Prologue
"State your name."
"Yuzuki Sanzza."
"Age."
"Twenty-one"
"State your business."
"Memory removal."
"State the incidents."
"The murder of my family and everything before it."
"Everything?"
"Everything."
"Do you understand the consequences of what this process can have?"
"Yes."
"You are still willing to remove all of your memories before that incident?"
"Of course."
"Step inside."
I stood from the chair I had been sitting in and entered a cylindrical chamber. Moving into the room I made my way to a ring in the center of the room and stood in it like I had been told before the interview. A mechanical female voice came over the loudspeaker.
"Name: Yuzuki Sanzza. Age: Twenty-one. Physical Appearance: one hundred and sixty-five centimeters in height, thirty seven kilograms in weight, purple to black curly hair to mid back, gray eyes, light to fair skin pigmentation. Reason for entering the chamber: Memory Extraction."
The recording ended and I fidgeted with my sleeves. I kept telling myself this is what I wanted. What I needed. I couldn't handle the nightmares anymore. I couldn't handle the pain and regret. I couldn't handle seeing the faces of the people who had abused me, who loved me, and who left me. The face of my childhood crush crossed my mind. His blood red eyes and spiky hair would always be a constant reminder of what I had lost. There had been a promise, a future meeting. Part of me wanted to keep that memory, but I wasn't sure if I could handle it, or if they could leave selected memories. Maybe I should have asked.
Note to Self. Remember to ask more questions first.
As if I'll remember this note to self...
The speaker clicked and I jumped a little. "Are you ready Ms. Sanzza?"
I nodded. I didn't trust myself not to ask if I could make some changes to my request if I opened my mouth so I didn't try. I squirmed nervously as I waited for things to start while trying not to think about things I was starting to regret knowing I would be losing.
"Just take a deep breath and relax for us Ms. Sanzza. I'm going to shut off the lights to the room now and we will get started."
I nodded again and took a deep breath as I tried to calm down. I didn't want to forget my family. I didn't want to forget that boy that promised me he would come back for me. I didn't want to let go of the few good memories I had but were they really worth the horrible times I went through?
I wasn't sure anymore...
The lights went out and I was standing in the dark for a long moment before what I was standing on suddenly lit up; now I was glowing from beneath. A whirring started up. Quietly at first but it was slowly getting louder.
"I want you to start at the first memory you want removed. I want you to think about it in detail. Focus on it. Remember everything you can about it. Then I would like you to go backwards from there."
I nodded, which I seemed to be doing a lot, though I wasn't sure he could see me, and began to think about the day my family died. It was hard. I didn't want to think about it. I didn't want to remember it. My mind actively repelled from trying to remember that horrible day. It was quite the struggle.
Why am I even doing this...?
Because I want to forget everything.
Everything...?
I was arguing with myself again but I suddenly didn't want to forget everything. I didn't want to lose my family. I didn't want to lose that boy. I didn't want to lose...
"Ms. Sanzza you need to focus."
I was trying, I really was but it was so very difficult. Was I really ready to give it all up?
I'm not so sure anymore...
The whirring of the machine was so loud, I couldn't hear the sound of the voice coming from the speaker anymore. Images flashed through my mind of my family, my first crush, the nightmares, the horror. The images flashed through faster and faster, I tried desperately to hold onto the ones that I wanted and let go of those I didn't; it wasn't working.
I clutched desperately to the images of my parents, of Hinatea my little sister, as they began to be ripped away from me until I couldn't even think of their faces anymore.
As the whirring ended the image of the boy I had been in love with and was still partially in love with popped into my mind.
He promised to come back...
He never came back, he left you like all the others, forget him just like you are forgetting your family.
I hesitated and his image wavered, leaving my mind forever.
No! Hiei!
And then it was gone, it was all gone, everything I ever loved was gone.
Or was it...?
The doors opened to whispering, people talking about an incomplete process, of side effects, of permanent damage. And yet, I didn't hear any of it, all I could think about was I could still feel and see the hazy outlines of people I was sure were my family. I felt loved, but now I couldn't even remember their names let alone what they all looked like.
But the one that I saw the most, the one I felt the most was the hazy image of a boy and his promise.
"I'll come back for you one day, and then no one will hurt you anymore."
I yearned for that one simple promise but it wasn't his voice I heard saying it, it was mine. I couldn't call up the sound of his voice or what he looked like. Only one thing came up when I tried to catch the fleeting edge of a memory that I knew I hadn't let go of, one thing I was sure I would see in dreams for the rest of my life: red eyes.
What was his name...?