Disclaimer: I do not own Leisure Suit Larry; Al Lowe and Sierra Entertainment do. And I don't own House Hunters or its spin-off, Island Hunters, either.
A/N: I'm a novice at understanding real estate, even after watching so many House Hunters, etc. shows over the years, so forgive me if I'm a little rusty at understanding what people look for in a house, or a private island.
The Florida Keys are one of the most sought after island destinations in the country, and it's here where a lovable loser seeks to find the ultimate private getaway to live his life in happiness and peace, not to mention a discreet love nest for his dates with pretty women.
"Hi! My name is Larry, Larry Laffer," says "Leisure Suit Larry" to the camera.
Together with one of his most beloved and loyal dates, one "Passionate Patti," he is looking to an expert in island real estate to find the perfect getaway retreat for rest, relaxation, and time for true love.
"Hello, I'm 'Passionate Patti,'" said Larry's companion, Patti.
"I've had a lot of girlfriends," said Larry, "but Passionate Patti is the most devoted of them, and I'd love to have a tropical paradise where I can get to know her (and other women) a little better, in privacy. I haven't had a permanent home since I moved out of my parent's basement as a young man, and as much as I love adventure, I need a place where I can settle down with my one true love for good, assuming I ever get a one true love. Right now I 'live' in an apartment with Patti near the Florida Keys, and while it's very pretty, it isn't tropical or romantic."
"You see," said Patti, "Larry thinks that a tropical location on the ocean is the ideal place for a little quiet romance, like a lot of other warm-blooded Americans do, too, and he says that the Florida Keys remind him of the awesome appearance of islands like Hawaii and Tahiti, not to mention some of the out-of-this-world islands he's had adventures on." She smiled at Larry.
"Yeah, it's so much better to fall in love on a tropical island than it is to do it in a dirty city like Lost Wages," said Larry. "I'm looking for a home on an island because I love the beach, and an enclosed island offers a lot of desired privacy with the ladies. No neighbors can easily disrupt our tender time together." He grinned.
"It won't be easy, taking a break from our wacky adventures," said Patti, "But Larry feels that the time has come for him to settle down for a while, with a place to bring his girlfriends, and he'll stop at nothing to see that happen."
We have paired up Larry and Patti with Chris, an island realtor who is very familiar with island property. Chris knows many islands in and around the Florida Keys with beautiful beaches, good houses, and lovely, green plants that can entrance any ocean lover. But Chris also knows that island getaways are harder to come by than regular houses, not to mention more expensive most of the time, and he has to let Larry know what sort of compromises he might have to make in order to choose the ideal island. And Larry has very particular tastes for his personal paradise, too.
"So," said Chris, "What's on your wish list?"
"I'd love to have an island with a big, open beach, to begin with," said Larry, "as well as a large or fair-sized deck to sun myself on with the ladies. That's definitely vital. A swimming pool would be nice, too, for times when I don't want to swim in salt water, or when I want to swim, but the danger of sharks and/or barracudas is presently too high."
"I'd like to see a nice, classy gazebo behind the house, myself," Patti said, "I always thought a gazebo, or some other kind of overhang, is necessary for an outdoors romantic evening. And I agree with Larry's idea of a good-sized deck to sun on."
"As for the house itself," said Larry, "I'd like it to have as many amenities as possible inside, but I also want it to look quaint on the outside, if possible. An old-fashioned, classy house looks much more stylish than a modern, techno home that looks like it's made of clunky steel or dirty concrete."
"Our budget is between one million and one and three-quarters million dollars," said Patti.
"We're looking for a really nice place, and I'd like for it to have the best possible furniture, too," said Larry, "We'll probably bring in our own, since I have great taste in the quaint and romantic."
"I'll see what I can do," said Chris.
While Chris gets a head start on looking for islands that could fit Larry's wish list, Larry will have to say goodbye to Patti's convenient but unromantic apartment as he and his girlfriend travel south of mainland Florida to the Keys. But first, they have to pack their bags.
"I bet you're lookin' forward to sunning yourself topless on my dream deck, aren't ya, baby?" Larry said to Patti.
Patti smiled. "Larry, with you, almost any beautiful girl would be willing to sunbathe naked."
When we return, Chris will meet with Larry and Patti somewhere in the Keys to take a look at Island #1.