The Rubbish Bin of an Unredeemable Romance Story

(Formerly: The Rubbish Bin of Unredeemable Crack-Shots)

Canon Universe (for the most part). Post DoC.

No.1: After an altercation with Rufus Shinra, Yuffie decides it's in her best interest to, in the future, refuse to be Reeve's messenger girl.

Upon arrival, Yuffie could see that it was a very busy day within the Main Street Plaza. The lobby receptionist seemed so frazzled with phone calls and paperwork, that she didn't even notice when Yuffie casually strolled on past her desk. This was fine by Yuffie; she really didn't want to be inside the interim Shin-Ra Headquarters–which constituted a block of office space in Downtown Edge–any longer than absolutely necessary.

Go in, drop the message, and high tail it outta there–that was her plan.

So, she was a little more than annoyed when she finally made it–through a maze of hallways and cubicals–to the back office where her target was located.

Said target was sitting at his desk, apparently engrossed in a call.

"Which part do you not understand? " President Rufus Shinra intoned ominously into his Tonberry, "The purchase order clearly stated that the shipments were to go to every reactor..."

Yuffie huffed a frustrated sigh, folded her arms, and waited for the man to finish his conversation. After thirty very long seconds of tapping her foot against the polished wooden floor, her patience ran out and she loudly cleared her throat.

"What happened to the one in Nibelheim?" Rufus paused, "You're telling me it went to Nidavel? Why would it have gone there?"

When the president continued his call without giving Yuffie any notice, she cleared her throat again–with exaggerated loudness–and said, "Excuse me, Rufus Shinra. I'm in a hurry, here, so you better wrap it up."

Still getting no response from Rufus, Yuffie fisted her hands on her hips and glowered across the desk at the man in the leather chair beyond. Ignoring her when she had places to go and things to do…

Well, she'd show him! With a sudden–and completely devious–smirk, Yuffie lifted her head and took a breath, "Hey, you! Marry me. Right now. Or else!"

At last, Rufus vaguely acknowledged her presence with a wave of his hand and a distracted, "Hm? Make an appointment with the receptionist out front."

Incensed about the brush-off, Yuffie pumped a fist into the air and shook it for all it was worth, "Hey! Aren't you even listening?"

Rufus then sighed and leaned back into his chair, "No. Find it, or you're fired."

Ending the call, the president placed the phone upon his desk and turned in his swivel chair to face his obnoxiously insistent visitor. Leaning forward, the older man set his elbows upon the desk as he steepled his fingers and stared expectantly at Yuffie.

Yuffie blinked.

Rufus narrowed his eyes.

Yuffie scrunched her nose with a frown and fisted her hands onto her hips. She returned his stare with her best, most menacing glower.

"Can I help you?" Rufus asked in a level voice that sounded more like he meant to say, "Speak, you insignificant peon, or get out."

Yuffie blinked, again, "You say that like you don't know who I am."

"By the timing, I can only assume that you are Reeve's assistant."

"Assistant my foot!" Yuffie stomped said foot for emphasis, "I'm the Great White Rose of Wutai, and the best gosh darn ninja around. And don't you forget it, Rufus Shinra!"

Rufus inhaled, "Yuffie Kisaragi."

He then cleared his throat and lowered his steeped fingers. Directing an amicable smile toward the young woman, he said, "To what do I owe the pleasure of your visit?"

Yuffie narrowed her own eyes suspiciously.

"Got a message from Reeve," Yuffie said as she folded her arms across her chest and scrunched her nose. "He's been trying to reach you for gawd knows how long, and is wondering when you are going to get back to him about... whatever it is that you two seedy geezers are up to."

"Ah, I suspected as much." Rufus murmured with a curt nod before he instructed Yuffie to "Tell the Commissioner that I have some final figures to look over. I'll contact him, afterward."

Yuffie grinned in relief.

Finally!

She could get back to more important things. Nodding, she hastily announced, "Great! I'll be going, then! Make sure you don't take too long because I so have better things to do than be some messenger girl between you two."

That done and dealt with, Yuffie was ready to be on her merry way when Rufus called her attention, "Oh, before you leave, Miss Kisaragi..."

"Eh?" Yuffie paused, mid stride, in her departure to look back toward the Shin-Ra president.

"About that marriage ultimatum…"

Oh, snap!

"I… Ah… Well... That is…" Yuffie sputtered momentarily before she inhaled, puffed out her chest, and pulled on a grin that was filled with more bravado than any woman her size should be able to possess.

