and held me. You screamed my name and left scratches down my back. You were underneath me, letting me do as I pleased. You told me you'd never leave my side.…" His face became so close to hers, all she could see were the pitch black tunnels of his eyes.
"You told me you loved me." Sebastian hissed the words in her ear and for the first time, Clary could see the tiniest flicker of vulnerability under his stony mask. He was so lonely. And all he wanted was her.
The pity didn't last long.
"I don't love you. I never will." Clary spat the words like poison dripping from her lips and regretted it instantly. Sebastian released her arm in a shove. A shove with so much strength she was thrown to the ground and slid across the dead grass before bumping into the barrier. She could smell her hair as it singed and let out a terrified squeal. All to quickly, Sebastian had her again, grabbing her by the ankle and dragging her back like a sack of potatoes. He was on top of her, then. Straddling her hips with his legs, hands on either side of her head. Much like the position in the apartment before she had nearly killed him.
"Fight him, Clary!" Jace's voice was drifting in and out of her range as she tried to shake the urge to vomit. She tried to remember her training and though it came to her easily, her muscles wouldn't listen to her. As if every part of her was weighed down and moving to simply place her hand on Sebastian's arm was like moving her hand through thick cement.
"Let me remind you of all the fun we had, little sister." Sebastian's breath poured over her face and Clary shook her head. No words, just shaking her head back and forth until the dizziness was too much for her to handle.
"Don't worry, sweetheart. You'll love it as much as you did then." He moved his hands to her waist, bringing his head down and nuzzling into her neck, leaving a hot trail as his tongue flicked down over her collar bone. Clary tried all her might to muster up some strength, reaching deep down into any kind of reserve she had. Her hands came up, pushing Sebastian off of her, but she could tell it was like a feather against a knife. He sighed, simply moving her arms down each and every time, continuing his trail down her throat, lower and lower, traveling between her breasts.
Her chest contracted and Clary let her head fall sideways, eyes filling with hot tears. She watched Jace, mouth things to her, different ways to get him off of her.
I'm too weak. She thought, mouthing the words for him. His face was a mute kind of angry as he stared into her eyes. There was an emptiness there that she wanted to get rid of. Hated it seeing in her Jace's beautiful golden hues. He let his head fall into his hands, clutching his hair so hard she thought it might rip free from his skull. Seeing him at the brink, Clary began to shake again. She was scared. Scared of this man on top of her, this man she was related to, touching her the way she had only ever wanted to be touched by Jace. She was scared for Jace, what would happen to his sanity if he had to witness the scenes that were to unfold. She was scared of the Insigno, so afraid of what Sebastian would do once he was finished with her. Would he leave them to die in their cage, like animals?
Clary tried to hold in her sobs and succeeded in most, but few escaped her lips, ragged and miserable sounding. She dragged her lids open to find Jace staring at her, his fist over his mouth and his eyes red rimmed. She didn't see any tears and she wondered why they were that color.
I'm scared. She mouthed, lips trembling. She felt like a weakling, a pathetic excuse for a Shadowhunter. She hated herself. Jace should just turn and look the other way, leaving her to loath herself as Sebastian took advantage.
But she saw in his eyes, his expression mirrored her feelings. She realized with a start that he hated himself. Not being able to save her from her sadistic older brother.
I won't leave you. His hand shook as he took them away from his mouth. Numbly, Clary stared at him for moments, wishing she could be with him. She flinched when she started to feel the movements of Sebastian's hands again, shoving underneath her sweater, burning fingers groping her naked back.
What do I do? Her eyes were squinted, her chin lifted away from her own body uncomfortably. Clary watched as Jace's teeth ground together and he continued pulling his hair as if it would give him and idea. Finally, his eyes flicked to Sebastian - who was too immersed in what he was doing to notice their conversation - then rolled back to her. His brows furrowed but his eyes were wide and he mouthed something Clary couldn't understand. She gave him a quizzical look and he sighed, staring hard.
Pretend it is me. Clary took a sharp breath, her eyes filling again. This time, she held it back. She didn't let them fall.
Sebastian, of course, took it the wrong way. He made a noise low in his throat and greedily kissed her mouth. She couldn't even bite hard enough to hurt him, she seemed to have egged him on even more. Clary's mind raced, feeling how wrong it was to think of these hands as Jace's, Sebastian's lips as her Jace's. She glanced at Jace once more, his face full of heart-shattering pain, then turned back to look at the sky. She took several breaths before she could actually bring the words to her lips.
