A blonde-haired girl comes in, sobbing as she bursts through the doors into the Headmaster's quarters. A Hufflepuff, and no older than a first or second year.
"My dear girl, what seems to be the matter?" he asks rather calmly, contrasting with the worry that has suddenly darkened his usual serene, sanguine features.
"Oh, Professor Dumbledore, you must alert my parents!" she wails. "I think…I think I'm dying!"
"My, my, what would possess you to think that?" He remains seated at his desk, though he floats a handkerchief her way. She takes it and rather gracelessly begins blowing her nose.
"W-well, P-Professor, I w-woke up this morning a-and m-my sheets were," she pauses to hiccup, "c-covered in blood…I-I-I f-found the source o-of it, b-but I can't seem to make it s-stop…I-I tried looking through my t-textbooks but c-could not f-find a countercurse…Oh, this m-must be some d-dark magic!"
The Headmaster suddenly shifts uncomfortably in his seat. "…Miss Abbot, what exactly is the source of this blood?"
Shyly, and still sniffling, the girl gestures in between her legs.
For the third time this year, Professor Dumbledore must call upon Madame Pomfrey to explain what they call "the phoenixes and the acromantulas."
One would think that after hundreds of these incidents over the centuries, Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry would offer some sort of sexual education course. But alas, I am but a hat. What would I know about human mating patterns?
A/N: Welcome to my first Harry Potter fic series! Hope you enjoyed, please leave a review!
I will continue this as a series of humorous non-consecutive one-shots/drabbles. I will be accepting requests at my own discretion, so if you have any ideas, let me know!