"Well, Shinra," she drawled out, "I was thikin'. You've got, like, boatloads of gill. And, boatloads of gill can buy boatloads of materia. I need materia to restore power to Wutai, so vis-à-vis, we need to get married. So that way, all your gill and materia would belong to me... I mean, Wutai!"

Rufus stared at her, once again.

It was such a long, motionless stare that Yuffie started to suspect that he might have had an aneurism… Or, he had fallen asleep with his eyes open.

That was until a very unnerving smirk pulled across the corner of his lips. Rufus then spoke in a baritone so silky-smooth that it sent a creepy shiver down the ninja's spine.

"Marriage, you say? That's a very interesting proposition, Miss Kisaragi."

The way Rufus said her named made her stomach turn–and not in the good way–as a sense of doom squelched her bravado.

"Alright," Rufus continued, "I'll agree to your proposal, on the condition that I am granted a land contract in Wutai. I believe that the southernmost terrain will be sufficiently suitable for construction of an energy center."

In response to Yuffie's wide-eyed floundering and chocked gasps, Rufus's smirk grew predatory. With a nod, he reached for his touch-screen Tonberry and said, "I'll have the Pre-nuptial Agreement drawn up and sent for your signature."

"Wait! No! I was just kidding about getting mar–" Yuffie paused as his admittance caught up to her, "Hey! You people are still on about that? No way you're putting a mako reactor in Wutai! If you think that I'll just let you–"

"Not a mako reactor," Rufus interrupted, "Something new."

"Huh?"

Rufus then genially smiled in a manner befitting that of a salesman, "Come to dinner with me. I can tell you about it, then."

Yuffie stared, skeptically, at Rufus. Did… Did he just ask me out? On a date... to arrange some weird business marriage? Oh, he's so totally bluffing, Yuffie suspected; it's probably some creepy weird attempt to get back at me. Well, fine then. I'll show you that nobody messes with the Great Ninja Yuffie. I'll call your bluff and up the ante!

Yuffie sniffed and looked past Rufus toward the glass windows that lined the far wall of the office. She then sighed in an exaggerated visage of feigned indifference, "Eh, why not." And then, turning to face Rufus once again, Yuffie fisted her hands on her hips and inclined her head.

"I'm free tomorrow..." Yuffie trailed before she grinned greedily and continued with her own terms, "Just know that I want to go somewhere really, really expensive. Preferably with lobster on the menu, got it?"

"Lobster, hm? I wonder..." Rufus pondered aloud while he rubbed his chin. He then nodded while a suspiciously blithe smile, that bordered more on diabolical than merry, crept across his lips. "Very well, it's a date. And, I know just the place; so, I'll make the reservations. How does seven thirty sound?"

Eww... Grossness... The geezer's actually wanting to go through with this? What is he? Some kinda... creeper cradle snatcher?

Completely ignoring her own penchant toward flirting with mopey older men—not to mention how Cloud and Vincent never actually responded to her advances, anyway—Yuffie gulped back a taste of bile while her skin turned slightly green, "病気と思う少し..."

Rufus blinked, "What was that, Miss Kisaragi?"

Yuffie deflated.

"Uh, I mean, fine. Seven thirty's OK…" Once she noticed his arched eyebrow and knowing smirk, she inflated right back up and pointed a demanding finger toward his pompous mug, "Don't you dare stand me up, Geezer. Or, you'll never have the chance to go out with this," she jabbed a thumb against her chest, "Awesome Young Hottness, again."

"Duly noted. In that case, I'll pick you up, personally. You are staying at the Seventh Heaven, right?"

Yuffie coughed out a small, "Yeah…"

"Good. Be ready at seven. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a business to run."

"Fine," Yuffie scrunched her nose, "You're excused." With that said, she stalked out of the president's office with her head held high.

Once out of sight, Yuffie released a frustrated scream that startled the new intern, so much so, that the poor girl ended up with the president's coffee spilt all over her white blouse.

Gawd! How awful!

She had finally been asked out on a date, for the first time!

And, it had to be by someone like him—a smarmy, power-hungry, land-grubber trying to make nicey-nice for reasons that were likely very shady.

It's so totally unfair!

UPDATE: 3/24/10 - This was originally an offshoot short story that spawned from my other fanfic, Hoddmimis Holt. However, I have since decided to make this Rufus x Yuffie one-shot into a full story that is completely independent from HH.