"Brother." The simple word caught Sebastian's attention easily, his whole body stiffening. He lifted himself from her body and looked down at her, his head tilted slightly. He almost looked…innocent. Pale hair mussed from his actions, confused expression masking his features.
"Brother, please…" She gulped, meeting his eyes with her pleading ones.
"Please stop." Her voice shook erratically and he simply stared at her, looking almost dumb-founded.
"Why? You love this, I know you do. Why would you want me to stop?" Because you're my brother and this is sick and wrong and the guy I love more than anything else is watching you do this to me…
"I don't love it. I don't even like it." Clary lazily looked at him through her lashes, hoping somewhere in him, Sebastian would realize how disgusted she was. There was total silence for awhile, Sebastian frozen above her and she wondered if she had struck a nerve. Her hope rose a fraction. Then, a smile that looked more like a sneer lifted his face and it all came crashing down.
"Then I will teach you to like it." He whispered, suddenly pulling a dagger from his belt and tearing it through her sweater, the sides falling apart and revealing her to him. Clary's eyes shut again, her head falling back in defeat. She could hear Jace's labored breathing but didn't dare look. She didn't want to see his face contorted into anger and pain. She started to drift, thinking of the times when his eyes were dark with yearning, holding her face and kissing her hard, then softly and slowly. She started to feel the hands on her skin as Jace's, tried to forget where she was and who was actually touching her. Nothing but gold and bronze filled her inner eye, holding onto the intimate moments she had shared with the love of her life.
Clary felt her heart beat behind her ribs and let herself go, spinning off to her imagination as hands slid down her waist and to the button of her jeans. Something inside her told her to be scared, but she resisted, concentrating on Jace's warm fingers running through her hair, sliding down her face and rubbing the pad of his thumb against her mouth. Automatically she parted her lips and she heard him take a sharp breath. His lips came down onto hers and she relished in it, mentally tossing away the red flags that popped up. Jace's tongue explored her mouth as it had before, hers hesitantly meeting his. His right hand was still caressing her face as his left went south, popping the button of her jeans loose and traveling lower. Clary's breathing sped and she bit her bottom lip. Her memories drifted to the night at the Bone Chandelier. Jace's hands moving over her body, his body pressed against her, riding her dress up her thighs, touching her everywhere except the one place she really wanted…needed…
Clary heard a gasp - realizing almost instantly that it came from her - and shuddered as she felt Jace's hand slip into her underwear and onto her core. He moved his fingers in small, slow circles and it aggravated her, that he would do such a thing so sluggishly. Clary arched her back, grinding her hips into his hand. She kept her eyes shut tight as she heard someone take in a sharp breath and someone chuckled darkly.
"That's my girl." Clary barely heard the voice over the blood pulsing in her ears. Her body seemed to move on it's own, instinctively moving towards Jace's hand, warm between her legs. She let out a little noise, like a sigh, barely audible, and the hand sped up. Jace's breathing became heavy above her and her lips parted, feeling something warm pool in her underwear. Suddenly, Jace stopped moving his fingers in circles and Clary whimpered from the loss. Her body had been humming, breaking down at every joint, but she was slowly losing the delicious feeling as he took -
Clary jumped and made a noise between a gasp and a squeak. She could feel Jace on her again, but instead of his hand flat against her core, one of his fingers was circling her opening. Slowly, so slowly, he pushed inside of her. A long moan escaped from her throat and she threw her head back, the buzzing inside her heightened so high she absently wondered if she might faint.
"Yes, Clary. You love it…you're so tight around me." Someone was whispering to her, but it wasn't Jace. She couldn't be bothered with anything except for what he was doing to her. Especially as he slid his finger out of her, then pressed it back in, over and over he did this. Clary's mind scattered, her hips leaving the ground and her mouth falling open in a silent scream. Her breaths were short and quick, once in awhile replaced by a moan. She ground herself into Jace's hand, her own hand clinging to his arm as he miraculously fit a second skillful finger pounding inside of her. The weight of him left her and she felt her jeans slip totally off her legs, her underwear being tugged lower, past her hips and ending up just above her knees. She felt something new touch her core and she arched, offering herself to Jace.
His fingers kept their rhythm, thrusting hard in and out of her, then something wet joined them, gliding along the hottest part of her. Her own moans rang in her ears as she clutched the ground underneath her. Jace's tongue ran along her core, finding a spot and catching it between his lips, sucking it into his mouth. He changed his rhythm, matching the sucking and flicks of his tongue with his fingers. Clary felt the frenzy inside her bubble up, reaching the surface, her entire body throbbing. She was going to fall apart in his hands.
