The fighting had started the minute they got in the car and continued well after they had gotten home. Usually he was able to control the urge to call her but for some reason he didn't fight it just grabbed his phone and dialed a number he hadn't called in years. Three rings in and he realizes too late what could go wrong. He sighs and is about to hang up when he hears her voice.
"Deeks is that you?" Hearing her say his name reminded him of a time when he thought he had everything and didn't second guess his life choices.
"Yea it is.. Umm how have you been?" He responds as Karina asks him who he is talking to, Deeks barely turns his head in her direction to tell her that Jameson has a question about the case they just closed. He heads towards his office for privacy and starts to apologize but is cut off by Kensi "Deeks did you just lie to your girlfriend? Have you lost your mind?" "I miss you" he says without thinking. He knows calling her was a mistake but he can't bring himself to end the call yet.
"Deeks don't do this don't go down this road. It didn't work out the first time." He can't help but cut her off "it didn't work out cause we never had the chance. Everytime we tried something happened and we just gave up trying and went our separate ways." He wonders where they would be if he hadn't let what sparks were there die. "Look you've been drinking tonight and you probably called me after you and your girlfriend got into a fight so I think it's wise we end this conversation here before something is said that will be regretted." Regret yea that's something that he has always struggled with "the only thing I regret is cutting ties with NCIS and returning to LAPD. Sometimes I wonder just where would we be.. would we have figured things out?"
He hears her sigh on the end of the line before she speaks "Deeks it's too late to wonder how things would have turned out, I'm happy and honestly Nick and I are expecting. I think things turned out how they were suppose to." He hears her telling him how happy she is and he wonders just what he did wrong in life that things turned out the way they did for him. "If I hadn't left do you think we'd have a child now?" He glances to the door and catches a glimpse of Karina walking away. Swearing quietly he turns his attention back to his phone "You're right we shouldn't be having this conversation and going down that road not tonight or not ever." He hangs up not waiting for a response and just sits there wondering how much he screwed up.
He gets up after a few minutes and heads to their room wondering just what he could say that would make a difference. He enters their room to find her standing there, at first he didn't think she knew he was there until she spoke. "Jameson didn't call you about a case did he." Deeks knew he had to be honest with her even if this was the end of them "No, I called Kensi don't really know why I did but it's done and I can't change that" Nothing he says will justify what he did but he figures explaining where his head has been lately may help her understand just how past events have been weighing on him. "Everything keeps happening and every time I think I'm getting myself together something else happens and I'm starting to think that I don't deserve to have anything good in my life." Karina cut him off before he could say anything else "Don't go there ok, don't ever think anything he said to you was true. After everything you've had thrown your way you chose to be one of the good guys." He just looks at her wondering how after everything he has done she could still think he was good "If I was one of the good guys you wouldn't be standing in our bedroom packing a bag and I wouldn't have called my ex and I definitely wouldn't have drank too much at the bar. I'm clearly not the person I was when we met and honestly I think you would be better off without me in your life." It hurts him to say those words but he feels like it's the truth.