After his encounter with Savitar and realising who he really was, Barry started running through the city as quick as possible. Thoughts were swirling around in his head.

He couldn't believe it. Future him was Savitar. He was the one who killed Iris and the reason Wally will be paralyzed. How could he become that thing? How can he do that to Joe. He had taken him in when he was a kid and this is how he returned the favour. By destroying his live, taking his daughter away from him and putting his son into a wheel chair. He was basically losing all his three children at once.

He was the reason for everything bad that happened to his friends and family. He had been feeling guilty enough about flashpoint and know he screwed up again. All his friends and family could have lived a normal live if he had just died that night, instead of his mother, like he was supposed to. Iris wouldn't have lost Eddie, if the Reverse-flash hadn't come after him again. Caitlin could be happy with Ronnie too.

If he hadn't changed the timeline, Cisco's brother would still be alive and Caitlin wouldn't turn into Killer Frost. All the terrible things that happen are usually his fault. Even his mother would still be alive if it wasn't for him.

Now he basically has to try and stop himself from killing Iris, but he will never succeed, because Future him knew every move he was going to make.

He couldn't beat Savitar. His friends and family are going to hate him when they find out, that it's his future self, destroying their lives. They had a hard-enough time to forgive him after Flashpoint. But this was something so much worse. He can't even blame them. He hadn't forgiven himself yet for being selfish and changing the timeline, he probably never will. He still hates himself for being so stupid. The best thing would be, to lock him up in the pipeline. That's where he belongs. He is no better than all the other meta humans he put there, maybe even worse. He deserves to be locked up after everything he has done or will do in the future.

Suddendly he started to get dizzy and realized he had been holding his breath while running. Quickly he stopped and tried to breath in some air. Gasping for air, he started to panic when he realised he couldn't get any air in any more. Theoretically he knew he was just hyperventilating, but rationally he still tried to get some air in. Until everything went black in front of his eyes and he collapsed to the floor, his breathing returning to normal, when he wasn't panicking anymore.

When he wakes up, he is lying on the floor in some dark alley. Quickly he gets up and flashes to their apartment. He knows Joe will start looking for him soon, he had to get his act together, before he goes back.

How is he going to stop Savitar, if it is himself? Suddendly a thought flashed through his head. If I don't survive Savitar will never exist and Iris will live. The only way to stop him, is for himself to die. Like Eddie, when he died and Reverse Flash ceased to exist.

The more he thought about it, the more he liked his plan. Things are going to be better without him anyways. Wally can take over as Kid flash, Iris will survive and find someone new. They will probably get over his death rather quickly and in the end the world will be a better place. He won't screw up their lives anymore.

Before he could change his mind. Barry went to his room and changed into his normal clothes, lying the flash suit onto the bed. Cisco would kill him if he destroyed his precious suit.

He went into the kitchen and took a large knife. Suddendly it hit him full force what he was about to do. He had self-harmed for some time after his mother's death, but he managed to stop again. He didn't want to die, but it was the only way to save everyone. He went into the bathroom and filled the bathtub with icy water. He would heal more slowly in the cold so he hoped he would bleed out faster.

He got into the freezing water, shivering when it touched his skin, and thought again, if this was really what he wanted. Tears started to stream down his face when he slowly lowered the knife to his wrist. He made a deep cut on his left wrist, it hurt a lot, but he didn't care. The water already started to turn red and he was shacking now. He cut his other wrist open and then he positioned the huge knife near his abdomen. He gathered all his courage and slowly pushed the whole knife into his abdomen. He cried out in pain, his hands shacking, but he pushed on until the knife was buried to the hilt. Before he could pass out from the pain and blood loss, he pulled the knife out again and quickly rammed it in at a different place. Black dots started to appear in front of his eyes and he knew it would be over soon.

With his last strength, he weakly pulled the knife out and it clattered onto the floor next to the bath tub. A relieved sigh escaped him, he would see his parents again soon. He thought about all the people he was saving with this and he didn't regret it at all.

Everybody is safe now, was his last thought before he lost consciousness.

I know it is kind of short. I will post more chapters soon.

I hope you like it and I appreciate all reviews.

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