Whatever had been building up inside her suddenly snapped, her eyelids fluttering and her head thrown back as she cried to the heavens and uttered high sounds she didn't know she was capable of. Clary felt herself squeezing Jace, but he didn't stop. His fingers still moved inside her, his tongue flicking against the spot that drove her to the edge. Suddenly he made a move to pull his fingers out of her and she grabbed the sleeve of his jacket, pulling it toward her and jamming his fingers inside her. Clary rode out the high with his fingers, moving her hips against him and clinging to his arm like a lifeline. Clary shuddered as the last pulses at her core finally stopped, she let her arm fall away, feeling absolutely drained. Jace's hand left her empty, but she still felt warm, content.
She heard someone chuckle again and a strange suckling noise. She didn't care, much. The high of what she just felt was like a low buzz in her ears, her body tingling all over the place. Clary felt better than she ever had, even the battle high she would get when fighting demons. It was delicious exhaustion, heart beating like it never had before. The dark behind her eyelids the most beautiful thing she'd ever seen.
"Jace…" She sighed, letting her eyes flutter open…
Her face suddenly whipped to the side, stars exploding in front of her eyes and her body rolling over and over until she laid on the ground, face down. She tasted blood leak into her mouth, bitter like poison and something warm and sticky was left on her cheek. Clary groggily lifted herself from the ground, pulling her underwear up as she searched for what hit her, confusion marking her face
Reality, as it always had for her, came crashing down like an avalanche. Sebastian was coming towards her, his face dark as he licked and sucked his fingers clean. Clary's high instantly disappeared and she turned to find Jace. Sebastian grabbed her chin hard, yanking her head up roughly to meet his eyes. Furious. That was the only way she could describe his face.
"Don't you ever say his name when I am giving you such pleasure." His angry eyes bored into hers and she cried out softly as his grip tightened on her chin.
"He could never give you what I just gave you. Only I will make you feel that good. You loved it. You love me. I can feel it in you, taste it on you…" His eyes darkened if at all possible and he licked his perfect lips. Clary's lids drooped and she tried not to cry, tried not to show the surprise she felt when she actually thought her and Jace had been…
"I'm going to kill you." Rang a voice behind them and Clary's heart jumped into her throat and she fought against Sebastian's hold to turn and see him. Her Jace, sitting in the same position he had been when she had drifted off to Dream Land. Her heart sang, reaching out to him, wanting to say so many things. But she couldn't. She could barely breathe just looking at him.
He had a lethal glare picked out for Sebastian, his teeth bared like a werewolf's. Sebastian merely raised his eyebrows, an amused spark in his eyes.
"I won't do it right away. I'll leave your cowardly ass to hide, but I will find you. And when I do, you're going to wish you were dead." Jace's eyes narrowed to golden slits and he looked absolutely horrifying. Sebastian's eyes narrowed just the same, but his mouth curled into a smile and he opened it to argue - maybe agree, who knows -
"No, Jace." Clary interrupted before they could start at each other any more. They both looked at her, confusion written on their faces as plain as day. She turned to Sebastian and put her hands on his chest, tilting her head to look up at him through her lashes.
"He was right. It felt good. I…I liked it." They were both silent and Clary couldn't bare even thinking about what Jace's face might look like. Sebastian's smile returned, wider than before and his eyes softened as he knelt down before her.
"I knew you'd love it. I knew you loved me and not him." Sebastian's face became somewhat serious, holding her upper arms hard. His wide eyes seemed to look through her as he gave her a little shake.
"You are mine, Clarissa. You have been since the day you were born." He pulled her to him none too gently, snapping his eyes shut and slamming his mouth against hers. It was odd, to keep your eyes open when kissing someone. Felt foreign to be able to see such a relaxed look on her brother's face as his lips harshly moved against hers. Clary kept up with him, matching each move he made against her mouth and gently sliding her right hand down his chest, across his abs, down his thigh finding it's resting spot on his knee. He made an encouraging noise in his throat and his hands let her go, gently moving to the nape of her neck. Clary's hand slowly inched off his leg and to the ground. As if he had expected it, Sebastian's eyes opened just as she snatched his dagger he'd forgotten on the ground, brandished it like an archangel's sword and jammed it into the left side of Sebastian's chest. His scream was gruesome and Clary knew as soon as it rang out in the Insigno she would never forget it. Then again, she was never going to forget a lot of the things that transpired in this damned cage.
