"We are gathered here today to join the handsome and dreamy Blaine Devon Cupcake-Anderson and….what's that other guy's name? Oh yeah, Kurt something, in holy and blissful andlegal matrimony."
The minister looked at Blaine, returning the young man's dapper smile, admiring the boy's dapper suit and his dapper hair style and his dapper bow tie and his dapper, well, everything. What a lovely young man, deserving of every happiness, he thought.
"Where is your bride, um, I mean groom, son?"
Blaine looked around the room.
Where was Kurt?
Late again. Oh that Kurt, Blaine chuckled to himself. Always with his head in his closet planning his outfits. Didn't Kurt know he had to be on time today? It's my wedding. I mean, um, our wedding.
He scanned the room.
No sign of Kurt.
Blaine spotted his date to the wedding, Eli. Blaine frowned. Was that….the coat check boy? And why were he and Eli swapping spit in the back row? Eli had never kissed Blaine that enthusiastically. Blaine's slacks suddenly felt tighter, and so did his heart, in his chest.
Doesn't Eli understand he's here as my guest? How rude, Blaine thought. After that little rash Eli gave me, that's two strikes.
"I'm just going to make sure everything is okay for my wedding," whispered Blaine to the minister.
"Well hurry up son, we have a funeral in here after and the clock is ticking. Chop chop!"
Blaine let out an indignant little puff of air from his dapper lungs and ran into the hallway to search the Sunday school classrooms for his beloved.
He soon spotted him in one of the rooms. Kurt was sitting on a table, his lovely dove-grey dress slacks rumpled, the jacket forgotten on the floor. Kurt's matching top hat was askew. His white dress shirt was unbuttoned and hanging off one bare shoulder.
And worst of all, Kurt was wrapped sensually around some tall, dreamy blond guy with biceps to die for.
Blaine was very upset.
"Kurt!" Blaine cried, laying a dapper hand on his heart, being careful to avoid wrinkling his suit or crushing his boutonierre. "How could you?"
"Hmmm?" said Kurt distractedly as the blond guy licked Kurt's creamy shoulder.
"KURT!" said Blaine, louder.
"Yeah?" muttered Kurt, bringing his lips to meet the other guy's mouth in a smoking hot kiss.
"KURT ELIZABETH MY SOULMATE HUMMEL ANDERSON!" screamed Blaine at the top of his lungs with an indignant little hop.
"IT IS TIME TO MARRY ME AND SOME OTHER GUY IS LICKING YOU!"
"I never said I was taking your name, Blaine," answered Kurt, letting out a moan as Adam moved his lips down Kurt's body.
This was not going the way Blaine had planned.
"And besides," said Kurt, "if you can invite that trashy Eli, I can bring a date too."
"We really need to talk about your attitude, Kurt."
"Yeah yeah," said Kurt. "I'll be out there in 10 minutes," said Kurt with a dismissive wave of his hand.
"Oh no darling," said the blond man to Kurt in a deep, sexy voice with a British accent. "It will be at least half an hour."
Kurt chuckled. "Now shoo, Blaine, I'm busy."
Well imagine,
As I'm pacing the pews in a church corridor,
And I can't help but to hear,
No, I can't help but to hear an exchanging of words:
"What a beautiful wedding! What a beautiful wedding!" says a bridesmaid to a waiter.
"And yes, but what a shame, what a shame the poor groom's bride is a whore."
I'd chime in with a
"Haven't you people ever heard of closing a goddamn door?!"
No, it's much better to face these kinds of things
With a sense of poise and rationality.
- Panic! at the Disco