A/N: Just a little post revival one-shot. It's my first GG fic, so I hope I did them justice. Thanks for reading!
If this is my last night with you
Hold me like I'm more than just a friend
Give me a memory I can use
Take me by the hand while we do what lovers do
It matters how this ends
'Cause what if I never love again?
-Adele, "All I Ask"
The restlessness starts in her toes, tingling, every sound of the clock ticking downstairs has her turning in her bed. It slowly courses through her legs, until she's softly shaking and fidgeting the limbs to try and expel some of the energy that seems to be attacking her nerves. It's either minutes or hours but everything softly slows and her eyes flutter back, almost asleep when she feels it for the first time.
Then her body shoots straight upwards, sitting under the covers, back stiff as a board as she looks down to the bump. 18 weeks, baby the size of a bell pepper, and fluttering inside of her like a butterfly riot.
A small smile creeps up the sides of her face, her hand coming over to rest over her stomach and she whispers, only for the two of them to hear, "Hey there peanut"
"Well everything checks out, you're about 9-10 weeks along, which, as you know, is still very early' the doctor tells her and she knows to read between the lines. Her mother sits behind her and she can imagine the furrow lines across her forehead, chewing on her bottom lip and playing with the strap of her purse.
"I'd like to start you on some vitamins and iron and we'll get you set up for a follow up in four weeks. Do you have any questions?" he asks and she shakes her head softly and he smiles, "If you need anything, just give us a call" he finishes before nodding and walking out.
After he walks out, she lets out the breath she/s been holding in and slowly turns to her mother, "9 weeks, baby is the size of a peanut" she tells her, matter of fact, remembering something from the hours she spent online in the weeks after her missed period.
Lorelai fidgets softly, uncomfortably and then just lets out a sigh, "So we're keeping the peanut?" she asks, eyebrows raised, moisture shimmering in her eyes.
Rory pulls her bottom lip between her teeth and loses the battle with her eyes overflowing with tears, "Yeah" she tells her and before she can take the next breath, her mother's arms are wrapped around her tightly and the tears flow freely now, curled against her like she's back in kindergarten with two skinned knees on the playground.
When they part, tear stains both make tracks down their cheeks and her mom looks down at her flat stomach, places her hand over it, "Welcome to the family, peanut"
Somewhere in the middle of the darkness, sleep finally comes, restfully, until the whining of Paul Anka downstairs rouses her softly. She grumbles, feet hitting the cool floor, "I'm coming, I'm coming" she mumbles, hoping that she's not going to spend the rest of the night in tap shoes, trying to tire herself out again.
The shaggy dog bounds for her excitedly when she comes down, "Seriously" she asks as she rubs his head but then he's running back to the door, scratching and whining softly. Her eyebrows quirk together as she walks towards the door, peeking out of the curtain.
All the breath in her lungs is sucked into the cool night air because there he sits, just sits, in a soft sweater and jeans, his breath visible in the air, his hair unkempt like when they were kids, hands placed in his lap, looking at the moon.
Closing the curtain, she backs up a couple of steps and lets her back rest against the wall. Seeing him takes everything from her, heart racing, fists clenched and if she closes her eyes she can tell you the exact way the moon shines off his skin, and how it still makes her think of fast cars and freedom.
Swallowing hard, she pushes off, knowing she can't let him stay out there, closing her robe around her barely rounded belly.
"Chipotle belly...that's what you look like. Not pregnant, no, not Rory Gilmore, she just looks like she indulged in too many burrito bowls" Paris had admonished the previous weekend before stopping her in the middle of uptown, people pushing by them on the sidewalk, "I swear to god I'll cut off his balls if you ask"
A soft chuckle escapes her lips and it's the push she needs to walk to the door, open it, and face everything. It feels like slow motion, everything dripping slow like honey and he's turning to her, his blue eyes rimmed in red, blonde hair askew, "Ace" he whispers and it's the broken in his deep timbers that cut through her like sharp icicles, shivers upon her skin.
"Come in" she tells him and he nods, walking slowly up the path, his hands shoved into his pockets as he follows her through the door, "Why didn't you call" she asks as she closes the door, takes a moment before turning to face him, trying to find the resolve she's never been able to hold around him.
"Would you have taken my call?" he asks and it's a loaded question because after all this time...he knows her, and she knows him, and they both know if he didn't show up this way, she would have never called.
"No" she admits, before she turns to him, gazes matched across the kitchen table.
He nods softly, looks down at his shoes, "You were just never going to tell me"
The words are enough to suffocate, choking back the clench in her throat, her heart hammering against her ribcage because it's all he has to say for her to know that the secret is no longer, "Logan" she whispers.
There is a long moment of pause, of them just staring at each other and she doesn't know how to reconcile that no matter how long it has been between them, it always feels like the beginning. He reminds her of jumping and soaring, of taking risks, of making mistakes...of being completely free in who she is.