Clary didn't give it a seconds thought as she sprang up, the spell Sebastian had chanted must have worn off sometime during their "session", she grabbed the stele that hung in his belt and bolted for Jace, keeping her eyes off of his face. She didn't think she'd ever be able to look at him again.
"Yes! Clary, by the Angel, you are amazing!" She wanted to comment to Jace how he should hold his applause, any second Sebastian would be on her and probably slit her throat with the dagger. Her mind raced quickly examining their surroundings, the Insigno.
What to draw? WHAT TO DRAW?
Clary glanced at Jace, frowning and immediately traced a shaky rune, the dead grass easily burning under the tip of the stele. A portal formed in the ground and she clenched her hands into fists, staring at the ground rather than Jace.
"I'm not going far. I won't - " leave you. Clary tried to say, but she couldn't repeat his words form earlier. They made her cringe and tears well in her eyes. Before he could say a word, she stepped into the Portal.
Just. One. Setback.
Sebastian tunneled into the Portal after her, her bare leg snagged by his outreached hand. Clary kept her eyes closed. She always hated the darkness and suffocated feeling of Portaling. She popped out next to an abandoned farmhouse, the one she had studied and wished to paint in the first hours of their containment in the Insigno. She could see Jace, watching her and yelling something, pointing at what looked like above her…?
"Clarissa." Sebastian gnarled behind her, grabbing her by the sorry excuse of a sweater that still somewhat covered her and throwing her backwards. She yelped as dirt and rocks scaled her skin and her head knocked into a tree. Before he could get back to her, she immediately turned onto her stomach and started drawing for another Portal. She was half-way done when a boot kicked her hand, the stele soaring from her grasp and landing somewhere she couldn't see. She was suddenly very concerned with her broken wrist and the hands pulling her onto her back.
"Look at you. Running around in the gravel, not even any clothes on. Dirty girl you are, little sister." Sebastian came down and straddled her again and her eyes instantly watered, tears clearing up some of the sting of dust and dirt in her eyes. The wild look in his eyes were the epitome of insane, evil. He leaned down to her ear, Clary trying all her might to press the side of her face in the dirt, wishing she could sink through the ground and be gone from the world.
"You'll never escape me, Clarissa. I'll always be here. Always." He kissed a tear that escaped her eye then, surprisingly, got up. Clary quietly nursed her wrist, wishing she had the stele to draw an iratze on her arm. The pain was nearly excruciating. Her eyes snapped up to Sebastian as he grabbed her arm, hauling her onto her feet.
"Now, little sister…" His lips curled into one of those smiles that made her skin crawl.
"You were very bad, hurting your big brother. I have to punish you." Clary's adrenaline shot into high gear as she realized he was bringing another dagger from his belt. She tugged at his viselike grip to no avail. He twisted her, meaning to take the remains of her sweater off. As soon as he was distracted by undressing her, she slipped from his grasp and took off. Her stele wasn't far, if she could just reach it and make another portal…
She didn't make it far. Sebastian grabbed her busted wrist and wrenched her backwards, hard enough to make her feel like he had ripped her hand clean off her arm. She screamed in agony as pain lanced from her shoulder all the way to her fingertips. No time to recover, she was still crying out when Sebastian suddenly came upon her, grabbing her arm that was still intact, twisting around and pinning her against a tree. He snapped her left arm out straight, locking it in place and baring the underside of her forearm.
"Get off me!" She yelled, using her elbow and knees to find a point that would hurt him. He didn't even move. She continued struggling, her eyes darting around her to find something, anything to help her. Very suddenly her train of thought shattered, lust like it had inside the Insigno when he touched her. Except this time, it wasn't a good feeling. It was searing, hot pain. She screamed a string of curses arching her back away from the tree, bark cutting into her shoulder blades as she bucked into her brother.
"Shhh, nearly done." Tears burned at Clary's eyes for the umpteenth time that day and she shook her head, bewildered. Why would he even try to fake a consoling tone? He was a monster in human skin. He had no kindness in his heart or his demon soul. She couldn't believe she ever held any sort of pity for this…thing that called himself her brother. Clary yelled and screamed and begged for him to stop. Eventually, the pain tracing her arm eased a bit as he removed the dagger from her skin, but the entire wound was throbbing.
