Keiko: Okay, so one of you needs to be the asker!
Lojky: This isn't the Q&A… It's more of a sender.
Shino: Okay… Either way it costs money to make another ALO account. Who's got the money then?
Mr J: Don't worry I got that covered. But I don't feel like crossdressing right now sooooo… which one of you lucky ladies wants to be the wife of the God of Mischief?
Lojky: Don't worry, you won't be crossdressing. You'll be an actual in game girl!
Rika: Yeah, it's really accurate with the gender swap!
Mr J:... Well played. Fine, but if I go Psycho killer on them, don't go complaining.
Shino: You can't go psycho killer… You won't even see them. You're just sending messages while we stalk them.
Mr J: Fair enough. Okay but where should we lead them to. It has to be a place that either takes them a while to get to or take them a while to be at. Any ideas?
Lojky: You leave that to me! Haha, I have the perfect place in mind!
Mr J: *Nudges Shino* He's awfully prepared.
Shino: *Nods* When we're at Kazuto's house, half the time he's playing dating sims! It's his dream come true!
Mr J: … I'm starting to like this guy *Nods approvingly* No homo... He's not my type… And probably not my age… Don't really have a type now that I think about it… Eh whatever, moving on. *Turns to Lojky* So what do you have in mind?
Meanwhile, back in Kazuto's house…
Kazuto: C'mon! We just have to go on one date with our swaps!
Asuna: No! I'm not going out with that arrogant little snot!
Suguha: What's the fuss?
AB!Kirito: Oh, nothing much, just a stupid dare… Let's forget that ever happened guys!
Suguha: Whatever. Hey, want to go take on the new boss? I heard they updated New Aincrad, and they added the 300th floor!
Kazuto: Knock yourself out. I have a date!
Asuna: ARGH!
In ALfheim, Mr. J and Lojky start carrying out their plan.
Mr J: Can you tell me why we're carrying this. *Raises a box that has 'Plan' written in big bold letters*
Lojky: Because all things are better when you're litteral! *Dissolves box*
Mr J: *Shrugs* Eh can't argue that. So we need to make sure they log in at around or exactly the same time. Any ideas on how to do that?
Lojky: Well, Shinichi's been online for the last five hours trying to clear floor 268 of New Aincrad, and Suguha… *Checks friend list* Wait, I don't have any friends… But she just logged on.
Mr J: Okay good, should I send the message?
Lojky: Yes, but don't send it as a group message. They'll know something's up.
The message read:
Good day travelling fairy. I require your assistance. My husband, the great Loki, is currently trapped in the depths of the deepest caves of Asgard, with the venom of a serpent torturing him with every drop. I usually prevent with my bowl which catches the venom but alas an evil cur has stolen it. It is the only bowl that can stop the venom without burning. If I can't retrieve it and use it by the appointed time, a massive earthquake shall plague your world. Please help me get it back, not just for my sake but for yours as well.
-Sigyn
Lojky: Nothing like earthquakes and death snakes to induce marriage!
Mr J: Mate if I wanted them to get married or laid, I would have just gotten them drunk at a hotel I invited them to for a convoluted made up reason and put them in the same room.
Lojky: Point taken. Anywho, you "Appear" to Recon while Lisbeth, Silica, and Sinon "Help" Leafa.
Mr J: Alright, I "Get" ya.
Lojky: Sarcasm… It's over 9000! Just like… Nevermind!
Mr J: Okie Doki Loki! *Equips a black cloak and throws the hood on.* Let's start the party! *Runs off to find Recon*
Lojky: He looks better as a girl.
In the boss room of floor 268 of New Aincrad
Recon: I can't keep this up forever! *Takes a hit from "Nessie the Venomous Sea Serpent"*
Obsolete Side Character: Use that Sacrifice spell again!
Recon: No! No no no!
Lojky: Hey, you guys need help with the fight? *Uses Battoujutsu and kills the boss in three hits*
Recon: Hey! I just got a message!
*Mr J. walks in disguised as Sigyn*
Mr J: *Speaks in a fake female voice (Which is really convincing BTW)* Excuse me fairy…
Recon: Um, what is happening? Did killing it trigger a quest?
Lojky: Yup! Just for you! Have fun! *Teleports away through a gate at the end of the boss room.*
Mr J: Who was that strange young man?
Recon: I don't know… I met him on the streets and he decided to be my pet… My pet giraffe…
Mr J: (And they say I'm crazy…) Anyway, could I trouble you for a moment?
Recon: Hold on, gotta read this message… Loki… Bowl… Serpent… Wait, why can't I accept this quest or reject it?
Mr J: (Ah shit! Come on J think, THINK!) Hmmmm, oh that message was sent by me. You are the only one I can trust with this task so I felt that you should be told personally and decide then. (Please work, please work, please work…!)
Recon: I get it! You're one of those AI NPC gods, right?
Mr J: (Phew, it worked.) I am no God or Goddess young fairy. My husband however, the God of Mischief Loki, is.
Recon: If he's a god, isn't he immortal? He'll be able to free himself… Sometime or another. And I'm in a castle in the sky… What'll an earthquake do to me?
Mr J: Well Ragnarok's set another… two-thousand years from now and the castle above a… volcano in the realm of the gnome… Which will erupt violently if the earthquake happens… As in… launches lava… all the way up here.
Recon: Oh… I see. Well, where's this bowl anyways?
Mr J: It's… (Shit he never told me where they should go!)
New message from Lojky.
I'm watching you btw. The bowl's IN THE CHURCH ON THE TWENTIETH FLOOR! DUH! THAT'S THE GOAL HERE! MARRIAGE! LOVE! YOUTHFUL… NEVERMIND! YOU GET THE POINT! ALLCAPS MODE ACTIVE!