"Please" he practically whimpers, softly caught in his throat and she's expecting him to say anything but what falls from his lips, "Please tell me it's mine" he begs.
The bough breaks, and she places one hand over where their child grows, and the other hand over her mouth to stifle the soft cry. She hadn't known what to expect, maybe that's the reason she hadn't called him because she was worried that the moment she told him, there would be that flickering of disappointment in his eyes before he made promises he would have kept out of obligation.
This, it wasn't what she had anticipated, and it breaks her in ways that somehow begin to piece her back together at the same time. For the past couple of years she had been running around with broken pieces of a mosaic superglued into place, and now, somehow she was finding her way to restoration.
Her energy is drained and she pulls over a chair, slides down into it, before looking at him again, "New Hampshire" she tells him.
A smile lights his handsome features, triumphant, bittersweet, marred by the same brokenness that she mirrors back at him. He slinks down in the chair across from her, his shoulders sagging like Atlas with the world on his back and she feels guilty, shuffling her legs softly, hand still over her burgeoning belly. He doesn't look up, at first, starts speaking, "Finn saw you at Chilton"
"Yesterday?" she interrupts, her shoulders squaring off and jaw clenching, "So what he called you and…" she says more defensively than intended.
Their eyes meet during the pause, "And I got the first flight here" he tells her, his eyes deepening to a cobalt when he's upset, and he turns completely to her, stares at her, "I had to know...how could you not tell me?" he whimpers, the last part like it's been ripped from his chest, tears filling his eyes, "How could you not"
Guilt courses through her veins, but in there is anger, frustration, hurt and pain and she looks at him, nothing left to lose, "What was I supposed to say, 'Hey Logan...I know your fiancee might be in your bed, but uh, you knocked me up'" she asks as every syllable makes her voice raise and crack, "That was a conversation I really wanted to have Logan because it hasn't been hard enough explaining to everyone that I was screwing around with my, very engaged, ex boyfriend and managed to get myself pregnant"
Everything that's been building the past couple of months tips over and she feels herself start to cry, softly wheezing as she tries to catch her breath, the hormones adding to the emotional rollercoaster currently coursing through her. She had refused to imagine this time, told herself that, much like her own mother, she could do this on her own...she would because, this wasn't what he wanted.
Or was it?
A breath of frustrated air escapes him and he shakes his head, "Don't you get it" he asks, a sad chuckle after, "You've never gotten it...no matter anything else, or anyone else, I'd always choose you"
Before she can get in a word, he continues, "You were the one who wanted to keep it casual, you chose that" he tells her and she knows that it's true but it had never been about wanting him but about being scared that this was everything she had ever wanted...and if she fully gave herself to it, and it didn't work out...it could destroy her.
"You don't understand" she manages to get out.
"Explain it to me. Because that night, when you asked me if I was going to marry Odette, all I wanted was for you to tell me not to. Was for you to tell me that you didn't want me to. I would have walked away, with one word...but you didn't...and now, don't you know how much I want our kid?" he rasps out, each word punchy, raw, like spitting acid off his tongue, "I prayed my entire flight, and I don't even believe God exists, but I prayed that it was mine…"
The back of his hand swipes at errant tears, and he gets up, pushing the chair along the floor, pacing softly before raking his hand through his hair, "Rory"
Not Ace.
Rory.
And the walls fall like Jericho, silent tears pour down her cheeks and her mouth flails but no words fall out and he nods, turns to walk towards the door and she knows that everything rests on this moment, and if she lets him go, she'll regret it for the rest of her life. His hand hits the doorknob and she's jumping out of her seat, "I've been in love with you for over a decade" she starts, and he pauses, shoulders rigged, "I've just been scared of it because, god, because of so many reasons. Your family, my dad, everything, and that moment in New Hampshire, I wanted nothing more than to tell you that I didn't want you to marry anyone else. That I was scared and afraid but I couldn't...I needed to come back here, I needed to write my book, and then when I found out about the baby...I felt like maybe, I just didn't want to ruin your life, I didn't want...I don't know but that last moment, I never wanted to forget how you looked at me" she manages to get out, her nerves raw and muscles aching from the tension she's held in for months.
The knob turns and she feels crestfallen, like time standing still, and she grips the chair but then he's moving towards her and his hands are on her face, cupping her cheeks softly, shaking like a leaf, voice ragged, "I love you...I've always loved you, you amaze me, when I'm with you, I feel complete" he tells her, moving so close that their foreheads touch, noses gently grazing, "I still want to be with you forever" he whispers against her lips, vows instead of kisses, promises in the dark.
Her hands come over his, "I still want forever too" she murmurs, unsure of anything but that she will love this man until the day that she leaves this earth...and maybe it's not everything but, it's enough right now.
It's enough forever.