"One last touch." Sebastian said, smiling wickedly as his hand searched through his pocket. He brought out a small, crystalline bottle full of what looked like tiny grains of black sand. He brought it to his mouth, pulling the cork out with his pearly teeth and spit it to the ground.
The next thing Clary felt made her re-think what pain was. Her wrist wasn't excruciating, the pounding headache coming on wouldn't even classify as annoying as she felt the burn of the black sand. Sebastian emptied the entire contents of the bottle on her arm and it immediately sizzled on her flesh, burning so hot she felt her skin tear by it's seams. Clary howled in pain, shrieking so loud that she didn't recognize her own voice in her ears. She thrashed against Sebastian, horrified as she saw the black sand bubble up, burning her skin like demon ichor, then suddenly sparked.
"Quiet down, little sister. Let it work." Clary sobbed, spitting random things at Sebastian, cursing him to hell, kicking the backs of his knees in hopes he would drop. It was like kicking a marble statue. He held her in his strong hands, holding her in place as a flame erupted on her arm, her screams filling the silence of the night. Clary felt decades go by before the ichor substance burned out like candle wax, her arm reduced to a blackened slate. Sebastian cast it away from him and Clary held it to her body, trembling from head to toe as she wept silently. No pain had come close to what she had just felt. Never before. Too quickly, Sebastian was on her again, his hand clamping around her throat, giving only enough slack to heave small breaths into her aching lungs.
"It's perfect." He announced proudly, casting his eyes down and admiring her charred arm. Clary lay against the tree, both her hands useless to stop him from killing her on the spot. She wheezed as she closed her eyes, praying to the Angel that Jace wouldn't watch her die…
"You belong to me now." Sebastian growled into her ear, trying to scare her more than she already was. She refused to flinch, refused to give him the satisfaction of seeing any emotion on her, so she stayed completely still and willed her tears to stop. Sebastian took a deep breath and she felt him close to her face, his thumb tightening against her wind pipe. I love you, Jace…
There was a loud whirring sound, the dead branches above Clary and Sebastian whipping around in the sudden strong winds. Clary's eyes popped open and she saw a Portal lighting the area, the only light besides the moon high in the sky. Dark figures clambered out one by one until there was a group of five people standing around each other, eyes immediately picking out the siblings. Clary saw the familiar faces and felt her heart skip a beat, her stomach jumping and flipping as if it was cheering.
"S-Simon!" She wheezed as loud as she could, her eyes locking on his shocked face. As witchlight stones were being lit she heard gasps in the crowd and a clatter of metal against metal and a zip-like noise. The sweet, sweet sound of Alec loading his bow.
"Let her go or I hang you from the tree by your skull." Alec's face wasn't it's usual emotionless mask, it was hard and almost protective, as was his voice and Clary's heartbeat was a song of love and hope and relief.
Sebastian turned back to her and with her newfound strength she raised her chin and stared back at him. His expression was somewhat angry, but mostly he looked bored. Like a child being scolded for gouging out a cats eyes for fun. He pressed down harder on her throat, a small squeak leaving Clary's lips as her oxygen was cut off.
"You are mine. You belong to me and only me." He growled it at her like a warning, savagely crashing his mouth over hers before letting go of her and abruptly stepping away.
"Well, it's been fun, little sister." Sebastian said it conversationally, shooting a wary glance at her friends, then returning his gaze to her. His mouth split into a wide grin as he looked over her beaten, shaking form.
"See you soon." He reached his arms as if to clasp his hands together, but Clary knew about his ring.
"Alec, shoot him!" She cried, and an arrow immediately flew through the air, cutting through - nothing. Clary's matted, red curls whipped around her head as Sebastian vanished, leaving nothing but boot prints in the dirt and the arrow that was supposed to be imbedded into his brain. Though he was nowhere in sight, he was in her mind's eye. A pathetic voice in her head wondered if it would've been better had he just killed her.
Hands were on her instantly, someone rubbing her shoulders, someone caressing her cheeks, giving them gentle slaps, someone snapping their fingers in front of her face…
"Clary. Clarissa Fray, snap out of it." With a start, she realized it was Magnus. There were worried faces wherever she turned and she sucked in a deep breath.
"Jace!" She shouted, most of her friends stepping back as she yelled. She didn't seem to be able to control her volume.
"Jace is still in the Insigno! Help him, get him out!" She was frantic, pointing her good hand towards where she could barely make out the swaying seaweed entrapment in the dark. Alec and surprisingly Maryse took off to where she had gestured and Clary watched them go, hearing Isabelle suck in a breath and say words she didn't hear.
