This was originally an entry I started writing for angst day but forgot about. I finished it up and was satisfied enough to post it. Hope you enjoy.
Disclaimer: I don't own Danny Phantom.
My two best friends in the world stood by my hospital bed awkwardly, all three of us waiting for the inevitable. They said they wanted to be there for me, and I know that's true, but at the same time, I know they're wishing they were anywhere else.
The doctor said it was fine if they were there. I heard him whisper that no one should be alone, not at a time like this. I was thankful for that. I don't want to be alone.
Sam sat in one of the plastic chairs, crying her eyes out. She wiped them with the back of her hand, stifling her sobs with a wad of her shirt. Her mascara was running, leaving black trails down her cheeks. I hated seeing her this sad, so I forced myself to look away.
Tucker didn't even try to hide the fact that he was crying. Tears creeped out from around the rims of his glasses. He sat on the end of my bed, his hand resting comfortably on my shoulder.
I kept expecting my parents to come walking in the door. I wait to see my father in his tacky orange jumpsuit, my mother right beside him in her blue one, telling me everything's OK, that all this has just been a bad dream. I expected them to come and fix everything, but they never did. They weren't going to.
That was the the dream. This was cruel reality. I never imagined the cancer would spread so fast. I never even thought I'd have cancer, let alone that it'd be the cause of my death. If anything, I expected to die fighting an enemy, in the heat of battle.
I guess I was in a battle of sorts, a losing one. My body kept fighting death, pushing it away with everything it had left.
But death isn't something you can just run away from. It's like a game of hide and seek where the seeker already knows your hiding place the whole time. You can fear it all you want, take every precaution against it imaginable, but it'll still find you in the end. It just finds some people sooner than others. And it's found me. Now it was just waiting for the right moment to end the game.
The doctor opened the door and poked his head in. He was a middle aged man with brown hair that's beginning to grey and kind eye's. "Do you need anything, Danny?" He asks softly.
I liked this doctor, although I never caught his name. He treated me like he actually cared about what happened to me, like I wasn't just another patient to him. I knew that he had a family and life of his own though, and by the end of the day I'd just be another memory to him. How many other kids had crossed his path? How many others was he forced to watch slip away?
"No," I replied, shaking my head.
Sam is holding my hand tightly in her own, and I notice her chipped black nail polish. She squeezes, like she wants to make sure that I'm still here.
"I don't wanna lose you," she speaks, her hair falling in front of her face. Her purple eyes peek out from behind it, sparkling with unshed teardrops.
I wanted to tell her that she didn't have to, that I'd find a way out of this. Her tears would dry and she'd smile again. I wanted that to be the truth for all I was worth. Leaving her and Tucker alone in was not a choice I would ever had made.
My best friend had taken my other hand wordlessly and stared at me in my bed, a pale reflection of the friend he once knew. He was trying to be strong enough for all of us, but he deserved to feel just as much as anyone else.
"Tucker..." I said, raising my blue eyes to meet his brown ones. "It's OK."
He knew what I meant, I know he did, because he really let loose then. He let out a string of swears that didn't make a whole lot of sense and clenched his hands into tight fists.
I sighed, an invisible weight on my chest. I watched as Sam moved over to the backpack she'd brought with her and unzipped it, pulling out something long and white.
"I got this for you," she said, opening his hand and placing the stem of the delicate white petaled rose in his palm. "My grandmother has a greenhouse downstairs, with artificial light and everything. She loves roses, and I heard that white roses represent purity and innocence. I-I thought that white was better for this."
She made an effort to steady her voice as she spoke, running a finger across one of the flowers soft petals. She took a deep breath. "I love you, Danny. It just took me a while to realize it. I always thought that love wasn't something I was meant to have. I have it now. I wish I'd said something sooner."
I stared at the rose, happiness and bitterness racing for dominance in my heart. I did love Sam, in a way that I didn't even know existed, but the time wasn't right. I wouldn't be around to say I love you back to her, or give her any presents on her birthday, or give her a hug just for the heck of it. I couldn't blame her: she didn't know this would happen, and I doubted I could stay mad at her for very long. I didn't know who to blame. The cancer wasn't someone's sick form of revenge. It was an accident.
"I love you too," I told her, feeling a tear slide down my cheek. I made no move to wipe it away.
She sat down on the edge of the bed and watched me . I don't have a name for the look she gave me. She looked happy that I returned her feelings and was smiling, but her eyes told a different story.
She looked so faraway, like she'd left the hospital without my knowing it and was looking at a complete different scene. Maybe she was distancing herself from the source of her emotional pain. I'd heard of people doing it before.
Tucker had calmed down somewhat. He wasn't yelling anymore. He just sat in one the plastic chairs and put his head in his hands.
"I don't know why it has to be you," he said suddenly. "You have so much going for you man. And now you've got Sam too. None of this is fair."
"It's not. But what are we gonna do about it?" My vision was starting to blur at the edges. I didn't know why, but I ignored it for the time being. I tried to focus on Tucker.
"I don't know!" He said dramatically. "Dammit!"
I wanted to say something back, but I couldn't. I felt like I was slipping into a dream, the noise of the busy hospital and my best friends- one now my girlfriend, at least I hoped that she came to that conclusion like I did- blurring into the background. I was on a cloud, floating above everything. It didn't matter who I was or what was happening then. I was lost in the clouds, in the tiles of the ceiling and the dust motes floating in the air. It was a different kind of peace, one of belonging somewhere, being a part of something.
I barely even felt my heart thud to a stop.
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