Mr J (Yeesh, he didn't have to be a dick about…) It's in the church on Floor Twenty. The thief… sold it to a priest you see… Foul hoodlum…
Recon: Okay! Anything else I should know?
Mr J: If you see your friend from earlier can you stab him, the back more specifically… I think he's… an accomplice of the thief.
Recon: I don't have any friends!
Mr J: That sounds… rather sad…
Recon: Yeah… I hang out with a girl though! Oh my gosh… I'm talking more with an NPC than with anyone I've met irl…
Mr J: (He realises that now…) Well I'm sure you'll find some friends in the other world you preside in… Farewell! *Scurries out*
Recon: Now to find that bowl!
On the twentieth floor where Leafa is searching for Sinon's lost bow.
Leafa: I'm sorry Sinon! I just can't find it!
Sinon: Check in the church!
Lojky: Yeah! In the church!
Sinon: When did you get here?
Lojky: The same time as Mr… Female NPC over there!
Mr J *Waves from a distance with the same voice from earlier* Hello!
Lojky: Hi! Hey, have we met? You know, I have a crush on this one girl, but you're kinda pretty…
Mr J: (Note to self, feed this guy to a dragon for messing with me.) Um sorry, I'm already married…
Lojky: That didn't stop Klein and Skuld.
Mr J: (... Scratch that, beat the crap out of him, then the dragons!)
Lojky: *Whispers to Mr J.* Is Shinichi coming?
Recon: *Walks towards the area the moment Leafa goes inside the church*
Mr J: Speak of the Devil *Uses Hollow Body*
Lojky: Hey Recon! What a coincidence you're here! Might you explain why?
Recon: Well… I have this quest for a bowl that I'll use to save a god from a snake…
Sinon: *Whispers to Lisbeth and Silica* Oh my God, that's what they did? That's so stupid! Only he would believe that!
Mr J: *Also whispering* Hey give me a break, it's based on the story of Loki!
Lojky: So… Where ya headed then?
Recon: Into the church! See you guys there! Maybe? If you want to help?
Lisbeth: No, we'll pass. Speak to the NPC's in there though!
Recon: Oh! Lojky! I was supposed to do this!
Lojky: Do wha- OWWW!
Recon: *Stabs Lojky in the back*
Mr J: *Chuckles evilly to himself*
Lojky: Oh my God Recon! I'm going to KILL HIM!
Recon: Who?
Lojky: No one. Go fulfill your quest!
In the church
Recon: Hey! Has anybody seen a bowl in here?
Leafa: What are you doing in here Recon?
Recon: Oh… L-Leafa! Hi! How are you?
Leafa: Just fine...
Recon: Ummmm…. What are you doing here?
Leafa: Looking for Sinon's bow… What about you?
Recon: Well I got a quest from Loki's wife to get a bowl to prevent an earthquake… Now that I think about it, it sounds kinda ridiculous doesn't it?
Leafa: Are you sure you even got a real quest?
Recon: Well I got a message from this NPC called Sigyn and she told me in more detail sooo… *Shrugs*
Leafa: NPC's can't send messages… Dude. You got trolled.
*Recon gets a message from Sigyn*
I'll explain later, but here's a task for you. Make a move on her, you'll both thank me later
P.S Don't do it in the church. Mostly because her brother will kill the both of us and for moral reasons.
Leafa: What did it say?
Recon: *Starting to get flustered* Uhhhhh… Ummmmmm... *Nervously rubs the back of his head while looking at the message*
Leafa: Out with it! Come on Shinichi! I can help you with this trolling problem!
Recon: I think 'set-up' would be more accurate… *Reluctantly shows her the message*
Leafa: What does this mean? I-I'm so c-confused… Who's S-Sigyn?
Recon: Don't know, but I'll probably kill her later… *Comes out as a aggravated mutter*
Leafa: Shinichi? Is there any chance th-that you still…?
Recon: Uggghhh *Leans forward and clasps his face in his hand, trying to hide his red face.* Yeah… I still like you… I never moved on…
Leafa: Really? No games? I mean… I was such a jerk to you! I… don't deserve…
Recon: Are you kidding? If anything I don't deserve you! I rejected you a year ago over a petty grudge!
Leafa: Shut up! *Kisses Recon*
Recon: *Eyes widen by a large margin before he begins to return the kiss*
Later, at Kazuto and Asuna's house
Kazuto: You did WHAT? I'm going to KILL the two that set you up! Where's Loj? Where's J?
Mr J: YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA! *Gets in a random car and drives off.*
Lojky: That's my car!
Shino: You mean MY car?
Lojky: I meant what I said. Don't put words in my mouth! That's my job!
Suguha: It's okay big bro! We didn't do much… Besides kissing…
Kirito: You did WHAT? SHINICHI! *Runs at Shinichi*
Shinichi: Ohwouldyoulookatthetime! Ishouldbegoing! Thanksforhavingme! *Opens the nearest window and jumps out, running away from the house*
INSERT OUTRO!
Lojky: No! Let Mr J say it! He's our guest!
Mr J: Okay *Clears throat* The End!
Thank you guys for 3,000 views I'm glad to have the support that I do! I'd like to thank GameLord the Hitman for collaborating with me on this. He made Mr J and wrote for Shinichi/Recon. Go check him out! Well, I hope you enjoyed the Sugunichi One Shot! Have a great day, week, month, year, decade, century, millennium, life, eternity, etc!
For real! Insert Outro!
-Lojky