"What?" She asked, her wide eyes finding Isabelle's anxious and disgusted face.
"What happened to your arm?" Clary glanced down and held back relieved tears.
"I-I broke my wrist." She mumbled, tipping her head towards her right hand, cradled against her stomach. Clary thought she would cry, weep and pass out on the dirt floor. But, she felt oddly awake, the exhaustion she felt earlier lost somewhere in her adrenaline.
"No, I mean your other - " Isabelle was interrupted by Simon wriggling around.
Clary yelped when something soft came over her head without warning. She struggled at first, but soft hands helped her rearrange herself and as her head popped out of the hole on top, she saw Simon, grimacing as he pulled his hoodie over her nearly-naked body. His hands went to her face, pushing the knotted curls away and settling on her cheek. His touch was cold and she leaned into it, the bruise from Sebastian's back-hand had swollen her cheek more than she realized.
"What happened, Clary?" He whispered, his eyes full of something Clary couldn't place. Before she could answer, Magnus interjected in his usual, loud voice.
"I think she'd be able to explain it to us a little better when she isn't in any kind of immense pain." His yellow cat eyes looked pointedly at Isabelle and her face was a nothing but business as she snatched her stele out of her belt, tracing an iratze on the inside of Clary's injured wrist after Simon had gently rolled up her sleeve. There was nothing but crickets quietly chirping as Isabelle worked, drawing a few other Marks that Clary didn't pay attention to.
She could hear Maryse Lightwood's voice cut through the dark. At first, Clary thought she was shouting at Alec, but as she listened and heard no response to her yelling, she realized she must be talking on a phone.
"Get him down here now. My son is inside this…thing and has been trapped for hours."
Chirping crickets.
"I could not care less what the reasons to it are. It is inexcusable. We could not track him, we had no idea where he was. What if a mundane had happened upon it? Get Meliorn down here now." There was a snap and Maryse uttered a loud sound of frustration, apparently chucking the phone to the ground. Clary's attention came back to the three in front of her, Isabelle, done with the marking, stowed her stele back into her belt and was watching her face with an inquisitive look Clary saw so often on her features. Simon had taken to holding her hand, rubbing his thumb along her knuckles and Magnus simply stood there, the only emotion in him being his furrowed brows.
Clary took a deep breath and retold the events of the past ten hours. Her and Jace suddenly finding clues, being able to track Sebastian as if he flipped a switch and made himself traceable. Chasing after him for awhile, getting so close, but always a step behind. Finally they had spotted him, yet as soon as he was in arms reach, the barriers exploded between them. She told them about the hours of arguing between Jace and Sebastian, then her brother erasing the barrier between her and himself. A shudder wracked her body as she skipped over the memory of Sebastian looming over her, defiling intimate places. When she finished the story she felt terribly filthy and it didn't help that her audience was gaping at her, jaws dropped.
Magnus was the first to speak, his voice quiet, troubled.
"Could I see your arm, Clary? The one he poured the sand onto?" Clary nodded, hissing as she carefully peeled the hoodie sleeve from the blackened underside of her forearm. Simon and Isabelle followed Magnus' suit, bending over her arm and making little noises of surprise.
"Some kind of demon magic." His eye squinted, trailing his hand lightly along the side of her arm, blue sparks darting from his fingertips as he went. The layer of ash on her arm slowly disappeared, evaporating in the air and as the cuts on her arm became clear, Clary's knees buckled underneath her.
Simon was there, swearing mutedly as his arms caught her mid-drop. She felt her eyes open so wide she was afraid they might pop right out of her skull. There, carved into her arm, were three distinct letters.
JCM
Clary couldn't hold back the bile that flooded her esophagus. She spun away from her friends and let loose the contents of her stomach. Simon had one arm around her waist and one hand collecting her hair and holding it at the base of her neck. Nothing but acid left her lips for a few minutes, eventually she felt empty and she dry heaved until her stomach stopped contracting.
"I'm okay…I'm - " Clary weakly waved away Simon's frantic questions, not quick enough to stop him from wiping her mouth with the sleeve of his own shirt. She was going to beg Magnus to take her brother's initials off of her arm when she was distracted by the movements coming towards them in the dark. She scanned the area and only saw dead grass, trees, dirt. The Insigno was gone.
Clary's heart stayed slow but beat against her ribs hard, feeling it in her entire chest. Jace was what was coming at them at such high-speed. Running to them. Running to her.
"Take me home." She whispered urgently to Simon, her eyes not leaving the spot where Jace was moving toward her in the darkness.
"What? Clary, I think they got Jace out. Don't you…" He trailed off, tilting his head down to look at her.
"Take me home." She repeated, her lips quivering and her bare feet automatically taking her backwards. Her eyes jumped to Simon, staring, waiting for him to whisk her off. Clary didn't know what she expected him to do, but he simply stared at her, confusion written all over his face. She could hear the quick steps now. Booted feet crushing grass and kicking rocks as they came closer. Clary shrugged out of Simon's arms, stepping back as she shook her head. She felt Isabelle's hand touch her arm as she passed her, Magnus simply watching as she edged deeper into the darkness.
He arrived into the light, and the two bobbing witchlight stones behind him joined, Maryse and Alec looking weathered from trying to keep up. His eyes, even more magnificent lit up by the witchlight, searched each face, landing on hers last. His expression changed in seconds. Relief, confusion, anger, understanding, then the hard mask she always saw on his features. Those golden eyes shined under his long lashes as he set the look on her and her heart took a dive.
"Clary…" Jace uttered her name softly, cautiously. She took off. Twisting on her heel she bolted headfirst into the darkness. She couldn't face him. There was no way. Her legs burned, muscles crying out as she sprinted. Clary definitely felt like she got far, but that could have been the illusion her exhaustion had suddenly placed on her. The whole group had dashed after her, excluding Magnus who slowly made his way, keeping his distance from everyone else. Clary was nearly knocked to the ground as Jace crashed into her, his arms securing her against his chest. She struggled feebly, but Jace was strong. He was nearly crushing her.
"What has gotten into you, Clarissa?" She heard Maryse inquire, but someone shushed her and the silence was filled by labored breathing. Clary hung in Jace arms like a rag doll, wringing her hands as she tried to hold the tears back. He very suddenly spun her around and his eyes probed her face.
"Clary. Clary please look at me." Clary kept her eyes cast down toward the ground, her chin trembling slightly.
"Clary." Jace begging with her name sent her off the edge, tears raining down her cheeks like they'd never stop. Jace took several sharp breaths, as if he wanted to yell, to scream and Clary hoped he would. Instead, he pulled her to him and enveloped her in his warmth. Everything was Jace. The strong arms wrapped tightly around her, the hand smothered in her hair, the rapidly rising and falling chest that held the erratic heart. The smell of sunshine and sweat, the firm body pressed against hers…
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry…" Clary's voice was very high when she was attempting not to sob while she spoke into Jace's neck. She felt his entire body stiffen and he pulled back from her, his wild eyes shining with something other than surprise.
"Why in the world would you be sorry?!" His voice was loud, but she didn't flinch. She clung to him and pulled him back to her, crying into his shirt.
"You were magnificent, Clary. You were wonderful. I wish I had…I could've gotten out of that damned thing and…" His voice broke and he buried his head into her hair, gripping her to his body as tight as he could without fusing them together.
"I'm sorry Clary. I'm so, so sorry." Jace shook his head, a dark sigh shuddered out of him. He was remembering it. She knew it would kill him and she didn't do anything about it.
They stood like that for a long, long time. Eternity they spent holding onto each other for dear life and waiting for their hearts to return to normal rhythm.
"Clarissa?" A single voice sliced through the silence and they broke apart, Clary finally meeting Jace's eyes to see they were rimmed with red like they had been in the Insigno. They turned to find everyone rather awkwardly looking anywhere else besides them. Fleeting glances at their faces, then back at the ground, or the sky, or the hem of their shirt. Maryse was the one who spoke, taking a hesitant step forward, though the rest of her was all business, as it had always been.
"Clarissa, Jace. The Clave is going to want to speak to you about this incident. Time is a factor in things like this and - "
"Not tonight." Jace interrupted, his arm holding Clary around her shoulders. Maryse looked at a loss for words for a moment, but she raised her chin and her lips parted, ready to give an order to Jace.
"He's right, Mom. Not tonight." Alec said, stepping up to his mother, his mouth in a grim line.
"Nothing good happened here. They need time to recover." Alec rubbed at his collar bone, where Clary knew his parabatai rune was etched. For the second time tonight she sincerely wanted to give Alec a hug. Maryse looked wired.
"What do you want me to do, Alexander? Keep another thing from the Clave? Get us exiled, your Marks stripped, become mundane - " Jace cut off her rambling with one hand raised into the air.
"Tell them…" He muttered, trudging slowly with Clary tucked in the crook of his elbow.
"Tell them everything. Every detail, I don't care. Also tell them that the girl I love is injured, and that neither her nor I am available for questioning tonight." His voice was simple, but his expression agitated. Clary wasn't listening to any of it. She clung to him and took him in, breathing his scent, listening to his steady heartbeat. They walked together, holding one another tight as if they'd never let go. They found themselves immersed in the darkness, Clary gingerly picking her stele from off the ground and gripping it in the hand that wasn't wrapped around Jace. His silence hurt her. Knowing exactly what was running through his mind, she cringed.
As Clary brandished her stele, she slowly knelt on the ground to make a portal. She was ready to go home. Beyond ready. But, someone's large hand came down on her shoulder and she nearly jumped out of her skin. The tan hand belonged to Magnus, turning over to help her up.
"I'll do it." He said quietly, simply giving a wave of blue sparks and a Portal opened up to them. The trip was quick, landing at the Institute and shuffling in. She barely got a few parting words to Simon and Magnus before Jace had hauled her inside. The Lightwood siblings hovered after them, Alec repeatedly asking Jace if he needed an iratze or anything medical, Isabelle a few steps behind Clary, awkwardly rubbing her back mid-step. Jace ignored them, swiftly pulling her through the cold halls to his room. He was just about to shut them in when Alec's foot stuck between the door and the dam.
"You're hurt. In more ways than one. Let me help you." Alec's voice was quiet but Clary could hear the worry that wracked through him.
"I can take care of it myself." Jace demanded, Clary saw his knuckles whiten as he gripped the knob of the door.
"Jace. You're not alright. At least let me - "
"Alec, go." Clary peeked around Jace's shoulder and was surprised she didn't see hurt on Alec's face. Instead, it was all hard defiance and the look he so often gave Jace when he was worried about him. They stared at each other for a long time until Jace sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose as he spoke.
"I'm sorry. I know, you're my parabatai, you feel what I'm feeling. But - I just need to be alone right now. Alone with Clary." There was a few more seconds of silence, then Alec slid his foot away from the door, turning and marching down the hall. Jace shut the door, silently turning to her and wrapping his arms around her. She shivered in his grip, and pushed away.
"No, Jace. I…" He looked at her with a strange mix of pity and guilt and she had to turn away from him. Like staring at the sun…
"I need a shower." Clary gasped, twisting out of his reach and scrambling for the bathroom. She slammed the door shut and slowly sunk down to the floor. She felt like she was covered head-to-toe in sludge. Being touched by Jace only made her feel dirtier, as if she was accidentally passing the grime to him with just a touch. Her clothes came off in a whirlwind of shudders as she made her way to the shower, cranking the water as hot as it would go. She still felt like ice had replaced her blood.
As soon as she was fully disguised by the stream, she let the tears loose once again. Clary wondered if she'd ever feel clean again…is she'd ever forget what happened today…if she'd ever even go a day without tears rising to the surface. The smell of Jace's soap as she scrubbed her body raw was enough to make her choke and sob on it's own. The bubbly foam usually made her relax, smelling Jace everywhere, even on her. But this time, it made her stomach twist in pain and her hands shake with disgust.
"Clary." She jumped at Jace's voice, glancing out the bumpy, tempered glass shower door. She was silent, her eyes trying to watch his distorted movements. Suddenly, he got closer and the door slid open, revealing Jace in just a pair of gray boxers. He saw her nervous expression and he shook his head, his eyes staying at her face and going nowhere else.
"I'm not going to do anything. I just…I want to be with you. I can't be away form you, Clary. Not right now. I just…can't." Jace's face showed all of his vulnerability and Clary laid a flat hand against her chest, trying to soften the pain in her heart. She couldn't speak or she knew she'd turn into the blubbering mess she was back at the farmhouse. She simply nodded.
Jace eyes seemed to glaze over as he stripped off the rest of his clothes and stepped in, towering over her, making her feel like she was two-feet-tall. His hand came up and very tentatively stroked down her wet hair. Clary shivered, letting her eyes fall shut and basking in the warmth of the water on her back and the warmth radiating off of Jace in front of her.
"I'll do your hair." He murmured, planting a gentle kiss on the top of her head.
A/N: Not sure if I'll be continuing this or leaving it at that. We'll see how long my sanity lasts while I'm waiting for CoHF.
Until we meet again…